[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question (Are guys into the LDR?) over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Dear Dude,

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 months now. We live about two hours apart but see each other at least once a week for a few days at a time. Apart from the occasional argument, all in all we’re really happy. But there is one thing that’s bugging me… He never wants sex!

For the first two or three months, we didn’t see each other much (every few weeks). But when we were together, we were all over each other and he was very generous in bed. And then when we were apart we would send each other dirty texts etc, etc. However, this didn’t last long. Now we see each other really frequently (spent pretty much the whole summer together) and now it seems like I’m the only one who ever initiates anything, and he often says no when I do initiate. If I start kissing him in a certain way or touching him he asks me what I’m doing, and if he gets turned on he says something like “look what you’ve done!” in a kind of jokey way but it signifies that any activity I was hoping for is over. When I’m flirty or suggestive he just tells me that I’m so cheeky but never responds, and genuinely seems to have very little interest in being intimate. I often feel like I’m almost forcing him to let me do anything to him and  I can’t remember the last time he’s done anything to me. Read More »

I could write a saga longer than the Twilight series about what sex means to a woman and why they have it.  Women will have sex to strike an extra intense emotional connection with someone else, boost their appeal in popularity, fulfill a fantasy, become physically and mentally closer to the one they love, gain revenge, because Cosmo say’s it is an easy way to beat off calories, or because a night out with their single lady friends made them feel like they needed to have more fun.

To make a long story long, sex to a woman means a plethora of complex things.  Sex is a loaded gun containing bullets of feelings, emotions, and meaning (even I’m getting a little poetic talking about it).

Sex for the dudes on the other hand?

It’s really just a three letter word. Read More »

Hey dude,

I find myself constantly single, and I’m wondering if it’s because i’m too “forward.” I’ve been told I’m the “dateable” type and that I’m pretty, but I think sometimes I tend to rush things with guys a little bit. For example, this guy asked me on a date a week ago, and it was great! I’ve known him for a while through mutual friends, and I was really flattered he asked me. We ended up meeting up that night at the bars and I went to his friend’s house, then he spent the night at my place (no sex, though). We’ve hung out a bunch more times, and I’ve met all of his friends, but every time we have hung out we’ve been drinking and have hooked up. I know I should probably be taking it slow so he takes me seriously or whatever that nonsense is about the thrill of the chase, but girls have needs too!

We haven’t had sex, and I’m not thinking we will anytime soon, but I would still like the attention. How do I straddle this line between, frankly, being horny and still feeling special and not like a hook up? This scenario has occurred more than a few times throughout my three and a half years in college, and i’m beginning to think I don’t know how to be in a relationship or how to get to the point of starting one. Am I doing something wrong?

Thanks dude,
Horny Hook-up Read More »

My mother (yes, my mother) once told me that if there aren’t fireworks between the sheets, it’s just not meant to be.  I immediately dismissed this advice, partly because it meant my menopausal mother was having better sex with my overweight father than I was with my supposedly sexually prime bedmate. But mostly, I rejected this theory because I didn’t, and still don’t, think its entirely true.

Sex – the good, the bad, and the ugly – where does it all fit in?

We make such a big deal about sex. It consumes us.  We lie about sex – we say we’re having less when we’re having more, and more when we’re having less. We worry about our relationship if the sex isn’t “above average.” We worry about our health, our sanity, our bodies and our worth if he simply rolls over. We use sex as a barometer for the status of our relationships when there couldn’t possibly be a less reliable, standardized or empirical indicator.

I, for one, do not believe that the caliber or frequency of the sex we’re having – or not having – is necessarily an accurate representation of what lies beneath. Now this is not to say that sex is not an important component of a relationship, because it is.  I fancy a good ole shag just as much as the next gal. What I am saying, though, is that thanks to soft core porn, (aka cable television), Megan Fox, and Cosmopolitan articles with titles like “Give Him the Best Sex of His Life” and “101 Sex Positions to Try Before You Die,” we have been made to believe that not only should we be having sex every night, but great sex every night, and this just isn’t realistic.

These fallacies also spawn a kind of sexual competition among men, women, and couples alike. “Do you guys have a swing? Where have you done it today? Have you tried the Reverse Amazon? What about the Jellyfish? The Bent Spoon?” It’s like losing your virginity automatically (and unwittingly) qualifies you for the sex Olympics and suddenly everybody’s keeping score, or being judged, or being stripped of their medals for performance enhancers. The whole world was turned upside down when Sting revealed that he has epic bouts of tantric sex with his wife on a regular basis, and women everywhere were making statements about “how lucky his wife is.” Now, I’m sorry, but I have no time to be having seven hour sex sessions; I have to eat an Italian sub, pass a bowel, and watch reality TV all before 1 p.m., so this just isn’t going to work. And quite frankly, I have no desire to play hide the canoli for four hundred and twenty minutes. Should I feel bad about that? Read More »

"Why is everyone getting some besides me!?"

My roommate has recently entered a relationship with a really hot, sexy Puerto Rican guy. As a result she has been having lots of hot, sexy sex. And as a result of this, I have been hearing every detail about it.

Being open beyond acceptable social norms, this doesn’t bug me. But while we were out recently and had one too many beers (hey, at 2 bucks a pitcher, I’m only being economical at this point), she made a comment that kind of got my wheels turning.

“Gosh. I wish you were having tons of sex too so we could freaking exchange stories already.”

Pause.
What?!

“Hello, my whole ‘thing’ is that I’m okay with being single. Who the eff are you to tell me that I need a man to be happy? Also, I think you should have to pay more rent this month cause you have just severely offended me. Jerk.” I stuck my (angry) face in the pitcher and took a gulp.

