Ask Tuffy Luv at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and maybe she will do you a mitzvah?

Dear Tuffy Luv,

So I have been with my boyfriend for two years, and we were best friends for four years before that. (I know many people say it isn’t good to date your best friend, but when he officially asked me out he said he’d wanted to when we first met, but he stopped himself because I’d just come out of a rough relationship.)

I love him very much and I can’t imagine being with any other guy. But lately (read: the past year and a half) I have felt that he is slowly losing the feelings he’s had for me in the past. It’s just the way he acts when we go out. He seems to have a radar for girls with all the better versions of the things on my body that I’m self conscious about. I don’t know if that made sense. What I mean is that he checks out a lot of women in front of me, and it makes me feel more and more self conscious about myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I think I have my moments when all is well and I’m the hottest thing known to man. Every girl gets those amazing confident days. But more and more my confidence is shot to pieces, especially when we go out together (curse summer weather and the scantily clad women that come with it). Later he’ll tell me I’m being ridiculous (not in a negative tone of voice – more of the “That’s ridiculous, I love your body” sort of way).

I’ve talked to him about it, and I’ve told him that it seriously hurts me to go for a walk with him, or out to lunch and see him stare down some gorgeous girl right in front of me mid-conversation. He said it’s natural and that’s just how guys work. And believe me, I KNOW what it’s like to see some yummy Mario Lopez look alike jogging down the street, but I would never go as far as to gawk at every one that passes by, especially in my boyfriend’s company. I don’t know what to do. I feel really… I don’t even know. Hurt? Angry? But underneath that, I feel like I’m this unattractive obstacle to him and what he really wants/needs.

Sincerely,
Should I Buy Him Blinders?

PS: I don’t think he’s shallow, it’s just I think he’s lying to me and himself about what he finds attractive by being with me. Read More »

Question?! Answer: TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com. Annnnnd go.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about six months now. When we first got together it was because of a drunken hook-up and I wasn’t really into him. He pursued me for a couple of months until I decided to give in and give the relationship thing a try with him. He is the first guy I’ve ever been in a relationship with, and I’m the first girl he’s ever had a serious relationship with, and after a while we developed deep feelings for each other. Told each other we loved one another and all of that. Things were going great until we got into a big fight over him being inconsiderate, he made me wait for three hours at a place that I was supposed to pick him up at but turns out he was already home sleeping the whole time. Instead of just getting the argument out of our systems, all I wanted was for him to apologize for not calling me to let me know, he went back to sleep mad and I went home mad. The next day he called and broke up with me because he just doesn’t feel he belongs in relationships. When I went over to his house to talk about it with him we ended up getting back together, the breakup lasted a whole 8 hours. He told me it was because he’d never been in a serious relationship before and the whole idea freaked him out but that he realized he truly does love me and wants to be with me.

Well, ever since then I’ve been scared to death that he’s going to break up with me again. I’m paranoid of his ex-girlfriend, whom he still speaks to occasionally, and his friends that are girls who I know he’s had feelings for in the past. We’re two really different people and I’m afraid he’ll realize that maybe he’d be happier with someone more like him. I was a virgin when we got together, he was not, so I’m obviously not as sexually experienced as him or the other girls he’s slept with, so I’m also afraid of not keeping him sexually satisfied. Though we do have sex at least once a day, I’m not scared he’s lost interest, just that maybe his exes are better, they’re into the same things as him, and that he’d go elsewhere for that satisfaction.

I told him how I was scared of losing him and that I felt like at any second he would just change his mind again. He just rolled his eyes and told me if he didn’t want to be with me, he wouldn’t be with me. He told me he loves me but sometimes when I say it to him he’ll say “I like you, too.” He says that it’s because he doesn’t think it should be said too much, that the word freaks him out and that I know he loves me so it shouldn’t bother me. He always wants me to give him reasons why I love him and I tell him. However whenever I ask him he replies with “I don’t know how to explain it. I just do.” I just need a little reassurance from him but I’m not sure how to talk to him about it because I don’t want to appear needy and psycho. What should I do?

– Paranoid girlfriend Read More »

Gots a question?! Aunt Tuffy gonna ease your pain (or maybe cause more.) TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com for maybes some answers.

To unnamed questioner from VTEXT: I wanna help you out, but I need a little more information. Mo’ details, pleez.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I have a close friend in college who is seriously concerned about her likelihood of getting married. She’s never been in a relationship and constantly worries that at the rate she’s going, she’ll never get married before she’s 30! She’s under the impression that she needs to start seriously dating now (at age 20) in order for her to have a family by the time she’s 28. Her mentality seems ridiculous to me since we’re so young still, but she just doesn’t understand that we have plenty of time. I think she’s mostly worried because she doesn’t want to end up like her 25 year old brother who can’t get into grad school, lives at home with their parents, and doesn’t date.

Recently, a close mutual friend of ours had a surprise romantic encounter with this amazing guy and it happened without her even expecting it. This made my other friend feel down that she wants a relationship so badly and can’t make it happen with anyone while my other friend has had smooth sailing.

