When it comes to wooing the opposite sex, men have it easy. As far as I know, they approach you and whip out the pick-up line. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t.

Women on the other hand, play a whole different game. Sometimes it seems as if our entire existence is based on impressing a guy. And it’s exhausting. We don’t think about it often (or we argue that we’re doing these things for ourselves as much as for the men), but when you stop and take notice of all the things we do to woo the gentlemen, well, it’s absurd:

1. Padded Bras
Guys have been trained to like a nice set of boobs, and women have been trained to do anything to give them to them. Hell, that must be Victoria’s Secret. But push-up bras are often uncomfortable, expensive and so. effing. hard. to wash without totally ruining them. And yet we wear them. All the time. In fact, you’re probably wearing one right now.

2. High Heels
Although I do enjoy how I feel when I slip on some pumps and strut my shiz at the bar, I don’t enjoy the throbbing blisters that plague me. And they always plague me. But I wear those torture devices every weekend anyway, because while it would be far more comfortable, there’s nothing sexy to the campus boys about a pair of worn-in sweatpants and some flip flops.

3. Waiting to Respond
In a feeble attempt to seem mysterious/extremely busy/cool, girls will often wait to respond to a text or a phone call from a guy. Although realistically, we’re counting down every waking minute as we run through a million response options, asking our friends (again and again) which one would be the wittiest/cutest to send when the time is right. And then asking them when that time actually is so we don’t seem either pathetic or like we’re blowing them off.

4. Eating Salad (Instead of Something Tastier)
I love me a good burger, but I know I think twice before ordering one on a first date with a guy. We want guys to think we are dainty little things who eat like bunnies, not like frat boys, so we sacrifice our own culinary happiness. And only eat half. Then we go home and scarf down a bag of chips in the privacy of our own bedroom while dissecting the entire evening with our girlfriends.

5. Brazilians
Let’s be honest, we aren’t letting someone wax in there for our own benefit.

6. Playing the Jealousy Game
Even though he is the only man for us, we don’t want him to think he’s the only man who can have us. So we go out of our way to flirt with other guys and make sure he see’s it. It’ll make him want us more, right?

7. Pretending to Like His Music/TV Shows/Sports Team
To you, watching professional baseball is like watching paint dry. And you think Dave Matthews is the most over-rated songwriter on earth. And Indian food? You’d rather eat ramen noodles than even try some of that curry stuff. But once Mr. Right walks in, you’re chowing down on Na’an while studying the Yankees line-up with DMB playing in the background just so you can keep up the ruse.

Get it? Got it? Good. Want some more? Don’t worry, there are plenty more faves where this came from.

When it comes to wooing the opposite sex, men have it easy. As far as I know, they approach you and whip out the pick-up line. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t.

Women on the other hand, play a whole different game. Sometimes it seems as if our entire existence is based on impressing a guy. And it’s exhausting. We don’t think about it often (or we argue that we’re doing these things for ourselves as much as for the men), but when you stop and take notice of all the things we do to woo the gentlemen, well, it’s absurd:

1. Padded Bras
Guys have been trained to like a nice set of boobs, and women have been trained to do anything to give them to them. Hell, that must be Victoria’s Secret. But push-up bras are often uncomfortable, expensive and so. effing. hard. to wash without totally ruining them. And yet we wear them. All the time. In fact, you’re probably wearing one right now.

2. High Heels
Although I do enjoy how I feel when I slip on some pumps and strut my shiz at the bar, I don’t enjoy the throbbing blisters that plague me. And they always plague me. But I wear those torture devices every weekend anyway, because while it would be far more comfortable, there’s nothing sexy to the campus boys about a pair of worn-in sweatpants and some flip flops.

3. Waiting to Respond
In a feeble attempt to seem mysterious/extremely busy/cool, girls will often wait to respond to a text or a phone call from a guy. Although realistically, we’re counting down every waking minute as we run through a million response options, asking our friends (again and again) which one would be the wittiest/cutest to send when the time is right. And then asking them when that time actually is so we don’t seem either pathetic or like we’re blowing them off.

