Are you actually together, or are you just really good friends who frequently have sex? Are you ‘dating’? Are you ‘in a relationship’? Maybe ‘it’s complicated’? Are you ready for engagement…or marriage? Or is it time you two just moved in together already?

Women’s magazines and Hollywood seem to be preoccupied with the notion of moving one’s relationship forward, as if a relationship were some sort of vehicle aiming for a finish line, some sort of ephemeral end goal (it’s never really defined, is it?). Indeed, film and television producers like to parcel out relationship plots as mostly linear narratives with some sort of final objective on the horizon: Girl meets Boy. Girl likes Boy. Girl and Boy date. Girl and Boy become a Couple. Couple co-habitate. Couple get engaged. Couple get married. Couple have children. Couple’s happiness is demonstrably achieved (apparently). Oh, perhaps the writers will throw in a few twists — perhaps Girl meets Girl. Maybe there’s a nearly disastrous misunderstanding involving a jilted ex-lover. Or maybe the Couple must overcome adversity in order to marry. Radical.

The thing is, relationships rarely happen like that in real life. Particularly, I would argue, for modern 20-somethings. By the time you’ve experienced a relationship (or several) yourself, you come to the realisation that relationships seldom occur as neatly as Hollywood would have you think. Relationships are messy, confusing, exhilarating and frustrating, and no two are the same. How, then, do you know when it’s time to move your relationship to the next level? How do you know when it’s the right time to have sex, to decide to be exclusive, to change your Facebook status to ‘in a relationship’, to consider engagement, marriage, children, whatever? Read More »

Lazy Sunday mornings. They might be one of the most wonderful things in the world. It was noon, and I was enjoying one such relaxing, completely unproductive Sunday morning this past week. It was my turn to cook, so I was making waffles (chocolate chip, of course) for our girls brunch. We had all congregated, still in our pajamas and more than a little worn out from the previous night’s festivities, to exchange stories.

We gushed about one of my friend’s newest crushes who had FINALLY kissed her the night before, laughed at some of the ridiculous things that various drunk boys had said, dissected who had danced with whom (“Ew against the wall?!”), and dished on all the important gossip of the weekend. Typical girls’ sesh, Sex and the City style. Except our outfits weren’t $2,000. And we were sitting on the floor of our living room.

My one friend, K, wasn’t saying much, though. I wasn’t sure if she was simply still too hung over to process anything or if there was something on her mind. Finally, when we were back to talking about my friend’s exciting smooch, K chimed in.

“Ah I’m so jealous! That’s the best place to be. I miss being single.” Read More »

"Spending the day snuggling with my snuggle bunny. Smoochy smooch!"

[It's pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site. We love a strong woman (unless she happens to be charging at us with her fists raised), so we thought we'd give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic (like whether sex sells!) and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the comments section below!]

“Jane Doe adores John so much, it’s like fluffy pink bunnies of love are frolicking around inside of her. Wuvs U Baby!” Gag me. Seriously, how many times have you looked on Facebook and seen somebody else getting all schmoopy over their significant other in their status? It’s right up there with Farmville for my top FB pet peeves. My question is, have I become a jaded cynic who can’t appreciate open expression of love, or do other people think these overshares need to be outlawed too?

OK, maybe I’m reacting too strongly – I’ve totally been in that cuddly-baby-animals-feeling phase of relationships and have totally overshared it on Facebook without a second thought. Is it really fair to want to go punch a friend in the face because of the multiple daily updates on how much she misses her BF when he has to go to class? (Sidenote: don’t you wish FB had a “punch” feature similar to the poke? Come on, Mark Z., get on that!) No, probably not. I get why people do it, and it’s their business so I shouldn’t even let it get to me. If I don’t want to see it, just don’t check FB, right (ha! Like that’ll ever happen!). People have the right to put up whatever they want in their statuses and the rest of us should just deal. Read More »

Needy. Ugh. That one word can make any guy run for miles, and being labeled as such is every girl’s worst nightmare. It’s funny in the movies; we can all ROTFL when a character leaves a guy seventeen voicemails in a row (“How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”) or assumes that an invite to a party is a declaration of love (“He’s Just Not That Into You”), but the reason it is so funny is because it’s based in some very real, very painful truth.

But being that needy in real life, is not funny.

The problem is that so many girls in our generation are so terrified that some boy might call them needy that the line between being needy and having respect for oneself has blurred. A friend, let’s call her Laura, currently has those two confused, and she is driving me insane. Laura has been kind of in a thing (i.e. the college version of dating) with this guy, we’ll call him Brad, since some time in April. Brad is, to put it nicely, not the world’s most considerate guy. He’ll make plans with her and bail at the last minute, say he’ll talk to her tomorrow and disappear for a week with no communication, hell, he almost forgot to even say “Happy Birthday!” to her. Read More »

Last week, my boyfriend and I found this group of guys who boffer (it’s basically sword fighting role play) so that he could do a documentary about them. I went with because I was bored and figured I could help Matt out. I was expecting a group of stereotypical Dungeons and Dragons nerds; aka fat white boys who have no social lives. Well, we show up and there were, dare I say, really hot guys there!

