I met him my first night of college. Although not the fairytale every girl imagines, we hit it off in the basement of a fraternity house. It was a passionate, whirlwind love affair that lasted about a month. Long story short, we don’t speak any more. I took it as a learning experience about relationships and the healing process was not easy.

It was an early morning over winter break when I got the call from my gynecologist. I was expecting the phone call and was prepared for her to tell me that I was perfectly normal and she’ll see me in a year for a checkup. She was reading through the list of diseases saying they all came back negative, until she said, “But, your HPV test came back positive. You have what’s called high risk HPV.” I couldn’t think of anything other than getting out of hearing range of everybody in the house. So, I ran into the kitchen and asked, “What do I do now?” She seemed so calm about the whole situation and just insisted that I make sure to come back in three months for a follow-up appointment, and to call her if I had any questions.

As I hung up the phone my whole first semester flashed through my mind. My birthday, Halloween, my best friends’ birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas… I had this disease the entire time. The girl down the hall had supposedly reached the double digit mark for people she had slept with, and I had only been with one person the whole semester. I kept thinking, “Why me?”  But, I already knew the answer. The girl down the hall probably used a condom every time. I remembered all those times when I brushed off the need for a condom because I was on birth control. An 18-year-old would never be able to get an STD, I told myself, especially when she only chooses to have sex with the “good” guys. But, it happened and I realized that I was not invincible, like I thought I was.

Ignorantly, I entertained the idea of not telling my mother because I didn’t want her to be disappointed in me. As I put the phone back on the hook she asked me from the other room why the gynecologist called and if everything was okay, I responded yes, but immediately knew I couldn’t lie. I walked into her bedroom and lay down on her bed and said, “Mom, everything’s not okay with me. I have HPV.” She simply said, “Oh…” and held me as we both cried. She shared stories with me about several of our family members, including her, having STDs. I felt not as alone as I had before. Together, we made an appointment with my doctor for an informational session.

The time came for my appointment. My mother had a list of things to ask the doctor. When she met with us she seemed extremely calm, and very optimistic about the whole situation. She said that she had seen it go away in patients before, and the only thing I need to worry about is keeping up my immune system so it has a chance to fight off my disease. Feeling slightly better about my situation, I left the doctor.

Now I was “that girl” that everybody jokes about, who goes to college and comes home with an STD. Except now it is no longer a joke, it’s my life. It is a shame how little this disease is talked about, though. This is the most common STD and over 50% of sexually active people will have it in their lifetime. Most people don’t realize that the low-risk type of HPV, or the human papillomavirus, causes genital warts. But, I have the high-risk type. That means that there is a chance that this disease could alter my cells and ultimately result in cervical cancer. This all depends on whether my immune system can fight it off or not. There is no medication available yet for people who have this disease. The good news is that there is a low chance I will develop cancer since we caught it and I will continue with my check-ups.

The scary part about all of this is that there are absolutely no symptoms of high-risk HPV, and there is no test for men. (The guy that gave it to me doesn’t know he has it, and probably never will.) So, there is no way to know if you’re putting yourself at risk by deciding to ditch the condoms with your longtime boyfriend, who might have contracted the disease before he met you.

I no longer drink frequently, and if I do it’s a beer or two. I need to stay in on a Saturday night if it’s too cold out and there’s a chance of me getting sick. I have sworn off sex for the time being. Although it gets hard sometimes, I keep living my life every day with this disease. I remind myself that it is not what defines me.

I go back to the doctor in March. If the tests show that I still have HPV it turns into a waiting game. I will wait for another six months, and if the test comes back positive again, then I’ll wait some more. Sometimes I feel left out when I can’t take part in a lot of the normal “college experiences” and frustrated at the constant waiting. But, I know these are the consequences I face for making the decision to have unsafe sex.

For more information on HPV go to http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/

[A special thanks to Anna, a CollegeCandy reader, for sharing her story.]

