All’s quiet on the Hollywood front (most likely because Lindsay is rockin’ the orange jumpsuit). This week has been surprisingly dull with the exception of Blake Lively’s boobs at Comic-Con. Although without the Twilight trio and Daniel Radcliffe, even that nerd-fest was a bummer.

Snoooooze.

Worth a Venti Unsweetened Iced Coffee

1. Wyclef for President? Of Haiti that is. The star has been contributing to the Haiti relief effort since that massive earthquake hit back in January, and he has submitted paperwork to enter the upcoming election. The Haiti native is supposed to be making a formal announcement soon. It’s nice to see celebs doing good!

2. Diablo Cody is a momma! The screenwriter had a son named Marcello this week. You may know Diablo for Juno and Jennifer’s Body (two great movies…watch them now). Diablo’s married to Chelsea Lately staffer Dan Maurio. You can also catch her on her new internet series “Red Band Trailer” where she interviews celebs like sexy Adam Brody!

3. In other pregnancy news, Christina Applegate also has a bun in the oven! This is great news for the actress as she just recently beat breast cancer. She showed off her new baby bump at the premiere of Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore and looked fab!

4. Linda Hogan is engaged to her son 21-year-old bf, Charlie Hill. Charlie is only a year younger than her daughter, Brooke, and went to high school with her! Awk.ward. They are getting married some time next summer. If the two are happy, more power to them, but for some reason this seems like a publicity stunt since the Hogans haven’t gotten press since their disaster of a reality show went off the air.

4. Casey Affleck is filing an extortion lawsuit against Amanda White who accused him of sexual harassment while he was filming Joaquin Phoenix’s documentary, I’m Still Here: The Lost Year of Joaquin Phoenix. Affleck’s legal team is claiming that White accused him of sexual harassment because she wanted more money from the film. While I don’t understand the whole Joaquin Phoenix-becoming-rapper-publicity-stunt, I do hope this mess gets sorted out soon.

5. Cheryl Tweedy (Cole) and boyfriend Derek Hough are reportedly moving in together. That was fast! Cheryl just recently split from her ex-husband and was diagnosed with malaria early this month. Reports say that Cheryl asked Derek to move in with her, but he’s also looking for his own place in London as well. Slow down, honey; we don’t want you going through anymore heartbreak.

Drink some warm milk and go to bed.

1. Rihanna is set to star (yes, act) in Battleship with Alexander Skarsgard and Taylor Kitsch. I’m sorry, but last time I checked, she was a pop star. I should be cast instead!

2. Rachel Bilson is coming back to How I Met Your Mother!! She’ll be returning as Cindy, Ted’s love interest. How exciting! The only thing that can make me happier is for her and Hayden Christensen to get back together.

3. Edi Gathegi, better known as Laurent from Twilight, will be mutated in X-Men: First Class. He’ll play Darwin, who has the ability to evolve and adapt into any environment. Cool!

4. Isaiah Mustafa (the sexy Old Spice guy) is going to be on Chuck (eek!) and will be in a movie with Jennifer Aniston (EEK!). The movie stars Jen and Jason Batemen, and Isaiah will be playing a cop. Hopefully a shirtless cop. SO EXCITED!

5. You can’t deny it, Russel Brand is hot. (Editor’s Note: I’ll deny that till the day I die.)

10 summer trends men HATE.

George Clooney….cocaine….what!?

What to do when you see your parents doin’ it.

Don’t mess with a cheerleader, yo.

Hulk Hogan is a big, fat, blonde liar.

Wash your face. Change the world.

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

(Two guys, relaxing in a student lobby.)

Guy 1: Hulk Hogan is a country.  He’s the world’s largest importer of rice paper shirts.

Guy 2: Guess that explains everything.

(Older woman, on the phone.)

Woman: What could we buy Dad that he doesn’t already have? … How about a loving daughter?

(pause)

Woman: Oh, honey, I was kidding.

