Ahhh, Fourth of July.

It’s not a holiday that carries the burden of gift exchange, and you don’t feel guilty if you don’t spend it with your family. Is that why it’s one of the best days to celebrate? People make plans for the Fourth months in advance, which is more than we can say for St. Patrick’s day, its celebratory-drunkfest cousin. So what is it that makes Independence Day so special? I mean… other than the fact that we have freedom of speech and right to assemble and such.

1. Fireworks.

They appeal to everyone. The rebels can light stuff on fire and blow things up. The artists can appreciate the colorful patterns of light against a midnight sky. And the lovers can tell themselves it’s okay if they just did it in a park on a blanket. Fireworks and Fourth of July are like Mistletoe and Christmas. They just aren’t as cool if you pick the wrong day. Read More »

July is pretty much here (I know – where the eff did June go??), and I can’t help but notice more American-themed fashion/toys/food crowding the retail shelves just about everywhere.  At first I was confused (I mean, that red, white, and blue dress is cute, but wasn’t Fleet Week a while ago?), then it dawned on me…Independence Day.

After about a minute of feeling guilty about almost forgetting our Nation’s birthday, I started to remember why I adore the 4th of July so much.  I get to spend time with my family, spend all weekend drunk and in the sun, and eat massive amounts of food.

This year, however, I decided I wasn’t going to puss out after just three servings of barbecue.  So, I did a little research and gathered some tips from the masters (read: the competitors in the yearly Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest!).  Now you guys can join me in celebrating the founding of America the only way that is appropriate – by eating more than anyone else on the planet.

Don’t Starve Yourself Beforehand – When you starve yourself, you’re actually making your stomach shrink (in addition to being a pretty bad move in general).  Keep eating before the big day and you’ll  keep your appetite up.  Besides, who wants to rock that crazed, hungry person look during the family picnic?

Prepare Your Stomach - Assuming that you aren’t Takeru Kobayashi, you probably don’t eat like a maniac on a normal basis.  Therefore, you might have to stretch your stomach out to make room for all those amazing Independence Day meals (ribs? burgers? corn on the cob? Droooool).  Use this week to chug water and chomp on mad lettuce – you’ll expand your stomach in no time (thirds, much?). Read More »

In response to yesterday’s list of 13 Truths About Women, we weren’t sure what to do. Do we respond to their “truths”? Maybe give them a little real information on women, instead of that bullsh*t they came up with?Or, do we go ahead and enlighten the world with some truths about men? Things we know to be true and think everyone should know when dealing with these….creatures.

We went with the latter. So, here they are: 13 Truths About Men That They Will Lie About Until They Die, But We Are Insightful Enough to Figure Out No Matter How Much They Deny:

(We must note, however, that, unlike men, we realize that all these truths can’t possible apply to all men. But they do show up, in some combination, in every single one.)

1. Sex Is Always a Top Priority: Guys often will try to make women believe that they are sensitive and don’t care about sex (“I want to talk!”), but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Sex is always number 1. Over sports. Over work. Over you. Over your relationship when he is in another city and a cute girl starts talking to him. Over his family. Over his health. If sex is an option, he will be taking it. And if sex is an option without a condom, he will be taking it in the 2.5 seconds it takes to rip your clothes off. No time to consider the repercussions, because those don’t matter when he can do it without the burden of a condom! Read More »

The mustard belt will remain on U.S. soil for another year.

Amy Winehouse seems to be mastering the art of multi-tasking

Ashley Dupre attemps to “drop negativity from her life.” Quite a large task, no?

Doin’ it doggy style? You could be breaking the law.

Fad Diets: First the Cookie Diet, now a McDonalds Diet?!

Venus Williams: the favorite child

Hailed as “one of the greatest moments in American sports history,” Joey Chestnut, 23, made America proud yesterday as he shoveled 66 hotdogs into his mouth in a mere 12 minutes. Needless to say, it was one of the most disgusting displays of American pride I have ever seen.

In a brutal showdown, 6 time Japanese champion Takeru Kobayashi went dog for dog with Chestnut until almost the very end, despite a jaw injury. Unfortunately for Kobayashi, his “reversal” (aka barf) during the final stretch cost him 3 HDB’s (Hot Dogs and Buns eaten) for a total of 63. Both competitors broke their own records as well as the record for most hot dogs ever eaten.

The competition, held annually, has been around since 1916. If 90 years of hot dog pounding doesn’t scream what is wrong with our countries eating habits, the amount of calories Chestnut consumed—20,394—should.

Welcome to America, land of the free and home of obesity.