Every year, right around Father’s Day I always scramble around trying to find a unique, personalized, yet cheap gift idea to give to my pops. I window shop, Google, ask friends – everything! Yet year after year I come across the same old lame gift suggestions. I’d name a few, but I’m afraid some of you reading this may have already succumbed to these terrible, banal ideas… and I wouldn’t want to offend. Nevertheless, I am here to help!

Unlike the rest of the world, apparently, we here at CollegeCandy realize there are many more types of dads than just the golf-loving dad or techie dad that are often the only ones represented in the usual generic gift guides. And how do we know that? Because we see them on TV every week. If you’re looking for the best gift money can buy for the best dad out there…but have no idea what to get him because you spend more time with TV dads than you do with him, perhaps our handy little guide can help you.

Just pick the TV dad most like your real life dad and – bing, bang, boom – you’ve got yourself the perfect Father’s Day gift.

If your dad is:

A total geek, like Modern Family‘s Phil Dunphy:

-Victorinox SwissMemory 128 MB USB Storage Device
Although this thing looks like your typical Swiss army knife blade it also functions as a USB. So your dad can remain his geeky self while looking just a bit cooler. And he can cut things.

-PacSafe’s Stashsafe Hip Pack
This anti-theft hip pack (AKA fanny pack that dads love so much) has a slash-proof and lockable belt as well as lockable zippers to protect against everyday pickpockets. Make sure to include instructions in the card to swing the pack around back to take down the geeky factor.

A typical, hard-working, normal dad (with a taste for ugly sweaters), like The Cosby Show‘s Cliff Huxtable:

-Flo TV Personal Television
Just when you thought your dad couldn’t watch any more TV, this hand-held device allows him to watch live sports, breaking news and more virtually anywhere. Including his mother-in-law’s. Or your graduation.

-SkipDR Motorized Automax Disc Repair System
Now you can bring your dad’s favorite beat-up DVDs (The Chris Rock HBO special, anyone?) and CDs (how he must miss that Doobie Brothers boxset) back to life through this motorized repair process that smoothes discs’ surface scratches.

A big grump who needs some cheering up, like Married With Children‘s Al Bundy:

-Comedy club tickets
Laughstub.com has a wide variety of comedy acts in a wide variety of locations that’s sure to finally get a laugh out of him.

-HoMedics Shiatsu Massage Cushion
I learned early on in life that a massage is often a key to someone’s well, at least, temporary happiness. You can place this heated cushion, with its state-of-the-art moving massage mechanism, right over a chair or couch and also fold it up for easy storage and portability. That will make him smile. And give you a $20 next time you head out for the night…

Married to another dad… or totally obsessed with you, your future and your success, like Rachel Berry’s dads on Glee:

-Ole Henriksen Men’s Kit
This men’s line is said to be a celebrity favorite and tailored to the modern man’s skin care needs. And what dad doesn’t want soft, glowing skin?

-Digital photo frame
If your pops loves you as much as Rachel’s love her, he’s constantly thinking about you and your accomplishments. And you know you’ve got a ton – and more every day – so help him show you off with a digital photo frame. You can load it with pictures from your greatest moments – and add more as they happen – for him to show off to anyone who’s willing to listen.

All about relaxing with a cold one, a la The Simpsons’ Homer Simpson:

-Credit Card bottle opener
This bottle opener easily fits into any wallet so your dad can keep it with him everywhere he goes.

-Design a custom koozie
This site allows you to choose from a slip on, foam, or collapsible koozie, modify the color and even add a custom text or graphic. You could even slap a pic of Homer on there!

Athletic and always getting physical, like Friday Night Light’s Eric Taylor:

-Wii Fit Plus with Balance Board
This product makes it easier for users to maintain a daily workout routine by allowing them to exercise from home. Special features include being able to input the amount of time you want to spend working out or select an area for personal improvement (like that beer belly he’s been working on for 20+ years….).

-Adidas miCoach Pacer
This pacer helps him stay within four heart rate zones to create varied, personalized workouts so your dad get the most out of each run.

A fun loving kid at heart, like Desperate Housewives‘ Tom Scavo:

-Tickets to an amusement park
Give your pops a day off from being an adult and treat him for a special day for 2 at your local amusement park. Whether it’s Six Flags, Cedar Point, Knotts Berry Farm or Universal Studios, he’ll love getting a day to act like a kid…with his favorite kid.
-Gag gift box
On the outside, this gift box displays a ridiculous fake product that’s meant to baffle its recipient and give them a good laugh (once they figure it out).

The glue that keeps the family together, like Arrested Development‘s Michael Bluth:

-Tickets to a show for the whole family
Choose from fairs, festivals and more at Ticketmaster.com. He’ll love having everyone together.