4. Eating Salad (Instead of Something Tastier)
I love me a good burger, but I know I think twice before ordering one on a first date with a guy. We want guys to think we are dainty little things who eat like bunnies, not like frat boys, so we sacrifice our own culinary happiness. And only eat half. Then we go home and scarf down a bag of chips in the privacy of our own bedroom while disecting the entire evening with our girlfriends.

5. Brazilians
Let’s be honest, we aren’t letting someone wax in there for our own benefit.

6. Playing the Jealousy Game
Even though he is the only man for us, we don’t want him to think he’s the only man who can have us. So we go out of our way to flirt with other guys and make sure he see’s it. It’ll make him want us more, right?

7. Pretending to Like His Music/TV Shows/Sports Team
To you, watching professional baseball is like watching paint dry. And you think Dave Matthews is the most over-rated songwriter on earth. And Indian food? You’d rather eat ramen noodles than even try some of that curry stuff. But once Mr. Right walks in, you’re chowing down on Na’an while studying the Yankees line-up with DMB playing in the background just so you can keep up the ruse.

Wait, WHAT?

Luckily, my boyfriend was kind enough to ask how I felt before accepting the offer. Of course, I wanted to be a self-centered control freak and tell him not to go, but then I started thinking, and I realized that it was an opportunity he just couldn’t pass up.

Now that I’m in an LDR (my first EVER), I wish someone had taken me aside and told me some things. Knowing what to expect would have made this giant change a whole lot easier on me, on my sanity and on my relationship. So that’s what I’m going to do for all of you ladies, right now. Here are five things you should know before entering a long distance relationship that I have discovered in my experience so far.

1. You will be flirted with, and you will like it. Yes, I know. Say what you want, but it’s true. I love my boyfriend, in fact we’ve even talked about getting married, but the fact of the matter is you will be lonely while he is gone. Guys will suddenly be checking you out and chatting you up. I do not plan on ever cheating on my boyfriend, but you’ll enjoy the male attention. And that’s OK!  In fact, it’s normal; don’t feel like a bad girlfriend if that cute boy checking you out makes you blush. But you should never, under any circumstances, act on those feelings. A quick rush is not worth ending something with someone you truly care about (and you must have cared enough to not let distance break you up in the first place).

2. You will turn into a raging, jealous bitch at some time or another. I know, I know, you “trust him” he would “never do anything to hurt you”. The fact of the matter is, ladies, when you hear a girl in the background while you’re on the phone you will start asking questions. You WILL feel that sinking feeling in your stomach. Never mind the fact that there might be women at his work, forget the fact he’s in a restaurant for a company meeting, and to hell with his roommate’s girlfriend visiting. You will think that another girl is after your man, and you will want to drive to wherever he is, and kick her ass. Just make sure you know all of the facts before you go on a rampage.

3. You will become even closer to your friends where you are. Now that the BF is gone, you will find you have a lot of extra time. Time that you can now spend with your girls. I have been invited to parties, random late night hang outs, shopping adventures, etc. It’s not that I wasn’t invited before, it’s just now I actually have more time to join in the fun.

4. You will become even more open with your boyfriend. My boyfriend knows almost everything about me. I thought we were always open about our feelings, about our past, everything. Now that we’re apart, I realize that words are all we have. So we rely on those, and tell each other EVERYTHING that we are feeling. People are much more honest (and sometimes, brutal) over the phone than they would be in person.

5. You will have pent up (ahem) desires. Yes, that kind. I actually don’t have sex with my boyfriend (it’s a personal choice, and it’s difficult, but yes our kind still exist). On a day when you’re sad, you’ll want to be held. When you hear him say something cute, you’ll want to kiss him (okay, so you’ll want to make out with him. For hours.). But you can’t, and it sucks. It really, really sucks. It sucks so much that it makes you think crazy thoughts, wondering if he’s seeking that physical attention from someone else. Which brings me back to #2….

