It’s only human to have those moments (no matter how long they last) when you feel like you can’t do ANYTHING right.

Ok, my moment has been going on for over a week. I feel like I’ve been spending too much money, apologizing way too many times to people, not returning things I’ve borrowed, slipping from my usual tip-top form at work…and it’s all so exhausting. With all these mistakes, I’m feeling super guilty. And with guilt comes a constant humming in my mind that I simply can’t perform like I used to in college — back when I got 15 hours of sleep at a time and was never scolded for anything.

In this giant pity spiral (Why can’t I pay these bills? Or apologize to my friend right away for wronging her? Or bring my sister’s iPod BACK to her after borrowing it for over two weeks?) I also feel…judged. By virtually everyone. I’m left thinking that my sister sees me as irresponsible, that my best friend thinks I’m incapable of apologizing and doesn’t care about her as much as I really do, that I’m never going to make money. I basically feel like a complete pile of poo that can’t live up to anyone’s standards for who they expect me to be. Read More »

I was sick of dating “bad boys” and dudes from the not-so-smart category. I wanted to date an intellectual, a nice guy.

Instead, I got Mr. Deceptive.

Mr. Deceptive was definitely smart, but he wasn’t as nice as he made himself out to be. He was a Nice Guy Poser.

I think the first time I realized this was when I saw him interacting with a florist he used pretty regularly. (Yes, he sent flowers to people often enough to be a regular at a florist! And no, that doesn’t make him the dream boyfriend you’d think it would.)

During this particular visit, Mr. Deceptive wanted to arrange to send flowers to a colleague’s wife’s funeral.

“How much do you want to spend? ” the florist asked as he started to show Mr. Deceptive the flowers he recommended.

“Oh, about $50 or $60,” Mr. Deceptive answered.

Even I, who admittedly knows nothing about funeral flower arrangements, thought that seemed a bit low. Turned out I was right. The florist hesitated and looked at Mr. Deceptive quite hard. “May I suggest you send a live plant to the person’s house, instead?” he asked carefully. Read More »