Ask Tuffy Luv at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and maybe she will do you a mitzvah?

Dear Tuffy Luv,

So I have been with my boyfriend for two years, and we were best friends for four years before that. (I know many people say it isn’t good to date your best friend, but when he officially asked me out he said he’d wanted to when we first met, but he stopped himself because I’d just come out of a rough relationship.)

I love him very much and I can’t imagine being with any other guy. But lately (read: the past year and a half) I have felt that he is slowly losing the feelings he’s had for me in the past. It’s just the way he acts when we go out. He seems to have a radar for girls with all the better versions of the things on my body that I’m self conscious about. I don’t know if that made sense. What I mean is that he checks out a lot of women in front of me, and it makes me feel more and more self conscious about myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I think I have my moments when all is well and I’m the hottest thing known to man. Every girl gets those amazing confident days. But more and more my confidence is shot to pieces, especially when we go out together (curse summer weather and the scantily clad women that come with it). Later he’ll tell me I’m being ridiculous (not in a negative tone of voice – more of the “That’s ridiculous, I love your body” sort of way).

I’ve talked to him about it, and I’ve told him that it seriously hurts me to go for a walk with him, or out to lunch and see him stare down some gorgeous girl right in front of me mid-conversation. He said it’s natural and that’s just how guys work. And believe me, I KNOW what it’s like to see some yummy Mario Lopez look alike jogging down the street, but I would never go as far as to gawk at every one that passes by, especially in my boyfriend’s company. I don’t know what to do. I feel really… I don’t even know. Hurt? Angry? But underneath that, I feel like I’m this unattractive obstacle to him and what he really wants/needs.

Sincerely,
Should I Buy Him Blinders?

PS: I don’t think he’s shallow, it’s just I think he’s lying to me and himself about what he finds attractive by being with me.

Dear Blinders,

Honey, I am seriously worried about your self esteem.

Okay, first of all, as your advice columnist, I feel that I gotta tell you: You’re driving him to this behavior. By constantly telling him that you’re unattractive, you are basically forcing him to see you that way. The guy likes you, kid! Why are you telling him he doesn’t?!

I mean, you said it yourself–before this guy, you were in a rough relationship. I’m just taking a guess here that Former Boyfriend told you you were unattractive. Uh huh.

And your subject line, which I won’t post here in case you meant it to be confidential, is INCREDIBLY self-defeating. I mean, are you kidding me?! Girl, you have GOT to grow a pair. Seriously. You are doing yourself no favors.

First of all, I seriously doubt he is looking at women because he thinks they look better than you. You seem to be very preoccupied with yourself and your body. No one is looking at you as closely as you are! Seriously. Everyone is busy worrying about how THEY look. You’ve got to start trying to look at yourself objectively. What is it about your body that you don’t like? Are they things that only you would notice? Probably. If there are things you really don’t like, what can you do about them? Would exercising more help? Easy little health fixes are never a bad thing.

But the bigger issue is this: You can’t expect anyone else to love you if you don’t love yourself. I know it’s cliche and bloop bloop bloop, but it really is true.

So here’s what I want you to do:

Every morning, write down three things you like about yourself. THERE MUST BE AT LEAST THREE. Every night, write down three things you’re proud of yourself for that you did that day. Then read all six things and look yourself in the mirror and smile. DO THIS EVERY SINGLE DAY for at least a month. I guarantee you’ll start to appreciate yourself more.

In the meantime, your boy’s rubbernecking has got to stop. Instead of constantly whining to him that you feel like he’s not attracted to you, have one important sit down. Tell him that this behavior has GOT to stop, that you simply can’t have it. From then on, flirt with him. Feel good about yourself. Find yourself attractive and let him know it. And if he looks at other girls, call him out on it in a JOKING way instead of nagging his ash off. Unless, of course, you WANT him to stop liking you.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com. Annnnnd go.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about six months now. When we first got together it was because of a drunken hook-up and I wasn’t really into him. He pursued me for a couple of months until I decided to give in and give the relationship thing a try with him. He is the first guy I’ve ever been in a relationship with, and I’m the first girl he’s ever had a serious relationship with, and after a while we developed deep feelings for each other. Told each other we loved one another and all of that. Things were going great until we got into a big fight over him being inconsiderate, he made me wait for three hours at a place that I was supposed to pick him up at but turns out he was already home sleeping the whole time. Instead of just getting the argument out of our systems, all I wanted was for him to apologize for not calling me to let me know, he went back to sleep mad and I went home mad. The next day he called and broke up with me because he just doesn’t feel he belongs in relationships. When I went over to his house to talk about it with him we ended up getting back together, the breakup lasted a whole 8 hours. He told me it was because he’d never been in a serious relationship before and the whole idea freaked him out but that he realized he truly does love me and wants to be with me.

