This week I’d like to dedicate this post to Chelsea Handler, who despite flubbing some punchlines at the VMAs, is still totally awesome.

That being said, this week has been filled with a lot of post-VMA talk over T-Swift’s downer of a diary entry, Biebs owning it, Rihanna’s red hair, and Kanye’s ode to douchelords. Kanye’s song (and sick gold necklace) rocked, by the way. Just sayin’. Anyway, there were some non-VMA related things that happened so let’s break it down.

Big Mac (and a milkshake)

1. Shelley Malil, that guy from 40-Year-Old Virgin, has been found guilty of attempted murder. He’s facing 21 years to life for the premeditated attempted murder of his ex-girlfriend, Kendra Beebe. Shelley pled not guilty and claims he accidentally stabbed her (over 20 times) because he thought it was someone else trying to attack him. Mmmmk.

2.Watch out world – Speidi’s back! We all speculated that their “divorce” was a publicity stunt, but now the two claim they’ve reignited that special flame. (And how they did that when Satan Pratt is sporting a giant pube beard I’ll never know.) Wondering what this duo has been up to? Well, they were reportedly renting a home in Malibu this summer, made a bunch of renovations without telling the owner, and then hopped over to Costa Rica where Spencer got arrested last week on weapon charges. I guess congrats for saving your marriage?

4. Bob Barker fainted at a shooting range! Thankfully he’s OK! (And didn’t shoot anyone in the face on the way down. Hear that, Cheney?!) The 86-year-old Price Is Right host was taken to the hospital for dehydration. He’s taking it easy at home. Goodness gracious, Bob! Don’t scare us like that!

5. Joaquin Phoenix is a jokester! Remember when Joaquin said he was quitting acting to become a rapper? Well, according to the director of his documentary, Casey Affleck, it was a hoax! I’m Still Here follows Joaquin as he tries to break into the hip hop world, but the duo behind the project claim they “never intended to trick anybody.” Joaquin played this character on and off screen, even when he did interviews, for two full years. This has to be the longest running prank ever and makes Ashton Kutcher’s Punk’d days look like small potatoes.

Kids’ Meal (with apple fries)

1. Are Rachel Bilson and Chace Crawford a couple? The two were spotted out in New York together, but her rep said they aren’t dating and she’s friends with his manager. And didn’t we just hear speculation that Rach is gettin’ down with Jake Gyllenhaal? I think it’s about time she reunited with Hayden Christensen and put an end to all these rumors.

2. Jennifer Hudson keeps dropping the pounds! The Weight Watchers spokeswoman has lost another 20 pounds…the healthy way. Impressive! You’re looking fabulous, J-Hud!

3. David Blaine and fiancee, Alizee Guinochet, are expecting. Congrats! I wonder if Baby Blaine will pull a rabbit out of the womb with him.

4. Natalie Portman’s new movie, Black Swan, is getting tons of Oscar buzz. I’m not surprised – Natalie is a superstar. Although I’m not exactly sure what a ballet thriller is.

5. New Calvin Klein ads. You’re so welcome! DROOL.

We all know Reality TV is less than quality. And yeah, Rock of Love (especially that bus!) and For The Love Of Ray J are ruining the world, but it’s hard not to love those celebrity-based reality TV shows. Much like coffee, cardigans and chocolate chip muffins, I’m addicted. Whether it’s seeing how those people live or getting to know them in a different way, there’s just something about those shows that keeps me, and America, coming back for more.

Admit it: no matter how embarrassing it is, you can’t get enough of Tori and Dean or Giuliana and Bill. It’s fun to see how celebrities live, and what they’re like when they’re not all decked up on a Red Carpet repeating lines fed to them by their overbearing publicists.

Remember how surprised you were to see how almost normal the Osbournes were?
Or at how messed up Britney and K-Fed were? (…maybe  that one wasn’t so surprising.)

Wouldn’t you like to get inside Oprah’s life? Or Ryan Seacrest’s? Or, OMG, Paula Abdul’s? Talk about TV gold! I’m giddy just thinking about it. (I may even have to upgrade to a bigger DVR if that last one is an option. Mine is already full with all of the Real Housewives….) But enough about my life long dreams; let’s see which reality shows the CollegeCandy writers would like to see.

Ricki – University of Michigan: The Glee cast. They need to show us what it’s like to be behind the scenes

Emmy – Loyola University: Any show with Taylor Lautner would have me as a loyal viewer immediately.

Kim – Stanford: I’d want Jay Z and Beyonce to do a reality show. They’re Hollywood’s most interesting couple because they’re so secretive…. so obviously I want to know everything.

Leah – Ryerson University: Marc Jacobs and his adorable beau. Great fashion, very fun.

Carly – Grinnell: I kind of want to know all about the Disney stars, like the JoBros and Miley. I know parts of their lives are already splashed all over the Internets, but I feel like they have secret, exciting lives that I want to know about.

Lauren – University of Michigan: Chuy from Chelsea Lately. I just can’t get enough of that little nugget.

Nina – Michigan State University: Kanye West should totes get one! It would make even more people hate him. WTF else does he do now that he’s on hiatus, anyway?

Lexi C. – Brown: Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman. He is charming and funny and she is raunchy and offensive, so I would love to see how their personalities work together.

Charlsie – Hollins University: I think I’d like to see blogger Julia Allison finally get her dream-come-true reality show. Maybe then I can figure out what it is she exactly does and should be famous for.

Rachael – University of Miami: I’m not a huge fan of these reality shows, so I’d rather not see anymore created, but if I had to pick someone, I’d want it to be someone who was really working for something important, like Jordanian Queen Rania Al-Abdullah or Michael J Fox, or someone really off-beat and fun, like Tim Burton. THAT could be interesting. . . .

