This past weekend, Kelly and her girlfriends visited a downtown bar to spice up their usually predictable nighttime routine. As the drinks poured, their vision blurred. Eventually, a group of cute MBA students in the area approached the college seniors.

Kelly began chatting it up with John, a cute but slightly nerdy part of the pack. He had graduated from a prestigious Ivy League university, was absolutely adorable, and seemed perfect in most senses of the term. One thing led to another and three vodka sodas later, Kelly was standing outside the bar making out with John.

The next day, Kelly and her roommate woke up with headaches. These were partially due to the over-sugared cocktails they consumed all night, but also because they had no idea who these MBA-men were. What were their names? What was their deal? Who on earth had Kelly made out with and why did he have the most generic name ever?

Several years ago, these questions would have remained unanswered. And the only way to discover the identities of said men would be to invest in some ski masks and physically stalk them, which is not only creepy but borderline illegal. In 2010, though, stalking is now more socially acceptable and easy. Thanks to the invention of several social media and search engine sites, the girls simply picked up their laptops and got to work.

Facebook
When you don’t know someone’s full name, but you know their networks (college info, job info, etc.), you can easily find someone online. But in the case of generic names, such as John, this search can be too difficult.

But don’t give up. Good stalkers never quit! Think hard. Do you remember any of his friends’ names? You do? Good! Simply type in their info, click on their friends and search John. Bingo, you think you found him. But, you’re not positive. Also, it may be crossing a line to friend him. So, what do you do?

Google
Pop his name in the search box and click “Go!” (And don’t forget to do an image search for verification…or to show your friends how “hot the guy I made out with is!”) Sometimes you’ll get awesome results, citing his college athletic career, role on the school newspaper, or some published study he recently conducted. Other times, you’ll just get simple links to various social networking accounts, like the girls did in the case of John.

LinkedIn
If public, your stalkee’s profile is a goldmine of information to create a general picture of his character. Simply by searching his name, the girls found out that John was a pretty smart guy. He had attended undergrad, graduate school, and was now getting his MBA. (He also happened to be 32 years old. Yikes.)

Change Up The Order
If you know your target’s full name and can’t find them on Facebook, start on LinkedIn. Oftentimes, they will use their full name on LinkedIn but not necessarily on Facebook. Once you find them here, grab their email address and paste that bad boy into Facebook. Boom. Target located. If you’re lucky, his profile won’t be private.

Even better, try putting that same email address into Twitter. An online stalker’s dream, if your target uses Twitter, you can see what he’s up to in real (AKA creeper) time without ever even following him.

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These four sites are about all you need to properly and secretly internet stalk someone. So, practice up and hone your skills!

Just remember: a good internet stalker never reveals her discoveries. That’s for the amateurs.

Before I entered the world of adult dating, I didn’t really understand the importance of these factors in forming a new relationship. My lovely older sister used to lose her mind when her boyfriend (now husband)’s ex was mentioned, and I couldn’t understand why. She was history, why was the mention of her name so upsetting? I didn’t care about any of MY boyfriend’s ex-girlfriends. Of course not, they’d dated as teenagers or college students (when they were drunk most of the time, I’m sure), and topped out at a year, two at the most.

Once I joined the grown-ups, I had a new appreciation for ‘the ex’, as she became a more significant being. My boyfriend was with his ex for 8 years, and when I first found that out, the thought of her made me INSANE. Totally irrational, I know, but I’m working through it. It’s far from complete, and I’m sure it will evolve, as all things do, as I age. But for the time being, here are a few things I’ve found that help deal with this relationship reality in a healthy way.

1. Start Fresh (or, Hide The Evidence)
In any relationship, but especially long-termers, and those involving co-habitation, things accumulate. There is just…stuff. It happens, and it’s okay. Kitchen gadgets, furniture purchased together, all these need not disappear just because the co-puchaser is no longer around. But personal things? You don’t want to stumble upon a pair of women’s shoes in the back of the closet, knowing full well they’re not yours. That’s a little too much. It is certainly within your rights to ask your partner to wipe the slate clean, and make an effort to remove things directly (and obviously) connected to an ex.

But be forgiving. There was a time where I would find a book that my boyfriend had received from the aforementioned long-term ex-girlfriend, and see her name written inside with a date and sweet note, and my head would explode. It didn’t bother me because it made me think about her, it bothered me because I assumed it made HIM think about her. But was it OK for me to ask him to get rid of his favorite book just because she happened to give it to him? No. Yes, her clothes have to go, but his books do not. Pretending he or she never existed will help nothing.

