We’ve all heard about Asshole McPerv’s recent legal snafus, and apparently, he’s paying for them—with jail time.
All the money in the world couldn’t save Joe ‘Douchbag’ Francis from spending the first part of spring cooped up in a cell, and I guess the orange jumpsuit life isn’t suiting him at all.
“He can’t sleep. He hasn’t eaten properly. He’s prone to anxiety attacks” claims Francis’s laywer, “He came back to his cell from a (lawyer) visit (this past week) and was told that he wouldn’t get his Xanax pill because he’d missed the medication cart that day. He went into a full-blown anxiety attack.”
May I be the first one to start laughing hysterically? Guess Mr. ‘Girls Gone Wild’ isn’t as cool as everybody thought. Guess Mr. ‘Girls Gone Wild’ is just as prissy as the chicks he feeds alcohol to until they undress themselves for a camera. He must have been so busy making poor man’s porn that he missed the memo that clearly explains how jail is not a vacation.
I’m sure he’ll get out too early and pay his way into a quick trial, but for every day he’s behind bars, I smile a little wider. Let this be a lesson to assholes everywhere: eventually, it’s all gonna catch up to you, and when it does, ain’t nothin’ gonna save your butt from feeling the burn of Karma’s payback.
Finally, the time has come for the founder of the Girls Gone Wild video series to face the music. CNN reports that Joe Francis has been ordered “into custody after settlement negotiations soured in a lawsuit brought by seven women who were minors when Francis’ company filmed them on Panama City Beach.”
Not surprisingly, Francis is not going quietly. The lawyers for the women claim that Francis threatened them and refused to surrender to U.S. Marshals. And to go even further, he claimed that it was a case of “judge gone wild.” Cute. Very cute play on words Joe.
The question is, will anything actually happen? Or will he just use the $29 million he makes a year from girls flashing their boobs to the camera while intoxicated to get out of this easily with a settlement? My guess is that the second of the two options will happen and Francis will escape jail time. I always figured that it was inevitable for him to get in trouble due to the amount of minors that are coerced into appearing on videos, and for the number that claim they didn’t know what they were doing, blah blah blah.
Maybe this legal scuttle will put a damper on plans for the restaurant chain. Or maybe it will simply disappear quicker than the memories of drunken girls who flash their ta-tas on video.
Stock your dorm with water and canned goods because civilization as we know it has officially come to an end.
No, my friends, aliens have not landed nor has Y2K returned. The situation is much, much worse. Girls Gone Wild is becoming a restaurant chain.
Yes, you heard me correctly and I sh@! you not.
According to Stuff.co.nz, “A restaurant chain under the Girls Gone Wild brand name is being planned by Joe Francis, whose Mantra Films’s has built a $US100 million business videotaping and selling the DVDs featuring young women exposing their breasts.”
I mean, is this really necessary? Is there a void somewhere I don’t know about in the American Dining Experience that Hooter’s has failed to deliver? I guess only time will tell.
To celebrate this joyous occassion, we here at collegecandy.com would like to offer the following menu suggestions:
The offers keep rolling in for American Idol castaway Antonella Barba. Hollywagers.com reported last week that Girls Gone Wild creator, Joe Francis has offered the Jersey Girl a cool quarter million to act as spokeswoman for the flesh-bareing franchise. $250,000 and the top stays on? Lil’ Miss. Barba, there is hope for you yet.
And for those of you who want to play along at home, Bodog.com, “the world’s largest online sports betting destination” is taking odds on whether or not Antonella will take the deal or not. How do ya like that action?
Whether she will or won’t remains to be seen. But the sure money is on Antonella. For a girl who cannot sing, she is certain to make some “CHA-Ching”!
We’ve all heard about Asshole McPerv’s recent legal snafus, and apparently, he’s paying for them—with jail time.
Finally, the time has come for the founder of the Girls Gone Wild video series to face the music. CNN 
Stock your dorm with water and canned goods because civilization as we know it has officially come to an end.
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