This guy has been collecting penii for 24 years. It started out as a casual hobby–you know, like stamp collecting–and at some point he got the idea to share his love with the world via a weirdass museum in an Icelandic fishing village.

FACT: When the dude began his penis collection, he was working as a school administrator.

FACT: That fact makes me extremely uncomfortable.

Anyway, so far he only has animal weewees (largest: sperm whale [how apropos], smallest: hamster [you need a microscope to see it; sounds like my exboyfriend]). However, four human men have now offered to hand in theirs when they retire to the big penis museum in the sky. Naturally, one of these men is an American, and, naturally, he’s nicknamed his man hooha “Elmo,” which is just so charming.

So when you go to Iceland to check out this museum (which you are likely to do: apparently 60% of the visitors are women), you don’t have to worry because it’s really easy to find. According to the article, the “entrance marked by a tall brown phallus near the door and a penis-shaped sign over the front porch.” Classy.

I can’t wait to go.

Before I leave you to mull all of this over (and frankly, I think this needs a lot of mulling…and a lot of xanax), allow me to give you one final image: some of the penii are “dried and mounted on the wall.”

Lesson learned: don’t have sex with a hamster. At least not knowingly.