Welcome to week of coming out of the closet! Or, rather, the week of coming out of the closet even though everyone already suspected you were gay.

First it was LiLo and Samantha Ronson, and now – shocker of all shockers – it is Clay Aiken.

Aiken chose People Magazine (we wonder how much they paid him for this) to share his story, telling the mag:

“Yes, I’m gay. I cannot raise a child to lie or hide things.”

Oh yeah. He has a child, remember? He donated his seed to a friend. Without ever sleeping with her. And he thinks no one ever suspected anything?

People (read: soccer moms) around the world are in a tizzy about this…er…revelation. Why? We have no idea. I mean, the dude is gay.

1) Who cares?

2) Who really didn’t see this one coming?

What do you think? Did you know Aiken was playin’ for the other team?

You may have already heard that Clay Aiken has impregnated someone.

No, not that way. Come on.

Aiken has artificially inseminated his “best friend” and producer, Jaymes Foster, who is in her late 40’s. Clay has even decided to be a father in earnest (no, not that way) and help raise the little tyke. The baby is due in August, which means that they’ve managed to keep this under wraps for a while now.

I would like to offer my congratulations to the future parents. And so, as a gift (for some reason, I wasn’t invited to the baby shower) I’m going to give Clay some advice on how not to horribly scar and embarrass his child.

1. Don’t Smile.

You’ve recently bought a new smile, Clay, but I’m sorry, adding huge ceramic teeth to an already startlingly creepy face is a bad move. If you catch your infant child unawares, he may think that you are a beaver monster and never trust you again. Read More »