Dear Dude,

Honestly, are guys truly intimidated by smart girls?  I’m an “A” student with glasses. Yet, while I’m stuck by myself mulling over the tenets of existentialism, the ditzy girls are getting the fellows’ attention.  I’m confused.  I thought that you guys didn’t want girls to play dumb.  I’m never mean, and I while I participate in class, I do shut up.  So, what’s up with this?  Are the glasses some sort of turnoff?

Sincerely,
Ol’ Four Eyes

Dear Ol’ Four Eyes

Ok, to be brutally honest….yes, guys are intimidated by smart girls. Yes, we tend to prefer bimbos who give very little resistance to our warped perception that we are the most perfect beings on earth. But you know what? Men can be morons. Every single man that passes you up (an intelligent girl with substance) will regret it one day. The majority of my friends still playing the “dumb and done” game with women are miserable (dealing with the high-maintenance, mood swing, boring-dinner-table-convo side effects that come with their choices).

To be viciously honest, men like it easy. We wish that we could live our lives without ever having to do laundry (and sometimes we get pretty darn close to this goal), ever having to battle through various levels of a video game (I still swear I’m just having one, endlessly bad round), and without ever having to work to get laid. The easier a woman is to have around (and the less we have to grow up, man up and work hard to be in her presence), the better. But guess what? A lucky few men will grow out of this phase (and an even luckier few will never be a part of it). There are some men out there (the ones who are actually worth your time), who will find your glasses sexy, who will listen to what you have to say, and better yet…will love that you’re smarter than them.

This is the guy you want to find. This is the guy who will become a better man by being around you (as a direct result of your proximity, intelligence love… not by a hidden agenda of trying to change someone). Don’t waste your time worrying about if the mass population of men deem you sexy. Just be yourself, loosen up around your peers (and in class), and share that sexy smart wealth with everyone. But do us a favor? Leave us that small amount of wiggle room to still believe that we’re as smart as you (even if we’re not), and don’t completely crush our fragile egos with a verbal beat down on any given subject. And most of all? Remember to shut up less, speak up (and enjoy yourself) more… and everything else will follow.

The Dude of Dudes

[Got a question for Mr. Dude? (And, no, that doesn't include asking him out; homeboy is taken!) Ask it: askthedude@collegecandy.com. He won't sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. He'll be 100% real dude, 100% of the time. So bring it on, ladies.]

"Oh, I'm kicking that guy's ass? Poor guy..."

There are some things you should always apologize for, like being late to meet a friend, bumping into someone on the street, or accidentally running over your ex-boyfriend’s foot with your car (whoops).

But there are also some things that, as a woman, you shouldn’t have to say sorry for.  I don’t care what anyone says, but you should not be left feeling guilty for any of the following.

Beating a Guy at Sports: Sunk the winning shot in a battle of the sexes?  Poker faced your way to a win?  We’ve all been told not to beat men at sports so we don’t bruise their precious egos, but this is also not 1950, so don’t hold back and don’t apologize.

Bypassing Lines at Clubs: Don’t let the haters have you giving looks of remorse as the velvet ropes are lifted.  Flaunt it if you’ve got it!

Intelligence: Today’s “role models” may cultivate dumb blonde stereotypes, but a woman who hides her intelligence is not attractive.  Be proud of your smarts and don’t shy away from speaking your mind!

PMS: I’m not saying storm around like a juiced-up Godzilla, but don’t apologize for being a little testy when it’s the time of the month.  It’s not our fault Eve ate that apple, so curl up in the fetal position and bitch away.

Your Twilight Obsession: Don’t be ashamed that you obsess over a man that sparkles.  Who cares if you’re over the age of 16 and in love with Edward?

Supposedly, those with low Emotional Intelligence (EI) suffer from female orgasmic disorder more than emotionally “in tune” ladies. The evidence? A study in which a thousand sets of twins were emotionally and sexually monitored (asked how often they achieved orgasm during sex) showed a link between EI range and frequency of orgasm.

Researchers say this is promising news, and suggest that those of us who can’t achieve the big O during intercourse should begin therapy in order to correct our emotional ineptitude. Because, it’s obviously our emotional issues—not our guy’s sexual skills—that are keeping us from getting off.