So last time we ran a post like this, you ladies learned a lot about sex, even though you didn’t really think you needed to when you first clicked the link. 171 Facebook shares later, it was clear that you learned A LOT more than you expected. Even though we’re young, college girls living the college life, we don’t know sex like we think we do. Especially since the rest of the world keeps coming up with all this new (and sometimes useful) information. So check out the links below, and discover what you didn’t know about sex, the pros, the cons, and everything in between.

1. You are better than a booty call.

Because casual sex isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be.

2. There is such a thing as mismatched libidos.

And they can cause a lot of dissatisfaction.

3. You need to stop faking it.

And apparently, it’s a 15 step process.

4. It’s not just people we can be attracted to.

I’m talking robots, ponies, and mannequins…

5. You can’t stop half way there.

Unlike men, unless women are continuously stimulated our sexual tension can drop instantaneously.

6. If you’re sexually inactive you can now blame it on your name.

A  study shows that French women whose names end in “a” are more sexually active than others.

7.  You don’t have to be on top. But you can be.

One woman talks about how she discovered that in the bedroom, she didn’t always need to be in control.

8. Sex can make you happier and healthier.

Sex can improve you mood, make you look younger, and give you clear skin.

9. It’s about compromise.

Lights on or lights off? One psychologists tells us how to compromise with each other without compromising ourselves.

10. Certain strands of HPV can cause oral cancer.

HPV-16 and 18 can cause cervical cancer, and now researchers say that  HPV-16, transmitted through oral sex can cause oral cancer.

Want to learn 10 more things about sex? Check out the original post!

I met him my first night of college. Although not the fairytale every girl imagines, we hit it off in the basement of a fraternity house. It was a passionate, whirlwind love affair that lasted about a month. Long story short, we don’t speak any more. I took it as a learning experience about relationships and the healing process was not easy.

It was an early morning over winter break when I got the call from my gynecologist. I was expecting the phone call and was prepared for her to tell me that I was perfectly normal and she’ll see me in a year for a checkup. She was reading through the list of diseases saying they all came back negative, until she said, “But, your HPV test came back positive. You have what’s called high risk HPV.” I couldn’t think of anything other than getting out of hearing range of everybody in the house. So, I ran into the kitchen and asked, “What do I do now?” She seemed so calm about the whole situation and just insisted that I make sure to come back in three months for a follow-up appointment, and to call her if I had any questions.

As I hung up the phone my whole first semester flashed through my mind. My birthday, Halloween, my best friends’ birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas… I had this disease the entire time. The girl down the hall had supposedly reached the double digit mark for people she had slept with, and I had only been with one person the whole semester. I kept thinking, “Why me?”  But, I already knew the answer. The girl down the hall probably used a condom every time. I remembered all those times when I brushed off the need for a condom because I was on birth control. An 18-year-old would never be able to get an STD, I told myself, especially when she only chooses to have sex with the “good” guys. But, it happened and I realized that I was not invincible, like I thought I was.

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Rubbing her eyes the following morning, she was greeted by a lightly snoring Derek at her side. Crap, she thought, Colin is going to be so pissed.

Disheveled, Sarah grabbed her scattered clothes and headed to the bathroom to put herself together before enduring the never pleasant walk of shame.

“Ohmigodd!” she practically shouted. Her neck was as thick as her head and her eyelids so swollen she might as well have just lost in the ring against Mike Tyson. Splashing some cold water on her face, Sarah ignored the absolute atrocity that was her appearance and briskly walked back to her house.

Loading up on DayQuill, NyQuill, and hot tea galore, she spent the day nursing her moral and physical hangover — as well as her cold. Hours later, still feeling lousy, Sarah went to the student health center and got a strep and a blood test. The result: She had mono.

Rather than worrying about the state of her body, or (more importantly) her liver, she immediately worried about her hookups. She had both Colin and Derek on a cycle, wasn’t serious with either of them, but had swapped enough saliva with both to infect their bodies with the pesky virus she now endured.

Do I tell them? she pondered, Or just risk it and hope they both get lucky?

This scenario is all too common in college. I think it’s more uncommon to not get mono during your four years at university than to get it. However, what happens when your condition is even more serious? What if you find out you have HPV, Herpes, Chlamydia, or some other STD? Do you tell your current partner (and previous ones), or do you keep the secret to yourself and hope no one finds out?

