Since last week’s letdown of an episode, it’s time to come to terms with the fact that Jersey Shore is no more. At least until January. You might be asking yourself, “But, but, but how am I ever going to get my Jersey fix without my eight seven lovable guidos/guidettes entertaining me on Thursday nights?”

I know. It won’t be easy getting through the cold months of November and December sans “OHHH YEAH” and “Tee-shirt tiiiiiiiiiiime!”

But have no fear, devoted J.Shore lovers. Luckily, the cast and the Jersey Phenomenon isn’t slowing down anytime soon, despite what last week’s South Park might indicate.

The Reunion Special Oh snap, Jersey Shore IS on tonight. In reunion form. If it gets anything remotely close to how those Real Housewives reunions go down, it should be a good time.

J.Shore-ween In addition to these store-bought costumes you can get at your local Halloween pop-up shop, anyone with an Ed Hardy shirt, bronzer and a banana clip can be a Jersey Shore kid this Halloween. The costumes are cheap and easy, just like Angelina! Read More »

I smell a Jake Gyllenhaal break up song in the near future.

Uh oh. Mel Gibson is angry.

The 8 most horrifying beauty trends….ever.

Pets in costumes. Heart melting.

10 things that we know about Katy Perry/Russel Brand’s wedding.

What does celebrity-inspired nail polish look like? Surprisingly cute!

Way to go, Jersey Shore!

3 very real reasons you are in debt.

Other than, “OH YEAH, EVERGLADES, YEAH” it was really difficult for me to take anything away from last night’s episode of Jersey Shore. Are we seriously dealing with a finale right now? I would’ve rather been watching South Park’s ripoff of the Jersey cast…. a la beast Snooki screaming “SNOOKI WANT SMOOSH SMOOSH!”

Seriously, the Everglades? How funny is it to confuse a crocodile with an alligator? Although I will admit the added dinosaur noises (and I don’t mean the ones coming from Sammi) to the whole Everglades event with the alligator attacking the airboat were amusing. And I don’t doubt that the bugs are bigger than Snooki….

And then the crew headed back for South Beach, after the frog-legs incident, and things took a turn for the boring. Read More »

We had many, many thoughts going into this episode. Many questions about how the Snooki/Angelina throwdown would go down. Questions on if Tee-Shirt time would make another appearance (it did). Questions if Pauly would, yet again, be a human alarm clock with a crazy Kool-Aid man “OH YEAHHHH!” voice (he was). As the episode started up, we only had one burning question in mind, 25 minutes in:

WHERE IS SNOOKI?

MTV, you threw a lot at us this episode. A lot. So much that I was actually compelled to watch the After Show, wondering how to steal the host’s job. Let’s break this episode down by the major events.

PART I: The Situation Gets Punched by a Girl (again) and Bangs a Canadian, eh?
Angelina socks The Situation in the face and JWoww has a heart-to-heart with her since they can now bond over the common ground about punching Sitch in the face. WTF, Jenni? We miss your ‘roid rage. Situation reiterates that he’s the glue/leader of the shore crew and reminds us all that Angelina sucks. He moves his frustration to the club Karma/Kantra/Krib or whatever it was, and brings along some Canadian girl who’s a real handful in the sack and on the dance floor, fighting women off her man’s abs. Vinny makes some Canadian joke aboot the girl and Nutella and the crew all listens to them scream and moan in the smush room. (Seriously, that ish was loud.) Read More »

So we open on JWoww setting Sammi’s face like a volleyball and Sammi throwing a spike right back at JWoww’s kisser. Where to begin here? The entire episode was so cram-packed with drama, fighting and backstabbing that it’s nearly impossible to recap every glorious moment of it, from the extraordinarily large pickle jar on the counter to the Boise State-esque turf on the patio.

The only way to break it down is the collegiate way, and submit the report card for each and every one of our Jersey Shore heroes for this episode. Also, thank you Jose (Angelina’s “Sugar Daddy”) for the perpetual Fossil Watch sponsorship of this episode. How many times did you count the word “Fossil Watch” during that hour of TV? We counted six.

And, as an aside, I won’t smush for a $40 watch. Even if the guy delivered it in a suit. Just sayin’…. Read More »

Let me just open with a bold statement: Ron and Sammi need to get off my television, ASAP. Their negativity is clogging up the screen and prohibiting Snooki from getting her fist pump on. Seriously, get these two epic losers off of MTV before I JWoww their whiny behinds.

