Um, basically…. this video is ridiculous. If you haven’t seen it, you should.

Yes, Tiki, Steve Jobs has actually died. Moron.

The cosmetic guru of the century (sporting the ugly, unfinished bronzer Bobble-head look) attacks Jobs and the Apple industry for overpricing their products.  While she pays respect to Jesus – who apparently died a million years ago – she asserts that Jobs should have tried harder to emulate the Son of God by donating all of his money to those who needed it.

Our suggestion? Basically, like, build a bridge and get over your bronzer…because it looks like you played Mr. Potato Head with your brown head and your white neck. 

How many times a week a day do you Google yourself? An embarrassing amount, right? Almost as embarrassing as the amount of time I spend diagnosing myself with fatal diseases on WebMD. But when we’re not googling our own name and Facebook stalking our frenemies, we’re googling (and ogling) guys. Like, a lot. So we wanted to do a totally scientific study (please note that we did this research while also doing research on the effects of Four Loko on a professional work day) on the most googled guys on the internet. And we were SHOCKED by the results. Like apparently no one else is as into Barry Manilow as I am. But a lot of people are really into Ne-Yo. Who knew?! Now you do!

Willie Ames found a new way to make money.

Ciara introduces Super C. I wonder if she’s friends with Sasha Fierce.

Need a little prosperity in your life? Check out these tips.

Paris Hilton’s new beau would love to have some “mini Parises” with her.

Michael Lohan is dragging Britney Spears into his family feud.

The Spelling mansion is on the market. If only I had $150 million….

Who will Madonna hook up with next?

Speaking of Madonna, holy Photoshop!

It takes a very strong man to rock some Hello Kitty briefs.

Which celebs are taking hair extensions to a whole new level?

Forget Jesus. Kanye West is here!

Nicolette Sheridan – have you learned nothing from Britney?

We love when Justin Timberlake shows up on SNL.

Weekend gun scare at Princeton.

Real Housewife Gretchen to promote gold digging?

Martha Stewart’s dog killed in an explosion?!

Tom Cruise is even creepier than I thought.

Check out Britney back on stage.

Losing weight vs. gaining muscle. The truth is here.

Sorry, peeps. Amy Winehouse will not be coming to Coachella.

And one last link…because we had to.

P4CM, a.k.a Passion for Christ Movement, an organization that (duh) is all about religion and serving Jesus, just launched a new line of tees to inspire people to free themselves through God.The tees announce to the world that the wearer has rid him or herself of poor habits and choices that are frowned upon by God. Things like being a diva, being a hypocrite, and being a slave.

Or, being a masturbator?

Yeah….their latest design, the “Ex-Masturbator” t-shirt,  addresses the question: Is masturbation seen as a good thing through God’s eyes? (Editor’s Note: I don’t care – it’s a great thing through my eyes!) And I think that’s great; really, I do. Everyone has a right to express themselves (and the things they do under the covers when they are alone at night) on a t-shirt, but I am just not sure people will rock this shirt with any sincerity.

I mean, how many guys do you know that are Ex-masturbators? Hell, how many guys do you know that can last longer than a day without doing it?

Ze-ro.

I’m not saying that no one is going to buy the shirt; in fact, I am pretty sure those things will sell out. I’m just confident that it won’t be actual “Ex-Masturbators” rocking the tees, but rather dopey fratboys on college campuses nationwide trying to get a few laughs…and into a girls pants for some truly sinful activities.

And I’m pretty sure that’s not what P4CM had in mind…

Ego and rock’n'roll usually go hand in hand, but there are certain artists who defy expectations in the douchebag department. Certain rockers who just can’t keep their mouths shut — whether there’s a stage mic or a report’s mic in front of them. Certain dudes who make our top 5 Cockiest Rocker Dbags.

5) Noel Gallagher

Remember this douche? Yah. Not many people do. For some reason Oasis is still making music, but the only thing we ever heard when we looked at them were the words “ugly” and “all-our-songs-sound-the-same“

4) Gene Simmons

A few months ago, Simmons recorded a sex tape that made just about everyone I know puke up their lunch. Sure, KISS was a good band, but saying things like “every other band should be wiping my ass” is just pure Dbag material — especially if you look like your face is made of wax that’s melting.