All in all, I know I sound really negative, yet these are things that I honestly wish I knew before entering an LDR. I love my boyfriend, and although I hate the distance between us, I know I could never be as happy with anyone else. But if you begin to feel differently, it is probably best to take a break. Distance really does make the heart grow fonder; I know it’s cliché to say, but the thing about clichés is they are true. If your feelings aren’t stronger, it might be time to re-evaluate. But if you love him and hearing his voice on the other end of the line gives you butterflies,  it’s worth all of the challenges that come with the distance.

Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Dear Dude,
I have a new boyfriend and things are awesome, but there’s a problem. Let me preface this by saying I tend to be the problem in my relationships because even though I’ve never been cheated on or truly hurt, I still have a problem trusting guys for some reason.

With this new guy, he’s never really done anything physical with women before because he believes in waiting until marriage, and he’s never said ‘I love you’ before me. We haven’t been dating that long but we’re getting pretty serious already and he’s professes to be in love with me and wants to marry me. We’re also getting physical. So, it seems like he’s crazy about me but there’s one thing that keeps bugging me: he never talks about his exes. The only one he’s ever mentioned is now married to one of his friends. I asked him why he’s so secretive about his exes when I’m open about mine and he says “they’re not worth talking about” and “I still talk to some of them and I don’t want you to hate them.”

Is this something I should be worried about? I love him and trust him not to cheat on me, but I’d hate to be someone he settles for while being hung up on an ex he can no longer have. It could be my usual paranoia but I want to get some outside advice to make sure this isn’t a legitimate problem and I refuse to unload all my neuroses on him. Please help!!!!

-Trying not to fixate

Dear Trying not to fixate

Yes. You’re fixating. Yes. You’re paranoid. However, maybe – just maybe – you should be afraid, very afraid.

There is a point in almost every relationship where you feel like there’s something to prove to the other person. What do you do? What has he done for you to prove his feelings? He’s never told someone that he loves them, but he said the three little words to you (and he’s not even in a life or death situation like Chuck Bartowski). He’s saving himself for marriage, but he’s pushing the boundaries of chastity with you. Isn’t this enough? Must he complete 12 mythical labors to alleviate your fears and earn your trust (Heracles beat the crap out of Death to free Alcestis, make him drag race in a Prius).

What gives weight to your worries is the subject matter: The exes. Comparing exes can be like swapping war stories.  You open up your shirts to see whose scar is bigger or drop your pants to see who’s got the most shrapnel wounds. Then you laugh, you kiss, and you promise you’ll never hurt the other person like those damn Vi-ex Cong did (you mean it in the moment, at least). Here you are, stripping down for him but wait, why won’t he meet you half way?

The issue is that there’s an emotional boundary he won’t let go of. Why? Because he might have some unresolved issues with the ghosts of girlfriends past (do NOT see that Matthew McConaughey movie). If the past truly has nothing to threaten you with, odds are he’d be willing to open up about it.

I understand you’re not jealous of an ex since you can’t be. Jealousy is person to person. He hasn’t even given you a name to start plotting acts of terrorism against. What he’s done instead is made you distrustful of his commitment to you and the relationship.

We must return to the mantra that resolves all unknowns: communication is key. Talk it out! You have to keep asking him to open up the ex-files.  If he won’t then he’s withholding out of fear. Fear of what exactly? Could be he’s still involved with one or more of his exes. Could be because he’s hurt and bitter at the way things ended with the others. Could be because he’s afraid you’ll compare yourself to them and is worried you’ll start hating them for no reason. Could be because he’s an idiot. All you can do is explain that what you need is for him to be as open with you as you are with him.

Everyone is coming to get me,
The Dude

I like hanging with the guys; so what?