(pause)

Woman: Hey! I said I was kidding! It was a joke!

(pause)

Woman: No. Don’t hang up. I’ll apologize. I’m sorry, honey.

(Guy chasing a mosquito around with newspaper. Girl watching.)

Guy 1: Get back here, mosquito. You’re going to mosquito school. At mosquito school, you die.

Girl: He paid a lot of money to go to mosquito school!

(Two girls, looking at each other’s cell phones.)

Girl 1: What does it do?

Girl 2: It doesn’t really work. The battery sucks and I get service, like, nowhere. It cost 80 bucks, and it plays the Tootsie Roll song.

Girl 1: Totally worth it.

Girl 2: It’s funny how true that is.

(Guys turn around as another enters a party.)

Guy 1: Oh, sh*t, it’s chili schnapps guy. Don’t bring that sh*t here.

Guy 2: What are you talking about? This is peach schnapps.

Guy 1: No foolin’ me, man. That’s straight up chili .

(Guy on the phone in a Chinese restaurant.)

Guy: Yeah, brother, get ready to whip it out. We’re gonna play some video games.

(Heard in the background of a cell phone conversation.)

Drunk guy: Who are you calling? Is he a slut? You’d better be calling a slut, honey!

(Two girls at a sexual consent workshop, oddly enough.)

Girl 1: No Hulk Sex.

Girl 2: Definitely not.

Girl 1: Like, that’s some scary stuff. Huge muscles.

Girl 2: Uh-huh.

Girl 1: Because, you know, it’s like what the Hulk does. When he Hulks out.

Girl 2: Right. I get it. Can we stop talking about this?

(Girl, walking in a group by the road.)

Girl: Holy s***! The trees are taking off! They’re f***ing flying away!

(Girl in Starbucks, talking earnestly to two male listeners.)

Girl: Bodies are crazy. You know, they can move, breathe, even talk for days after dying.

Guy: S***.

Girl: Yeah, it’s weird. Mozart actually composed his last symphony while clinically dead.

Other guy: Geez. Wow.

Life in prison for this fashionable felon.

President-Elect Obama loves YouTube!

Paula might be leaving American Idol.

Is Kim Kardashian really engaged?

Hulk Hogan & Co. are a bunch of douches.

Anderson Cooper watches Real Housewives of Atlanta.

ESPN is stereotyping your school.

Makeup trends for the holiday season.

It’s a hard-knock life for your RA.

The idiot’s guide to networking.

I don’t know what it is about today, but somehow we have come across some seriously gross sh*t on the internet. Maybe we have too much time on our hands? Or maybe Tuesdays are just unlucky. Whatever the reason, we can’t keep it to ourselves. It’s just too….gross.

We know you are all out there taking a break from the summer classes/laying by the pool/that awful summer job and you need soemthing to do. So, here it is.

Click with caution. Oh, and learn from our mistakes: put down the snack foods, ladies. Somehow that Oreo Cakester just isn’t as tasty when accompanied by incest, moose knuckles and old lady hoo-hahs.

Which is worse: sex with your brother or sex with someone who looks exactly like your daughter?

Although, both may be better than an entire montage of camel toes...

Suzanne Sommers flashes her vajay on TV. So….old.

New to the competition circuit: oral sex. I’d like to know what the winner gets…

I don’t know why, but this just makes us want to vomit. Because obesity wasn’t already a big enough issue.

The best reason NOT to bring a random home with you from the bar. Seriously. SICK.

“The Dark Knight” is upon us! WHO ELSE IS FREAKING OUT?!

Keeping up with the Kardashians…in jail

Sarah and Jimmy split–the Matt Damon video is just awkward now

It’s not the happy ending most girls grow up dreaming about…

“Hey, um, Papa Hulk…were your girlfriend and I separated at birth?”

I don’t know if Hitch would have prescribed an “open relationship”

The new power jobs are in–”socialite” ain’t one of ‘em, Paris!

