What’s going on this week? Apparently not much besides Eat Pray Love. At least that’s all I’m hearing about these days in Hollywood. I swear, if I see Julia Roberts sitting innocently on that bench suggestively eating her cup of fro yo one more time, I’m going to scream. Eat it like a woman, Roberts. Stop looking at the birds, OK? At first I really did want to grab my girls and sneak a tube of cookie dough into the theater for a little Eat Pray Love action. But now? I’d rather eat, eat, sleep.

Anyway, besides the cutesy movie about a women traveling the world to find herself (I personally don’t need to leave America and In & Out Burgers to find myself), what else is going on in Hollywood, you ask?  Well, Rachel Bilson recently went on a Costco shopping spree. (Welcome to singlehood, homegirl!) Aaaaand that’s about it.

Bright Eyed And Bushy Tailed.

J-Lo’s Diva Ways Ruin Her Chances As An Idol Judge. J-Lo was given a chance at career redemption on a silver platter courtesy of American Idol, and what did she do? Chuck that platter across the room. Don’t you know this diva only accepts platinum, FOX?  Due to her high demands and general diva-ness, JLo has officially lost the gig… and any future in Hollywood. FOX refuses to comment, but I don’t. Way to go, Jenny from the Block. Being a super bitch doesn’t always pay off, does it?

Bill O’Reilly gets all up in Jennifer Aniston’s business. Not sure why anyone cares what he thinks, but O’Reilly made some snide comment about Aniston’s choice to let science determine her future as a single mother, reportedly saying her decision was “destructive to society” and “diminishing the role of dad.” Obviously, Jen handled his douchebaggery with poise and class. Way to go, Aniston. Can we all just leave her alone now?

Fantasia Is Headed Home From the Hospital After Suicide Attempt. After overdosing on aspirin and sleep aids, Fantasia Barrino is home and doing OK.  Though her people are claiming it was all a big misunderstanding, we’re just hoping she gets help and gets better.

Judge Revel Removes Herself From Lindsay’s Case. It’s official, La Lohan’s judge (Marsha Revel) has had enough of those leggings and straggly blond hair.  She has removed herself from the case after allegations she improperly contacted people involved in the case. Did she DM Samantha Ronson on Twitter?? Not quite.  Reports state she contacted “participants and experts” without notifying lawyers in advance.  Whatever it is, she’s outta there, which seems to be quite a trend when it comes to Lohan’s case.

Glee Clothing Line on Sale Sunday! I’m so excited I could break into song right on my kitchen counter! The fashion line will be available exclusively at Macy’s and will include t-shirts, tops and hoodies priced $19.99-$34.99.  Wait, does this mean there will be Cheerio inspired uniform tops? Finn inspired jock-wear? Sue Sylvester wind pants? Be still my heart.

Yawn.

Britney Spears Tweets About New Album. So now we know why she hasn’t had any time to get that weave fixed….

Taylor Swift Sings About Permanent Markers. Swiftie has released a new song about drawing an X through an old boyfriend’s face in permanent marker.  It’s called ‘Permanent Marker’ in case you missed it and despite the terrible song name, it’s surprisingly sweet and cute for such passionately angry lyrics.

Christiano Ronaldo Reaches 10 Million Likes On Facebook. This dude is becoming cooler than J-Beebsie. He’s reached 10 million likes over Facebook and counting! I think it has something to do with pouring ice cold water all over his face. I would like to take this moment to cordially thank H2O. That is all.

Joe Jonas Gets Arrested. Sorta. I’m really not sure what to say about this.

Nick Cannon Nominates Mariah to be Next American Idol Judge. Oh Nick Cannon, this is so cute! He’s nominating his little love muffin Mariah to be the next American Idol judge.  He says, “I know she would love to do Idol, let’s start a campaign!” With Jessica Simpson and J-Lo out of the running, Nick and Mariah’s dream may just come true.

Oh and one more thing before I go!  I’m sorry but Marc Jacobs is making my face melt off and steaming up my reading glasses (yes, I’m wearing them, and yes I can barely see) in the new Harper’s Bazaar photo shoot. Yum. O.

Every day we’re bombarded with a million different messages about what we are supposed to look like. And tell you what, our not-so-scientific-yet-totally-accurate visual research proves that 99% of girls out there don’t fit the mold. So instead of telling you how to wear your hair, or how much weight to lose, or which one of Heidi Montag’s many surgeries to get (because, really, look where that got her), we’re going to celebrate these so-called beauty flaws with beautiful women every single week.

Last week we celebrated the natural nose. Today, let’s talk about curves.

It’s no secret that Hollywood likes their actresses to look anorexic-chic. But that doesn’t mean that all the women in Hollywood are conforming to that reasonable ridiculous standard. This week we’re putting on a spotlight on the curvy and voluptuous celebrities who haven’t let their bigger bodies stop them from having even bigger careers.