Well, ever since then I’ve been scared to death that he’s going to break up with me again. I’m paranoid of his ex-girlfriend, whom he still speaks to occasionally, and his friends that are girls who I know he’s had feelings for in the past. We’re two really different people and I’m afraid he’ll realize that maybe he’d be happier with someone more like him. I was a virgin when we got together, he was not, so I’m obviously not as sexually experienced as him or the other girls he’s slept with, so I’m also afraid of not keeping him sexually satisfied. Though we do have sex at least once a day, I’m not scared he’s lost interest, just that maybe his exes are better, they’re into the same things as him, and that he’d go elsewhere for that satisfaction.

I told him how I was scared of losing him and that I felt like at any second he would just change his mind again. He just rolled his eyes and told me if he didn’t want to be with me, he wouldn’t be with me. He told me he loves me but sometimes when I say it to him he’ll say “I like you, too.” He says that it’s because he doesn’t think it should be said too much, that the word freaks him out and that I know he loves me so it shouldn’t bother me. He always wants me to give him reasons why I love him and I tell him. However whenever I ask him he replies with “I don’t know how to explain it. I just do.” I just need a little reassurance from him but I’m not sure how to talk to him about it because I don’t want to appear needy and psycho. What should I do?

– Paranoid girlfriend

Dear Paranoid Girlfriend,

If you want to be with him: lay off.

Look, the guy obviously digs you. And by the way, sex at least once a day?! THAT’S A LOT OF SEX. He wants to eff you. Of that I am sure. So forget this whole sexual insecurity thing. It’s not making you seem sexier–au contraire–and, honestly, it’s just plain silly.

The problem lies more, PG, in the fact that you’re putting a lot of pressure on him by trying to get him to say how much he loves/likes/craves you all the time. It’s gotten tiring, and he’s trying to get you to lay off. Take the hint, girl. Stop fishing for compliments and take ‘em when he sincerely wants to give ‘em. You’ll be happier because you’ll know he’s sayin it only because he genuinely means it, and he’ll be happier because he won’t have to feel like you’re bugging the living daylights out of him.

In the meantime, however–DO you want to be with him? You’re right, you are coming across as needy. But, honey, he’s coming across as self-absorbed. He wants compliments and love licks and he won’t even give you one little reason why he loves you?! I mean, if he wants tat, he better give you some tit. For real, girl. Reciprocity. Rec-i-proc-i-TEE.

I dunno, man. He sounds immature and more interested in himself. Which is fine. But you gotta decide if that’s enough for you. Quite frankly, it wouldn’t be enough for me.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

To unnamed questioner from VTEXT: I wanna help you out, but I need a little more information. Mo’ details, pleez.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I have a close friend in college who is seriously concerned about her likelihood of getting married. She’s never been in a relationship and constantly worries that at the rate she’s going, she’ll never get married before she’s 30! She’s under the impression that she needs to start seriously dating now (at age 20) in order for her to have a family by the time she’s 28. Her mentality seems ridiculous to me since we’re so young still, but she just doesn’t understand that we have plenty of time. I think she’s mostly worried because she doesn’t want to end up like her 25 year old brother who can’t get into grad school, lives at home with their parents, and doesn’t date.

Recently, a close mutual friend of ours had a surprise romantic encounter with this amazing guy and it happened without her even expecting it. This made my other friend feel down that she wants a relationship so badly and can’t make it happen with anyone while my other friend has had smooth sailing.

So Tuffy, what should I do or say to this friend of mine? Should I try to set her up with someone or let her find somone on her own? She’s the most considerate person I know, and I know some lucky guy will see that in her someday, but she thinks that she’s running out of time. She’s been really harsh on herself lately and I can’t stand to see such an amazing person feel so low. Any words of wisdom that I can share with her?

Sincerely,
Helpful Friend

Dear Helpful Friend,

You really are a good friend. I chose this question to answer this week because it’s so heartfelt. Refreshing for ol’ Tuffy to see someone caring so much about someone else. Hearts to you, Helpful friend, hearts.

