I wear push-up bras and high heels. I go gaga for lip gloss and lipstick, nail polish, and heavy eye-make up . And I’m not even going to lie, I’m a sucker for pouty boys that call me ma’am. But besides my affinity for sundresses, pearls, and men in ties, I’m a feminist. In fact, I’ve always considered myself to be one. But despite my own declaration in the fight for gender equality, this doesn’t seem possible to people.

“How can you be a feminist?” I’m asked all the time. “Do you even know what that means?”

While feminism can mean different things to different people, I’ve often felt like I didn’t fit the mold — like I wasn’t the ideal. Like I couldn’t claim it. And then it hit me: Feminism can be whatever you need it to be. And sometimes, what you need it to be will change from time to time.

This powerful realization hit me as an 18-year-old young woman sitting in on my first Women’s Studies class at a small, private, all-women university. This moment of feminist clarity has always stuck with me, and now as a 23-year-old post-grad, I am constantly revisiting feminism and its applicability in my ever changing life. Although feminism, even in 2011, often still sounds like a dirty word with a negative connotation, I’m constantly surprised at the way feminism finds itself in my day to day life — it really does come in all shapes, sizes, issues, prospects, and in all kinds of different people. And despite being so diverse and so varying from time to time, I’m still relieved that I can make feminism something all my own.

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In honor of Women’s History Month, CollegeCandy has decided to spotlight some of the world’s most influential women. Last week we focused on the women from our generation and this week, we pay attention to some of the most spectacular thirty-somethings. These are the women that show us life really does get interesting in your 30s, whether you’re a famous movie star or activist. Anything can happen, and just like these women have done in their 30s, we can make a difference in the world at any age. Read More »

I still remember the date I had sex for the first time. It was July 16^th, and I was 16 years old. It’s odd that I remember the date, I realize, especially because it wasn’t any kind of mind-blowing experience. Looking back now, 16 seems really young – but it worked for me because I was ready. I had gotten on birth control, bought condoms, and, for lack of a better term, was ready to “get it over with.”

While I was far from the last of my friends to “lose it,” many of my close friends had already had sex, which put me in an advantageous position; I got to ask lots of questions. During these girl talk sessions, I heard the regular tidbits: it will hurt, you will bleed, and (what I was most mentally prepared for), you’re going to feel intensely attached to whoever “deflowers” you.

After a lot of anticipation, on a hot Monday afternoon,  I had sex for the first time. The moment came, the deed was done, and as I sat on the couch watching Yes, Dear with the guy I just had sex with, more than anything, I was confused. I didn’t feel any different. I didn’t instantly fall in love, I wasn’t sore, and I didn’t really understand what all the fuss was about. What’s the big deal with virginity if I’m going to be the exact same person after I do have sex? Read More »

After undergoing a week long sex-education unit in my seventh grade health class, my creepy health teacher passed out two promise cards for us girls to sign, which stated that we promised to remain abstinent until marriage. While we were told to sign one for ourselves to keep in our purse, we were also expected to leave our John Hancock on one of the cards to turn in as an assignment – no questions asked. As my classmates complacently signed their names on the dotted lines, I remember thinking how ridiculous this task seemed – why was my stance on virginity anyone’s business? If only my feminist hero, Jessica Valenti was around then!

Feminist blogger (Feministing) and author of Full Frontal Feminism and He’s A Stud, She’s A Slut and 49 Other Double Standards Every Women Should Know, Jessica Valenti’s latest book The Purity Myth tackles the issue of “how America’s obsession with virginity is hurting young women.”

And it truly is.

Let’s get real. Regardless if you believe in saving sex for marriage or not, it is very alarming in a disparaging way to see girls only being granted value or worth for staying sexually pure instead of for their character. Why should sexuality (in the sense of remaining abstinent) be highly coveted over a teen girl’s qualities or accomplishments that make her unique? In a society that continues to worship abstinence (with virginity programs across the nation and federally funded purity balls), Valenti points out that while virginity is acceptable, having sex is also okay because at the end of the day, a young woman’s choice should not decide her existence as being morally up to standard or not.

From the get-go in The Purity Myth, Valenti confronts the definition of “virginity” and how for such an abstract idea, the concept controls and impacts girl culture today immeasurably: “The Purity Myth is for women who are suffering every day because of the lie that virginity exists, and that is has some bearing on who we are and how good we are.” Read More »