So Tuffy, what should I do or say to this friend of mine? Should I try to set her up with someone or let her find somone on her own? She’s the most considerate person I know, and I know some lucky guy will see that in her someday, but she thinks that she’s running out of time. She’s been really harsh on herself lately and I can’t stand to see such an amazing person feel so low. Any words of wisdom that I can share with her?

Sincerely,
Helpful Friend Read More »

There are a few unspoken rules that make it acceptable for you see your best friend’s (or guy friend’s) bare ass in certain situations: a dare, a (drunken) hookup, a music festival, or on amateur night at a strip bar.

But in the shower? That might be going a little too far, and one Green Mountain College student agrees. Jennifer Weiler, a Green Mountain freshman, is suing her school for a lack of girls-only bathrooms. And homegirl’s making a pretty good case. I mean, I can count on about three fingers the amount of people I know who would feel comfortable stripping down and jumping in the shower with strangers and hall-mates of the male persuasion. Especially if nothing sexual was being followed.

Some say, “Don’t knock it till you try it,” but I’m pretty sure I don’t need to try showering with my R.A. to know it’s not going to go down well. Read More »

What is he thinking?!

Got a little question for Tuffy Luv? She’s got a little answer for you! Email questions to TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com for a chance to be featured in the Tuffster’s column.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

So, I have a cozy, late-night nookie friend.

We’re not overly compatible in the sobering light of day, and we’re both unusually insecure, so the unspoken rule seems to be every couple of weeks or more. Emails are sporadic and sweet, for reasons that any of you who’ve ever binged on ice cream before or heard the chorus of the Elliott Smith song “Ballad of Big Nothing” will know.

I disappeared this summer, so falling back into a routine feels like navigating the bumpy straits of first acquaintance all over again. We’ve only seen each other three times this fall, but a few weeks ago, maybe moved by birthday drinks or the card that I sent him, he sent me an email telling me to barge in whenever I felt like it. Read More »

I can finally say it: we’re in the thick of summer. My days are now devoted to lying out on my back porch, tackling the one assignment a week my online summer class requires and dealing with my parents.

Yep, I’m back home.

Even though my parents are legitimately insane (and anal about everything), there have been some real obvious perks about shacking up here for the summer.

Case in point: All those hot guys from high school I haven’t seen in 3+ years? Yeah, they’re here, too.

So, I did what any horny (..and lonely) girl who’s home from her college town for an extended period of time with no job and/or source of income would do: I called up (and by called up I mean, Facebook-messaged) a cute guy from my neighborhood. And we hung out and hit it off right away.

Hanging out with someone new is always exciting. I absolutely thrive off those first few weeks of a budding relationship when all I can think about is the other person and wonder if he’s thinking about me, too. I love anxiously waiting for that phone call or text message after the first date that seals the deal that you two might have a future together. I LOVE IT, LOVE IT.

Well, I didn’t get that this time. Read More »

Following in the footsteps of VH1′s The Pick Up Artist, comes a similar You-Suck-At-Dating-So-Let’s-Fix-Your-Flaws-Before-You-Start-Throwing-Birthday-Parties-For-Your-Cats show. This time, we watch as GIRLS get some harsh reality about what we do that turn off the MEN. Hosted by the ever beautiful and brutally honest Steve Ward, a master matchmaker and easy-on-the-eyes male, this show follows eight single ladies looking for love as they journey through a “Tough Love Boot Camp.”

Each episode will revolve around one theme and include a Dating 101 class, a field exercise (a date!), and end with a group therapy session where one girl is chosen for doing the worst. Unlike The Pick Up Artist, nobody gets booted off, but the worst contestant will get an embarrassing critique during therapy. This is good news for us viewers because we get to learn some lessons along with the girls (finally, a reality show that’s actually useful!), but thankfully don’t have to do it on national TV!

With issues ranging from trust, intimacy, communication, ex-boyfriends, and the infamous text-aholism, Steve works with these ladies to break their bad habits in hopes of finding The One. Each girl has a classic case of Chase-A-Guy-Away-itis and is nicknamed for their main issue. I’m sure we can all find one girl we relate to the most, so I challenge you to follow your sistah’s progress. Learn some lessons along with your favorite gal and root for her to find love. So, which girl are you? Read More »

Yes, I’m a workaholic.

“Do you ever just chill out?” A friend recently asked me, as I checked my email on my phone during a lunch date. “I mean, we’re at a diner.”

“I need to make sure the email I sent in to my professor made it. And if my internship got back to me about possibly skipping Monday…” I could have kept talking about what I needed to do, but the waiter was setting down a delicious plate of hummus and stuffed grape leaves. I cannot deny a good stuffed grape leaf.

My diner friend isn’t the first person to point out how much I work, how busy I keep my schedule. Moving forward in my career has always been a giant part of my life.

But these days, it’s an even bigger part. Why? Because the moment I calm down is the moment I realize work is just about the only thing I’ve got. Read More »