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Is cheesecake as addictive as cocaine!?

JLo’s back in (the music) business.

Looks like Angelina isn’t so perfect after all.

It’s totes fine if it’s on your bucket list, right?

Rachel Bilson pregnant? Ha!

5 steps to buying the perfect jeans.

The ladies are back on top, but who will win?

Britney and Jason Trawick are gettin’ pretty serious.

7 ways to know if you’re drinking too much.

These fattening foods will surprise you!

Taylor Swift’s got a home video. And it’s exactly what you’d expect.

What does Christian Louboutin think of J-Lo’s crappy song?

I am a chronic list-maker, whether I have to make a difficult decision or not.  Lists help me organize my thoughts and remember important facts and details that I need for later.  However, there are some things that I would rather forget and that’s what this week’s showdown concerns.

Everyone loves a diva.  Well, not really.  They just think that everyone loves them, despite having no real talent or anything to offer to society.  When you say “diva,” two women jump to mind – Mariah Carey and Jenifer Lopez.  The glitz, the glamor, the bad acting and the attitude (ohhh the attitude) define who they are.   Where would we be without these ladies?  Probably in a much less annoying world, but let’s make a list just to be sure…

Career
Mariah Carey is a machine, pumping out annoying hit after annoying hit.  Yes, I hate her music.  No, I can’t stop myself from trying to sing along with her in my car.  However, I categorically refuse to watch Glitter or any of her other attempts at “acting.”  Most of the rest of the world seems to refuse as well.

Jennifer Lopez used to be a good actress (Selena! I was so down with watching that movie every day in fifth grade…in between Titanic showings, of course).  Then something terrible happened and she started making movies like Angel Eyes and Monster-In-Law.  Her music isn’t great either.

Point: Mariah Carey. Every time I sing one of her songs, I die a little inside.  Plus,  you can’t beat Selena.

Diva Stock
Mariah Carey is infamous for her diva-like tendencies, from canceling TV appearances at the last minute to traveling with her own furniture.  She’s had highly publicized emotional “break downs” and reappeared in the media, batting her eyelashes, almost instantly once she got the attention she craved.  Really, Mariah?  You’re from Long Island.  Calm yourself.

Jennifer Lopez has earned plenty of diva status with her pages of requests that are sent anywhere she intends to roll into with her entourage (which, btw, includes her hairstylist and personal chef).  I just can’t see what would make her think she can order people to change entire lighting schemes just to make herself look better…although that is an amazing idea and I will so start to require complimentary lighting wherever I go.

Point: Jennifer Lopez. Jenny from the Block?  I’m so sure.  Let’s see what happens if you roll up in the Bronx with your entourage and list of demands.

Camera Whorishness
Mariah Carey loves her some photography.  And by photography, I mean she loves when people take pictures of her (and talk about her and admire her and etc., etc.).  Unfortunately, the camera doesn’t love her back and we’re all stuck with unfortunate results plastered all over our gossip mags and blogs.

Jennifer Lopez also loves the spotlight, but thanks to the influence of her intensely-private husband, seems to be stepping back more often.  I mean, her face is still everywhere, but I don’t see it even when my eyes are closed anymore.  Win.

Point: Mariah Carey. Just…stop.

Love Life
Mariah Carey has been tied to quite a few celeb dudes in her time (was anyone else supremely amused by the whole Eminem thing??) and was married early on in her career.  Now she’s married again and to Nick Cannon.  Was he drugged?  I feel like he’s a pretty chill and funny dude…what’s he doing with that diva??

Jennifer Lopez moves from high-profile relationship to high-profile relationship (by relationship, I mean marriage…she’s had a lot of those) with alarming (but somewhat impressive) speed.  From her time spent with Puffy (there was a pretty gangsta gun fight in there somewhere, I think) to her participation as half of the beast that was the original Bennifer.

Point: Jennifer Lopez. Oh, Bennifer.  How you used to amuse me.

Celebretard Prize Goes To: Mariah Carey. Aging divas are generally unpleasant creatures, but Mariah takes the cake (and definitely eats it, too) with her sliding career and increasing amount of attitude.  Unfortunately, that won’t prevent me from belting out “Touch My Body” in my car the next time it comes on the radio.  Fail.

The Red Carpet was fantastic. Fitted dresses were all the rage, highlighted by gorgeous accessories. Cocktail rings were everywhere, along with blingin’ brooches, hair clips and necklaces. And let’s not forget the best (and most prevalent) accessory of all: major cleavage.

