In reality, we’re all very disturbingly gross, incestuous lovers. Not only do most of my friends know the guys I date, but most of the guys I date know the other guys I date. It’s really fun, let me tell you. But I’m not the only one jumping through these intertwined romantic hoops. Many a friend of mine, actually, has dated another friend of mine. It seems to be the way the world works.

This is all fine and dandy until the couple starts paddling down good ol’ sh*t creek. It starts with a complaining IM message, email, text, or phone call. One friend is coming to you to have a heart to heart about what friend number two did wrong to hurt his or her feelings. And just like a Los Angeles smog, awkwardness starts seeping down from the sky and choking the entire room.

What am I supposed to say in these situations? Which friend am I more loyal to? What the f*ck?

Recently, two of my friends met at a party of mine. Their relationship kicked off with a sunset on the beach and was followed by 4 weeks of hot love-making and puppy-dog glances. But then my girl friend, Marie, had a reconnecting visit with her ex and didn’t really want to be so smothered by my boy friend, Pete. Which has forced me into the middle as Pete has been IMing me daily about Marie.

And this same situation has happened so many times.

My theory on it all?

If both people are my friends, then they are my friends. I’m going to be loyal to both of them. I’m going to be fair and honest with each friend without saying or doing anything to hurt the reputation or happiness of my other friend.

So when Pete asked me about Marie, I simply said, “I’m not sure what’s going on with her, but give it time, I’m sure the dust will eventually settle.”

The key is to not choose sides. That’s not fair. Be loyal to both of your friends in these situations – at least that’s my opinion. What do you think?

Yep. I hear it. Daily. All I want to do is walk to the store and grab a red bull, and instead, I’m solicited by men I wouldn’t touch with a stick. It never matters what I’m wearing, if my hair is greasy, if my face is breaking out, or even if I’m with another guy.

The cat caller team is relentless. They slow their cars and roll down their windows while passing me by. They halt conversation and stare at my ass with such intensity that I can FEEL it. All that I want to know is…where the f*ck do they think this is going to get them?

Should I cancel my plans, hop in their cars, and give them head? And why the hell am I their MAMI? Since when is it sexy to be YOUR mami? Last time I checked, that’s incestuous and not really flattering at all.

As a general rule of thumb, guys, don’t comment to girls on the street about how they look. You might have great intentions with it, but at the end of the day it is rude. Not only is it rude, but it is also awkward. What do you want her to say?

“Thank you for being a creep?”

Leave the girls alone, fellas. Compliment them in your heads, whistle at them on mute. If you really want a girl to pay attention to you — stop acting like a creep. Girls don’t wanna hear remarks like this when they’re just trying to walk down the street. Make a girl EARN props from you. She doesn’t feel special if you’re giving them out to everyone. Shouting at a chick on the street is basically telling her she’s nothing but T and A to you — and what self-respecting woman wants to be known as only T and A?

Hopefully, this message reaches some guy out there somewhere. And he tells a friend. And the revolution starts.