I look good after a little GTL. Now I just need to find me a gorilla.

It’s Friday. My brain stopped working 3 days ago. In lieu of doing actual work I’ve spent the past 2 hours catching up on TFLN, stalking photos of people I do not know on Facebook and trying to figure out what will be going in my flask tonight.

And then I found this. The best thing I’ve seen online since When I Had Braces:

Jerzify Yourself.

It’s exactly what it sounds like. Put your picture in, click a few buttons and find out what you’d look like if you were born into Snooki’s fam. I can’t imagine a better way to spend my time on this cold Friday afternoon. And based on my outcome, Angelina (remember her?) was wrong; I’m the hottest Guidette around.

It might be a genius idea to have the reunion show before the finale. I try to care enough to watch the reunions but usually they are a waste of my time. We don’t get much out of them; all we see is that after watching themselves on TV, the contestants have gone out and gotten new hair or lost weight or sat in a tanning bed for a while.

I don’t remember most of these people so I hope that I don’t have to hear them talk. I wish that Jay had missed his flight out of Jersey.

Everyone is out on stage except for Chad, Bo and Kristy. I guess Chad has to be kept away from Bo, especially if there’s some lawsuit lurking.

We’re treated to clips of everyone making fun of Jay because he sucks, Glitter because she’s crazy and George for being nocturnally creepy. What’s up with staying up all night to watch everyone sleep?

I wish that someone would fill a tube sock with silver dollars and smack Jay in the mouth to make him shut up. You are NOT a bad ass; CHAD had to fight ‘for’ you, little man, because you can’t head butt anyone in the face unless they’re too short to go on the upside down roller coasters at the county fair.

I don’t know who’s calling Jay out, but I like her. Who threw a chair at him? Haaaaa!!!!!! Do it, Jersey girl Lauren!!! Read More »

Tila arrives in BOhio to give everyone in the Buckeye state a boner with her hooker shoes and tattoos. She meets Bo’s students and his family and they are all down to earth and sweet. It is during this visit that Bo reveals to his family that he was in the hospital and had a plate put in his jaw – Mom is upset because she didn’t know about it and I wonder if Bo still lives at home. How do you get Bo from Brandon?

What made Bo’s mom show off her Gene Simmon’s tongue and hit on Tila in front of a 10 year old? Poor thing is getting the education that he never wanted from his mom.

Next up is Tila in Westchester, NY, visiting Kristy. They start at the ice rink. Kristy must have been the junior ice champion at one point. They go on to Kristy’s house to meet the family and I cringe when they all start dancing to the show’s theme song. Does Tila sing this crap? No one should be “freaking” on anyone right now. My mom would have died 4.7 seconds into this mess.

Off to San Diego to visit Brittany. I anticipate a boring visit but Brittany comes out of this looking really cool to me. She’s really thoughtful, her friends seem cool and her dad is a nice guy. These are the conclusions that I’ve made based on 90 seconds of footage, but I’m sure that I’m right. Read More »