She grabbed the pitcher from me, splashing Keystone all over my face, and responded calmly. “I never said I wanted you to get a boyfriend. I said I wanted you to have lots of sex. You don’t need a boyfriend for that.”

Oh. Right. I forgot that little tiny detail. Because while I believe that you can have fun, fulfillment, enjoyment, and close personal relationships without romantic relationships…I have always been on the fence over whether or not you should have sex.

I’ve never thought it was wrong to have sex without being in a relationship. Look, this isn’t the 1950’s anymore; you don’t need someone’s letterman jacket before you crawl into the backseat of his Mustang. And while I’d never consider sleeping with seven anonymous strangers in a night, I will admit there are some (okay, a BILLION) gray areas between anonymity and monogamy. If you know the person is safe, and you know you can handle it emotionally, do you really have to be in a relationship to have sex? (And at any rate, shouldn’t physical and emotional safety be things you check up on even in a relationship?)

But, I’ve just always wondered if casual sex could be as fulfilling. Read More »

These days, women are suckers for anything labeled “lite,” whether it’s cookies , ice cream or even bacon-flavored spread (um, WTF?).  It was only a matter of time before we started taking our intimacy lite too. Intimacy lite is a new way of dating, bridging the gap between casual sex and full blown relationships.

Two of my favorite sex writers, Em and Lo, recently posted a piece about intimacy lite. As they say, “If you’ve ever spooned your booty call or held hands with your one-night stand, you’re familiar with intimacy lite… commitment-phobes (i.e. 99.9% of male college students) are especially prone to indulging in intimacy lite, and this often sends a mixed message, because if his mouth is saying one thing and his body is saying another, then you’re probably going to listen to whichever message you like best.”

I had to read their post a few times for it to fully sink in, and I suggest you do too if you suspect you’re in an intimacy lite situation. My intimacy lite story is probably a pretty typical one and it goes like this: I meet a boy. We have amazing chemistry, brain hormones go wild, love-at-first sight ensues, and is then harshly interrupted by reality. Read More »

Following in the footsteps of VH1′s The Pick Up Artist, comes a similar You-Suck-At-Dating-So-Let’s-Fix-Your-Flaws-Before-You-Start-Throwing-Birthday-Parties-For-Your-Cats show. This time, we watch as GIRLS get some harsh reality about what we do that turn off the MEN. Hosted by the ever beautiful and brutally honest Steve Ward, a master matchmaker and easy-on-the-eyes male, this show follows eight single ladies looking for love as they journey through a “Tough Love Boot Camp.”

Each episode will revolve around one theme and include a Dating 101 class, a field exercise (a date!), and end with a group therapy session where one girl is chosen for doing the worst. Unlike The Pick Up Artist, nobody gets booted off, but the worst contestant will get an embarrassing critique during therapy. This is good news for us viewers because we get to learn some lessons along with the girls (finally, a reality show that’s actually useful!), but thankfully don’t have to do it on national TV!

With issues ranging from trust, intimacy, communication, ex-boyfriends, and the infamous text-aholism, Steve works with these ladies to break their bad habits in hopes of finding The One. Each girl has a classic case of Chase-A-Guy-Away-itis and is nicknamed for their main issue. I’m sure we can all find one girl we relate to the most, so I challenge you to follow your sistah’s progress. Learn some lessons along with your favorite gal and root for her to find love. So, which girl are you? Read More »

The porn industry may be suffering, but the same can’t be said for the sex-toy sellers of the world. Business is booming!

According to a recent article in the New York Times, sales of high-priced pleasure toys have been on the up and up since the economy tanked last year. Bank accounts may be dwindling, but women are finding a way to indulge in personal pleasure.

This comes as no surprise to me, as I always turn to intimacy (most recently with myself) in times of stress or hardship. Sure, I have to be a little more thrifty with my cash, but that only means I need to be more deliberate about where and how I spend it.

Do I need that Starbucks? No.

Do I need a release after a long day of classes? You betcha.

Is a vibrator a better investment than, I don’t know, weed? Yes, yes, ohmygod YES.

Some women work out when they get stressed. Some shop.

It seems that most, however, are choosing to stay home and have some mind-blowing “stress relief” on their own.

Phone sex. One of those taboos that’s so great, people are willing to pay $5.99 a minute just to get some. Of course, if you’re in a relationship, you can get it for free. But you haven’t, have you? Sure, phone sex might seem awkward at first, but under certain circusmtances, it can satisfy the carnal needs of you and your partner.What’s the big deal with phone sex, you ask. I mean, sure, I prefer a quality hump to a Cingular-shag, but sometimes, you’re horny and physical contact isn’t an option.

I lost my phone sex virginity when I was in a long-distance relationship. Actually, we were having phone sex long before we had actual intercourse, because my track record was a lot longer than my man’s and I was trying to be a “good girl” and take things slow, or some bullsh*t like that.

Anyway, you know all the fluff and butterflies that come when you have a new crush, or even better, a new boyfriend. I was really into this guy. I wanted him. Bad. But I was buried with school work, and wouldn’t be able to visit him for a week or two. One night, I called him, half in the bag and 100% horny. Obviously, the alcohol lowered my inhibitions, and I started talking dirty, telling him how much I wanted him…and the next thing I knew, BAM! Phone sex. Read More »

I mean, I’ve heard of being afraid of intimacy before, but this guy takes it to a whole new level. This guy built a robot girlfriend.That’s right, a robot girlfriend. Dude was a 33-year-old virgin until he met (read: MADE) Alice, his robot girlfriend who includes a chatbox to talk through and a teledildonic device, which, I assure you, is exactly what it sounds like.

I’m sorry, but this is straight out of a Philip K. Dick novel. I find it really frightening that there are actual people who are so emotionally and sexually disfunctional that they need to build robots to have relationships with. Read More »