- A professional family photo
So you won’t be able to get the actual picture in time, but you could get everyone together to chip in for a professional photographer to snap you all for one, gorgeous print. Then your dad can hang that wherever he pleases and take pride in the family he’s worked so hard for.

A technology junkie, like The Jetsons’ George Jetson:

-Logitech Harmony One Universal Remote with Color Touch Screen
You can finally get rid of all those remotes sitting on his coffee table (that always confuse your mom) by simplifying the control of all his home entertainment devices into this one simple, futuristic looking rechargeable remote. Plus, it will make your pops feel super cool when he can show it off to his friends.
Iomega iConnect Wireless Data Station
This device allows easy file sharing, data backup and print serving. What’s best of all is you can securely connect to everything stored on the hard drives that you decide to hook up to this from anywhere in the world!

An adventurer who’s always on the move (and may or may not be a super secret agent), like 24‘s Jack Bauer:

-CamelBak Hands-free Hydration Systems
There are 40 different models of this hydration system to choose from that allow athletes to remain active while simultaneously being able to easily drink water.

-Waterproof gadget cases
Whether he’s scuba diving, kayaking, mountain biking, or snowboarding, these cases protect against water, sand, snow, and dirt.

A former-musician-turned-lovable-house-husband, like Gossip Girl‘s Rufus Humphrey:

-Bose Noise Cancelling Headphones
With these, your dad can finally enjoy the clear, lifelike sound of his music and movies without all the noisy distractions around the house.

-Cuisinart Griddler Panini and Sandwich Press
This nearly $45 mini-grill accommodates any size sandwich and comes with helpful “power-on” and “ready-to-cook” indicator lights, instructions, recipes, and a drip spout that makes it easy to drain grease away from food to provide healthier, simpler cooking.

Has multiple wives, like Big Love‘s Bill Henrickson:

Don’t worry about a gift, girl. One of your many half-siblings will take care of it.

Every week, I provide you with a list. No, not a grocery list, to-do list or even a bucket list like our friends over at “The Buried Life.” It’s simply a list of ten things that are relevant, whether it’s to my life (like living with dudes), your life (packing on the poundage), or something that the media just won’t shut up about (COUGH Tiger Woods COUGH).

Yesterday, after going through the multiple heart attacks during the USA/Canada gold medal hockey game (that the USA took into overtime in the last 24 seconds of the game!!), I began to think of all the ways that America is far superior to our upstairs neighbor. You know, since we proved that hockey wasn’t one of them. And I was bitter. And angry. And inhaling a tube of cookie dough to cool down….

Okay Canada, you may have taken the gold in hockey, have national healthcare, legal drinking at 18 and some pretty awesome strip clubs night clubs. Now let me just give you ten golden reason why America is much, much better than our hat.

10. We have Florida, they have Nova Scotia.
Seriously, is there anywhere warm in Canada? Miami is so much better than any place Canada has to offer.

9. We say “about” properly
Aboot? That’s what I do after I drink too much Cuervo.

8. The American dollar is worth more!
By five cents!

7. None of that “Eh” nonsense.

6. Avril Lavigne.
Way to go Canada, thanks for Sk8er Boi. I really appreciate that.

5. The metric system.
32 degrees is FREEZING, not warm.

4. Their flag is stupid
What the eff is that about? A maple leaf? Seriously? I can’t think of anything more uninspired. Plus, everyone knows the best maple syrup comes Vermont or Aunt Jemima, which are both clearly AMERICAN.

3. Their national anthem is stupid
“O Canada”? Are you kidding me? Change that shiz to “Blame Canada,” like now.

2. Jack Bauer.
America has him. Canada does not.

1. Dammit Canada, I really wanted to hate you. After that hockey game, I really did. But then I remembered all my pre-21 year old days of traveling up north and getting legally wasted at 19, all the French, the healthcare, Jim Carrey, Le Chateau, Quebec, Montreal, Pam Anderson, ketchup chips, Terrence and Phillip and pretty much everything that rules. Sigh. The gold is all yours, you Canuck bastards.

Nadya Suleman fired her free nanny service.

Even teachers post incriminating photos on Facebook.

Is Twitter to blame for John and Jen’s breakup?

What’s better than gummy bears? Vodka gummy bears!

Nicole Richie designing maternity clothes.

Not-s0-natural natural foods.

Amanda Bynes needs bigger shorts.

We’re too fat to serve our country.

Go bold with scarves.

Whoa there, Cindy Crawford!

Yay! Jack Bauer is coming back.

The FBI is currently looking to fill 850 agent positions and over 2,000 other spots!