Noa – CU Boulder: Madonna and Jesus Luz. I just need to see how those two work together. Or how long Madge spends chugging protein shakes and bench pressing his hot little bod.

Zahra – Northwestern University: I want Perez Hilton to get a reality show so I can learn how he got famous for no reason and then follow in his footsteps. He freakin’ hangs out with Lady G now! Jealous.

Hannah – Assumption College: I would definitely want to see Brad and Angelina at home with their dozens of children (I honestly don’t know how many children they have, I stopped counting). I just don’t want them to suffer the same fate as Jon and Kate.

Brithny – Duke: Anderson Cooper, apart from AC360. I’ve always wondered what the Silver Fox does on a daily basis, besides being ridiculously good-looking and saving kids.

Brittany – University of St.Thomas: Besides Chase Crawford (even if he life is bor-ing I would be pleased take an extra 30 min. out of my day to stare at his brown locks and purty eyes) I would chose Katy Perry. Someone has to get behind her obsession for Russell “skinny jeans” Brand. I also wouldn’t be opposed to a Perez Hilton and a Lady Gaga combo reality show. It could be like Rob and Big, except way weirder. And gayer. Loves it!

Sarabeth – University of Texas: I want to see Brad and Angelina have their own show on TLC. They have to be more interesting than the Duggars.

Elizabeth – UC Berkeley: Joaquin Phoenix.  I’m a little curious about what he’s been up to post-breakdown/rap career.

However crazy they were acting in 2008, however, they’ve all been acting pretty, well, normal lately. Lindsay’s stable relationship seems to be keeping her grounded, Amy’s getting help, and Britney’s back!  Even former Hollywood bad girls Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie seem to have grown up, too.

Boring, right? What are we supposed to obsess over? Talk about? Compare ourselves (read: make ourselves feel better about our own lives) to?

Thank god for the bad boys!

As we have all seen over and over and over, these past few weeks have been chock full of dudes gone bad: Chrisitian Bale flipped out on a movie set, Chris Brown was just arrested for assaulting Rihanna, Michael Phelps has gotten into some trouble for an unfortunate bong hit, and Oscar-nominated actor Joaquin Phoenix has been behaving, er,  strangely after quitting acting to pursue a career in hip-hop.

We knew we could always count on someone in Hollywood to keep us entertained, but it looks like  2009 is turning into the year of the male meltdown. What could be next? More Tom Cruise shenanigans? A Michael Cera drug bust? A Brad Pitt freak out?

We’ll have to see, but the way things are going so far in ’09, we are sure there will be plenty of dude drama to come.

Make your own erotic novel? Best V-Day gift EVER.

I didn’t think it was possible, but David Beckham is gross. 

The most romantic fragrances.

Mandy Moore is getting hitched.

Nicolette Sheridan leaving Desperate?

Bedroom toys that will knock your socks off. That is, if you wear socks to bed, which is just weird.

Is it just me, or is Lily Allen’s dress a bit short?

Heidi Klum makes me feel even worse about myself…

Eat healthy for only $1 a day? No way.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone.

In other depressing news, mail delivery may get cut back to 5 days a week.

Lookalike couples: cute or totally creepy?

Jessica Simpson may be smarter than we thought…

I don’t know weather to lay in this bed or take a bite out of the side.

Bowling Green basketball doesn’t let a little snow get in their way.

Joaquin Phoenix really needs to shave that beard and go away. But really – shave the beard, man.

This may actually make me want to do some Yoga. 

Is George Bush afraid of feminists?

Lady Gaga officially ruined. Thanks, Paris!

Laundry at OSU costs 120 calories…

George Anthony, grandfather to murdered Caylee Anthony, attemps suicide.

Kelly Osbourne heads back to rehab. In case you care about Kelly Osbourne…

We much prefer Shia LaBeouf this way.

Clinton’s senate seat is officially taken.

WTF is up with Joaquin Phoenix?

It’s all about the nude lip.

First Diane Sawyer, now Anderson Cooper? Those media peeps sure got down on Inauguration night.

Dear Sonic Burger, Please stop advertising in cities where you don’t exist!

Tips for getting your first vibrator.

Wait, was Joaquin Phoenix working?

Angels and Demons: from awesome book to awesome movie?

Joe the Plumber now Joe the Plumber/Country Star and no longer a supporter of John McCain.

Courtney Cox is returning to comedy.

Juciy Campus founder thinks students are too serious.

Yes. There is a National Museum of Pasta. Delicious.

College grad starts an online college guidebook.

Rachel Bilson is adorable.

The world doesn’t revolve around you, people.

SAE fraternity pays for hazing.

Ever date a guy who is too tall?

EW.com has decided that it’s time to finally answer the question of “Hollywood’s Hottest” by putting it up to YOU, the reader.

While some may favor the old-school charm actors like Paul Newman and Clark Gable, there’s no discounting the boys of today like do-gooder Leonardo DiCaprio and bad boy Mark Wahlberg.

Do you agree with their choices? What about the EW’s readers choices? It’s pretty obvious that choices like Eric Bana and Joaquin Phoenix are there for the right (gorgeous!) while dudes like Jon BonJovi and Gerard Butler make the list cause they’ve got something to sell (or a career to save!) but, who knows? When it comes to hotties…to each their own!

Who’s missing? Who doesn’t deserve to be in the running to become Hollywood’s Ultimate Hottie? Check out the Ultimate Hottie Gallery after the jump!

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