Cute dresses! On sale! At Nordstrom!!

Britney is all about the barely-there nipple coverage.

Everyone’s goin’ nude.

Guinness….cupcakes?!

Lindsay Lohan eats. Frozen yogurt.

A hard day of work makes your workout feel harder.

Chris Brown leaked Rihanna reunion rumors.

Did Melissa know that Jason was about to embarass her on national TV?

Yale sneakers?

Bronx Mogli Wentz is adorable. And eyeliner free.

Ok, so despite my initial disappointment with this show, I found last night’s episode pretty entertaining.

1. Because Kate’s mannequin was absolutely absurd and a total embarassment. Is she for real? That dress? Those scarves? That noisy combination of accessories? She has not displayed one ounce of fashion talent, not to mention her inability to act like an adult. When I look at her I think of a 12 year old.

2. Because of the foreshadowing of the full on battle that will most likely continue between Ashlie and Megan. My prediction is that Major-Issues-Megan will obviously play dirty and probably go for Ashlie’s jugular. While Ashlie will probably stay strong despite the “Satan’s little hand-foot maid” attempts to knock her down. The bitch fights between them will only get more intense, which will make me want to watch. I’m such a sucker for the drama.

3. Because of Jason and his break down?! Now we’re only on episode #2, kids. For someone to get that stressed out over an editorial page is a little ridiculous. I understand that he wanted to do a good job and not fail at the task, but to upset yourself to the point where you get hives and then a full blown anxiety attack is not healthy. Sure, some people have anxiety issues, but if that’s the case you should avoid situations that may trigger it, i.e. work in an industry that pretty much revolves around pressure and stress.

All of the seriousness of this aside, how everything went down was kind of funny. We have Jason on the floor covering his face, moaning. While Danielle, bless her heart, is trying to console him. Then he is put on a wheel chair and wheeled into an ambulance. Of all things, Kate thinks the best thing to do is send him a card?!!!!! I wonder what it’s like in Kate’s head (empty?), because clearly she isn’t in touch with reality. Then we have a Megan and Ashlie fight, during which I kept thinking, “Megan what in God’s name are you wearing. Please wash your hair.”

When elimination time came around I was kind of surprised they sent Jason home. I mean, the poor guy just went through something pretty traumatic and now they’re like, “thanks, nice try, see ya later.” I thought he was going to break out in hives again. But he seemed to handle the situation pretty well, at least on screen. He probably walked into the elevator and when the doors finally closed, he huddled in the corner, covering his face, and tears, tears, tears.

Oh Stylista, you’re so cold-hearted.

For one, if you look at them realistically, about 97% of the victims, as well as the hero, deserve to die for one reason or another, if not their own naivete. Second, if you watch these things in your living room in broad daylight, well, they are more hilarious that horror-y.

And also, I can’t help but think fondly of the scary movie that took my scary movie V-card: Scream. That movie was a total 90′s classic, and here are ten reasons why you need to take a trip down memory lane with this awesomely bad throwback, even if you’re not a fan of the horror genre:

1) The Drew Barrymore sequence that starts it all. Because let’s be serious: what was a 90′s movie without Drew and that burgundy-nearing-black lipstick? More than ten years later, she’s still got it.

2) The Courtney Cox-David Arquette love connection occurs before your eyes. Goes to show that a horror flick isn’t a bad date idea, and maybe making one is even better. It obviously worked for them!

3) Matthew Lillard. He’s hilarious (“Liver alone… Get it? Liver? Alone?!”) and I sort of have an awkward crush on him. Don’t judge – a young, blonde Rose McGowan plays his girlfriend in the movie.

4) Skeet Ulrich? What happened to that guy? Remember the ten minutes when he was plastered all over Seventeen magazine?

5) Fonzie’s cameo as a principal? Get out!

6) Even though tons of people die and the main characters are awful, God it makes you wish you grew up in California. And it doesn’t hurt to check out the late 90′s fashion, either… many a midriff was harmed in the making of this film.

7) Ingenuity of the killer (I won’t ruin the surprise for those of you who haven’t seen it) to use a thrifty, generic costume.

8 ) Before Jamie Kennedy was funny, he spent his time putting nice-guy moves on Neve Campbell. And that’s just great awkwardness to watch, predictable as it is.

9) It’s so much better than the sequels… as always proves to be the case. Doesn’t Wes Craven know the meaning of “too much of a good thing”?

10) For its time, you’ve got to admit it was terrifying. You know, when you had to sneak into theaters to see it. And you feared bathroom stalls for months (or even years).

[Photo courtesy of: www.freewebs.com]

The trailers of these films look promising, and then the movies crash and burn. Big time. And they become the laughingstock of twelve year old kids everywhere who thought they were being daring by watching that movie that mommy and daddy told them not to.

But, wait. That movie was a joke.