So, onto your question.

Your friend really is being redonk. At 20 she’s a failed cat lady with purses full of stolen Splenda?! Please. She’s just gotta stop getting so down on herself.

See, guys like confidence. You’ve heard this before. But, kids, you’ve heard it because it’s true. The only kind of men who like insecure women are the unfortunately ever-present creepy controlling asshoops. If you want a real man, you can bet he’s looking for a real woman.

It sounds to me like your friend is just suffering from some major insecurity. Why doesn’t she think she’ll meet anyone? Because she doesn’t think she’s good enough/pretty enough/whatever enough to meet someone who will fall in love with her. But girl, that’s so not true! Judging from how kind you are and how much you like her, I’d be willing to bet your friend is a total sweetheart. That should really help move things along, once she gets more comfortable with herself. But even if your friend was awful and a heinous borscht, she would STILL find the right guy for her eventually. Most people don’t end up alone, kiddo. Almost everyone eventually finds a match.

So help your friend get some confidence. Be her wingwoman! Go out together and have some fun: get dressed up, go dancing (or whatever you crazy kids do these days), and talk to some guys. Once she gets comfortable being herself with guys present, she’s bound to attract some good ones. Remind her that it’s not about finding a HUSBAND–men can smell that kind of desperation a mile away. It’s about just having fun and meeting someone she genuinely clicks with, which she’ll only know when she’s able to drop the insecurity and start enjoying meeting people, even when she knows he’s not The One.

And if she’s not married by 28–so what?! There are SO many happy singles out there who don’t get married till their thirties. It’s a new world, baby! Go do it!

Good luck to you, Helpful Friend, and good luck to your Lucky Friend To Have You As A Friend. I hope you can help her get over her insecurity–and have some fun in the process!

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

There are a few unspoken rules that make it acceptable for you see your best friend’s (or guy friend’s) bare ass in certain situations: a dare, a (drunken) hookup, a music festival, or on amateur night at a strip bar.

But in the shower? That might be going a little too far, and one Green Mountain College student agrees. Jennifer Weiler, a Green Mountain freshman, is suing her school for a lack of girls-only bathrooms. And homegirl’s making a pretty good case. I mean, I can count on about three fingers the amount of people I know who would feel comfortable stripping down and jumping in the shower with strangers and hall-mates of the male persuasion. Especially if nothing sexual was being followed.

Some say, “Don’t knock it till you try it,” but I’m pretty sure I don’t need to try showering with my R.A. to know it’s not going to go down well.

What if you’re having a fat day (or year)? Even the most perfect looking person still has the occasional insecure moment about his or her body. And even if you don’t, you might not want that random dude from down the hall knowing about the mole on your left butt cheek.

Personal Maintenance. Seeing a guy shave his face is something I find adorable. However, I don’t think I’d want a guy watching me shave my legs in the sink or worse, listen in as I’m doing some mowing downtown.

The Creep Factor. Guys are handsome creatures and I bet there are some you wouldn’t mind being totally naked in front of. Yet, there are some guys known to be extremely don’t-take-no-for-an-answer-no-thanks-I-don’t-want-you-to-buy-me-that-drink CREEPY. Put them in the shower situation and we have a recipe for trouble. The wandering eyes may possibly turn into wandering hands and then you’re avoiding showers all semester. OK, so maybe I’m jumping to conclusions, but being naked in front of someone you have a gut instinct to run away from isn’t exactly SAFE-CITY.

Number Two. Besides the showering issue, sometimes that cafeteria food just doesn’t sit well. And running to the bathroom to relieve yourself becomes a pretty awkward situation when the guy from your History class is sitting in the stall next door reading the sports section. And he recognizes your feet.

Boys smell. Call me immature, but it’s true.  Somehow, guys find humor in farting on each other and things of the sort. Being caught in a fart battle when all you want to do is wash your hands is not my idea of a fun time.  That’s why, in public places, they have a room reserved just for the smelly and weird interests of guys. It’s called the “Men’s Room.”

When you’re living in a dorm, there is very little privacy. Sometimes the only alone time you get is standing under the hot water (in your flip flops) in the shower. Is it so wrong that you’d like to do that without fear that you might come face to face with a naked guy?

What is he thinking?!

Got a little question for Tuffy Luv? She’s got a little answer for you! Email questions to TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com for a chance to be featured in the Tuffster’s column.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

So, I have a cozy, late-night nookie friend.

