But guess what? You didn’t need help! You hadn’t fallen! You were just crazy! And because I looked back, you decided to take your special brand of insane and run up to my ear and scream “F*CK” again as loud as humanly possible. I mean, I have never heard someone yell that loud before – in my ear no less! I thought I was going to have a heart attack and go deaf!

So special shout out to you, Crazy Insane F*ck Shouting guy! You really made my morning, and even made me spill my Dunkin Donuts coffee all over my leg in sheer terrified surprise. LOVE!

In case you live under a rock, Britney Spears has officially gone crazier than any of us thought possible.

After freaking her sh*t last Thursday night when it came time to return her two sons to their less insane parent, Spears participated in a three-hour standoff before being rushed to a hospital on a stretcher and checking herself out less than 48 hours later (apparently too early for people admitted with psychological issues). While nobody’s saying exactly why Spears was taken to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, it’s been reported that at the time of her hospitalization, she was “under the influence of an unknown substance”.

As if the circus wasn’t big enough, TV’s favorite media-whore “therapist” Dr. Phil got himself involved in Brit’s debacle, visiting her as she was checking out of the hospital and subsequently telling every news outlet that he was “very concerned” for her.

“My meeting with Britney and some family members this morning in her room at Cedars leaves me convinced more than ever that she is in dire need of both medical and psychological intervention.” The TV doc is quoted as saying. “She was released moments before my arrival and was packing when I entered the room. We visited for about an hour before I walked with her to her car. I am very concerned for her.”

Now, as much as I hope Mr. McGraw visited Britney because he was worried and felt it was his duty to do something no one in her family has bothered to do, I can’t help but wonder if he, like the rest of the world, is just using Spears as a way to boost himself up. Paparazzi egg her on, newscasters tisk their tongues, and bloggers like me make thousands of jokes at her expense, hoping she’ll do something even more insane tomorrow so we can be even funnier. Perezhilton has practically built an internet empire on play-by-play updates on craziness, and everyone surrounding her seems content to play down her psychosis and use her until she hits a wall.

The question then becomes, is Spears insane because of us, or in spite of us?

Here’s hoping someone has at least taken away her keys and Starbucks card. Drinking your weight in caffeine and calories twice a day is enough to make anyone go a little nuts.

Then, she got her own talk show and decided it was time to push her “I’ll say and do anything for ratings” image. Now, she’s a complete nut bag, she’s all over the television no matter what time of day it is, no matter what channel you turn to, and it’s like – okay. You’re crazy, Tyra. You’re out of your mind. We get it. Now shut up.

They say three strikes and you’re out. Well, here are just three of Tyra’s many recent strikes that have sent her from fierce to f*cking crazy:

1. This clip of Tyra going bat-shit crazy for Vaseline. Hey, I like petroleum jelly just as much as the next girl – it’s great for make-up remover and whatever else your dirty minds can cook up. But do I love it as much as she does? Should anyone love it as much as she does? Ummm, no.

2. Her dress at the Daytime Emmy Awards. WTF is this? Not only is it an ugly dress, but I hate it when you can tell a celebrity is only wearing an outfit for attention, and not because he or she actually likes it. I don’t care who designed this or how expensive it is; this is almost as bad as Brooke Hogan’s denim, assless chaps….almost.

3. Tyra demonstrating on her talk show, in front of her live audience and millions of confused viewers how to pee without sitting on the toilet seat. “You gotta pull your panties forward, and then pee.” Wow. Thanks, Tyra. I had no idea. Is anyone else kind of insulted by her need to actually pop a squat for us?

I think Ms. Banks should take a nice, long vacation, get some rest and come back to us when she’s good, rested and not quite as insane.

Nothing a little Vaseline can’t cure, right?!?