In the spirit of Halloween, my friends and I were recently trying to list the best scary movies of all time, but in doing so, we ended up creating a list of the 5 worst. It seems like those were easier to come up with because usually there’s no argument; they are unanimously bad. These movies don’t send chills down your spine or make you jump when someone comes up behind you. These not-so-scary movies make you laugh. Hard.

In no particular order:

5. IT - I know, I know. Many will argue this movie was actually creepy. It’s Stephen King. It’s about clowns. I mean, everybody is afraid of clowns. Or at least, a good two-thirds of the population. And still it makes my worst movie list because of the 180 turn in the middle of the movie. The first half isn’t bad – it kinda creeped me out a bit – but the second half? It negated the entire first part of the movie. I mean, the first half you have this clown terrorizing these poor defenseless kids. And in the second half, you have this clown terrorizing these poor defenseless adults, including John Ritter. But wait! It isn’t a clown at all! It’s an alien from outer space that looks like a giant spider? And you can kill it with an inhaler used by asthmatics everywhere? Wait, what?

4. The Blair Witch Project – This movie had such promise, and it did manage to frighten some people. (And kudos to them for using a viral campaign before anyone even knew what a viral campaign was.) But come. on. people. The actors were good, but that’s just it: they were actors. It wasn’t real!!

3. Cry Wolf – This movie also had major potential! College students involved in a great game (or at least a game with a great premise). Students start getting picked off and there’s this great mystery and then… it falls. Flat. And hard. By the time the credits started rolling, a guy two rows in front of me stood up and loudly proclaimed “I want my ten dollars back!” That was probably the highlight of the entir night.

2. Freddy Vs. Jason – Ah crossovers. Two villains for the price of one? Hell yes! The great thing about this movie is that by the time it came along, I think people knew that both franchises had gotten a little campy. So the masterminds behind it tried to make it a little campy. And they succeeded. I don’t know if this movie was ever actually supposed to be scary. I mean, one girl in the movie was looking into a nose job and had dreams of having her nose sliced off by Freddy. That is not scary; that is pathetic.

1. Jason X - As long as we’re talking about horror movie legends gone wrong, I thought I’d include this one. This movie is basically Jason past his prime and trying to redeem himself from his battle with Freddy. Oh and it’s in space. Yup, on a ship. Set in the future.

So there you have it. Five great movies that won’t make you jump out of your seat, but are definitely good for a laugh (without actually intending to).

Which ones do you think I missed? Let me know!

(Photo courtesy of _Villains’ via flickr)

Last night was difficult for me. Not only did I have to work late, do my laundry and pay some bills (ew!), but I had to figure out a way to watch The Hills while also watching a friend from college compete on The Bachelor! So much drama, so little time.

Well, in the end The Hills won out (though I did manage to see my old friend fold herself into a pretzel to woo the bachelor…what!?) and it was one jam packed episode! Who knew so many things could go down in 23 minutes?!

I don’t even know where to begin.

Perhaps we could discuss the Whitney work debacle where she was so hungover from partying with the band that she couldn’t seem to convince one of the guys to change his pants.

Or Heidi and Spencer’s wedding woes; she spends her days shopping for dresses, registering for uber expensive things she’s never going to need (because they are always eating at that crappy Mexican place) and picking out the perfect wedding location.

Spencer spends his days not telling his parents he gave his anorexic girlfriend a fake engagement ring and pretending the whole engagement never really happened.

Or, I could skip all that and get to the really big news rolling through The Hills: Jason’s engagement! And why shouldn’t he be engaged? He is, after all, completely stable in his life having just left rehab and dealing with his multiple arrests for public intoxication and assault. Why not jump right into a really serious relationship thereby completely setting himself up for a fall from which he will most likely hit the bottle/do lines in the bathroom just to make himself feel better only to scream racial slurs at yet another security guard and end up right back where he started?

Not to mention the fact that his girlfriend is a not so pretty Nordic looking LC knockoff. With terrible blonde hair and even worse eyeliner.

Great idea, Jason.

Poor L.C. Her life reminds me of that episode of Friends when Chandler makes a New Year’s resolution not to make fun of other people and then everyone comes in doing the most ridiculous things (Phoebe teaches Joey guitar, Ross buys leather pants) and he just can’t control himself. It just seems that everyone in Lauren’s life makes the worst decisions and she just has to sit back and bite her tongue, knowing that her opinions can (and will) get her into trouble.

Maybe it’s time people started listening to Lauren (or at least reading into that big eyed glare she gives when she’s trying oh-so-hard not to say anything mean); she seems to be the only voice of reason in all of L.A. Maybe then Whitney wouldn’t have gotten that ass whooping from Lisa Love. And Heidi wouldn’t be ready to walk down the aisle with someone who doesn’t want to walk down with her. And maybe then Jason would be living a clean life instead of walking down the path to a drunken/high fiasco of a marriage.

But then again, LC isn’t always the best decision maker. Just check out scenes from next week when she hits the sack with one Mr. Brody Jenner. Wahoo!