My favorite places to eat at in Los Angeles include In N’ Out for their double-double animal-style burgers and Bay Cities Italian Deli in Santa Monica for their “godmother” sandwich, a bread and meat monstrosity with cold cuts from every edible animal. I rarely eat at home because I can’t cook, and when I do, my go-to at-home meal is a ham and cheese sandwich. I’m telling you this to give you an idea of how hard it is going to be for me to eat like a vegan for week.

My vegan week isn’t due to some sudden desire to save animals that would otherwise end up on the tip of my fork. I’m not opposed to saving animals –– if a cute puppy were to cross the street in front of me, I wouldn’t run it over –– but this adventure is purely an experiment. I’m doing it just to see if I can.

In preparation for my weeklong meat, dairy, and gelatin-free adventure, I searched the Internet for vegan-eating rules and information. When I Google searched “veganism,” the pull-quote from Wikipedia read: “Vegans are the result of a conspiracy among the liberal elite to create a new race of inbred, herbivores.” I’m nervous already.

Sunday

12 AM: My vegan week officially begins. I am immediately hungry. I fix myself a bowl of oatmeal. Basically, I’m eating a bowl of mush for dinner. Not satisfied. Read More »