We’ve featured many a sports-related rivalry in weeks past, but what would College Candy be if it were not for our strong, beautiful twentysomething female readers? With that in mind, let’s pit legendary women’s colleges Barnard and Wellesley head-to-head (er, tit-to-tit?).  All my single ladies…

1. Mascot Matchup

Barnard- Millie the Dancing Bear is the official mascot for Barnard College, but given the athletic consortium between Barnard and Columbia University, Barnard athletes are lady Lions.
Wellesley- School pride is exclaimed in enthusiasm for the Wellesley Blue–simple, but true!

Three credits to: Barnard which has not one but two mascots!

2. Terrific Traditions

Barnard- Pre-meds (and their roommates) the world over dread the required organic chemistry final exam, a rite of passage about as painful as, say, childbirth.  On the evening before the exam, called Orgo Night, the boys from the Columbia band march over to the Barnard quad to play music to disrupt Barnard girls’ studying.
Wellesley- Every year, the course of the world’s most prestigious marathon, the Boston Marathon, snakes through the Wellesley campus. Known to runners as the “Wellesley Scream Tunnel,” the deafening shrieks of Wellesley girls cheering can be heard from miles away. Classes are canceled on the day of the marathon, and many girls stand roadside with signs offering kisses, bottles of water, and a whole lot of school pride.

Three Credits to: Wellesley, since kissing sweaty strangers is about as type-A collegiate as it gets!

3. Where to Find the Boys

Barnard- Literally across the street from Columbia University and the Union Theological and Jewish Theological Seminaries, Barnard girls are a stone’s throw from all types of co-eds.
Wellesley- Wellesley has cross-registration privileges with MIT and has a bus that travels between the two campuses several times a day. Another bus travels into Boston every hour.

Three credits to: Barnard…where being across the street beats being across town.

4. Ass-kicking Alumni

Barnard– Joan Rivers, Cynthia Nixon (Sex and the City), Lauren Graham (Gilmore Girls)
Wellesley- Hillary Clinton, Diane Sawyer, Madeline Albright

Three credits to:  Wellesley for boasting TWO secretaries of state. Seriously, would you want to mess with either of them?

5. Acceptance Rate Agony

Barnard- 28.5% for the class of 2012.
Wellesley- 36% for the class of 2012.

Three credits to: Barnard, no question!

And the diploma goes to: Barnard! It seems the sun shines a little brighter on Barnard’s Morningside Heights campus in New York.

[This post is courtesy of our gal pal, Marie Claire.]

With Amy Poehler’s new sitcom, Parks and Recreation,MC premiering this month, and Tina Fey ruling Hollywood from atop a pile of Emmys, funny women are having a moment.  rounds up the pioneers, the visionaries, and the chemically imbalanced to talk about how we got here.

Can a pretty girl be funny?
MARGARET CHO (Lifetime’s upcoming Drop Dead Diva): I remember seeing beautiful girls do stand-up, and it was a disaster every time. Not only were people not gonna listen to you because you’re a woman, if you’re good-looking, people really don’t want to listen to you.

SUSIE ESSMAN (Curb Your Enthusiasm): I’ve had to give some young female comics advice about what they’re wearing. Like, you can’t wear something too provocative — it’s too confusing to the men in the audience. They don’t know if they wanna f**k you or laugh at you.

JOAN RIVERS (comedian): Phyllis Diller used to dress like a fool. Totie Fields was a big fat woman. In the beginning, women comedians were all grotesque in one way or another.

PHYLLIS DILLER (comedian): When I started, I had a broken nose, my teeth were crooked, and I was very skinny. And you know what? It all helped.

ESSMAN: I always wondered if Roseanne would have been accepted by the country, being as strong as she was, if she weren’t fat. Lucy was beautiful. But she played dumb, dumb, dumb.

SUZANNE SOMERS (Three’s Company): [When I was fired from Three’s Company], a producer said to the ABC people, “She’s a blonde. I trained her, I’ll train another one,” like I was some sort of seal … [But] a comedy is musical. It took me two years to understand the rhythm, the beat, the timing, but once I heard the music, oh, my God, I so got it.

Read the rest at Marie Claire.

So, today is World Nude Day. Yeah, we wish we knew too; this sweater is really itchy, and we are pretty sure our professor would cancel all Friday classes if we’d shown up in our birthday suits. Apparently this “holiday” was started in New Zealand to celebrate the body in its natural state and we applaud that. Everyone should love their body and want to show it off to the world!