Off-topic, but I think Jeff Goldblum is really sexy

Radiohead’s new music video is awesome. ‘Nough said.

18-year-old waitress hooks up with a Rolling Stone–and it’s not even Mick or Keith!

[Photo courtesy of Mollygood.com]

(And people say I’m materialistic. Pshaw.)

Anyways, the time has finally come for me to feel for this girl. Not because her mom is sh*t nuts. Not because her sister is being whored out on TV for monetary gain. Not because she allegedly has some secret half sister lurking somewhere in the Midwest. Not because she needs to become a lesbian in order to find someone to trust. Not even because she is a lesbian with some creepy looking skinny dude-ish girl.

I feel bad for her because she really has no one she can trust.

I think we all take for granted the fact that, no matter what, at the end of the day we have someone we can turn to that has our best interest at heart. And if no one else, it is usually a parent. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case for a lot of people in showbiz (just look at Britney!) and it is certainly not the case for LiLo.

Even her father has been known to leak her personal info to the press just to see his name in print. On many occasions. And now he is trying to get back on Lindsay’s good graces with this voicemail. The message is creepy and just total bullsh*t. You can almost hear the cogs turning in his brain as he thinks of how he can use her next. He is a total sleazeball. I am beginning to wonder if he paid that Kristi Kaufmann to plant that “He’s the father of my baby” story.

Poor Lindsay has to cut her own parents (we know she’s not talking to Dina since she wants nothing to do with her terrible reality show) out of her life to get some privacy. That is just sad. I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t keep my family around me or count on them to protect me.

No matter how many Miu Miu bags this girl has, I can’t help but feel bad.

Not that I still don’t want one. In fact, I’m just gonna keep my eyes open for one of them on EBay. I’m sure Michael will have them up there soon.

[photo courtesy of thehollywoodgossip.com]

Please, please go away.

I’m not asking much. I’m just really tired, Hogans. I’m really, really tired of seeing your creepy mugs (and arms and abs…Linda, cover it up!) all over the place, doing and saying more ridic things by the minute.

So, like, two years ago, you were happily filming VH1′s Hogan Knows Best. You seemed like a normal enough family. Hell, that was the whole premise.

And then, It Began.

First there was the separation. Linda and Hulk, I thought you guys were forever! Well, frankly, I was sorry to hear it. I felt bad for you that things had gone awry.

Then Nick got in an accident. At the tender age of 17, he had his first precious DUI.  Not only that, but he managed to take out his best friend, putting him into a lifetime coma. It is a very sad story. However, Nick didn’t seem to feel bad for his friend at all. In fact, he has been too busy whining about jail and how awful it is. Yes, jail is horrible. That’s the idea. Don’t drive drunk and ruin your friend’s life.

But, look, he’s a kid. Not only that, he’s a celeb kid. I figured maybe he just needed a little tough love.

But then – THEN – Linda, you said you had it worse than the other boy’s mom! Your son is in jail for a few months, Lin. The other boy will never recover. I can’t even believe you thought it, no less said it out loud for all the world to hear.

And then (Hulk) some remarks were made about this situation making both Nick and the other boy better people! Honey. HONEY. THE OTHER BOY WILL NEVER RECOVER. And it’s not his fault Nick was driving a bajillion miles an hour with alcohol in his system. How is he benefiting from this situation at all?

In the meantime, Hulk finds himself applying sunscreen to his daughter’s private parts, all while dating little Brookey’s doppleganger, Jennifer McDaniel. Hulky! Why are you perving on your offspring?! Haven’t you got enough trouble?

And Linda is dating a 12-year-old. Okay, fine, he’s 19. But he also happens to be a former classmate of Brooke and Nick’s, just one grade below B and one above N.

