Ok, so maybe I’m a little extra heated because she’s apparently engaged to my dream man, but I think that Biel could do a lot better than this lacey frock by Elie Saab. It was almost as though she was flaunting her romantic news (even though I can’t spy a ring or JT!) by wearing a wedding gown-like dress. Slow down there honey, you’re not walking down the aisle yet!

There is a whole lot of lace going on and I am really not into the little flower belt thingy either. I feel like she’s channeling her inner G-ma with this one…

Definitely not bringing sexy back.

The one thing I’ll give her is perfect styling. The simple nude lipstick and flowy hair was necessary for such a statement dress.

So what do you think, hot or hot mess?

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When I go to class at 8 a.m. wearing no makeup, I don’t look good. It’s not fair that some celebrities look amazing even without makeup. They get to be a celebrity!

Why do they get to look good with no makeup on?? I’m so jealous. And I want you to be jealous too. So here, just take a look.

Read More »

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Yesterday I tripped up some stairs. Yes up. That’s okay, though, because it was still the best day ever. As I hobbled back home and onto my couch, the sweet sound of gossip news on E! informed me that my childhood love, Justin Timberlake was finally, and truly single. Score!

After jumping around shrieking for a few minutes, the whole sitch got me thinking: why are so many Hollywood hotties tied down? Seriously, what’s up with that? OK, I fully realize that I won’t ever meet anyone of these gorgeous gentlemen out at the grocery store and make them fall madly in love with me, but it makes it easier to have naked dreams about drool over them if I think I might possibly have a chance. I mean, it’s hard to get hot and bothered about J. Timberlake when you know he’s doin’ the horizontal mambo with someone far hotter than you else.

But not anymore!

So in the spirit of a happy Friday, here are our favorite not-single-celebrity crushes who need to take a hint from JTim and Ryan Reynolds and sever those relationship ties!

Read More »

Okay, so I don’t know if you ladies have heard the news, but apparently Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson are actually dating, which really just makes my skin crawl. I mean the girl is legitimately half his age. It’s weird and it’s creepy. And since I am forever grateful that Scarlett let go of Ryan Reynolds so we could some day find each other and be together, I felt it my duty to at least point that out.

But in the process, their creepy crawly relationship got me thinking about all of the other creepy celebrity couples I’ve encountered over the years. And, well, there were actually quite a few of them. Ugh, my stomach is churning. Read More »

I was not excited to pick up the July edition of Glamour. Am I the only one who has a mildly irrational dislike of Jessica Biel? I mean, it’s not like she’s relevant enough to be impossible to escape, and I’ve finally gotten therapy grown up and accepted the fact that I will never be Mrs. Timberlake, so it’s not her long-term relationship with Justin that bothers me. And, I mean, really, how could I possibly hate on someone with such a killer body? And yet, every time I see a photo of her, I kind of make a Blair Waldorf face.

Then, when I opened the magazine, there was an ad for Uggs (vom) and in it, the female model was wearing a dress. With bare legs. And it was clearly summer. I thought we collectively let that go in 2004. Sigh.

Continuing to flip through the magazine, I didn’t see anything else particularly offensive (but did you know there are personal trainers for your vagina?! And there are vaginal weights?!) Then I got to this article entitled “The Hardest Words for a Guy To Say Are…” Oh lovely, yet another article detailing the ways in which boys refuse to be human. According to Glamour, these are the phrases dudes find it most difficult to spit out:

Glamour says: ”A little help, please?”
Jasmine says: I think this severely underestimates the intelligence of the average non-douche. The majority of guys who are in healthy and functional relationships are comfortable with asking for a little help every now and then, whether it’s with advanced calculus homework or beer pong strategy. Read More »

The MTV Movie Awards have come and gone and it was quite a show. From the Les Grossman opening to Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell hanging from the ceiling (“My testicles are numb….”) to the awkwardness-as-they-tried-to-be-funny-without-actually-admitting-to-being-together when Kristen and Rob won Best Kiss, there was a whole lot going on. And who can forget Betty White’s tribute to Sandra Bullock? Or Ken Jeong channeling Lady Gaga in his leopard leotard?

Or how about the 3 times someone said “f**k” and the sensors missed it?

All in all, it was a great show, but like any award show, what really mattered at the end of the night was what everyone was wearing. And like any MTV event, there was a whole lot of good and a whole lotta OMG, WTF is that!? Read More »

Another week, another break up. I’m starting to wonder if there was some sort of memo circulating through Hollywood this month. Seriously, the mayor should really consider changing the name to Splitsville, USA. Yeah, none of us ever expect those celebrity relationships to last too long, but this is getting OOC. Thank goodness there’s not much to talk about in the Tiger/Jesse battle for head douchebag. At least we’ve got that going for us.

The Biggies:

1. In another celebrity cheating scandal, Larry King and wife Shawn Southwick are getting divorced because of a five year affair with her sister, Shannon Engemann! Talk about scandal. Apparently, Shawn discovered the affair because of Larry’s credit card statements which listed purchases from Cartier and a $160,000 car. Neither of which were for her. This disgusts me, not only because King is a cheating bastard, but because he is still finding women who want to see him in the buff.

2. Melissa Etheridge and partner Tammy Etheridge have separated after nine years together. They are asking for their privacy during this difficult time. The couple got married in Malibu in 2003 and have three year old twins together. Read More »

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Are women getting shorter and plumper?

Well, that’s gonna be one gorgeous little girl.

Jessica and Justin – are they or aren’t they??

Jimmy Choo is finally coming to H&M.

Madonna loves Glee as much as we do.