We’re not overly compatible in the sobering light of day, and we’re both unusually insecure, so the unspoken rule seems to be every couple of weeks or more. Emails are sporadic and sweet, for reasons that any of you who’ve ever binged on ice cream before or heard the chorus of the Elliott Smith song “Ballad of Big Nothing” will know.

I disappeared this summer, so falling back into a routine feels like navigating the bumpy straits of first acquaintance all over again. We’ve only seen each other three times this fall, but a few weeks ago, maybe moved by birthday drinks or the card that I sent him, he sent me an email telling me to barge in whenever I felt like it.

Yesterday I favorited three of his photos on flickr after he sent me a link to them (I don’t do much favoriting or flickring), did some back-and-forthing on gmail (felt reminiscent of my lame puppy crush days), and took off on my bike for his house after he invited me to come over and continue the conversation in person. I didn’t send him any kind of confirmation message, figuring it would be a nicer surprise just to show up.

All his lights were on, but he wasn’t there.

Asleep? Passed out? Gone for a walk? I called and left a short, gloomy message lacking in the appropriate nonchalance. Then I went home.

Now I just feel kind of embarrassed. Should I be?

Yours,
Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Tuffy can’t help but be moved by the eloquence and odd self-referentialism of your letter. So, let’s do this.

Quickly, to get it out of the way: No, I don’t think you should be embarrassed. He invited you over. You showed up (albeit, unannounced). He wasn’t prepared. (Perhaps, as you say, he was asleep? Or maybe he was just nakey or something and was too flustered to get it together to come greet you at the door.) I think this was just a minor mis-communication. Sometimes surprises don’t work out that well. No big deal.

I also don’t think you should be embarrassed by the overly-enthusiastic message you say you left. He’s probably, in fact, already called you back at the time of this posting. If not, perhaps he was just too shy to return it.

Which brings me to what I actually want to say about your letter. I’m mostly worried about the idea that the two of you are “both unusually insecure.” Because, you know, that’s actually exactly what’s holding you back.

For those of you who do not have access to either the CollegeCandy Tuffy Luv email or Rachel’s computer, the subject of the email was: “overthinking my friendship with benefits?” To that end, girl, yes, you are. At least the way things are going now. You hook up every couple of weeks and that’s that.

But!

You seem to actually like each other (birthday cards, sweet emails, Flickr favoriting or whatever you crazy kids are doing these days), so I don’t see why you aren’t dating. You both seem to be clumsily attempting to move into that space, but both of your insecurities are getting in the way. It’s like college-age Woody Allens trying to date each other. And you seem like such a cool girl, so I hate to see that go down.

Unfortch, there’s no magic potion for getting over being insecure. Except, you know, getting older and ceasing to worry that people are judging you. Because usually they’re too busy judging themselves. And if they are judging you, chances are they’re too miserable to really matter.

So: cut that shiz out!!! Get over yourself and call him up and propose a hangout. If it doesn’t work out, whatever – it’s not like you’ll be losing some great friendship. But if it does work out, well, wouldn’t that be nice?

Best, Rach!

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

I can finally say it: we’re in the thick of summer. My days are now devoted to lying out on my back porch, tackling the one assignment a week my online summer class requires and dealing with my parents.

Yep, I’m back home.

Even though my parents are legitimately insane (and anal about everything), there have been some real obvious perks about shacking up here for the summer.

Case in point: All those hot guys from high school I haven’t seen in 3+ years? Yeah, they’re here, too.

So, I did what any horny (..and lonely) girl who’s home from her college town for an extended period of time with no job and/or source of income would do: I called up (and by called up I mean, Facebook-messaged) a cute guy from my neighborhood. And we hung out and hit it off right away.

Hanging out with someone new is always exciting. I absolutely thrive off those first few weeks of a budding relationship when all I can think about is the other person and wonder if he’s thinking about me, too. I love anxiously waiting for that phone call or text message after the first date that seals the deal that you two might have a future together. I LOVE IT, LOVE IT.

Well, I didn’t get that this time.

This guy – however charming, attractive & intelligent he may be – did not give me any sort of chase. In fact, he became what every girl (and guy) dreads: a stage five clinger. After we hung out one night, said dude thought it was okay to text me multiple times a day. He also thought that if I didn’t respond to those text messages, maybe I’d respond to multiple phone calls. In a row.