And, yes, that’s gross, but Brooke! How can you speak out against your mom like that and then add a passive-aggressive assertion of support? Brooke, you haven’t done anything that wrong. You’re certainly the least offensive of the Hogan bunch right now, and, frankly, that scares me, because, you attempted to make it as a pop star.

In conclusion, you’re all terribly frightening and I wish you’d go away.

Also, please stop with the buffed out Aryan gig. We get it already.

Love and pleas for mercy,

Sara

[Photo courtesy of http://www.hilaryshepherd.com]

Wrestling. Monday Night Raw, specifically.

I used to watch wrestling and play the games with my cousin. I didn’t really get into it a whole lot; I though everyone looked kind of weird, aside from that Shawn Michaels dude. Okay, he was kind of weird too, but not like Hulk Hogan weird. I liked The Rock, too; he made me laugh. But I didn’t watch anything regularly. I only watched it with my cousin when I was over at his house and it was on, or he wanted to show me a VHS (throwback!) or something similar. My mom HATED wrestling and wouldn’t let me watch it at home, even if I wanted to.

I dropped out of the WWE (then WWF, but changed because the real WWF threw a hissy fit. I still think it’s be great to throw the Rock and a panda in a steel cage match together) for a pretty long time once I stopped hanging with my cousin. It wasn’t until I came to college that the girl who was then just my good friend somehow managed to get me to watch Raw.

Part of me was rather displeased. I didn’t really want to watch mostly-naked sweaty men beating the crap out of each other in a ri… okay, maybe I did. But I didn’t want to deal with the stupid backstage segments and interviews on stag… no, no, those were my favorite parts. It became an almost every weekly thing. Then it became a sacred zone; no one even talked to me on Monday at nine, because they knew I was too busy cheering on John Cena or laughing at DX’s “sophomoric antics”.

It sounds stupid, but you get really wrapped up in the storylines and characters. Yeah, characters. Wrestling on the “plot” side is fake. All of the matches and most of the conversations are scripted. But they’re scripted well (most of the time; we won’t talk about when the CEO of the WWE, Vince McMahon, supposedly blew up in his own limo. He faked it for the attention, it turned out), and it plays out more like violent improv.

Yeah, punches and kicks get pulled sometimes. But a lot of times, they don’t, and these guys (and girls! WWE Divas – especially the current rougher ones like Beth Phoenix and Mickie James and the retired ones like Lita and Trish Stratus – could probably kick your ass) really do hurt themselves. A lot. Broken bones, dislocated shoulders, ripped ACLs, repeated concussions…you name it, it’s probably happened, especially to the old timers. And once you get caught up in storylines, you tend to ignore the fact that it’s “fake”, anyway.

Now, wrestling isn’t for everyone. My mom still hates and still refuses to watch it with me. I tend to get dirty looks when she walks by and sees me sitting on the edge of my couch. But if you’ve got the time, you should tune in to USA one Monday night. Don’t worry if you don’t really understand what’s happening; that was how I was, too. You might need to watch a few shows before it starts to grow on you. I’d say after about three, you’ll know whether or not you were meant to be a WWE fan.

But for your own safety, if you’re otherwise occupied on a Monday night, I’m going to have to ask you to leave a message after the beep.

Here it is:

This is the dumbest-looking thing I think I have ever seen in my entire 23 years on this planet. And I’ve seen some dumb things in my day.

Not only is Brooke a horrible singer, and annoying on that show of hers, but her image isn’t helping. Clearly.

Who the hell picked out these denim, assless chaps for Brooke to wear during a live concert, that took place in bright, broad daylight, no less? Her insane stylist? The all-knowing Hulkster? Or was it Brooke herself, who finally decided to take control of her career that is hanging on such a thin strand that she thought 1) the denim, assless chaps were just the ticket to finally raise her popularity or 2) she actually thought these things were remotely attractive?

Whatever the case, this is absurd. I’m gonna go laugh at Brooke Hogan some more and then vomit out of utter disgust. And then laugh at her again.