Since I was just there to be Matt’s assistant, I sat on the porch while he filmed the guys doing their thing. I was just watching until one of the gents came over to the porch to get something. He noticed me just sitting there and kept trying to get me to join them. I kept telling him I’d have no idea what I’d be doing and I’d make a fool of myself, but he kept trying to get me to play along with them. He even offered to let me use the good weapons. (Ooo lala!) There was just no way that I was going to try to sword fight with these guys, so I stayed on the porch. Later this guy decided to keep tapping me on the shoulder from behind with his sword (his actual foam sword for those of you with dirty minds) and would pretend to be minding his own business when I turned around. Read More »

Dear readers, I come to you now because I, like most girlfriends I’m sure, need to vent.

While I love my boyfriend Matt to death, there comes a time (OK, many times) when he drive me insane. Sometimes all of the little annoying habits he has make either want to barf or slap him upside the head. I’m sure some of you will think “That’s terrible! I would never be grossed out by or want to hurt my boyfriend!” But I’d put money down on the table right now that most of you feel my pain and are sitting there right now thinking, “OMG, sometimes my boyfriend annoys the crap out of me.”

For instance, let’s just take the fact that men, by nature, are gross. Matt is no exception (obviously). While yes, it’s appreciated that he showers regularly and brushes his teeth, it still grosses me out to no end when he wakes up in the morning and immediately starts hacking and coughing up God knows what. I know that people have to take care of some phlegm in the morning on occasion, but this is every. single. morning. And it’s not one cough either – it’s several loud and, from the sound of it, very productive hacks. Trust me, it’s not what you want to hear at 6 a.m. when you’re trying desperately to get a few more precious minutes of sleep.

Then there’s the failed attempts at humor. While Matt has a great sense of wit and is usually really dang funny, he’s got one flaw in the comedy department: accents and impersonations. That really wouldn’t be a big deal if it weren’t for the fact that he tries to do them just about every time we’re with people. As a former theater major, bad accents get to me. I did a year of Irish dialect training, so when he tries his hand at an Irish brogue, it’s not only totally unfunny, but it has the same effect on me that nails on the chalkboard have one the rest of society. And our friends have noticed as well. Read More »

It’s no secret that everyone wants honestly in their relationship, but there are some things we just DON’T want to know (or want them to know!).  Much like you wouldn’t disclose to your man exactly what happened between you and his roommate freshman year, here’s a list of things we definitely do not want to hear from guys we’re gettin’ down with:

1. His “Number”: I admit that sometimes I get curious and I’m tempted to ask, but I resist! I really don’t wanna know how many other chicks he’s gotten naked with, especially if I’m into him.

2. Bowel movements: Even if the relationship is years old, there should still be a little mystery in the bathroom. He should tell his frat brothers about what he’s doing/did/about to do (in graphic detail) in there, not me.

3. Anything positive about his ex: I don’t care if she was pretty, smart, a good cook, or great in bed. It’s best not to mention her at all, but if he must, we prefer to hear that she was some variation of a crazy person who didn’t fulfill his needs and has much, much smaller boobies. Also… Read More »

I have to be honest: I’ve always hated Valentine’s day. Mainly because for a good 90% of my life, the only thing I got on Valentine’s Day was a teddy bear and chocolates from my mom. While she meant well, it wasn’t exactly a self esteem booster in high school when all the other girls were getting roses in homeroom from their sweethearts.

Then of course, along came Matt and he swept me off my feet. Our first year together was the first Valentine’s Day that I had a boyfriend and I was curious as to what was going to happen. I still hated the holiday; why is it that we assign a single particular day to show our significant others that we love them? Shouldn’t that be an everyday thing? And am I the only one who thinks the alternative motive of this holiday is to shame single people into chocolate induced comas?

Anyways, Matt hates crowds and I wasn’t exactly jumping at the bit to be a stereotypical couple, so we spent our first Valentine’s Day in my dorm room with movies and snacks. It’s what we love to do, so why not do it on February 14th? I handmade Matt a card and then he completely upstaged me by giving me an expensive bracelet. It was beautiful (what girl wouldn’t want that?!), but it wasn’t the best part of the day. The important thing was that we were together and spending quality time together. Read More »

I barely have time to breathe, let alone spend QT with the BF.

I’m currently only on my second week back in school. However, in those few days, I’ve managed to become a producer at our student TV station, write a paper on The Godfather script, drop a class because it had too much homework, and signed up to become a licensed real estate agent. I’ve canceled or just flat out forgotten about my friends, and worst of all, I’ve barely seen my boyfriend… even though I live with him.

[Last week our Single Girl shared her feelings of jealousy for all her coupled friends. Looks like the grass is always greener....]

I’m getting to that point with my boyfriend that things are getting really comfortable. Since we live together I get to see him 24/7 which unfortunately means he sees me 24/7. AKA he sees me when I have no makeup, am in my sweats, and getting ready for bed. Honestly, there’s really no mystery left.

Flip over to my best friend Erica and her new boyfriend. She’s having all the fun of finding out all about him and she still spends an hour in the bathroom before dates. Then there’s my friend Haley who’s totally taking advantage of being single at college parties and can have a make out sesh whenever she wants with whomever she wants. I love hearing them talk about all the excitement of Erica’s new relationship and Haley’s latest exploits, but it’s starting to hit me that I will most likely never get that kind of excitement again. And I’m jealous!

I do love my boyfriend, and I’m totally OK with giving up stuff like finding out the hot guy at the bar is terrible in bed, or having a blind date with a guy with bad breath, but am I really ready to never have another first kiss? Another first date? Another first sexcapade? Read More »