Growing up I was always a tomboy. I never wore anything remotely girly, played sports, and even had short hair (though that one was totally my mom’s doing). So it came as no surprise that the majority of my closest friends were of the male variety.

When college came around, I’d finally gotten out of that awkward tomboy phase and I was meeting guys who just saw me as a cute girl, not the girl who used to beat them up on the playground. I knew that if I was going to date in college it had to be with a guy who was OK with the fact that a lot of my close friends were male. I didn’t want a boyfriend who would get jealous if I went out with my best friend without him. Fortunately, I struck gold with my boyfriend, Matt. He got stuck in the friend zone a lot in high school, too, and his best friend happens to be a girl. He totally understands where I’m coming from and doesn’t get jealous when I go see movies with Luke, or go have dinner with Andrew, or go for a run with Steven.

But while he’s A-OK with me hanging out with other guys, it seems that no one else is. Especially my girl friends. Whenever I mention hanging out with other guys who are not my boyfriend, I get some really strange looks. Here’s how it usually goes down:

Me: “Have you seen (newest released movie) yet? I saw it with Dan last night and…”
Girlfriend: “Wait, you saw a movie with Dan?”
Me: “Yeah. He even picked me up on his motorcycle. It was awesome.”
Girlfriend: “You rode on a motorcycle and saw a movie with a guy who isn’t your boyfriend?“

Insert judging face here. Followed quickly by my “what is the problem?” shoulder shrug.

Seriously, what is the problem?!

I don’t understand why people have such an issue with me doing stuff with a male who isn’t my boyfriend. If he’s OK with it, why is it a problem? More specifically, why is it your problem? Contrary to what Harry told Sally, it is possible for a guy and a girl to spend time together without it being at all sexual. Especially when one of the two happens to be in a very serious and committed relationship. I will never – I repeat, never – cheat on my boyfriend. And hanging out with other guys will not change that fact.

Now, I know it’s probably a total anomaly that I have a boyfriend who just so happens to have a best friend of the opposite sex like myself. And I know that there are many girls out there who aren’t so lucky and have to navigate the whole “male friend” situation with their boyfriends (and, subsequently, their judgmental friends….). It’s not easy – people can get really sensitive and jealous when their feelings are on the line – but at the end of the day it all comes down to honesty and trust. And that’s between the couple, not their friends. If you’re honest with your partner and trust that they are being honest with you it won’t matter who he or she (or you!) is hanging out with. And if having friends of the opposite sex is a problem, it might only be a sign of larger trust issues that should be addressed.

Guys or girls, friends are friends. And regardless of our relationship status, everyone’s allowed to have them.

"I never want to be apart from you. Ever ever.

Brace yourself, ladies: We are now entering Break up Season. According to a study released in 2007 by Yahoo!, this little span of time between the December holidays and Valentine’s Day happens to be the period when most couples head to Splitsville. (Geez – Is it really that bad to have to buy someone some roses?!)

I don’t know about you, but it took me a really long to find a guy I can stand to spend more than 10 minutes with, so I’m willing to do just about anything to make sure we make it through February and beyond. Well, not anything; I’m not giving up SATC reruns or scooping peanut butter out of the jar for anybody. Not even the boyf.

In order to help you keep your relationship in working order as well, I’m here to clue you in on 8 surefire ways to KILL that fabulous relationship you’ve got goin’ on. Engage in any of these flame-squelching behaviors and you’ll be ladeling out that Edy’s Slow Churned in front of the TV all by your lonesome come V-Day.

Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

1. Talk about wanting babies. College guys are only thinking about four B’s: booze, bongs, boobs and birth control.

2. Talk to your mom about him…and tell him about it. This is how it works in his head: Talking to your mother about him = you think you’re getting married…and he runs away. Screaming. Trust me on this one.

3. Living together too soon. I’ve seen a lot of otherwise happy couples turn into raging lunatics once they decide to shack up; even spending too much time at each other’s houses can turn into a nightmare. Just think about it: nothing about shopping for toilet paper together screams romance.