This is the biggest FBI hiring spree since 9/11, and probably the biggest hiring spree this country has seen all year. While everyone else is firing people, the FBI needs men and women with all sorts of experience.

Don’t worry, though; the high number of openings does not mean the U.S. is about to be blown to smitherenes. The FBI assured, “The FBI’s unexpectedly large number of job openings results more from attrition and a wave of retirements than from growing government appropriations.”

Phew.

How cool would it be to be an FBI agent? Think about the possibilities: hot male agents, top secret information, all those awesome gadgets that Jack Bauer gets to use…

Too bad there’s a background check and drug test. Count me out.

Is sex better with a condom?

The perfect stocking stuffer for bacon lovers in your life.

Fight the urge to splurge, people.

J.K. Rowling can’t lose.

Backwards sweaters are all the rage.

Why finals suck.

Wild camels are ruining Australia.

Wait, people actually play Russian Roulette?

Maybe our thirties won’t be so bad, after all.

The perfect holiday gift for your more earth conscious friends.

Presenting: the best facial cleanser of all time.

We thought it was only appropriate, then, to honor these fallen celebrities. For without them we would never know the repercussions of driving drunk, grabbing the breast of an underage girl, or buying and selling drugs from the back of a limo. These celebrities have taken the fall so we don’t have to. It’s as if they are channeling Jesus and sacrificing themselves for our sins.

Ok, maybe not. But their mugshot pictures are pretty badass.

There is really nothing better than seeing an ultra glamorous superstar looking like a hot mess at the police station. Especially when that superstar is strung out on some really strong sh*t. So, we took it upon ourselves to pull our Top 10 Celebrity Mugshots together for your amusement. Scroll through, enjoy, and practice your voting skills for this year’s election by choosing your favorite to win the 2008 CollegeCandy Mugshot of the Year award. (There is really no prize, award ceremony, or thank-you speech, but we still want to know which hot tranny mess is your favorite.)

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Which mugshot is your personal f-a-v?

You know how I know Katie Holmes lives with these thoughts everday? Because of her face. The girl don’t.ever.smile anymore. Let’s go on a photo journey to exemplify this:

Is she smiling? No.

I see a kind of smile there. But mostly chagrin. And a horrible sock/shoe combo.

No smile here. Just one of her patented “Where has my life gone?” faces.

Hm. This is the same “grin” I gave to a girl who was a bitch to me in high school when I ran into her the other night.

Contemplating running away?

Those are “save me” eyes if I ever saw ‘em.

I can see she isn’t happy about her “Tom Approved” outfit either.

“Don’t tell Tom I was seen outside the compound or I’ll KILL you with my bare hands.”

I can understand how life inside the celebrity fishbowl can get a (trapped) person down, but if you feel like doing your own investigating for Katie Holmes’s smile, just know that it’s becoming harder and harder to find with time.

Perhaps it went out to plead for a part in Batman 3?  Maybe it’s secretly digging its way out of the house with a spoon.  Or could it be that Katie Holmes’s smile has snuck off to the Scientology compound and is minutes away from staging a Jack Bauer-esque take-over and explosion, thereby freeing Hollywood’s most gullible celebrities from L. Ron’s evil grasp?

One only knows.

Perhaps I’m a classic case of a good (ish) girl who falls in love with bad boys because seriously—when Jack starts round kicking, and pummeling some evil, leather jacket clad terrorist—I almost slide off my seat. It’s just so… masculine. Damn.

This season has been slightly disappointing—every episode looks like its going to be the “big one” where Jack takes out at least 7 people in a five minute time span, and then… nothing. But with only three episodes left, you can bet blood will be shed. Which is why this is the time to get together with your friends, and play the 24 drinking game.

There are many different variations of the game, but the most common rules are—Jack kills someone, take a shot. Jack says “damn it,” take a shot. Jack goes rogue, take a shot. And even though 24 is the best show ever of all time (and don’t try and argue with me—you are entitled to your opinion, but I will never be swayed), there are certain things you can count on that the script writers always throw in there. Which is why everyone ends up hammered by the end of this.

Here is the full list of shot cues. I myself will be watching the show from a bar which offers a Jack Bauer Power Hour—cheap Jack Daniels, free shots whenever Jack kills someone, and an open bar if Keifer himself shows up, hops up on the bar, and says, “My name is Jack Bauer and this is the longest day of my life.” I’m crossing my fingers….

If you’re not a 24 fan—this site offers drinking games to nearly every television show ever. I’m about to go out and buy the first two seasons of 90210 just to play the game—and cause I miss watching Shannon Doherty be the biggest bitch in the zip code. God, I love her.