Because when we think about dating that’s what we all think about, isn’t it? The cute meet. The crush. The will they or won’t they. The first date. After that, if we ever get passed that, it all seems like it’s smooth sailing. But that’s not always the case. Especially for women who end up dating someone outside of their race.

Farr draws on her own experiences with interracial dating and the difficulties that can arise with these complicated situations. She discusses her experience, as well as her marriage and her children, and offers some pretty helpful advice along the way.

Want a sneak peak? Check out her list dos and don’ts for dating outside your own race.

DON’T let other people define your relationship for you – for better or worse. Other people’s feelings are not facts.

DO take the time to enjoy and maybe even admire any new slice of American culture you might learn from someone of a different cultural background. Be that foods, holidays, favorite books or anything else that’s new to you.

DON’T forget that no matter where in the country you grew up, we are all American – and share this culture – and can revere how much we have in common as well as explore our differences.

If your relationship is new, DON’T be pushing for a meeting with their family right off the bat.  Some families may require extra time before meeting a suitor.

If your relationship is established and you still haven’t met one family- DO start talking about why not.  Talking, to each other, is the best remedy for one set of disapproving parents.

DO keep in mind that people get mad and say all kinds of things about their own mother or father – but no one wants to hear someone else talk sh*t about their parents.

If problems arise with friends or family who are not quite up to speed with your relationship, think about the long term.  DON’T fight every small battle but rather, lead the charge by the example of your solid relationship.

DON’T let any one issue define your love story – particularly race.  Even if other people see this as the headline, it doesn’t mean you have to.

DO know that every couple has things that make them different from each other. These differences can be celebrated or feared – make a conscious choice of which you want to embrace for the long haul.

DO know, that odds are, you would make some bee-u-tiful babies.

Still wanna know more? Chat with Diane on Facebook and Twitter. Oh, and watch this:

Buy the book at KissingOutsideTheLines.com

Online dating services want to know. When you fill out a profile, they’ll often ask you questions about what kind of people you prefer to date, including questions regarding ethnicity. They seem innocent enough…but are they?

I had a really thought-provoking conversation about it with a friend the other day. “I was sitting behind somebody who was filling out an online dating application,” she said, “and they put down that they preferred not to date Asian people.”

“Yeah?” I said.

“I couldn’t believe it!” she went on. “I thought that was the most racist thing I had ever seen!”

And I couldn’t believe she thought that. “You’re kidding, right?” I said. “People are allowed to have preferences about the looks of the people they date. It’s not racist.”

I can’t remember what the results of our discussion were, but I do remember how intrigued I was by the thought that ethnicity-related preference questions were such a hot topic. She really got me thinking. Were the questions themselves racist? Was somebody who didn’t want to date people in a specific ethnic group really racist?

Here’s what I think. If you like tall guys, you can mark down on your profile that you like tall guys. Some online dating services even let you specify the exact height of the guy you want to date. OK. So if you can specify height…why not race? If you don’t want to date a short person, why can’t you say that you don’t want to date a white person?

If you don’t want to date white people, all that’s saying is that you generally don’t find white people attractive. It’s not saying that you think there’s anything wrong with them, and it’s not saying that you have anything against them. And I’m sure many people would own up to the fact that there are exceptions to every rule.

Even if tall guys float your boat, you might acknowledge that you could fall madly in love with a short person. And even if you don’t think most Asian guys are hot, there just might be one for you out there.

So, is it racist to have ethnic dating preferences? I don’t think so. Some people like chocolate, hate vanilla, and feel mixed about mint chip. It’s all a matter of taste.

CC readers, what do YOU think?

Before I go any further, I’m going to offer up a disclaimer: a lot of people don’t stare. Most people don’t even give a second look. And I don’t assume that those who do are staring only because we’re an interracial couple…but it sure does seem the most likely reason.

Honestly, when I started dating him, I was expecting the most conservative of the conservative white folk to be the ones who stared. As much as we’re living in the 21st century here, interracial relationships are still a little too futuristic for some people.

So imagine my surprise when it turned out to be all the Indians who stared.

I guess it makes sense. My boyfriend says that the predominant Indian view is that American girls/guys are dangerous because they would date an Indian for only one of two reasons: the money (?!), or because they think they love the Indian, but they are actually going to divorce later, because that’s what Americans do.

Plus, it’s still completely common and encouraged for Indian couples to have arranged marriages. While I don’t knock the idea, an arranged marriage is a horrifying thought for me personally (and for my boyfriend as well). But knowing the background makes it a little easier to understand the staring…an arranged marriage would definitely take place between and Indian and an Indian, and not an Indian and a white girl.

While it’s a little weird to get stared at, I don’t mind it too much. It actually makes me feel proud: I feel like I’m standing up for myself, for my boyfriend, and for what I think true love actually looks like.

I do wonder why I don’t see more interracial couples around, though. Maybe other CC readers can shed some light on that for me. Are interracial couples rare just because like-looking people tend to end up in the same places, or for some other reason? I’d really like to know.

Which is one of the reasons why black women are dating more white men then ever before, USA Today claims.

The hot button article appeared last Sunday, stating, among other things, that “American black women are among the least likely to marry”. The reason for this low marriage rate? The negative statistics aimed at young black men.

According to the article, recent numbers have shown that black men are “seven times more likely to be incarcerated than white men and more than twice as likely to be unemployed.”

Combine those figures with a growing number of black women frustrated with the ‘high rates of successful black men choosing blondes”, and you’ve got women ready for a change.

“I think a lot of black women are realizing or feeling that the pickings are slim,” one such women is quoted as saying in the article, while another one claims she witnessed “All the black men literally [pushing] (us) out the way to talk to the blondes” at a party she once attended.

The article goes on to interview a few other women, as well as give the opposite opinion a voice, but what it never does is comment on how baffling and negative the story really is.

To offhandedly suggest that black men are so bad that black women are turning to a different race to find love is an incredibly weighty assumption. Promoting interracial dating and marriage is one thing, but implying that it’s happening because one male race is outdoing another socially (or choosing a mate based on retro “whiteness = success” thinking) is an entirely different contention—one that deserves much more thought and research than a page or two in a news magazine.