2. Know What You Must – And Nothing More
The question of exes always comes up, be it as a side note in conversation or the topic itself. It’s only natural, in the process of getting to know one another. That said, learn what you must, but be careful what you ask for, and make sure you are ready to hear it. I was dying to know the details of a breakup once, because I was certain that he wasn’t telling me the whole story. It took a very, very good friend to ask me, as I agonized about whether to bring it up: “but…why?” And she was right. I didn’t need to know when she moved out, where she went, and so on, mostly because it has NOTHING to do with me and my relationship. So, lesson learned. Don’t over-pry. This ABSOLUTELY includes internet stalking. Don’t hunt them down on MySpace and Facebook! Stop it! Right now! It it a seductive prospect, and far too many people fall prey to the temptation. If you can’t ask it in person, you know it’s not a healthy activity.

3. Don’t Compare!
When dealing with a long term ex, women especially seem to have a hard time distancing themselves from certain information. Was she taller, shorter, fatter, thinner? Am I prettier than she is? Are there pictures of them on a beach in a part of the world you have always longed to go? These are not things you really need to know, nor, I imagine, do you really want to. What you want is validation that you are the best, loveliest thing that has ever entered his world. When the urge strikes for that validation, remember that you are. He’s not with her anymore – he’s with you!

4. Remember: You have Baggage Too
I have photos of old boyfriends. I have letters, and postcards, and mementos (carefully stashed away, of course). And I have friendships, many of them, with ex-boyfriends, and I am happy to have them. None of these things mean I am still in love with someone in my past. We all have exes, and they are all exes for a reason. Simple though it may seem, remembering it is the quickest way I have found to jar myself back to emotional equilibrium.

Whatever your past, whatever your partner’s past, the truth is you are together now. Appreciate your relationship for its own unique beauty, and respect the experiences that made you who you are and brought you where you are. Don’t ignore the past, but don’t live in it. My parents have been married for 30 years, and frankly, they’ve set the bar pretty high. They make jokes and kissy faces, and seem to still genuinely like each other.  And yet, over a glass of wine, as my sister and I ranted about the women who still haunted us from time to time, my mother narrowed her eyes and said “Jane Raymond.” Seems the sting never quite wears off, but it also never gets in the way.

There are so many difficult choices in life (do we love or hate high heels??), so we thought we’d sort through ‘em right here. Every week we will discuss another issue we are torn up about. Let us know your thoughts in the comments section!]

So, we now all know what Twitter is. I can guarantee that you either Twitter yourself, have a friend who Twitters, or know a celebrity that Twitters (and creepily internet-stalk them).

Since its launch in 2006, Twitter has gained roughly 5 million users, coming in 3rd in the social network sites, with 2nd going to MySpace and 1st place to Facebook. It’s actually kind of like the status updates on Facebook, without all the wall posts and bumper stickers (and those annoying pokes). But sometimes I do miss a good laugh at a not-so-attractive FB picture (*untagging now), and a friendly poke now and then isn’t so bad. So Twitter: I’m torn.

Love it:

I do quite like Twitter, because just like FB, it’s a great social networking site that allows you to keep in touch with friends. But more than that, it allows me to take a peak into the lives of some of my favorite celebs and, in a sense, live vicariously through them (which helps me when I’m studying in the library and wishing my life were as thrilling as Britney’s with an ‘e’).

Ever heard of the KISS principle? Well, Keep It Simple Silly is just what the founders of Twitter had in mind when they thought of the easy user interface and simple instructions for beginners to the blogging world (even my great aunt uses it – that should say something). Speaking of simplicity, I absolutely LOVE the 140-word limit; say goodbye to those annoying paragraph status-updaters who feel the need to give every intricate detail about what is going on in their lives and their pets’ lives. This space limitation has led to an interesting new  language of “Twitterverse,” which is totally better than the over-used “ROFL” (or, in my brother’s case, “ROFLEW”- rolling on floor laughing eating waffles). It definitely deserves its own dictionary.

And Twitter even has loads of fun applications you can add to make your Twittertime even better, like Twitpic, Twitterific, and Tweetie, and you can even hook your phone up to Twitter on-the-go. Now that’s what I call Twe-riffic.

Loathe it:

Those annoying people who have those long status updates on FB now have another place to annoy the world. Now half of your mini-feed consists of everything this particular ‘Thwumb” did every 5 seconds. Freaking Twitterati. Do we really need to know you’ve rediscovered your love for Backstreet Boys?

I also really don’t like the fact that we have no control over who “twadds”/follows us; it’s a bit creepy if you think about it. I mean, it’s cool and all that Obama twadded me, but my friend’s mom – not so much. And sometimes I miss all those unnecessary apps on FB, like Kick-ups and Scramble, not to mention the usefulness of FB for internet-stalking that cutie in your psychology class. A 140-worded insight can only get you so far. Sigh.

An unfortunate similarity to FB is that Twitter can get wayyy too addicting. As in not-doing-your-homework-and-just-surfing-through-random-tweets addicting. I myself am a self-diagnosed Tweetaholic, which is definitely not a good thing.

So, I love it and I hate it. And I just told that very fact to all of my followers.
What about you? Are you a Tweeter? (Yeah? Well, follow us on Twitter!)