Polygamy: because 4 wives is better for ratings than 19 kids.

As I was channel surfing the other day, I paused on TLC to watch an old episode of What Not To Wear. After countless “Umm… no”s, a few “I wish Clinton wasn’t gay”s, and too many moments in the painful-to-watch but wildly-entertaining 360° mirror, the show went to commercial. And before I had a chance to flip back to Teen Mom, across my screen flashed an ad for TLC’s newest reality show: Sister Wives, a show that rethinks “love, marriage, and reality family.”

Yes— if you just clicked on that link, what you saw was correct. TLC (what was formally known as The Learning Channel) will be teaching Americans all about a topic we are just dying to sink our teeth into: Polygamy. Dubbed by many as the real Big Love, the show follows Cody, his 3 wives, 13 kids, and newest fiancé as they all prepare for Cody’s fourth wedding.

Yeah, let that one marinate for a second.
And let us all come together with one big “WTF, TLC?!?”

I’ll be honest, I didn’t think it was possible for TLC to get any more messed up. Growing up, I used to watch A Wedding Story and A Baby Story, tears filling my eyes as I saw how a baby was born or what it took to pull off the perfect wedding. Nowadays, though, I legitimately cannot remember the last time TLC taught me much of anything….besides what it looks like for a happy marriage to go up in (Ed Hardy) flames or when a little person gets a DUI.

Which makes me wonder: what those TLC people are smoking goes on in the TLC boardroom? How do they come up with their stellar frightening TV line up? I don’t know for sure, but I have a feeling there are brownies (yeah, that kind), bean bag chairs and conversations that sound a little like this: Read More »

90% of my choices in college were completely spontaneous. I never knew what I was going to say or do until 30 seconds before it happened. Some days I would go to class and some days I would spend six hours debating the underlying philosophy behind the SNICK line-up of the ’90s. Some days I would put on pants with zippers and some days I would walk to the quad wearing nothing but fake Uggs and a sweatband. The only thing that was for sure every day was that I would regret something I did the night before.

Now, almost a year out of college, I would say 99% of my day is regimented, scheduled, planned, organized, and color-coded on my Google Calendar. I know people in the army who have more flexible schedules than me (and by people in the army I’m referring to the Disney channel documentary, Cadet Kelly).

I wake up at 7:45, press snooze exactly 3 times, look at myself in the mirror and debate if I need to shower, turn on the light and realize that I without a doubt need to shower, blow-dry my hair while praying that one day it will dry stick-straight, walk to work, step in front of a bus and make a bet with myself if it will stop before hitting me, work, go home, watch reruns, eat dinner, squeeze fat rolls and blame my birth control, eat stale Valentine’s Day candy sent by my mom, try to convince my roommates to get a dog (Shar, back me up here), go to bed, have a bad dream about getting hit by a bus. Read More »

Like most weekends, I spent my Saturday afternoon curled under a blanket in front of my TV. But unlike most weekends, I spent my Sunday buying a 3-pack of pregnancy tests, running home, chugging a bottle of water, and taking every last one.

How could a day of TV lead to pregnancy, you ask?
It can’t. I mean, I guess it could if someone else was under that blanket with me…and we were watching porn, but I was alone.

And I was watching TLC’s, I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant.

This show is not new, but it was my first time watching. And unfortunately for me, there were quite a few episodes on back to back. And I was too lazy/scared stiff to change the channel.

The premise of the show is simple (and pretty obvious from the title): real women who did not know they were pregnant have babies. Sometimes in toilets.

While the dramatizations are hilarious (seriously, where do they find these actors?), the actual events are not. Nor is the fact that there are enough women in the world dealing with this to turn it into an actual series. And did I mention that one woman pulled down her leggings to find a baby hanging out in there?

OMG it’s terrifying. Read More »

True fact: I went years without cable.  And I never complained.  But, as soon as I was old enough to babysit, I would put the kids to bed and turn on the TV and embrace the goodness of TLC. Those were the glory days of The Learning Channel, because it’s gone downhill since then.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are still some shows I’ll watch.  After all, I am a self-diagnosed What Not to Wear addict, and, like many other College Candy writers, I adore Jon & Kate Plus 8.  Not to mention I now dress up while grocery shopping, all because of Take Home Chef, Curtis Stone.  This sexy Aussie can ambush me and make me dinner anytime.

But, it ends there.  Lately, I can’t even watch show previews on TLC, because even they freak me out.  The Learning Channel either needs an overhaul (starting with this guy), or a new name.  Our suggestion: The Scary Channel (dun dun dun). Read More »