Below are a few of our favorite (and most trainwreck-y) bits and pieces from the evening. Sure, the overall looks were breathtaking, but it’s all in the details, right? A little bling here, a little ruffle there. And, of course, Drew Barrymore’s hair. I mean, come on, girlfriend. That hair? Is she auditioning for Hairspray?!

Click on the pic to see the entire look.

[Photos courtesy of E! Online, Just Jared, Fabsugar, Us Weekly, and People Magazine. Thanks, guys!]

Being one of the most famous faces in the world means always looking camera-ready, and Jennifer Lopez has gotten that down pat. Whether out shopping in jeans and a casual top, or posing for the Oscars, J.Lo has got it goin’ on. She’s always seen in gorgeous designer duds (and is close friends with many of them), does a lovely job when it comes to accessorizing, and knows how to flaunt that kick ass bod of hers (even after twins).

She’s often seen wearing asymmetrical drapey numbers, but she also looks amazing sporting tight gowns that really hug her curves. Oh and let’s not forget those awesome hats and sexy knee-high boots, looks that most women can’t pull off (and lord knows I’ve tried!). As a whole, she almost always looks flawless and her fabulosity shines through no matter what the occasion is. And for that, Jennifer Lopez is my Style Idol this week. Maybe this honor will help lift her spirits as she (allegedly) handles a very public divorce.

He’s taking over the world

Live in NYC? Run! They’ve invaded

John Stewart for President!

Debate the legal drinking age? In college? Why not?

You actually can overdose on this…listen at your own risk

Find your perfect partner

Michael Phelps gets his dolla dolla on

…but JLo doesn’t get it

Can’t someone just put us out of our misery, by putting HIM out of his misery?

“Condom, Condom!” Someone’s calling

Nobody likes Madonna

But even I, as much of a celeb-session that I have, do not think it’s appropriate to showcase your one month old child on the cover of US Weekly, People, In Touch, OK! or others, bartering with various publications for who will pay the most for the first pics of the new bebe.

In an article by Forbes Magazine, the topic of celebrity baby pictures – and the outlandish prices – was addressed. According to reports, JLo and Marc Anthony were paid $6 million from People Magazine for the first shots of the twins. $6 million?! For baby photos?! That’s more than I’ll make in a lifetime – hey, that’s more than everyone I know combined will make in a life time!

While I think it’s ridiculous to pull figures for your children, at least, if you do it, be charitable about it. Take the famous Brangelina couple, who, at the birth of Shiloh in 2006, were paid $4.1 million by People for the pics, all of which they donated entirely to an African charity. Okay so, still not the best idea to pimp out your kid for some dough, but at least, if you’re going to do it (which they all are – can we guess how much Ashlee & Pete will get???), they did it with some class.

An editor from OK! was interviewed for the article and said the price for the pics is absolutely worth it, as they sell magazine’s like hot cakes. (The Shiloh cover sold 2.2 million copies, which is 45% above the average circulation.) Clearly, I get why magazines want the pictures, but why do WE, us average joes, care so much?

I’ll be the first to admit that I still – despite my ranting and raving – pick up those magazines and flip directly to JLo’s twins, or Angie’s baby girl to see the first glimpse of the baby, the nursery and the happy parents. I think we care so much because we revel in the unknown. The fact that JLo and Marc Anthony can spend millions on a baby nursery is something I’ll never be able to do, so looking at their fortunes intrigues me.

While discussing this topic with some friends, we also decided that seeing Angelina beat the crap out of 10 guys at once is one thing, but seeing her arms wrapped around a child makes her seem normal, grounded and real. Also, I think we’re just nosy little people who thrive on finding out every aspect of these individuals lives, when really, there are much bigger fish to fry when it comes to life’s necessities.

I understand you are proud of your children, but marketing your child is not something I will ever advocate for. Yes, the stars can demand their own prices, their own regulations and decisions, but when is enough, enough when it comes to exploiting the gift that you’re supposed to experience in private with your family? It’s one thing to put yourself out there on the movie screen, TV show or magazine covers, but please, spare your children.

Not every star will conform though. My favorite NYC fashionista, Sarah Jessica Parker, reportedly turned down roughly $1 million in 2002 for pictures of her son James. Thatta girl sister. Way to stand alone.

(Photo courtesy of fashiontribes.com)

The babies are cute, but not $6 Million cute. To hit that mark they would’ve had to be sleeping with puppies or riding on baby goats (baby animals can significantly up any aww factor). But instead the kids are just sleeping on Mom. Despite being tiny celebrities in their own right, I think people forget that they’re still newborns. Not much to see.

Hopefully J.Lo will donate some of the money to a worthy non-profit, but it’s more likely she’ll use it to by more luxury items for her little cash calves.

But can you blame her? No matter how much it bothers me, in the back of my mind I know I am more upset with the millions of people buying the magazines than the celebrities selling pictures of their kids to the highest bidder.