At the same time, though, there are plenty people in this world who we’d rather not celebrate with. And we think it’s pretty obvious why. Call us haters if you will, but would you want to bump into a nude Dick Cheney, or have to compare your body to a nude Beyonce? Yeah, we didn’t think so.

Happy Hanukkah, people!

In honor of the eight days of Hanukkah, we decided to do a tribute to our 8 favorite Hanukkah celebrators (also known as Jews). But then we decided that 8 just wasn’t enough; there are too many good ones! So, we upped it to eight Jews for each of the eight days.

Yes, it’s a lot of Jewish, but let’s be real – Hanukkah gets totally ignored this time of year, so we thought it would be nice to give a little shout-out to the people not dreaming of a white Christmas. You know, the ones dreaming of a little Mu Shu on Christmas eve. Click on any of our favorite Jews to see why we love em so much (and why anyone – Jew or non Jew – will love them too!).

Botox is the second most popular prescription drug, after Viagara, and women have become addicted to the procedure. Lisa Rinna, former Melrose Place star, told In Touch that after seeing pictures of herself she realized she has gone “too far” with her surgical procedures. Ya think? She looks like a mannequin who can’t smile or blink. Freak! We all know the other celebs who are rumored to have the procedure done frequently, like Cher, Sly Stallone, Courtney Cox, Joan Rivers, Nicole Kidman, and the list goes on and on and on.

Caution: There are dangers out there! Botox isn’t something that should be debated over mildly. Here a few facts to help you in your debate to be stuck with the needle or not.

• In a recent study, an active Botox toxin was injected into rats and after 72 hours the toxin was found in the rats’ brain. This is scary, especially since the toxin broke down proteins and caused damage in the brain!
• The same toxin injected in the rats, botulinum toxin, has been found in humans who receive Botox injections and it spread to other parts of the body which has resulted in paralysis of respiratory muscles and difficulty swallowing.
• Please know that the side effects have been reported as early as one day and as late as several weeks after treatment.
• There were 16 deaths prior to January 2008. Enough said.
• There are also minor side effects, like dizziness, rashes, bruising, tiredness, headache, stiffness, etc.
• Do not rush into any decisions. Have a consultation with the dermatologist and then go home and think about the procedure. Do your research!

Fact: I love famous men. Love them. No matter what movie or TV show I’m watching or what gossip magazine I’m reading, I can always pick out at least one person that I would totally ride the Sexy Train to Dirtytown with. (Example? The other day I was chatting with my lady friend about the do-ability of Jerry Seinfeld. No joke.)

But despite all their fame and money and ready access to plastic surgery, there are some celebrities that are too terrifying even for a fame skank like myself to consider acceptable. Here’s a rundown of the top five male celebs I’d rather saw my leg off than get nekkid with.

5. Donald Trump

The thing about Donald Trump is, he has a lot of qualities that tend to suck me in. He’s grossly rich, he’s arrogant, he’s ostentatiously tasteless – though I know that these traits aren’t generally recognized as good, I have a total weakness for all of them. But when it comes to Donald? Yuck. In him they’re so pronounced, they make an already unattractive dumpy dude even ickier. Lucky for him, Manhattan is crawling with ladies looking for a free dinner; lucky for me, I’m not one of them.

4. Carrot Top

Carrot Top started out merely as an obnoxious, unfunny comedian with a really crappy name, until one night when he was hit by a drunk truck driver hauling a tankard full of toxic waste. Then Carrot Top started noticing some bizarre changes; the skin on his face started pulling back and tightening, making him look like Joan Rivers; his body shape-shifted from that of a normal man to Guile from Street Fighter; dark rims appeared around his eyes almost like he was inexplicably applying obvious dark eye makeup to his pale-ass Irish complexion. He had evolved from Carrot Top to Super Carrot Top, King of the Startlingly Clown-Like ‘Roided Up Creeps. Truly terrifying.

3. Dr. Phil

Folksy colloquialisms delivered in an irritating Southern accent? Check. Completely self-righteous attitude? Check. Host of a totally white trash talk show masquerading as legit programming? Check. Yep, Dr. Phil meets all the necessary criteria to be shot off into space, never to return. Oh, and he’s crazy unsexy.

2. Michael Jackson

So obvious, he almost shouldn’t be on the list. But the fact that he is attests to what an awful awful horrorshow he is. Think about him being in your bed. Do it. I dare you.

1. Weird Al Yankovic

Song parodies may be my least favorite thing in the world, and Weird Al has been bringing them to the semi-mainstream for, like, as long as I’ve been alive. And I’m sure he’s a really nice guy, and I know that nerdiness is part of his shtick, but this dude’s decades of sporting the worst hair/glasses combo ever while singing about lasagna to the tune of “La Bamba” has earned him the number one slot on this list, putting him ahead of Michael Jackson. Some might call it the highest achievement of his career. And some are absolutely correct.