4. Texting ALL THE TIME. Constant communication is really not necessary to maintain a relationship. In fact, it can be the thing that kills one. I understand wanting to be a part of your boyfriend’s life, but is his day-to-day (or the few hours you don’t see him) really that exciting? I’ve come to realize there is a formula for college guy’s lives and it goes a little something like this: Wake up. Poop. Shower. Go to class. Eat. Poop again. Work. Get drunk. Sleep. Repeat. If you don’t talk to him for a few hours, you’re not really missing much. (And, come on, do you really want him texting you from the bathroom?)

5. Obsessing over your ex. Nobody likes to hear about anybody else’s ex. Your friends don’t even wanna hear you obsess about him – do you think your boyfriend will?

6. Inviting him home to meet your family. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT invite anyone home with you until you are absolutely 100% sure that you are in an actual relationship. Luda summed it up best: “Don’t wanna meet your mama, just want to make you…” Inviting the frat boy you drunkenly (and sloppily) made out with last weekend to meet your pops will stop whatever chance there ever was at blossoming romance. (There is a chance, right??)

7. Trying to be “One of the Guys.” It’s awesome if you two can share some interests – watch football together, or something – but it’s another thing to try to weasel your way into every Poker Night, Taco Tuesday or Wacky Wednesday get-together. Everybody needs time with their own kind every once in awhile. Just like you wouldn’t care to have him come along to get a pedi with your friends (and would be slightly worried if he agreed), he doesn’t need you there to enjoy “Toozday Boozday” with the guys.

8. Jealousy and Insecurity. On a more serious note, jealousy and insecurity is the NUMBER ONE relationship killer. If you’re not totally convinced that you’re a bad *ss chick with sassiness to spare, how can your guy believe it?

I’m sure there are plenty more ways to kill relationships (and I’ve probably tried them all!) What are some relationship killers you’ve witnessed?

I had the perfect relationship. We met in my junior year of high school, and continued to date for the next year. While I had already lost my virginity prior to meeting my high school sweetheart, he had not (as far as I knew). During the first couple weeks of our relationship, I avoided the topic of virginity like the plague, as I didn’t want to rehash my embarrassing and somewhat regretted first time.

The time eventually came for us to get it on, and while I hadn’t asked if he still carried is v-card, after our first time lasted a good 10 minutes I figured I had not been the one to take his innocence. (What? Guys with their v-cards tend to finish at just the thought of getting some…)

Shortly after, the big conversation rolled around and I found out that I was indeed his first. I fessed up to my previous experience, and it seemed to be cool with him. He told me he was relieved that I knew what I was doing, as he was without a clue. It was a constant joke in our relationship that I had been the one who corrupted him, ha ha ha.

Fast forward a year later, and it’s time for him to go to college. Three hours away. So, after much contemplation, we decided the best thing to do would be to break up. We both needed to live a little before settling down with the person we truly felt was the one. We knew that we would both be attending the same college after this year was over, and if it was meant to be, it would happen again. It was hard, and we remained friends (who had sex on a semi-regular basis…) and things were going well.

But now that year is over. I had a few hook-ups, and while they were fun, I missed the stability and love of being with my sweetie. We’re back together now, and things have worked out essentially as planned. The chemistry is still there, we’re madly in love, and we are basking in being able to see each other every day. There’s only one problem – I wasn’t the only one who enjoyed some hook-ups on our off time.

I found out he had sex with two girls, a couple times each. He no longer talks to these girls because they wanted more and he didn’t. Actually, the experiences weren’t even that great for him. But the fact is, I can’t get it out of my head. I know he is the same person as he was before, and his sexual history shouldn’t matter, but there’s just something about knowing I’m no longer the only one that makes me feel weird.

Is it normal to feel so much jealousy about no longer being the only one, even though I’ve done the same? How do I no longer feel threatened by these girls I don’t even know?

