Last weekend the biggest man whore on campus asked me to go home with him. My first reaction was, “Hell yeah! HE KNOWS WHO I AM…and he wants to do me!!!” Which was immediately followed by, “Ew, do I have to get tested for STDs cuz he just talked to me!?”

I said no that night (and by “said no” I mean “spent the rest of the night on the bathroom floor vomiting up Jimmy Johns and Jameson”), but I have been thinking about it ever since. I mean, we are Facebook friends now, so the opportunity is obvi still there.

I have always been a big fan of pro/con lists, so I am going to make one here. So, here it is: The Pros and Cons of Hooking Up With a Major Man Whore. I hope this helps if you are ever presented with such a conundrum.

Pro: He is obviously totally wanted by every girl ever

Con: He has put his penis into a whole lot of ladies

Pro: He, in theory, knows what he’s doing – he’s gotten enough practice

Con: He’s never really had a consistent partner so he may be repeating his mistakes over and over and over again.

Pro: He finds me sexy

Con: He has found 98% of the campus sexy at one point

Pro: Potentially awesome sex

Con: Potentially itchy rash… down there

Pro: If he’s bad, I can be the one to tell the world

Con: If I’m bad, he’s totally gonna have a billion people to compare it to…and tell

Pro: I can tell everyone that I conquered Mount Man Whore.

Con: After I tell everyone, they will judge me for being yet another notch on his tattered belt.

It looks like the cons far outweigh the pros. But maybe I missed something? Like the fact that I’ve been experiencing at 3 month dry spell and am thisclose to humping a desk!?