3) Little Richard

Little Richard and his tiny moustache made some good music in his day, but you wouldn’t exactly consider him “the architect of rock ‘n’ roll,” would you? The architect of tacky sequined jackets? Sure! The architect of upper lip hair? Yup! Well, it doesn’t matter what you’d consider, because Little Richard knows.

2) Kanye

No lie, Kanye knows music — or at least his kind of music. He’s got a certain genre pretty much covered, but that doesn’t mean that he’s the most popular rocker of all time. I mean, if he was, my mom would know who he is…and I’m pretty sure if I said Kanye to to my mom, she’d asked if that was a type of take-out I can only get in NYC.

1) John Lennon

He has to be #1. Because he tried to take on Jesus. And look…you just don’t take on Jesus. I mean, can you walk on water, buddy? I don’t think so. That guy is totally in the popular clique of the Cosmos.

Any other rocker Dbags we should know about?

We thought it was only appropriate, then, to honor these fallen celebrities. For without them we would never know the repercussions of driving drunk, grabbing the breast of an underage girl, or buying and selling drugs from the back of a limo. These celebrities have taken the fall so we don’t have to. It’s as if they are channeling Jesus and sacrificing themselves for our sins.

Ok, maybe not. But their mugshot pictures are pretty badass.

There is really nothing better than seeing an ultra glamorous superstar looking like a hot mess at the police station. Especially when that superstar is strung out on some really strong sh*t. So, we took it upon ourselves to pull our Top 10 Celebrity Mugshots together for your amusement. Scroll through, enjoy, and practice your voting skills for this year’s election by choosing your favorite to win the 2008 CollegeCandy Mugshot of the Year award. (There is really no prize, award ceremony, or thank-you speech, but we still want to know which hot tranny mess is your favorite.)

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Which mugshot is your personal f-a-v?

Rumor has it

Yes, like many non-Jewish women who fall head over heels for the Jews (and who can blame them?), Lilo is (allegedly) converting for her gal-pal, Samantha Ronson.

Being a card carrying Member of the Tribe, I feel it is my duty to whip up a (Kosher) Jell-O mold/some bagels and lox and welcome Linds to the Jew-berhood.

We are so excited to have yet another celeb on the verge of a mental breakdown to call our own!

Before I hand over the bagels, though, I need to make sure Lohan is in it for the long run. We Jews take our religion seriously and, like the bouncers at the Waverly Inn, don’t let just anyone in. Is she ready to use guilt to get everything she wants in life? Does she fully understand just how much time we are forced to spend in synagogue? Does she know that being Jewish is about more than searching for a good deal at Marshalls?

And, most importantly, is Lindsay truly devoted to our people, or is it all about the allure of Yom Kippur, a holiday where we atone (and are completely forgiven) for the sins we have committed in the past year? Lord knows Lohan has a lot of atoning to do, starting with that line of leggings she created.

Oy. As if having Speidi at church wasn’t bad enough, now we have to worry about having Lohan at Temple. God help us all.

But that is the unfortunate truth for some Church-goers in L.A.

You would never guess by looking at her, but it seems that Heidi Montag is quite a religious little lady. And she’s bringing Spencer along for the ride. Sure, she values boobs over life and has probably broken all 10 commandments…daily, but she loves God! And church! And (getting Chanel bags for) Christmas!

Anyways, Pratt recetly revealed his new love for Jesus in an interview with Us Weekly.

“I’m a work in progress. I’d never been to church until I met Heidi,” he tells Yo on E!. “She got me to go — it was a big step. The walls shook a little bit as I first cruised in, but Jesus and I are making the connection.

“I’m trying to live a more positive, holy life, but it takes work,” he adds. “It’s hard not sinning, you know?”

I didn’t know churches let people like Spencer in. And I know Jesus loves everyone, but Spencer Pratt? I get this feeling he may make an exception for him. I mean, this dude made a deal with the devil and is poisoning the world with his….everything.

Let’s just hope this new religious leaf Spencer is turning over will change him. And not in a, “Heidi is making a Christian album” sort of way.

Please, God, don’t let it happen.

(Note: I can’t believe I just wrote a post with the words “Jesus” and “Spencer Pratt” in it. Forgive me for I have sinned.)