Them's fighting words, Lindsay.

For those of you living under a rock (or in a cubicle thanks to that stupid unpaid internship deal) these past couple of days, Lindsay “Lilo” Lohan has been sentenced to 90 days in the slammer for….A LOT OF THINGS: cocaine possession, tampering with her SCRAM bracelet, driving drunk on the freeway…the list goes on. Sadness for Linds (and the paparazzi who will have nothing to do for 3 months.

Even worse, thanks to her nice little message (“F**K U”) painted on her nails in court, Ms. Lohan may be spending even more time behind bars for contempt of court. Buuuurn.

We’re all about punishing Lindsay for all of her less-than-flattering indiscretions, but if Linds is getting bonus jail time for writing F U on her nails, she better be getting even more for these crimes against humanity: Read More »

Dear Lindsay,

Word on the street is that they’re trying to make you go to rehab and you say no, no, no. While Amy Winehouse turned that jam into a monster hit, do you really want it to be the theme song to your E! True Hollywood Story? I have to be brutally honest with you, Linds; you’re not looking good. We all see that damaged, over-processed hair and all that chain smoking as if your life depends on it.

Remember when you used to look like this? Now, you’ll be lucky if you don’t crack that orange, leathery face of yours.

And here’s an FYI: just because pills are “prescribed” doesn’t mean you can down them like Tic-Tacs. Have we learned nothing from the loss of Heath Ledger last year? Granted Heath was a sexier blond than you will ever strive to be, you don’t have to drown your sorrows in a water bottle filled with vodka. Yes, we’ve caught on to you.

So what’s next for you, LiLo? We are all waiting with bated breath. Do you honestly want to say you hit your peak as a Mean Girl? That your last stab at acting not only didn’t make it to theaters, but went straight to ABC Family!?

Can’t you see that you’ve hit rock bottom? I thought it was blatantly obvious when you accepted the role in I Know Who Killed Me. Perhaps you were trying to relive the twin glory that you received from The Parent Trap, but playing the part of a strip club amputee and her equally mutilated twin sister was not your finest hour. And from I’ve seen of your pole-dancing skills, I’d urge you not to quit your day job. Oh wait – you’ve already done that. Read More »

Jeff Robinov, the president of production at Warner Brothers studios, doesn’t think women are worth a dime.

“We are no longer doing movies with women in the lead” Robinov was quoted as saying this week, using two recent less-than-stellar female driven films (The Brave One, staring Jodie Foster, and The Invasion, starring Nicole Kidman) as evidence for his claims.

What. The. F*ck? Um, what year is this???

Robinov is just convinced the reason neither film did well with audiences is because a woman was in the lead.

Apparently, the options of bad writing, convoluted plots, and poorly conceived advertising are not viable, and the only way to make sure a movie of his never bombs again is to make sure the leads are always sans boobs and vagina.

Movies with male leads bomb all the time, but Robinov doesn’t care about that obvious fact, nor does he seem to remember the fantastic success of Mean Girls, The Devil Wears Prada, Erin Brockovich, or anything helmed by the Olsen Twins.

Do women often headline films by themselves? No. But it’s not because they don’t have the same drawing power as men, it’s because chauvinists like Robinov are given the ability to “no longer do movies” in which the star is a female. Read More »

Let’s be honest, there are a plethora of crappy movies out there. “Daddy Day Camp” or “I Know Who Killed Me”, anyone? Thankfully for us, cinema genius Michel Gondry does not produce movies of such low quality. The genius behind the cinematography in Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind has just released a trailer for his upcoming film, “Be Kind Rewind”.

Although “Be Kind Rewind” is aimed at a more mainstream audience than Gondry’s last film, “The Science of Sleep”, the trailer seems to indicate that it will be an inevitable success. In fact, the movie seems to be a complete turnaround from “The Science of Sleep”, a film with relatively unknown actors (besides the lovely Gael Garcia Bernal) and an ambiguous plot. Read More »

Whoever told her to do “I Know Who Killed Me“.

This movie looks awful.

I’m not sure what about it strikes me as hideous. It might be the fact that the plot seems convoluted and stupid, that Lindsay is stripping, or that it’s rated R for “violence and gore / including torture and grisly images”. LaLohan + violence and torture = a combination I want no part of.

Considering her last movie tanked harder than a concrete block filled with bricks, Team Lohan is banking on this film to show Hollywood and the rest of the world that she’s more than a party girl.

After taking a gander at this trailer, I can’t say I’m too convinced on its breakout potential. It might earn LL a few more pubescent fans, but Oscar caliber it’s not.

What do you think, lovelies? Will you go see this movie?