Now, I’m not saying that there aren’t some females out there who could use a little help in the orgasm department, but I am saying that an orgasm is a two-way street and no amount of intelligence, or emotional stability, can make up for a lack of male bedroom talent. Maybe there is nothing emotionally wrong with those ladies being studied and they simply suffer from bad taste in sexual partners. Perhaps instead of getting into therapy, then, these women should find a guy who doesn’t finish in 3 humps or require a road map to find the clitoris.

That said, it does seem intuitive that intelligence, or at least confidence, could make a big difference for your sex drive. But isn’t that kind of—um—obvious?

When it comes to sex, we are wayyyy too picky. Compared to the rest of the animal kingdom, humans have the most criteria for choosing a mate by far. Think about it – our selection process goes much further than “Wow, you’ve got some pretty colorful tail feathers there. Wanna screw?”

What is it that makes us consider so many characteristics of one person before deciding to have any sort of sexual relations with them? And why do those characteristics even matter? Now I ain’t no scientist, but I thought I’d give it my best shot and try to decipher this most peculiar of selection processes.

The Looks: First and foremost, you want your “mate” to be attractive. That one’s a given – nobody wants to hook up with somebody they find repulsive (unless alcohol is impairing their judgment, of course). Even animals look for companions that have characteristics they want to pass on to their young. But in a day in age where most of us don’t want to think about, let alone have, our own babies, why should looks even matter? Bragging rights, perhaps?

The Intelligence: Although this isn’t a make-or-break-er, I would imagine that most of us would rather not spend time conversing with someone with the intelligence of a pick axe. However, for the most part, one’s IQ cannot be inherited by offspring. In the animal kingdom, however, dim-witted animals eventually get weeded out by natural processes (ie. running towards, not away from, a pack of hyenas). Do we factor in intelligence as our own form of “natural selection,” or are we just hoping that intelligence will someday equal money?

The Car (among other things): Even if you think your love don’t cost a thang, you can’t deny the perks of having a wealthy beau. The scientific world may justify this as the desire to be with somebody who can “take care” of us. Instead of looking for mates that can beat up the entire jungle in our defense, however, we now look for people that can help us survive in our present environment. Well that, plus the fact that you look pretty H-O-T-T in a Mercedez.

The Personality: Now here’s the one I just don’t get. Most claim personality as the most important factor in picking a significant other, but there really is no evolutionary purpose behind this. Since most male species tend to bone, pop out a few babies, and peace out, we really are unique in this criterion. Maybe it’s the fact that we don’t want to spend long periods of time with people that drive us insane? Or is it just our own native instinct that tells us to wait for the one we love? Let me know what you think!

I never thought that my innate intellectual prowess was affecting anything but my ability to make the Dean’s list. According to one Lisa Daily, though, I might be wrong. Being a smart and sexy female comes with its own catalog of setbacks, including the inability to find a man to love for life.

Basically, according to this article from the author of “Stop Getting Dumped: All you need to know to make men fall madly in love with you and marry ‘The One’ in 3 years or less”, smart chicks are less likely than their dense counterparts to snag a marriage license (and the man to go with it). Studies conducted in both Britain and the U.S. showed the same ludicrous results: the higher the woman’s IQ, the lower her marriage prospects.

Wait, what?! You mean, men don’t want women who can actually hold a real conversation about real issues? No freakin way.

Okay, actually, who am I kidding? I totally saw that one coming. But it’s not really their fault. The male decision to date dumb (and the female decision to “marry up”) is a matter of simple biology. Stats show that men want women who are younger, dumber and shorter. And, conveniently, most women want to find the best possible mate to raise the little ones. This generally means someone who is taller, smarter and older. Another big reason men want airheads? One theory is that men desire a wife who will stay at home, watch the kids and clean his dirty socks. And obvi, us smart b*tches will have none of that Holly Homemaker crap.

Men might also be afraid that their smart sphinx will go astray. A study conducted at the University of Michigan showed that men like to date women in subservient occupations because women in higher-level jobs seem more likely to cheat. And the theory is that men are biologically-charged to do pretty much anything possible to eliminate the need to raise kids that they did not, um, produce, which means staying far away from women who might commit adultery.

So what does this mean for women who can not only solve quadratic equations, but also want a hot hubby to come home to? Daily says not to worry, ‘cause there is somebody out there for everybody.

Basically, no matter how smart you think you are, there’s always someone – like, your future husband – who is smarter.

