“Can I share with you my worldview? All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich.” –  Liz Lemon, 30 Rock

And that is exactly what I plan to do on this day, National Sandwich Day. Sit in peace and eat my go-to sandwich: the T.B.M sandwich from Cosi. With only a mere three ingredients, this sandwich somehow speaks to my soul and brightens even the darkest of days (no thanks to you, Daylight Savings Time.) If this sandwich was a man, I’d be rolling around in bed with it right now. Hell, maybe I’ll do it anyway.

My love of sandwiches and my love of men run almost parallel to each other on the mathematical graph of my life, intersecting only at the moment someone lets me eat a sandwich and have sex at the same time. That’s the stuff dreams are made of. And until that time comes, I’ve thought up a few sandwich ideas that bring my two weaknesses together.

The “I Love You, Sandwich” Sandwich: A piece of Paul Rudd in between two slices of Jason Segel with a side of honey mustard. Paul is the tried-and-true turkey to Jason’s hesitant-at-first-but-turns-out-to-be-a-party-in-my-mouth avocado. Unstoppable.

Ocean’s 11-Grain Sandwich: George Clooney and Brad Pitt lying neatly between two pieces of multi-grain bread. Let’s face it. George is getting old, bound to be a little gritty. But Brad balances out the sandwich with his smooth and creamy loins texture. Add a little Matt Damon on top for a little extra pop of flavor.

The Knocked-Up Fat Cat: A large submarine sandwich filled with ingredients such as, but not limited to: French fries, mozzarella sticks, chicken fingers, jalapeño poppers, pizza bites, Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill. Because who doesn’t get the munchies from time to time? Maybe you can cut it with the Samurai sword you keep in your room.

The Guilty Pleasure Open-Face Melt: Because there’s nothing I like more than Chace Crawford, Ed Westwick and whole wheel of cheese.  As much as you would like to just say no in the face of temptation, I’d like to see anyone deny these Gossip Girl stars…. especially if they’re covered in gooey, melted, cheesy goodness.

The Sloppy Jack: Grade-A man meat Jack Black is a hot mess. But we love him anyway. It’s obviously going to splatter all over the crotch of your pants, but no one ever cries over spilt Jack Black. I want my Manwich, please!

Lego-Bama Inauguration.

Dick Cheney can’t handle moving boxes.

Jack Black speaks for Obama? Random…

5 things to watch for during the Inauguration.

Tips for getting a better badonk.

So, it is possible for Angelina to look bad…

Get to know Taylor Momson.

Ryan Phillipe shops Ikea, too!

6 cheap ways to boost your style.

Ever had an intense desire to have a heart attack? Someone heard your prayers.

Britney forced to change her naughty song title.

The best most disturbing version of Beyonce’s Single Ladies yet.

Happy Hanukkah, people!

In honor of the eight days of Hanukkah, we decided to do a tribute to our 8 favorite Hanukkah celebrators (also known as Jews). But then we decided that 8 just wasn’t enough; there are too many good ones! So, we upped it to eight Jews for each of the eight days.

Yes, it’s a lot of Jewish, but let’s be real – Hanukkah gets totally ignored this time of year, so we thought it would be nice to give a little shout-out to the people not dreaming of a white Christmas. You know, the ones dreaming of a little Mu Shu on Christmas eve. Click on any of our favorite Jews to see why we love em so much (and why anyone – Jew or non Jew – will love them too!).

Pamela Anderson is glamorous enough for Vivienne Westwood? WHAT?

Please, don’t drink the Kool-Aid.

Saturday Night Live will have some new additions.

Katy Perry pulled a “Janet Jackson.”

Does Bergdorf‘s discriminate against the slightly chubby?

All the great musicians are dying. Maybe it’s the drugs.

The “pregnant man” is at it again and Barbara Walters is all over it.

The Olsen twins have fashion? I had no idea.

Here’s another reason to leave your house on Black Friday.

The Sex and the City copycat is gone! Yes!

Walk Hard is upcoming Judd Apatow comedy film expected to be released in December of 2007. The movie will star John C. Reilly as famous musician Dewey Cox and Jenna Fischer as his wife Darlene. The movie will be a parody of musician biopics like Ray and Walk the Line.

Although “Be Kind Rewind” is aimed at a more mainstream audience than Gondry’s last film, “The Science of Sleep”, the trailer seems to indicate that it will be an inevitable success. In fact, the movie seems to be a complete turnaround from “The Science of Sleep”, a film with relatively unknown actors (besides the lovely Gael Garcia Bernal) and an ambiguous plot.

The film stars Jack Black and Mos Def as two video store clerks who accidentally erase all of the content on the tapes that they are supposed to be renting out. In order to save the business, the two friends venture out with a video camera and re-enact the movies around town in their own home-made costumes.

Their antics lead them to stardom when hoards of movie-watchers start renting the flicks but the duo faces trouble due to the FBI warning placed on the copy written scripts.

Although I’m not usually a Jack Black enthusiast, his performance in the trailer seems promising. Mos Def plays an unlikely sidekick to the comedian, balancing out his obvious humor by playing the subtly funny friend.

I assume “Be Kind Rewind” is sure to promise a taste of unusual cinematography due to its creator’s love of cinema graphic experimentation. I look forward to these details as much as the story itself. There is also sure to be an usual love interest incorporated into the script somewhere. Judging by his previous films, Gondry has an insatiable taste for unlikely romances.

After watching the trailer, I can’t wait to head to the theaters and witness Gondry’s newest creation. It will be an honorable feat to accomplish if he is able to both entertain mainstream audiences and maintain his respectable position as an experimental cinematographer.

Unless you’re a guy.

Sure, men supposedly think about tits all day long, but actually having them isn’t something most men relish. Unlike their female counterparts, man boobs aren’t appealing, and in today’s beauty-obsessed world, our fixation on breasts might actually be working against the very species that invented it.

According to an article in the New York Times, more young adult males are getting breast reduction surgery than ever before.

“The number of boys ages 13 to 19 who had breast reduction surgery last year is equal to the total number of all men who had the procedure just two years earlier, in 2004” explains the article, which goes on to say that the biggest reason for this jump may be the rise in obesity among kids. Although there is a condition called gynecomastia, a medical normalcy of larger breasts on males, the rate of plastic surgery to correct the condition has jumped, as have purely cosmetic chest reconstruction surgeries.

According to The National Institutes of Health, many boys who suffer from enlarged breasts may find their chests shrink to normal size once puberty finishes freaking out their hormones, but even still, claims the article, “in a society that values chiseled abs and Rafael Nadal biceps, adolescent boys are willing to resort to surgery to fix problems their bodies might resolve later on their own.”

In addition to childhood obesity and the occasional medical condition, researchers have also found that steroids are causing more and more abnormal sized male breasts. Although the drugs pump up a body’s testosterone, once a person stops taking them, their hormone levels can fluctuate wildly.

With a price tag of $4,000 to $10,000, and many of the patients paying for the procedures themselves, male breast reconstruction carries a pretty hefty price tag—but not hefty enough to stop record numbers of men from doing it.

These days, no matter what sex you are, self-esteem can be corrected by a nip and a tuck and a day of bed rest. Bigger boobs or no boobs, there’s a doctor out there who’d like to help.

Meanwhile, poor people like myself are relegated to push-up bras and exercise.

How archaic.