]]> http://collegecandy.com/2009/09/08/when-youre-not-the-only-one/feed/ 21 Ness - Sheridan College in-bed.jpg http://collegecandy.com/2009/07/22/bad-advice-men-get-the-homewrecker/ http://collegecandy.com/2009/07/22/bad-advice-men-get-the-homewrecker/#comments Wed, 22 Jul 2009 17:00:34 +0000 Kelly http://collegecandy.com/?p=35718 ]]> This Week’s Article: Why Do Single Women Like Taken Men? by askmen.com.

This week’s article lists a number of reasons why women are (supposedly) attracted to taken men. Let’s see what they have to say…

AskMen says: “In the Garden of Eden, Eve sinks her teeth into the one piece of fruit that God instructed her to avoid — so began a long line of women who wanted, oh so badly, what they could not have.”

I Say: Actually, I’m pretty sure Eve convinced Adam to eat the forbidden fruit instead of biting into it herself. Nevertheless, I don’t really find bible references to be the most accurate explanations of human behavior.

AskMen Says: “Significant others are a reflection of the people they date. That’s why it’s in a girl’s best interest to act like her boyfriend’s PR rep: to mention whenever possible that he studied at Harvard — oh, and he plays in a band. When she boasts, her listeners see him through the rose-colored glasses that she wears.”

I Say: Of coarse, the only way women can make themselves seem like decent human beings to to boast to others about the great things their boyfriend does.

AskMen Says: “Girls want what other girls have. To women, the simple fact that a guy is someone’s favorite flavor makes him worth a try.”

I Say: For some girls, sure. But it’s definitely not a majority of women who feel this way. Most of us abide by the same code men do: hands off your friend’s man!

AskMen says: “Consider this: If a man risks his entire relationship — commitment be damned — for one exceptionally steamy night with another woman, that other woman will go home feeling like she has one-upped Helen of Troy. That’s bragging rights to the max.”

I Say: I would never, ever brag about sleeping with someone else’s boyfriend.

AskMen Says:”In short, women believe that men who are single are single for a reason. Backward as it may sound, the ones who aren’t available are the ones worth going for.”

I Say: Single women who know that not having a boyfriend doesn’t mean there’s something inherently wrong with them. We are smart enough to know  that a man not being in a relationship doesn’t mean he is defective.

AskMen says: “Women want to screw over other women… Women size up their competition and somehow rationalize that her boyfriend is begging to be with a real woman — no offense to the tramp he’s with.”

I Say: Women are terrible, horrifying creatures responsible for all the evil in the word. Right, askmen?

AskMen says: “The man exuding confidence like perspiration in a sweat lodge has his arm blissfully around his bombshell of a girlfriend — and in case you didn’t notice, she’s all about him. What better proof exists that he is successful, intelligent and endlessly charming? Men who enjoy this luxury are infinitely more natural, comfortable and cool. They worry little, stress out even less. This all adds up to a man with incredible romantic gravity who pulls women into his orbit.”

I Say: Seeing a girl who loves her man does not make every woman immediately want that man. However “successful, intelligent and endlessly charming.” Most women will turn off their advances the moment they see he is taken.

All in all, askmen offers another pigheaded view of how women work.

Have you ever gone after someone else’s boyfriend? Why?

I can finally say it: we’re in the thick of summer. My days are now devoted to lying out on my back porch, tackling the one assignment a week my online summer class requires and dealing with my parents.

Yep, I’m back home.

Even though my parents are legitimately insane (and anal about everything), there have been some real obvious perks about shacking up here for the summer.

Case in point: All those hot guys from high school I haven’t seen in 3+ years? Yeah, they’re here, too.

So, I did what any horny (..and lonely) girl who’s home from her college town for an extended period of time with no job and/or source of income would do: I called up (and by called up I mean, Facebook-messaged) a cute guy from my neighborhood. And we hung out and hit it off right away.