And setting up means lysoling the room afterward because Myammee tells Flav how good his room smells upon entering. His hair was 8 feet tall when he answered the door and then under a rag after lysoling every inch of his room – did he really poo and do his hair all in that time?

Bunz is on the phone and she’s $100 short for her monthly bills and who’s on the phone with her? She tells Hotlanta about her money woes and I can’t hear any of their conversation because Bunz is smoking the longest cigarette ever.

Now, I can’t quite tell when this goes down – my guess is the next day – but Rayna calls the house. Seezinz answers to hear Rayna all “tell Flav to watch his grill” and “I’m mad at all of them.” Uh – move on? Get a job?

Big Rick calls the girls down for Flav’s “Total Package Contest.” Each girl will pick a name out of a bag or one of Flav Noid hats to determine who will compete in each category; winner keeps on competing and the loser sits on the loser bench. Last one standing wins.

Challenge 1: Class. Oooh, boy. The Things get picked from the hat and they think that they are classier than Hotlanta. I beg to differ. They have to eat pate, foie gras and brains. $3500 worth. Each plate. Thing 1 is gonna eat because she’s the hungriest. Hotlanta pukes. Things win.

Challenge 2: Hotness. Myammee’s chosen and she thinks that she’s hotter than Bunz. They change into bikinis and jump on trampolenes and jump rope because the one with the highest body temperature is the winner. Myammee wins.

Challenge 3: Mothering skills. Seezinz names come out of the crowd and she thinks that she’s a better mother than Prancer. They have to dress a dummie, get him lunch, put on his clock and get him to the bus stop. Prancer can take better care of the dummie and wins it.

Challenge 4: Spirituality. Things get chosen again and they think that they are more spiritual than Myammee. Who is 3/4 naked. Thing 2 leads a bad one minute sermon and they are preaching to the choir – really, a choir. Myammee is silent at first. Silence can be spiritual. But she preaches and the choir sings the verdict. Myammee wins. Can the choir just sing for the rest of the hour?

Challenge 5: Luck. Why is this a challenge? Shy thinks that she’s luckier than Sinceer. They have to play a game of blackjack. Can Sinceer count? Why can’t you ever be the drunk ho that you said you were in episode two? Shy wins.

On the loser bench, Bunz talks about her money issues. Careful what you say…

Challenge 6: Intelligence. Prancer thinks that she’s smarter than Shy. Professor Rhuel/Ruehl has a PhD in some smarty science and he’s going to give a lecture to them and then each girl has to explain his lecture.

Both of them have never watched any of those Carl Sagan cosmos shows because Shy said that in 4.5 billion years that the sun will blow up. Um, no, that’s not how a star dies. Prancer wins.

Challegen 7: Christ, finally. Prancer vs. Myammee for the win. Flav needs a girl to protect his skinny ass. They have to save a blow up Flav from an earthquake. Why is blow up Flav in a pool? Myammee says, “I’d do anything for Flav but I can’t get my hair wet.”

So, yeah, guess you wouldn’t do “anything.” She ends up getting her hair and eyelashes wet – what’s the big deal about the lashes? – but Prancer wins because Myammee is frozen in the water once the hair gets wet. I don’t even understand that enough to make fun of it.

Ring, ring. Some dude tells Shy that Myammee owes him $1000. Like Rayna didn’t set that sh*t up. How would anyone not involved with that show know their Flav names before the show hit the air? Things, why are you the stupid asses who believe all of that?

Bunz gets caught on the phone saying that she wants to go home. Well, go take care of your family, yo.

Prancer and Flav go on a solo date that is so boring that I won’t bother explaining it here. She does tell Flav about the phone call and there’s going to be a Flavestigation.

[America's Best Dance Crew is on right now and I looooov Kaba Modern or however you spell it. I wanna watch them. Instead I'm watching this. On Easter. Good thing that there was a Flav choir on this episode since that is all of the religion that I am actually able to handle]

Prancer and Flav get back to the house and they can hear the banshees screaming. Shy’s freaking out and Seezinz says NOTHING about what she knows. Why is Shy always fighting with the other girls? You are still not New York. Shy’s cousin died after she was threatened once. Um, this guy knows your Flav name. You’re safe. I promise.

Flav sits Shy and some other girls down to get their story but the green mist emanating from Shy’s mouth is destroying him. Ha.

