Yes, I have a problem.

But there are some things about technology that drive me crazy. Mostly, the things other people do (because I’m perfect). Things that make me truly hate the person enough to un-friend them. And not just on Facebook. And I’m not just talking about sending me invites to awful Facebook applications (“Send me a drink!”) or people who confuse “your” and “you’re” in a status update; I’m talking about real technology offenders.

So here is my personal list of 5 technological straws that break this tech camel’s back:

1. Mass Text Messages: It is totally cute and thoughtful of you to think of me on a holiday, an anniversary or when you pass by something that reminds you of me (like the vibrator store…seriously), but not so much when I find out that 14 other people happened to get the same thoughtful message. Why do we all remind you of vibrators? Wasn’t that our thing?

2. Plans via Text: I love texting. It’s a pretty benign form of communication when you wanna flirt and the perfect way to talk sh*t about someone who happens to be in the same room. What I don’t like is when you try and make plans with me via text when it would take 1/100th of the time to do it on the phone. If it is going to take more than 3 texts, call me! You’re giving me carpal tunnel and bumping up my phone bill.

3. The “Ok” text: Speaking of annoying text etiquette…maybe you don’t pay per text message, but I DO. There is no need to respond to my “I’ll be there in 5″ text with an “Ok.” That “Ok” just cost me $.10, so cough it up, chump.

4. Un-funny away messages: I know that I have really high expectations for the people in my life when it comes to humor, but if there is one thing that gets totally under my skin it is people who put up status/away messages that just aren’t funny. I am not reading your away message because I care what your class schedule is; I’m reading it because I’m procrastinating on a paper (or bored on the toilet) and need to be entertained. If I liked you enough to care where you were at any given moment (or to care that your bus was 26 minutes late this morning and it’s going to be a really bad day), I would know about it. Trust me.

5. People who answer the phone when they can’t talk: Seriously? Did you have to pick up the phone in the movie and whisper, “I’m in a movie. I can’t talk!”?  Not only are you annoying the people around you, but you’re annoying me. I don’t want to sit there and listen to your whispers/imagine your hot breath on my ear. Ew. Just don’t answer it.  That is why god invented voicemail.

The New York Times is reporting on a new study of American media consumption that says the average person spends 8.5 hours every day in front of some sort of media screen (television, computer, cellphone, etc.). If you think about it in terms of your average day, that is a HUGE portion of your time. More than the average night of sleep, more than a day spent at the office, probably more than you study or even go to class. Math may not be my strong point, but I figured that we are devoting more than one-third of our entire day to media exposure.

The study also organized data by age group to show, among other things, that “18-to-24-year-olds — generally college students and new entrants into the work force — watch the smallest amount of live TV of any age group (three and a half hours a day).” While television isn’t at the top of a college student’s to-do list, text messaging and watching videos online are.

This new information got me thinking about what our media choices say about us. We already know that if you are text messaging a total of 29 minutes a day, you probably fall into the age bracket of a college student. But what else does it say? Is my character defined by my loyalty to a specific brand of media? I like to think so, so here is my professional opinion on what your media preferences say about you:

The text messager is the always on the go. You choose to take your media with you wherever  your travels take you. Your messages are short and to the point and grammar isn’t a priority. You’re on the cutting edge of new technology to look for smaller, more efficient keyboards. Unlimited messaging plans are all you will tolerate.

The Facebooker is the social butterfly. You are keeping in touch with old friends and always on the lookout for new ones. You remember birthdays and don’t hesitate to express your warmest wishes on the walls of loved ones and strangers alike.

The e-mailer is classic and nostalgic. With the fast pace of ever changing technology, email has been your rock. You still welcome those three comforting words “You’ve got mail” and stick to what you know best.

The Twitterer is trendy and perhaps celebrity obsessed. You start off your day with an inspirational message from Diddy before adding your 140 character update to let the world know you are eating a breakfast burrito. You appreciate the little things in life, even if they are short fragmented sentences.

The Youtuber enjoys a good chuckle every now and then. You use your searching skills to find the most ridiculous nonsense the internet has to offer. Whether its a cat in a cardboard box or a drag queen singing show tunes, you’ll tune in for some quick entertainment.

The Instant Messenger is a muti-tasking force not to be reckoned with. You can focus on multiple tabs and windows without breaking a sweat. You like to stay organized and keep all your friends in one place, and instant messenger can meet all your demands.

Where do you fall? I think I’m somewhere between a Twitterer and an Instant Messanger.

Below is my list of the top five ways to dump someone. If any of these have happened to you, I feel for you sister; I really do.

1. Instant Message. A friend of mine was recently dumped via AIM. By her boyfriend of six months. Six freaking months and he didn’t have the decency to do this in person. The last time I was broken up with on instant messenger was in 8th grade, and even then it was barely acceptable. Any self respecting male over the age of 15 should muster up enough cojones to do their dirty work in person. Douchebags.

2. Text (Rusty Cartwright style). This method is highly unrealistic, at least in my experience. For me there would be no confirmation; the jerk would just disappear off the face of the earth until I ran into him at 1 am in sweatpants at the library. Still, the guy who employs this tactic is a little bitch, in my own humble opinion. If you are ever or ever have been dumped in this manner (or the aforementioned AIM breakup) then you probably don’t need me to tell you that honey, you are waaaay better off without that prick.

3. Burning gasoline on your front lawn spelling out “IT’S OVER. I’M LEAVING YOU FOR YOUR LAST EX-BOYFRIEND”. That’s probably just an irrational fear but Christ, wouldn’t that one suck?

4. Facebook Notification. This one has happened to me. It hits like a wave of confusion and denial. For some odd reason, the crazy folks at Facebook have incorrectly notified you (and the entire universe, thanks to Newsfeed) that you are suddenly single. Uh, what? You immediately call to tell your significant other of this insanity, but they don’t answer. Ever again.

5. Face-to-Face. AKA: The Old Fashioned Way. Because breakups always always suck. At least he was man enough to have a conversation with you, explain his twisted logic as to why he would leave you (because you, dear reader, are the best that he will ever get!) and give you the opportunity to say your piece about how you feel. But it’s still a break up, therefore it still hurts–but that’s what your girlfriends, Ben & Jerry and mindless E! programming are for. Besides, you were too good for him anyways.

So have any of you ever been broken up with in any of these ways? What creative/cowardly/douchey ways to dump someone did I leave out?