This ethical dilemma is a scary but extremely realistic issue. According to a 2007 Stanford research study, 1 in 4 college students has an STD. A lot of the young adults are completely unaware they are even spreading a disease because they have never gotten tested. In order protect your partner, you need to actually know you’re infected. If you’re worried about your current state of cleanliness, head to your student health center, campus hospital, or STD testing site.

This conversation, however, is focused on those who have peed in that cup, gotten pricked with that needle (no pun intended), and received extremely undesirable results.

Morally, it’s important to tell your partner about any contagious little packages you may be carrying, from mono to HIV. In order to make sure your partner is protected, you need to wise up and take responsibility for your condition. Doing this is mortifying and difficult, but necessary. If you are in the know and can prevent the spread of a virus or bacterial infection, you should. You would want your partner to tell you, right?

So, we all know there’s a right way to handle the situation. If you’re infected, man up, tell your partner(s), and grab the nearest box of condoms. Ethically, if you know, you tell. If you don’t want to tell future partners, then you probably shouldn’t be in bed with them to begin with. But, as evidenced by the statistics, a lot of people are keeping their dirty little secrets to themselves mentally… and spreading them all around physically.

Even though Sarah only had mono, she proceeded to text each of the boys letting them know about her illness. They each went and got tested, came out of the entire situation mono-free, and were extremely grateful she told them about her virus. Yes, it was not the most pleasant experience for any of the parties involved. Rather, it was awkward and uncomfortable. But, it was a necessary precaution they all needed to take in order to ensure their well-being.

So, how would you handle this situation: Do you have a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, or do you share all of your down-below info before getting serious with a special friend? And if you have had to tell previous partners (including old flames, casual hook ups and – eep! – bitter ex-boyfriends), how did you do it?

Use these.

Well, it’s back to school time again. Along with new teachers, new classes, and new assloads of work, we’re also going to be finding ourselves in a sea of new faces – which means one thing: fresh meat.

Whether you’re a freshman or a senior, college campuses everywhere will be packed with new people to party with, new people to study with, and yes, new people to have sex with. We all know the first few months of school are typically when the hormones of many kick in (this goes back to the “fresh meat” thing), and people everywhere are gettin’ busy. A lot.

So before we all pack up our stuff, say goodbye to free food and laundry and head back to school, here are a few STI facts to keep in mind when checking out all those new sexual prospects come September.

1 in 5 Americans are infected with an STI – That’s right, folks, 1 in 5. That means, in your class of 100, there’s a chance that somewhere near 20 people could be infected with some sort of STI. See now why it’s important to always use a condom?

The three most common STIs include Chlamydia, Gonorrhea and HPV. Luckily, many of us are eligible for the HPV vaccine which will almost completely eliminate our chance of contracting the forms of HPV that can lead to nasty genital and cervical cancers.

While most STIs can be treated with antibiotics and other medications, HIV, HPV, hepitits-B and herpes are incurable. While these diseases can be managed with the help of medication, you will (typically) carry the virus for life. Now, imagine having to have the “just so you know, I have herpes” talk with all of your future partners. Not so fun.

While most of us associate an STI with changes in our genitals (itching, burning, weird discharge), oftentimes there are no symptoms. The only way to be sure that you are STI-free is by getting tested regularly by your doctor – a simple routine that can be conducted at the same time that you get your annual PAP (or whenever it’s possible that you’ve been exposed to something). Women should be seeing a doctor for their annual physical/PAP smear once a year beginning when they become sexually active. If you do have symptoms, be sure to get to your doctor – your symptoms won’t go away just because you pretend they’re not there.

The good news is that most schools and health clinics offer free condoms to students and patients – some even offering a polyurethane alternative for those with latex allergies. We all know that condoms can be a little pricey, but stopping by the clinic and taking what you need is a perfectly reasonable alternative. Colleges go out of their way to make these resources available to their students because they know the importance of safe sex.

There is no excuse for putting your health at risk by having unsafe sex. Go out and have fun, but remember to get tested regularly and always, always, always use a condom.