[Flav's hair is braided into horns. It's braided. To form horns. And he paid someone to do that. On purpose. Sorry, I just am trying to wrap my head around all of that]

Sinceer and Things tell Flav that Bunz and Myammee need to go because they aren’t there for Flav. Hellooo – NO ONE is there for Flav. Flav’s not even there for Flav. Christ. Bunz gets questioned by Flav. I like that she’s in a hoochie dress and fuzzy slippers. Bunz says that eveyrone twisted her words and blah blah no one cares about you. OMG, I’m watching this on a holiday.

Flav plans something to allow Myammee to come clean. He gave her a clock of immunity and she cries and tells him about modeling and some website and working for Hooters. How many Hooters employees ended up in this house? He wants the clock back because the call about which she knew nothing doesn’t come up.

Eliminations: Is Flav’s hair green? No. It’s multicolored. And was it just not braided? He’s obviously wearing a wig and Myammee’s dressed like a Solid Gold dancer.

He calls down Bunz – Courtney – and tells her to go home to deal with her kids. Makes sense.

How much longer can the Things be considered one person? Also, Sinceer’s forehead grows with each episode.

It’s down to Shy and Myammee and because she didn’t tell Flav about the call that RAYNA set up, Angela/Myammee is out. Ooooooh, the reunion’s going to be good.

Shy goes down for her clock and Flav tells her that he can’t connect with her because her breath is so stank. Big Rick and I are laughing uncontrollably. I love Big Rick.

Shy takes her dis pretty well though.

Next time: Calendar shoot with Saaphyri and Becky/Buckwild. Also…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….

The most recent study comes from scientists at the University of Pittsburgh and the University of California, Santa Barbara, who used data from a study of 16,000 women and girls. Details of their body measurements and their scores in cognitive tests were collected.

The results? Women with a greater difference between the waist and hips scored significantly higher on the tests, as did their children.

These findings are great, but how can this actually be true?

Slate does a wonderful job of breaking down the different theories and showing why they are just that–theories, and their take on it is copied below.

Theories:

1) Hip fat contains omega3 acids, which promote “growth of the brain during pregnancy” and “could improve the woman’s own mental abilities,” whereas waist fat has more omega6 acids, “which are less suited to brain growth.”

2) Teen mothers produce dumber kids because they’re thinner and deficient in omega3. 3) Men like curvy women due to “the double enticement of both an intelligent partner and an intelligent child.”

Skeptical reactions:

1) The omega3 theory is pure speculation.

2) Diet and class are more plausible explanations.

3) Men don’t care that much about waist-to-hip ratio.

So, all in all, you can’t take these findings to be tried and true scientific fact, by any mean. But, in my opinion, I would much rather be bombarded with stories like this from the media, instead of ones like this that say being even a bit overweight can kill you.

That’s just depressing.

OMG! No U Ddnt!

I’ve never been the biggest fan of text messaging. I still have one of those phones where you have to press a thousand different keys get the letters you want, and since everything is so damn small, squinting is the only way to make sure I’m saying the right things.

Plus, I’ve never understood why someone would text instead of call unless A) they’re somewhere that inhibits phone usage or B) they don’t want to hear the other person’s voice.

These opinions of mine are in the minority, though. I’m well aware of how much this country is in love with text messaging. Just like that crazy AOL Instant Messenger took hold of my generation years ago, text messaging is slowly becoming our primary form of communication as well as a way to make shitloads of cash.

It isn’t all good, however. A few people are worried that text messaging is making us stupid. According to some, there is a part of academia that believes our skills in the area of abbreviation and quick fingers are seriously infringing our paper writing abilities. Technology has such a big impact on us, they suggest, that soon we won’t be able to differentiate between a tiny cell phone screen and a 15 page research paper.

I understand their fear, and maybe an idiot here and there might try to sneak a few “LOLs” and “IMOs” into a paper, but worrying that an entire country of young people is slowly succumbing to text speak is a bit schizophrenic. Dumb people are going to write dumb things no matter what year it is. I’m sure there were losers in 1440 scrawling incomprehensible sentences on their chalk slates—should we have blamed the invention of the printing press for that?

I think it’s safe to say that you can continue texting without the fear of bad grammar and spelling slowly seeping into your brain. Just because you take shortcuts on your Verizon Mobile doesn’t mean you’re going to suddenly and inexplicably start typing “U” instead of “You”. Unless you’re stupid. If you’re stupid…well, be afraid.

B Vry Afrd!

Case in point: