Jessica Simpson is set to rake in 3 million dollars to renew her deal with the pimple poppers over at Proactiv.

Basically, this means she gets more money than she gets to star in all of her blockbuster Hollywood films…to just stay kinda pretty and smile a lot. But get this! In the past, Jessica the Genius has gone on record saying that it was the prescription Accutane that cleared up her zits.

It wasn’t until she signed a contract with Proactiv in 2005 that she had what seems like a change of heart:

“I just had so much build up and so many clogged pores that once I started using Proactiv Solution, my face was just shining. I’m passionate about Proactiv because it worked for me and it gave me so much confidence.“

Maybe her face was shining because she’d returned to being excessively oily after the effects of Accutane wore off. Or maybe she’s just, you know, lying to make a ton of cash for putting in almost no effort.

It doesn’t really matter what Jess says because I don’t know about Proactiv anyway.

It always seemed like such a scam. I’ve tried it twice and all it’s managed to do was face my face smell like a foot. Not to mention drying it out so bad that I had to stay in bed and let it heal.

I had to let me face heal. My face!

So forget Proactiv and forget Jessica Simpson…they’re lying, she’s lying…it’s all the name of the game.

Besides, I wouldn’t trust a company that uses Britney Spears as a spokesperson for beauty.

For those of you who missed the airing, or the hundred replays this week on VH1, I offer you this recap of all that went down on the final episode of my favorite show this year.

The show was hosted by Riki Rachtman. (for those of you who were three when he was famous, Rachtman was the host of Headbanger’s Ball in the 80’s and a close friend of Axl Rose).

Rachtman brought out the “Barbie Twins” first; Kristia and Brandi C. These two are either really stupid, or incredibly good at using their dumb acts to their advantage. The two are living together in Los Angeles and often share the same bed. They like to put their enormous breasts together to think better. This gets Bret “a little turned on.” Apparently everyone on reality TV has a clothing line coming out, and these two are no exception. I’m sure it’s going to do really well. Right?

Then comes a crowd favorite- crazy crazy Rodeo. She still has that really nutty look in her eye and tells Bret that she wants a second chance with him. He tries with all his might to ignore the comment and not make things incredibly awkward. They are, and become even more awkward when Rodeo pulls out her Barbeque sauce and plugs. That’s right Rodeo makes Barbeque sauce and it’s organic to boot. Her sex noises however turned Bret on.

Next, Riki calls down of my personal favorite gals, Sam, and she looks cute as ever. Sam tells Riki and Bret that she was grossed out by Bret’s sex with Lacey and threesomes with the twins. She didn’t know what she expected but she knew she was better than them. So when she left she knew it was right and Bret was not someone she was going to have an intimate mental connection with. Bret says he was turned on by the F-you kiss she gave him.

Lacey time! The crazy self-made villain comes out guns blazing. She’s ready for anything and actually presents herself fairly well. She’s in some sort of production with VH1 to host a rocker show (yes the trust fund baby, so rock and roll). She fully admits to sleeping with Bret which I have to give her props for because at least she’s not evil and a liar. Her and Dallas start to go at it again in regards to animal rights (who cares?!) and Lacey gives Dallas a T-Shirt she made that says “Dallas Loves Michael Vick.” Dallas responds by saying she doesn’t date black men. Can this shit get any better? Heather and Lacey kiss and make up, and decide they both aren’t whores after all. Bret pops a boner.

Heather looks amazing, sporting a faux “Sucks” tattoo under the now infamously permanent “Bret” insignia on the back of her neck. She seems to have transcended the 80’s hair and she looks gorgeous. Being rejected by Bret has done good things for her. She says that she still cares about Bret, and he’ll be in her heart forever and vice versa. Blah blah, Bret says he still wants to f*&^ her.

Jes finally comes out and there is an awkward cheek kiss. They haven’t spoken in six months and she’s clearly pissed off about the way he treated her after the show wrapped. She says flat out he belongs with Heather, and Bret Michaels is too much of a pussy for actually admitting that he could fall in love with Heather.

As cool as Jes is, she did seem too cool for the entire show. Why on earth was she there? I gave her a lot of respect for passing her Rock of Love title onto Heather and the end of the show left us wondering, and wanting to know if Bret and Heather have found each other. I have a sneaking suspicion the answer is no, but that just means in about 6 months the void in my life will be able to be filled with “Rock of Love: 2.”

And yes, unlike Jess, I consider Dirty Dancing one of my all time favorite movies and am so excited to see it return to the big screen this week.

Needless to say, when I read an article in the NY Times about the possible downfall of chick flicks, I was devastated. Supposedly there is a disappearance of many of the movie world’s most visible female power brokers and because of this, more male-oriented movies such as 300 will appear and not be balanced out with another female-oriented option.

For someone that cannot stand watching movies full of guts, guns, or any type of violence, this is not okay.

“You don’t see companies saying, ‘More than half of this population is women, we should design a slate to come up with movies like ‘The Break-Up,’ and ‘The Devil Wears Prada,’ ” said an independent producer. No more chick flicks out in theaters will mean much less theater going for me.

I’m sure my boyfriend will find this news exciting as our regular fights over which movie to see come down to a chick flick versus a gross violent movie that I will probably have my eyes shut for most of it. Case in point: Last night it was In the Land of Women vs. Fracture. Surprise, surprise…Fracture won.

Oh well, I guess we’ll just have to rely on those oldies but goodies for chick flicks, until some more female power brokers take over the reigns once more. And plus, you can never watch When Harry Met Sally too many times, right?