Yeah, it got pretty bad. I became extremely freaked out. But, he is still cute and smart, so I decided to continue to see him. He is absolutely amazing in person – even if he does want to see me like, all day, everyday.

So, since I’m going through this kind of sitch as we speak, I thought I could offer some sound advice to any of you other CCers out there dealing with a clingy dude:

1. First and foremost, be honest with him about your feelings. I actually had to sit down with this guy and explain to him that I was not into him texting me 10+ times a day (unless he had Verizon Wireless, too. Maybe then we could’ve worked out a deal). It actually wasn’t as awkward or awful as I thought it would be and he seemed to take it pretty well. He apologized for his, um, “excitability factor” and promised to back off the keypad for a bit. Sometimes people can surprise you.

2. Understand that people have different ideas of “clingy.” Some people need lots of space, while others are perfectly fine with others being all up in their business all the time. I am the former, an extremely private person who cherishes and needs my alone time. I realized quickly, though, that Mr. Clinger, was not like me. He actually treated his friends the same way he treated me – with multiple texts and phone calls a day. I think society teaches us that men are supposed to want their space, but this isn’t always necessarily true. Talk to him about what he feels is an adequate amount of time spent texting, talking to and seeing each other a week. If your ideas don’t match, at least you’ll know before he gets TOO attached and starts to stalk you and/or your friends. I decided that after dealing with some extreme d-bags recently who couldn’t have cared less what I was up to all day, having a clinger didn’t seem quite so bad.

3. Know that things can change. Sometimes one person falls harder for another right off the bat. Mr. Clinger might meet you, decide you’re amazing (cause, well, you are) and know right away that he wants you to himself. Guys are very visually-oriented: If they see something they want, they will go after it – sometimes with a little more vigor than us ladies can handle. After you get to know your clinger a little better, you might find yourself falling for him, too and then that hourly communication might not be so bad anymore.

4. Encourage him to cultivate his own interests. If you’re already in a relationship with a clinger, or his clinginess comes on later in the game, it might be due to his insecurity about your relationship. Remind him that you care about him, but encourage him to go out and do things that he used to like. Obviously you were attracted to him for a reason, so remind him of those things you liked and support him in whatever “solo” activities he wants to participate in. Check your own clinginess, too. Usually relationships work best when both partners have a similar level of neediness.

5. But if you can’t take it, don’t. Even though your opinion of clinger could change, don’t try to force yourself to feel something you don’t. Clingy guys (or people, in general) are normally only viewed that way because they are way more into you than you are into them. I got lucky with my clinger and he turned out to be an alright dude after his initial fascination with me wore off. However, some dudes really are straight up creeps and/or future abusive boyfriends. If seeing his name on your caller ID still makes you squeamish after a few dates, do yourself and him a favor and wave his clingy ass goodbye.

6. And last but not least, if he doesn’t listen to you – Run for the hills! Since you’re here at CC, I can assume you’re a pretty smart lady. If you feel that you’ve been given some definite red flags and you’ve talked to dude about his clinginess (or even tried to end things) but he still won’t back off – you might have to do something drastic. Quit answering his calls and texts completely. Block him on Facebook. Avoid places you think you might see him for awhile. File a restraining order. Kidding. Kinda.

Following in the footsteps of VH1′s The Pick Up Artist, comes a similar You-Suck-At-Dating-So-Let’s-Fix-Your-Flaws-Before-You-Start-Throwing-Birthday-Parties-For-Your-Cats show. This time, we watch as GIRLS get some harsh reality about what we do that turn off the MEN. Hosted by the ever beautiful and brutally honest Steve Ward, a master matchmaker and easy-on-the-eyes male, this show follows eight single ladies looking for love as they journey through a “Tough Love Boot Camp.”

Each episode will revolve around one theme and include a Dating 101 class, a field exercise (a date!), and end with a group therapy session where one girl is chosen for doing the worst. Unlike The Pick Up Artist, nobody gets booted off, but the worst contestant will get an embarrassing critique during therapy. This is good news for us viewers because we get to learn some lessons along with the girls (finally, a reality show that’s actually useful!), but thankfully don’t have to do it on national TV!