This is just a small selection from the vast pool of individuals who deserve to make this list – I welcome you to chime in with your own nominees.

Woohoo! It’s Friday! I don’t know about you, but I am in a great mood! Beers tonight and no alarm clock tomorrow morning, baby. Sounds like perfection to me.

But there is something else adding a little swing in my step this morning (yes, I just said that and yes, I did have a venti Starbucks this morning): rumor has it the writer’s strike is o-v-e-r, OVER. At least everyone thinks it is.

According to Disney CEO Michael Eisner (who, I guess, is part of this whole thing), “a deal has been made, and [the writers will] be back to work very soon.” The deal still has to be presented to the writers, which will happen on Saturday, but Eisner is quite confident it will be accepted.

Which gives me the perfect excuse to get my drink on tomorrow night.

This is the best news I have heard since Britney got out of the hospital and started flaunting her panties all over town…again. I will finally have something to look forward to when I come home from work. I can finally stop watching the train wreck that is Real World/Road Rules Gauntlet #3,476. I can finally feel better about paying for my DVR since it will actually have something to record.

Think of all the glorious TV we will have back!

Grey’s Anatomy: I actually had to Wiki this since it has been so long, but last time we saw the staff at Seattle Grace Dr. Bailey was experiencing major marital problems, McDreamy was moving onto the nurse with the great smile, Izzie told O’Malley’s mom about the affair and Meredith was probably bitching about her “awful” upbringing. How excited are you to find out what happens next? Will Miranda’s husband leave her? Will Meredith finally realize what a sexy man she has and stop mucking it up with her non-existent-yet-she-thinks-they-are-huge issues?

The Office: A Thursday spent without Jim Halpert is not worth having. Even if the bar by my house has $1 pitchers. Just the idea that I can have Jim, Dwight and the entire Dunder Mifflin office back in my life is enough to make me want to get up on my desk and dance (something I usually reserve for Saturday tequila nights).

Gossip Girl: Blair and Nate. Nate and Chuck. Nate and Serena. I haven’t slept in weeks worrying about my friends on the Upper East Side. I considered taking some sleeping pills to get me through, but the Cirque Lodge is currently booked through ‘09 and I didn’t want to risk the addiction. Thank God I can finally find out what is going on and sleep peacefully once again.

The Oscars: After the less than thrilling SAG awards and the rumors that the Grammy’s may be shot to hell as well, I started getting a bit nervous about the fate of the Academy Awards.

What the hell is Joan Rivers going to do?

What am I going to talk about for the entire month of March (besides my birthday, cough cough)?

Thank goodness I can stop stressing; with the strike ending the Oscars and all their fashion glory are a comin’.

The only bad news in this whole thing is that it might be up to two weeks until any of our shows return. After months, however, another two weeks is nothing. Just enough time to finish my book, clean my apartment and get my DVR ready for its 2008 comeback.

Okay, I think we can all agree that Carrot Top, even when he first popped up in Hollywood, was no Justin Timberlake. He wasn’t even a Screech.

But he also wasn’t appearing in my nightmares, either, waking me up in a cold, cold sweat, like he is now.

I know we here at College Candy have mentioned the ginger-kid “comic” before (and that was one too many times) but seriously, DOUBLE-YOU-TEE-EFF?!

What the CRAP is this?!?!? There are so many things going wrong with this man, that I’m about to fall over and have a brain aneurysm:

1. The hair. We get it. Big, poofy, curly orange hair. It’s your thing, it’s your gimmick. It’s bad.

2. The eyebrows. The dyed black eyebrows. Orange eyebrows would have been better than this.

3. The mesh tank top. Mesh tank tops should never be worn, under any circumstances. Especially this circumstance.

4. The…muscles? Do these things even qualify as biceps? They are mutant-like and asymmetrical.

5. The “Carrot Top” patch on his jeans. Blegh.

The weirdest thing (and weirder than the obvious plastic surgery) is that there are celebrities everywhere that actually resemble Carrot Top, and I’m not the first one to notice:

Danny Bonaduce!

Shawn White!

Joan Rivers!

After checking him out on IMDB, it seems like Scott Thompson has little on his professional horizon. He was, however, slammed pretty bad at Flavor Flav’s VH1 Roast. Kinda feel bad, but if he’s gonna go out in public looking like a gargoyle, he’s got it coming.

Oh yeah, there’s one more thing about Carrot Top I forgot to mention…

He’s Fergalicious!