Hanging out with someone new is always exciting. I absolutely thrive off those first few weeks of a budding relationship when all I can think about is the other person and wonder if he’s thinking about me, too. I love anxiously waiting for that phone call or text message after the first date that seals the deal that you two might have a future together. I LOVE IT, LOVE IT.

Well, I didn’t get that this time.

This guy – however charming, attractive & intelligent he may be – did not give me any sort of chase. In fact, he became what every girl (and guy) dreads: a stage five clinger. After we hung out one night, said dude thought it was okay to text me multiple times a day. He also thought that if I didn’t respond to those text messages, maybe I’d respond to multiple phone calls. In a row.

Yeah, it got pretty bad. I became extremely freaked out. But, he is still cute and smart, so I decided to continue to see him. He is absolutely amazing in person – even if he does want to see me like, all day, everyday.

So, since I’m going through this kind of sitch as we speak, I thought I could offer some sound advice to any of you other CCers out there dealing with a clingy dude:

1. First and foremost, be honest with him about your feelings. I actually had to sit down with this guy and explain to him that I was not into him texting me 10+ times a day (unless he had Verizon Wireless, too. Maybe then we could’ve worked out a deal). It actually wasn’t as awkward or awful as I thought it would be and he seemed to take it pretty well. He apologized for his, um, “excitability factor” and promised to back off the keypad for a bit. Sometimes people can surprise you.

2. Understand that people have different ideas of “clingy.” Some people need lots of space, while others are perfectly fine with others being all up in their business all the time. I am the former, an extremely private person who cherishes and needs my alone time. I realized quickly, though, that Mr. Clinger, was not like me. He actually treated his friends the same way he treated me – with multiple texts and phone calls a day. I think society teaches us that men are supposed to want their space, but this isn’t always necessarily true. Talk to him about what he feels is an adequate amount of time spent texting, talking to and seeing each other a week. If your ideas don’t match, at least you’ll know before he gets TOO attached and starts to stalk you and/or your friends. I decided that after dealing with some extreme d-bags recently who couldn’t have cared less what I was up to all day, having a clinger didn’t seem quite so bad.

3. Know that things can change. Sometimes one person falls harder for another right off the bat. Mr. Clinger might meet you, decide you’re amazing (cause, well, you are) and know right away that he wants you to himself. Guys are very visually-oriented: If they see something they want, they will go after it – sometimes with a little more vigor than us ladies can handle. After you get to know your clinger a little better, you might find yourself falling for him, too and then that hourly communication might not be so bad anymore.

4. Encourage him to cultivate his own interests. If you’re already in a relationship with a clinger, or his clinginess comes on later in the game, it might be due to his insecurity about your relationship. Remind him that you care about him, but encourage him to go out and do things that he used to like. Obviously you were attracted to him for a reason, so remind him of those things you liked and support him in whatever “solo” activities he wants to participate in. Check your own clinginess, too. Usually relationships work best when both partners have a similar level of neediness.

5. But if you can’t take it, don’t. Even though your opinion of clinger could change, don’t try to force yourself to feel something you don’t. Clingy guys (or people, in general) are normally only viewed that way because they are way more into you than you are into them. I got lucky with my clinger and he turned out to be an alright dude after his initial fascination with me wore off. However, some dudes really are straight up creeps and/or future abusive boyfriends. If seeing his name on your caller ID still makes you squeamish after a few dates, do yourself and him a favor and wave his clingy ass goodbye.

6. And last but not least, if he doesn’t listen to you – Run for the hills! Since you’re here at CC, I can assume you’re a pretty smart lady. If you feel that you’ve been given some definite red flags and you’ve talked to dude about his clinginess (or even tried to end things) but he still won’t back off – you might have to do something drastic. Quit answering his calls and texts completely. Block him on Facebook. Avoid places you think you might see him for awhile. File a restraining order. Kidding. Kinda.