With issues ranging from trust, intimacy, communication, ex-boyfriends, and the infamous text-aholism, Steve works with these ladies to break their bad habits in hopes of finding The One. Each girl has a classic case of Chase-A-Guy-Away-itis and is nicknamed for their main issue. I’m sure we can all find one girl we relate to the most, so I challenge you to follow your sistah’s progress. Learn some lessons along with your favorite gal and root for her to find love. So, which girl are you?

Abiola (Miss Picky) – The self-proclaimed Princess whose standards are so high that she critiques guys based on a 10 point scale. Props to her for being an independant diva, but will she learn to give guys a chance or continue to write them off before even learning their last name?

Arian (Miss Party Girl) – A former stripper and hardcore partier who dates by a “two week” rule, this chica is dealing with some daddy issues. Claiming that all men are unfaithful, she protects herself by immediately airing her dirty laundry in hopes that a guy will stay with her despite her flaws. Her penchant for TMI and overly-sexual nature keeps decent guys at arms length.

Jacklyn (Miss Wedding Obsessed) – This 23 year old, small-town, wannabe bride is terrified that her “clock is ticking” and hopes to be married by 25. Having already chosen her wedding dress, centerpieces, invitations and photographer, this commitment-minded Southern Belle scares guys off like Jennifer Aniston!

Jessa (Miss Too Much Too Soon) – This insecure textaholic smothers guys with her obsessive nature. Taking pics of them in their sleep, over-analyzing every word and stalking their Facebooks have the men running for the hills. Will she take Steve’s advice and finally learn how to enjoy the moment?

Jody (Miss Lone Ranger) – This 30 year old has found total success in the workplace, but has no one at home to share it with. Too much focus on work and no play has left this hard worker alone and lonely. Although a wonderful role model for goal-oriented girls, can she stop obsessing about work and make time for a real relationship?

Natasha (Miss Fixing The Wrong Guys) – Suffering from the Nurse Curse, she is attracted to men with issues and hopes to be the one girl who can change him for the better. Being too nice and caring, she allows these hot messes to walk all over her.

Stasha (Miss Ball Buster) – This former Playmate’s alpha female attitude and constant bragging intimidates every single guy she meets. Her harsh, critical and upfront demeanor are her way of putting up walls to keep out “losers.” Can this self-proclaimed “sheep in wolves clothing” let down her guard and let in her match?

Taylor (Miss Gold Digger) – A get-what-I-want Daddy’s girl, this unapologetic bitch won’t settle for anything less than “the finer things in life.” Claiming that guys are intimidated by her looks and the attention she gets, she lets her shallow standards do the talking.

Can you relate to any of these ladies? If not, congratulations, but some of us may still be wondering why we’re single. Though these girls do have great things to offer, their issues are stopping them just short of finding true love. Let’s watch as they break down their walls, correct their mistakes and let Steve use an electrocution device to zap away their bad habits. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride…

(Show airs Sundays at 10PM, so watch and come back Monday morning for a recap!)

“Do you ever just chill out?” A friend recently asked me, as I checked my email on my phone during a lunch date. “I mean, we’re at a diner.”

“I need to make sure the email I sent in to my professor made it. And if my internship got back to me about possibly skipping Monday…” I could have kept talking about what I needed to do, but the waiter was setting down a delicious plate of hummus and stuffed grape leaves. I cannot deny a good stuffed grape leaf.

My diner friend isn’t the first person to point out how much I work, how busy I keep my schedule. Moving forward in my career has always been a giant part of my life.

But these days, it’s an even bigger part. Why? Because the moment I calm down is the moment I realize work is just about the only thing I’ve got.

I push myself in grad school, on the job, in my internship, and with outside work because it keeps my mind busy. The more I have to do during the day (and at night), the less time I have to realize my relationship life, my financial stability, and my overall comfort with my place in…society, basically…is much less than stable.

Right before I drift off to sleep (and by “drift” I mean “lie in bed for about an hour before I finally go unconscious”) is when my mind comes after me. There’s no paper to write, no phone call to take, no email to open, and so my insecurities are free to take over.

Why the hell can’t you find a dude to make you happy?

Probably, you could loose about 5 pounds.

Now, while I freely admit that I have the type of personality that thrives on being busy, I also freely admit that those midnight thoughts are a big reason I don’t spend a lot of time chilling out. Some nights, when I come home, dripping exhaustion and barely able to kick off my uncomfortable shoes and throw something together for dinner, I wonder if there’s anyone else out there who wishes people understood some of the vulnerable reasons why she’s so driven.

So…ladies…are you out there?