Q: I am 23-years-old and have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. I got the Gardasil shot last year and my paps have been fine until I got my last Gardasil shot. The doctor told me my pap was abnormal a couple months after my 3rd shot. Was the shot what caused the adnormal pap? The other doctor took a look and did not find anything so she did not do a biospy.

I went back 8 months later and she found a small wart and removed it. I do not know what to do or how to feel? Should I worry now that I have HPV? Should I stop having sex? My boyfriend has not had any problem and I heard that they can not be tested anyway. What can I do to prevent getting warts? Sorry to ask, but we have been having oral sex as well does that mean we both have it in our mouth? I just do not understand what I did wrong. I have been on birth control as well. PLEASE HELP… I only been having sex with one person for 6 years but I feel so helpless.

A: I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with an abnormal Pap smear and HPV. But believe me- you’re not alone. Up to 80% of us will contract HPV at some point in our life, and HPV vaccination isn’t perfect. Gardasil only guards against the four most common strains of HPV, but there are many more.

No, the vaccine didn’t give you HPV or cause your abnormal Pap smear. It doesn’t work that way. It may simply have been given too late.  You may have contracted HPV before you received the full series of vaccinations and the virus is just wreaking havoc now. There’s no way to know whether you already had HPV or whether you just caught it, but it’s a strain the vaccine doesn’t cover.

As for how you feel, feel whatever it is you genuinely feel. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You’re one of many who deals with this every day. But I certainly understand if you feel embarrassed, ashamed, betrayed, or bummed out.  Contracting a sexually transmitted infection has a way of making you feel about two inches tall. (I know. I caught HPV too. It can happen to anyone.)

Should you stop having sex? That’s a personal decision. It’s entirely possible that your boyfriend gave you the HPV in the first place since you’ve only had sex with one person. When I was diagnosed with an abnormal Pap smear for the first time and told the guy who is now my husband, he said, “That’s so weird! All of my girlfriends have had abnormal Pap smear.” Duh, dude. It’s you! So your guy probably already has it and most likely gave it to you.

You certainly should tell him about your diagnosis. And condoms can help protect you from transmitting it if you wind up in future relationships. But even condoms aren’t perfect, since infectious vulvar skin can still touch exposed scrotal or perineal skin, putting you at risk. To some degree, you just have to do the best you can and surrender the rest to the Universe.

Can it cause oral warts? Yes. Very rarely, HPV can cause warts on the larynx, but these are extremely uncommon.

Remember, you did nothing wrong, sweetie. You got the vaccination, have been careful to select a partner, and care enough to ask these questions. You should be proud of yourself for being so aware, so conscientious, and so health-conscious. I’m sorry you’re in this situation and I understand that you feel helpless, but I know you’re going to be okay.

Find out more about HPV here.

Wishing you peace and health,
Dr. Lissa

- Dr. Lissa Rankin’s book, What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend, will be published by St. Martin’s Press in Fall 2010. She invites you to join her Pink online community (www.owningpink.com/forum) or read more of her writing at Owning Pink (www.owningpink.com).

Got a health question? Don’t trust those “Doctors” at the University Health Center? Are you scared of Web M.D. because it always tells you you’re gonna die? Ask a real doctor, like our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin. She’s here every Thursday to answer whatever you throw at her – like post-sex soreness – so ask away. Leave your question in the comments or send it over to us. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: I found out that I have HPV. So, having sex with my boyfriend, does that mean he has HPV too? And if either of us perform oral sex – can the warts then be transferred to our mouths? Will this lead to cancer? On the paper I got back from the doctor it said to come back in 12 months for another pap smear; will it get worse by then? I’m nervous.

A: HPV can be a sneaky bastard. Unlike sexually transmitted infections like gonorrhea and chlamydia, HPV can hang around, unexpressed and asymptomatic, then suddenly rear its ugly head with little warning. Chances are that your partner also has HPV. In fact, chances are good that your boyfriend gave it to you. But it’s possible you could have contracted it from a prior partner and that he doesn’t have it. No way to know for certain, so the best strategy is to behave as if he doesn’t have it, just to protect him.

