July is pretty much here (I know – where the eff did June go??), and I can’t help but notice more American-themed fashion/toys/food crowding the retail shelves just about everywhere.  At first I was confused (I mean, that red, white, and blue dress is cute, but wasn’t Fleet Week a while ago?), then it dawned on me…Independence Day.

After about a minute of feeling guilty about almost forgetting our Nation’s birthday, I started to remember why I adore the 4th of July so much.  I get to spend time with my family, spend all weekend drunk and in the sun, and eat massive amounts of food.

This year, however, I decided I wasn’t going to puss out after just three servings of barbecue.  So, I did a little research and gathered some tips from the masters (read: the competitors in the yearly Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest!).  Now you guys can join me in celebrating the founding of America the only way that is appropriate – by eating more than anyone else on the planet.

Don’t Starve Yourself Beforehand – When you starve yourself, you’re actually making your stomach shrink (in addition to being a pretty bad move in general).  Keep eating before the big day and you’ll  keep your appetite up.  Besides, who wants to rock that crazed, hungry person look during the family picnic?

Prepare Your Stomach - Assuming that you aren’t Takeru Kobayashi, you probably don’t eat like a maniac on a normal basis.  Therefore, you might have to stretch your stomach out to make room for all those amazing Independence Day meals (ribs? burgers? corn on the cob? Droooool).  Use this week to chug water and chomp on mad lettuce – you’ll expand your stomach in no time (thirds, much?). Read More »

Sometimes, I have to admit, I feel defective. People I hardly know forward me e-mails about supporting U.S. troops and flying American flags proudly, and I quietly delete them. It’s not that I hate my country. It’s just that I’ve never really felt any affection for it . . . until now.

I’m not about to get up on a soapbox and give some grand speech about how Barack Obama is The Chosen One or how a liberal president makes everything better. But even when I set aside my political views and think about where our country is now, I still feel kind of inspired. For the first time in my life, I feel as if things could be steady and reasonable. I feel we have a leader who is working toward security and happiness and who is competent in the best way possible. In short, I feel we have a leader who cares. Read More »

The 4th of July.  An excuse to drink beer, dress up in festive clothes and eat late-night salty munchies… all day. Sounds like a typical college weekend and it is oh-so-welcomed after 2 months of spending our weekend nights at home with our parents playing Scrabble.

But what to wear?

Not only is it day-to-night activities, but you don’t want to pull a George Banks and be a total party pooper (that’s why we invited you!) avoiding the red, white and blue all together, but, then again, you don’t want to be so obviously festive that you look like a walking Old Navy ad (or a pro wrestler). Thank God I’m here!

I can dress you from the beach to the fireworks so all you have to do is show up, grab that Corona and hot dog and enjoy. Read More »

How’s your Easter turning out? Did you celebrate with some mimosas this morning? Or perhaps you’re planning on a little red wine with dinner? I know there aren’t too many drinking opportunities on Easter, but that shouldn’t stop you. After all that’s what holidays are made for… er, well, kind of.

Maybe Easter doesn’t mean kegs, and shots and bar crawls to you, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t celebrate with a well deserved buzz. Get creative, people!

Anyway, I started thinking about holidays and how sometimes they just seem to be made for partying. I’m not talking about the holidays that are all about family (although a little peppermint Schnapps in my hot chocolate sure seems to make Christmas a little merrier at my house). No, I’m talking about the holidays that seem to be created around the drink. The ones that aren’t worth celebrating without something frosty and soothing. The ones where I don’t know what I’m celebrating, but I definitely am happy to celebrate. These are the drinking holidays, and I have listed the top 5 for you below. Read More »

(We’re back with another weekly installment of G.W.W.E [Guys We Want to Eff]. I don’t know about you but a man who is strong, sensitive, caring, and oh so manly can take me and eff me up and down any day. Enter Will Smith. One order of tall, dark and handsome? Yes PLEASE!)

Will Smith is hot.

But let me tell you why. Even since his days as “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air,” Will Smith has oozed sexiness like whoa. Yes, even with the neon sweatsuits. But he was never that cocky-hottie sorta guy: he is and always has been a family-loving gentleman and an all around good guy.

I mean, the guy even did rap music respectfully. He took home a couple Grammy’s and never once did he mention “b!$#@es n’ hoes” in his lyrics. Sure, that may have led him to undergo some bullying from hot shots like Eminem (remember the line, “Will Smith don’t gotta cuss in his raps to sell records, well I do so F*ck him and F*ck you too!”), but we have a soft spot for the underdogs!

But music isn’t all he does; Mr. Smith is a super talented actor. With hits like “Bad Boys,” “Independence Day,” “Hitch, “The Pursuit of Happiness,” and, who can forget, “Men In Black,” Smith has more than proved himself to Hollywood. And he looked damn good doing it! WOWZA!

What makes Smith even more effable is his soft side. He and wife, Jada, recently donated $1 million to a school of Scientology to help with school supplies and organic meals. Yes, it’s creepy Scientology, but it was still a donation to benefit kids and nothing is hotter than a guy who loves kids.

Will Smith is 100% the complete package…and I’m sure he’s got a complete package, too, if you know what I mean. Ayooo.

To top it all off, the idea of effing Will Smith is actually doable. Apparently he and Jada have some strange agreement that they can do the naughty with whomever they want as long as they don’t tell each other about it. I could be that person. I COULD BE THAT PERSON….if I ever meet him (or even see him).

Here, take this quiz:

Independence Day should NOT mean independence from:

(a) your good sense

(b) your panties

(c) reality

(d) all of the above

Okay, obviously the answer is (a). And if you believe that, skip the rest of this article.

But seriously, Independence Day marks our freedom as an independent United States of America, and for some reason, this has morphed into a gigantular party day.

Which, look, is fine by me. I love partying.

However, may I suggest, for your own sake, that you stop a tequila shot short of blacking out? Here are the top reasons why:

(7) Missing the festivities

I mean, if you can’t remember it, how the flip can you enjoy it? That totally sucks! Especially when you find out you managed to do #6.

(6) Ruining your chances with a hottie

Yes, the odds for this increase dramatically if you are blacked out. During such a state sometime in my sophomore year of college, I allegedly once asked a potential hook-up if he was gay. Um, yeah. That didn’t work out in my favor. Read More »

Ah, the Fourth of July. The best day of the entire summer to sit back, throw some burgers on the grill, set off illegal fireworks, and get sloshed in the name of our forefathers. Besides Father’s Day, the fourth is really the only summer holiday, sandwiched between the glorious three-day weekends of Memorial Day and Labor Day.

That said, if you are planning to celebrate our nation’s birthday this weekend, I hope you do it in style. Here are some patriotic concoctions that will make you declare your independence…from your dignity, that is.

Red Sangria and White Sangria

Sure, sangria originated in Spain somewhere, but its gotten so popular in the past few years, that even Applebees has a signature sangria on its drink menu. Besides, this recipe is totally Americanized– even George W. could follow these directions!

In a punch bowl (preferably a clear one so you can display your creatively festive colors), combine a 750 mL bottle of red or white table wine with a cup of peach schnapps, two cups of pineapple juice and one cup of lemon-lime soda. Add more peach schnapps for a sweeter punch, or more juice if you don’t want it super-strong (baby). Read More »