Men are tricky creatures. As much as we may wish we could read their minds, it just isn’t possible (yet… come on, science!). But don’t worry, I have discovered a trick to help us understand them a little more.

We all know guys that have picked up Cosmo from time-to-time (or have a monthly subscription) to help them figure out what their women are thinking. Hell, I bet a bunch of guys are reading CollegeCandy right now to try and figure something out about their girlfriends. Well ladies, we can do the same thing! Taking a peek at the kind of dating and relationship advice guys are being fed is a great way to get into the mind of a dude and see why he acts the way he does. Every Wednesday I’ll be doing just that. Hopefully, this will explain a few things…

This Week’s Article: Her Best Friend Is A Guy by askmen.com.

As someone who has a lot of close platonic male friends in her life, this article particularly irked me. And by “irked,” I mean “pissed me the hell off.”

The boys (they are not men) over at AskMen refuses to believe that a male and female can truly ever be good friends. As they say, “we’re operating under the assumption that heterosexual men and women cannot be best friends; sex always gets in the way.” I know many people may believe this, but I am living testament to the fact that it is not true. I would never dream of sleeping with my best guy friends, who I absolutely adore, and I know they feel the same way about me. In fact, the mere thought of it all makes me puke in my mouth a little.

Moving on…

The article lists a number of steps to help the reader deal when the girl he is dating has a close male friend. The first few sound OK: don’t express jealousy, meet the best friend, be nice to her best friend, find out their history, etc. The steps all seem pretty normal and natural in any relationship, but don’t be fooled. According to the author, your boyfriend’s “main objective here is to assess the competition,” rather than simply get to know your friend and what role he plays in your life.

And if being shady and manipulative isn’t bad enough, it all goes downhill from here. After assessing the competition, the article advises guys to phase BFF out. Why? “If her best friend is a guy, it’s probably going to cause problems for your relationship, as there will always be another guy with whom she’s emotionally intimate.” Because clearly it’s impossible for men to understand or accept that women can be emotionally connected to more than one person. Especially a dude; if she was emotionally intimate with a female friend, I doubt it would be a problem.

But, again, it gets even worse.

Step 7: Get her to talk about him. The article says: “Another useful technique for phasing him out is to subtly get her to talk about him. Encourage her whenever she starts complaining about him. Be there whenever the two of them get into an argument.”

Um, NO! Of coarse you should be there for your S.O. when they are fighting with a friend, but this shady approach to ruin their friendship will only push your girlfriend away. If she gets the sense that you hate her male friend (and she definitely will when you start prodding her to complain about him…we’re not dense like SOME people…) it’s only going to make her question your motives. And besides, shouldn’t men stop being so damn selfish and insecure and think about what makes their girlfriends happy for once? You know, like having healthy relationships with their friends?

Step 8: Get him to embarrass himself. “OK, granted, setting her best friend up to embarrass himself is a pretty shifty move, but all is fair in love and war, right? Try getting her best friend drunk, or subtly encouraging asinine behavior.” This kind of behavior doesn’t just make guys bad boyfriends, it make them all around sh*tty people. Honestly, who does this?!

AskMen should be telling their readers to GROW UP. So what if their girlfriend has close male friends? If they are honestly a threat, the guys need to talk to her about it. But they usually aren’t and guys need to realize that they are important people in her life and probably will be for a while. Just because someone’s girlfriend has a best male friend doesn’t mean she will be less of a girlfriend to him. It should actually be a good thing. It shows that she is good at relating to guys, and probably enjoys some more male-oriented activities. It also means that when they get into fights, instead of sitting around with her girlfriends talking about what a dick the guy is, maybe she’ll talk it out with her guy friend and he’ll help her see that there are two sides to every argument.

Of course, guys don’t see that. At least the ones writing these articles. They’re far too insecure to have a relationship, let alone a healthy one.

Girls, have you noticed your boyfriends employing any of these steps to rid you of your male friends?