It’s unclear to me whether you have warts already or whether your HPV just came up on a pap smear. If it’s just a pap smear, chances are good that you carry the type of HPV that causes abnormal paps and cervical cancer, but not genital warts. The good news about this for your partner is that these strains of HPV tend to cause nothing in guys (which is why guys are passing it around like candy. They don’t even know they have it).

If you do have warts, you’ll want to be a bit more careful.  While condoms can help reduce the chance of transmitting warts, they can’t protect you completely. Because the condom only covers the shaft of the penis, it leaves vulnerable scrotal skin in contact with potentially infections coochie skin, so it’s important for him to realize that he may still wind up with warts.

As for oral sex, yes, laryngeal warts (warts in the larynx) have been reported. But they’re very rare. HPV tends to prefer the genitals and the anal area, so oral sex is relatively safe. If you want to be uber careful, you can use a dental dam to protect your boyfriend when he’s going down on you, and if you’re worried, have him wear a condom. (I know, it’s not sexy, but it is safe).

If your doc told you to wait a year to repeat your pap smear, I would wait a year. While abnormalities on paps can get worse, they change very slowly, and as long as you don’t miss a pap, you should be fine. Most of all, though, don’t worry. HPV is more of a nuisance than a life-threatening disease, as long as you listen to what your doctor recommends. I know it can be scary and embarrassing, but I commend you for trying to get the information straight. Take a deep breath. Now, let go of any anger, frustration, or shame you feel around this. And let it go. Stressing about HPV only makes it worse. You’ll be fine, sweetie.

For more about HPV, visit my website Owning Pink

- Dr. Lissa Rankin’s book, What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend, will be published by St. Martin’s Press in Fall 2010. She invites you to join her Pink online community (www.owningpink.com/forum) or read more of her writing at Owning Pink (www.owningpink.com).

As you may or may not know, there was a recent recommendation made regarding how often women should be getting pelvic exams. Since most of us are used to getting them yearly and the new recommendation is to get them every 3 years, I asked Dr. Lissa Rankin what she thought. Here is what she has to say:

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recently announced new recommendations that cut back on Pap smear screening. Why are we recommending cutting back on women’s health screening? Let me fill you in on the news.

New Pap Smear Guidelines:

1. Instead of recommending that Pap smear screening begin after you’re sexually active, new guidelines say that even a sexually active 13 year old should wait until 21 for her first Pap.
2. After 21, Pap smears are recommended every 1-2 years until age 30.
3. After 30, if you’ve had three consecutively normal Pap smears with no history of a seriously abnormal Pap, new guidelines say you only need to do Paps every three years.

Why the Change?

There is evidence to support the changes.  The truth is that you’re unlikely to go from having a normal Pap smear to having cervical cancer in 3 years, even if you contract HPV. Because cervical cancer grows slowly, it’s still likely to be precancerous by the time it gets picked up. And yearly screening does increase the number of procedures performed, and some of those procedures can affect fertility and pregnancy in rare cases.  Plus, cutting back on Pap smears saves health care dollars. And if we’re not saving lots of lives and potentially causing harm by implementing procedures that may not be necessary, why do annual Pap smears?

I understand why they’re recommending pushing back the age of first Pap smear.  HPV, the virus that causes cervical cancer and abnormal Pap smears, is almost ubiquitous among teens. As such, doing Paps will lead to many abnormal results that would require colposocopies, biopsies, and other possible treatments. If left untreated, the issues would resolve themselves, meaning these procedures (and potential risks) are not necessary.

BUT (and this is a gigantic BUT) there is a GINORMOUS problem here that carries far-reaching consequences for women’s health. Though women come to the gynecologist under the guise of their annual Pap smear, they actually come for WAY more than that.

Here are some examples of issues I handle under the guise of an annual Pap smear exam:

* Sexual problems that threaten your relationship
* Debilitating depression and anxiety
* Chronic fatigue that prevents you from living vitally
* Menstrual disorders like hemorrhaging or menstrual cramps that cause you to miss important life functions.
* PMS/PMDD that may be hampering a happy life

And that doesn’t even include the oh-so-necessary annual breast exam, internal pelvic exam to check for ovarian tumors and such, and the opportunity to make sure a woman is up to date on other cancer prevention procedures, such as the HPV vaccine for teens.

