Almost as good as latkes. Mmmmm.

Put on your yarmulke, it’s time for Hanukkah! (Chanukkah? Hhannuukkka? I’ve heard there might be a silent “j” in there somewhere…)

Everyone’s favorite Maccabee-inspired, latke-flavored, menorah-lit, better-than-Christmas—yeah, I said it—holiday starts tonight at sundown. And even though I’m hoping to get a few specific gifts this year, there’s only one thing I really want to find wrapped in a giant box on Day Eight: a nice, Jewish boy. I don’t think it’s too much to ask; I go to school in New York City, for Moses’s sake.

But I’m not the only one who should be angling for some Semitic lovin’ this holiday season. Dating Jewish boys is the best, and everyone should do it. Why? Well, I’m glad you asked:

-  They’re funny. If you need proof, Wikipedia has 228 pages in its “Jewish comedians” category. Sure, a lot of them—Woody Allen, Al Franken, Howard Stern—aren’t exactly dreamboats. But Seth Rogen, Michael Showalter, Jon Stewart (real name: Jon Stuart Leibowitz), and plenty of other dudes are the whole package: Jewish, funny, and cute.

- Even if your Jewish guy doesn’t have a quick wit, he might have a Jew fro, which is probably hilarious enough to compensate.

-  Jewish dudes have so many neuroses that your quirks will seem tame and adorable by comparison.

-  They know how to treat a lady. Between the guilt and the daily dealings with a Jewish mother, these boys have learned the rights and wrongs when it comes to interacting with the lady folk.

-  They’re also used to dealing with a big, dramatic, sometimes-embarrassing family, so they won’t freak out when they meet your folks.

-  And speaking of family: if a Jewish guy’s mom likes you, you’re set for the rest of the relationship (and I’m not just talkin’ about all the good cookin’ coming out of her kitchen). My mom still asks my 25-year-old brother why he isn’t married to the girl he dated his sophomore year of college. I think she might even still have weekly phone dates with her.

-  When they get older and start to lose a little hair up top, they can just cover it up with a yarmulke and no one (especially all your girl friends) will be the wiser.

-  Jewish guys come with Jewish holidays (lots of them), which come with Jewish food: kugel, blintzes, bagels and lox, brisket, challah…

-  Maybe best of all, according to the Torah, it’s a mitzvah (good deed) to have sex on Shabbat, a.k.a. Friday night and all day Saturday. Sure, this is only technically true for married couples, but I doubt your Jewish beau will care.

People always yell at me and tell me I am being too picky, (“What is the big deal?” “Why not someone who is at least your height??”) but I can’t help it. And trust me – I have tried.

Last weekend, I went home with a very attractive boy – my height, super hot …but really, really skinny. I was already nervous enough to strip down to my skivvies, considering my post beer belly. But, thanks to the power of that very beer, I was feelin’ frisky, so strip I did. We had our fun. When it was time to go to bed, though, I couldn’t find my undergarments in the pile of clothes on the floor, so the boy threw me a pair of his boxers to sleep in. And it was like putting in a pair of Spanx. Or plaid biker shorts.

Totally true.

Totally embarrassing.

Talk about feeling like less of a woman; I felt like a total heffer. Any sort of confidence and feeling of sexiness went right out the window. Which is exactly where I wanted to go. All of my insecurities came rushing back and my desire to only date someone bigger than me was confirmed.

People are always talking about Tom Cruise and his various super tall wives, but there is a big difference between me and Katie Holmes (besides the fact that I am not some silent Scientologist). She is famous…and glamorous… and is married to Tom Freaking Cruise. She could have 6 eyes and be 12 feet tall and no one would care.

But it’s different for me. I don’t live in a land of Oscar parties and red carpets. I live in the real world. A world where I may want to wear heels from time to time, or get on top without suffocating my man. A world where I can look up at my boyfriend…or curl up in his oversized sweatshirt. Not rest my beer can on his head or borrow a t-shirt when I am feelin’ like sporting a baby tee.

I am sure I could love someone who is shorter if I tried, but I can’t seem to get myself to give them a second glance (after I look right over the top of their heads when I scan the scene at the bar). Maybe it’s just me, but there is something about wearing the same size pants as your boyfriend that sorta changes things. I want to feel like a petite lady in my relationship – is that so wrong?

So you’re probably thinking my drunk self from the last post sloppily filled out an online dating profile (with phenomenal coherence) after her long, hard night alone and signed herself up without a second thought.

Please. I had the sense to wait a bit and soberly research this. CrazyBlindDate.com and I were hardly acquaintances. In fact, I hadn’t heard about this service until I started looking up different types of dating sites…

Basically, CBD is just meeting someone, once, at a bar or coffee shop. No strings after the first 20 minutes. This isn’t necessarily for someone looking for a future wife, so much as a bored guy on a weeknight whose friends are all working late.

CBD is available in 4 cities: Austin, San Francisco, Boston, and obviously New York. You first decide how you want to date: go solo and meet a complete stranger one-on-one, sign up with a friend and meet two strangers, or say you’ll do either.

The “either” option entails signing on to go solo, OR go on a double date, complete with THREE strangers. You can’t see a picture of your date until after you’ve met in person, so this is a toughie for the superficial. (See yours truly for details.)

I signed on for the “either” option. I figured it would make for a good story.

Next, on to “requirements“:

…age.

…height requirements.

…race and gender.

…religious affiliation.

…smoker or non-smoker.

…level of education completed.

As you’re filling this out, a little box keeps popping up. “Lighten up?” it asks. I’m sorry. I’m really supposed to go into this with no consideration of what “type” I’m looking for? Psh. No thanks.

Let me explain why I got touchy about this “lighten up” bit. I’m really tall, but unfortunately not waif-ish enough to make a career out of it. I lust after tall guys and date shorter ones (by shortest I mean 5’9″. They usually end up being right at eye-level, though.). Now that I could actually specify how tall an ideal date would be, I decided to enter my own 5’11″ for my request. I figured as that’s what I attract, I should ask accordingly.

After trying not to feel like a racist and working to avoid admitting a Catholic background (so much for finding a nice Jewish boy…another weakness), I chose a timeslot and a couple Manhattan neighborhoods to meet my perspective date. CBD is the liaison, telling you where to meet and when, but they can give you as little as an hour’s notice before the date. On the off chance I’d get set up, I skipped my gym session that evening.

For nothing. An email at 11:00 PM said I couldn’t be matched, because of my height, education level, or my neighborhood requests. I was, needless to say, a little disappointed, then bitterly rationalized that all the available tall men are probably dating those effing short girls. There’s no justice.

The cynic in me was shaking her head. For being tall and not wanting to get set up with a guy going after his GED, I’m apparently condemned to be single forever. Awesome. Thanks for boosting my self-esteem.

I filled out another, more “equal opportunity” date request, and we’ll see if that goes anywhere. If nothing else, it kept me occupied for a good hour. Maybe I’ll even meet a cool short guy.

Up next, a little research on JDate… which I so wish I could join…