Also, another note about “JWowwing,” can we just point out that the only reason we were watching last night’s episode was to see JWoww take a b*tch down and it didn’t happen until the last 30 seconds of the show? Then we were left hanging with absolutely no previews to get excited about for next week? Low blow, J.Shore. This week’s episode left a lot unanswered, gentle viewers. Let’s recap all the questions that ran through our minds last night. Read More »

Okay, when did the Jersey Shore become about heartfelt “feelings” and “emotions” instead of bar fights, beating the beat and smushing? SERIOUSLY. Thank goodness we had MVP running a very serious game plan last night about how they were going to maneuver three girls and a grenade to get us through the hour. The Situation stepping up to the role as commander and directing his men to deal with the “hippopotamus” was disgusting, yes, but also the heart of why we love the Jersey Shore.

Let’s step it up a bit, though; even the Real Housewives of NJ have more fire in their bellies than the J. Shore kids these days. We need more excitement. More humor. Come on! Don’t make me put JWoww and Teresa Giudice in the same room.

Not that there wasn’t a lot going on last night. There was that (connived?) drama caused by Sam and Ron and a little type-written note by JWoww and Snookie. (Or, as Ron likes to refer to her, Shnookie. How does he still not know her name?) The girls wanted to tell Sam that Ron’s being a dirtbag but they don’t want to upset the house dynamic so, you know, they decided sneaking around and lying was the way to go. Because Sam will never turn on the TV find out, right? Of course, when the bomb (read: Scary Sammi and Roid Rage Ronnie) blew up, the only one who owned up to Ron doing everything listed on the note was The Situation, imparting the great wisdom, “It’s funny because it’s true.”

Which pretty much sums up why we all watch this terrible, trainwreck of humanity. And we just can’t look away. every. single. week. Read More »

"To family....and marinara from the jar!"

Who can’t help but love the dysfunction of the Jersey Shore? This week, the gang (I feel like we’re opening a summary of Scooby Doo. Come on – Snookie, Scooby… same thing?) deals with some hard-hitting moral dilemmas. Angelina, JWoww and Snookers are all plagued by the memories of Ron getting wild at the club and their desire to inform dear Sammi Sweetheart of her “bf’s” wrongdoings. The boys deal with weeding through grenades and landmines at the gelato shop.

Come on, ladies. You and Ronnie are ON CAMERA. Did we forget this blindingly obvious fact? Eventually Miss Sammi is going to see her precious Ron-Ron hooking up with Miami scram and she will also see you trying to cover up the fact that you know anything. Putting the fact that MTV has cameras in everyone’s faces on the backburner, let’s run down the I.F.F. (I’m F*cked Foundation) governmental structure.

I.F.F. – “I’m F*cked Foundation” Hierarchy Read More »

Is anyone else seeing a darker side of the Jersey Shore this season? No? Just me? Maybe I should take off my sunglasses when I’m inside.

Ahhhh, much better.

So far this season on J.S. there has been one underlying theme making its way through Miami: smush or get smushed. When you’re smushin’, you’re crushing it, you’re lookin good, you’re rocking GTL and just ruling South Beach.

And when you’re getting smushed?

You’re not a good look for Miami, for your family, or for humanity at large. Let’s evaluate who was smushing in Episode 3 and who was getting majorly smushed… Read More »

Nicole Polizzi.  Get used to saying that name because, saddest news of the weekend, “Snooki” just might be dead and gone.  That’s right.  After having one drink too many (and during the day, no less), our littlest Jersey Shore-er was arrested for disorderly conduct.  Now don’t get your poof all deflated, she’s been released from the drunk tank.  I know, big exhale, there will be a season three.

There is some bad news, however.  Snooks decided she wants to change her ways.  After feeling her family’s humiliation by her poor behavior, she’s made some rules for herself.  No more day drinking, no more bingeing at night.  We’re dealing with a newly reformed woman.

My emotions are torn because on one hand, I’m sad that Snooki’s dad was all disappointed in her since deep down he knows she’s just a good Italian girl caught up in the limelight.  But on the other I’m super sad that this could perhaps be the end of a certain orange, teased, stumbling mini-mess I’ve come to love.

Seriously, how will this new change of heart affect The Greatest Show of Our Time?  Will Snooki Nicole play the role of DD while all her cohorts get schwasted in the pulsating glow of the strobe light?  Will she be in bed by 8:00 and get up with the sun for a morning jog down the boardwalk before enjoying a protein shake and Luna Bar?  Will she become healthier than me? Read More »