If women don’t come in for their annual pap smear, how will they ever fix the other problems that may exist?

The Bottom Line
Based on the information presented, it is totally up to you if you want to get an annual pap smear or stretch it out a few years. Regardless of what you decide, though, please don’t stop seeing a doctor every year. That is the only way to sort out any issues you have, especially those you don’t even know about.

–Dr. Lissa Rankin’s book, What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend, will be published by St. Martin’s Press in Fall 2010. She invites you to join her Pink online community (www.owningpink.com/forum) or read more of her writing at Owning Pink (www.owningpink.com).

We thought we’d help and every Thursday our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin will be answering your questions. The ones you couldn’t ask your doctor in person. Just leave your questions in the comments, or send em over to us. (We’ll keep it all anonymous for you.) Dr. Lissa will answer anything – really, anything – about sex and other lady things. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: I recently found out that I have HPV. I was so shocked and upset by the news that I couldn’t really think of anything to ask my doctor. So, I was wondering what I should do. This was the first time I’ve ever been tested, so do I have to tell every guy I’ve ever been with (even those I didn’t actually have sex with)? And do I have to tell all future partners?

A: First of all, I’m sorry you have Human PapillomaVirus (HPV). If it makes you feel any better, I have had it too. You didn’t say whether your HPV is the type that causes genital warts or abnormal pap smears (they tend to be different strains but may travel together). But I’d be happy to educate you about HPV in general, since you were too freaked out to ask your doc.

What is HPV?

HPV is the most common sexually transmitted disease, and it will infect 75% of young women before the age of 50, if they don’t get vaccinated.  What is HPV? It’s the virus that causes genital and anal warts, abnormal pap smears, and cervical cancer. How do you get it? Sex mostly, but even virgins can get it from skin to skin contact while fooling around. And condoms don’t necessarily protect you, since your labia can touch the skin around your partner’s genitals, even with a condom on. All it takes is intimate genital touching between you and your partner.

To make matters worse, the strains of HPV that tend to cause abnormal pap smears and cervical cancer don’t cause any problems in men. SO THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW THEY HAVE IT! Which means they’re passing it around from woman to woman, like a beach ball. You gotta wonder when the guy says, “Oh, that’s so weird. ALL my girlfriends have had abnormal pap smears.” Duh, dude. It’s you!

Even if you’re a virgin when you hook up with a guy, you can end up with HPV- even if he has only slept with one other girl. This is not a disease of freaks and hoochies. (If it is, then I’m one of those hoochies, since I got it from my husband.  Poor guy.  He feels bad.) Even if you’re really careful, you can still get it, and next thing you know, you’ve got genital warts and cervical cancer. To make matters worse, because HPV is a virus, there’s no real cure, the way there is for most bacteria.  Natural treatments aimed at supporting the immune system can help you clear the virus, but ultimately, you’re at the mercy of your immune system.  So if you get HPV, you may have it for years.

What Should You Tell Your Partners?

To keep your karma clean, it’s not a bad idea to tell your past and future sexual partners. Chances are, more than half of them have already been exposed, and one of them was the one who gave it to you.  Because many strains of HPV do not cause problems for the guy, he may not even know he has it. But technically, anyone who may have been infected by you should tell future sexual partners that they may carry HPV and may be able to transmit it. It gets very complicated, because your immune system may clear you of HPV forever at some point. So will you still be infectious five years from now? Probably not. But maybe. This is why it’s such a big problem. Some women seem to clear HPV, only to have it show up again when their immune system is suppressed, as it normally is during pregnancy.

So What Can You Do About It?

Not a whole lot. If you have access to an integrative medicine doctor or naturopath, they  may be able to help you with some herbs and supplements that can stimulate your natural immune response. But otherwise, it’s all about treating any problems the HPV causes. For example, warts can be frozen off or treated with acid or medication. Abnormal pap smears need follow up and sometimes treatment. But there’s no magic pill that can cure your HPV.