I’ll admit it: I’m an addict. It’s a horrible habit that, after so many years, I just can’t kick. It’s available, it’s affordable and, hey, it makes me feel good about myself. And even though it’s probably damaging for me in the long run, I just can’t stop.

Yeah, I’m a consumer of the Kardashian culture. I watch the shows (the originals, the spin-offs and Dancing With The Stars when one is competing), I read the interviews, I follow the obnoxious tweets. And recently, people like Daniel Craig, Jonah Hill and Barbara Walters are calling me out on my fascination with the most overexposed and yet untalented people on television, the Kardashians. I jumped on the family bandwagon relatively late, actually. I initially denied the attraction to what Barbara Walters referred to as “a strange mix of trashy sex, upscale excess, tabloid melodrama and suburban family life” — though the balance of these ingredients varies with each episode, depending on which siblings are in them. But when Lamar Odom proposed, Reggie Bush called it quits, and Mason was born, my interest was officially peaked for some reason. I was suddenly intrigued by these people who are so famous, and for the life of me, I seriously could not remember why.

Is it really because the late Robert Kardashian was OJ Simpson’s lawyer and friend? Because Bruce Jenner is an esteemed Olympian? Because Kim Kardashian was partying with Paris Hilton during her heyday and recording her sex-capades with Ray J — Brandy’s brother? I guess that by putting all of those famous-by-association factors together, and adding Kris Jenner as a manager and Ryan Seacrest as a producer, these people are worth watching. Over and over again. Why?!?

Daniel Craig of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and Casino Royale doesn’t understand it either. ”Look at the Kardashians, they’re worth millions. Millions!” he told British GQ in their January 2012 issue. “I don’t think they were that badly off to begin with, but now look at them. You see that and you think, ‘What, you mean all I have to do is behave like a f*cking idiot on television and then you’ll pay me millions?‘”

Jonah Hill — who, in Superbad and Get Him To The Greek, often acts like an idiot (with the exception of Moneyball) — feels the same way, but for different reasons: he actually watches the shows. He openly admitted that he felt duped when Kim Kardashian announced her plans to divorce Kris Humphries because, like so many of us, he bought into that gaudy and god awful wedding display. He ranted to The Huffington Post about the infamous family earlier this week:

“I have friends who work in TV and the Kardashians get higher ratings than their TV shows. Shows that people actually work hard on — writing and creating and trying to tell stories. The fact that the Kardashians could be more popular than a show like ‘Mad Men’ is disgusting. (Laughs) It’s a super disgusting part of our culture, but I still find it funny to make a joke about it. Whenever I say I like reality TV, people write about it like they’re in shock. I can’t even understand it, so I watch it. I think it’s funny and I definitely enjoy it in a making-fun-of-it sort of way, but where does the line sort of end? When do I stop making fun of it and become an actual fan?“

I personally don’t know. I’m confused about it all. And I’ve often wondered if they actually see it all as “working” when they punch mirrors, wax each other’s vaginas, lose $75,000 earrings while swimming in Bora Bora and then conveniently find them again once the cameras are pointing another way. Seriously, such scheming takes skills!

So finally, after ranking the Kardashian family as a whole one of the 10 Most Fascinating People of 2011, Barbara Walters sat down with Kourtney, Kim, Khloe and mother Kris, and asked them flat out: “You don’t really act; you don’t sing; you don’t dance…you don’t have any — forgive me — any talent!”

And then Khloe, the voice of reason within that crazy clan, revealed the truth that no one wanted to actually acknowledge: “We’re still entertaining people…None of us think we have talent. None of us think we can sing or act or dance.”

But they do call themselves businesswomen. They’re spokespeople, fashion buyers, “perfumistas” even…and now they have a store at The Mirage Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas called Kardashian Khaos that sells anything and everything with their names and faces on them. Shockingly, it’s not full of cricket sounds; paying customers are lining up to actually buy their licensed merchandise. Maybe they’re Midwestern Americans looking for a souvenir of Los Angeles celebrity lifestyle; maybe they’re foreigners stocking up on pieces of American culture. Because no matter how you look at it, or whether you’ve been looking away all this time, this random family is famous for being famous, and they’re now forever part of American pop culture.

“I think it’s more of a challenge for you to go on a reality show, and get people to fall in love with you for being you,” Kim said to Barbara Walters. But Kris Humphries filed for an annulment on account of fraud, and he’s got some pretty good grounds…who says you’re even really being “you” at all??!?

After hearing criticisms from Daniel Craig, Jonah Hill and Barbara Walters, I’m kicking my addiction; but I’m only continuing to watch to find out if they’re all for real. From watching the preview, I think that the next episode will be pretty revealing of their true character, right? Plus, it looks kinda funny.

Do you Keep Up With The Kardashians? Okay, seriously…WHY?!?

Ashley is a UC San Diego grad who is holding on way too tightly to a potential career in magazines and goes to Vegas all too often. She’s fascinated with celebrities and strawberry beer and doubles as a pathological texter/emailer/blogger. Feed the addiction with tweets @cashleelee. Thanks in advance.

There has been a bit of discussion recently among our writers over whether or not our favorite celebrity dudes are circumcised or uncircumcised. Now, before you ignore the larger issue here and ask why the hell they’d talk about such a bizarre thing — just accept that they tend to let our minds wander and conversations drift from time to time.

Now, back to it. There are strong opinions when it comes to penis…uh…styles (can I say that? does it sound weird?). Imagine if you were one of those girls who was all like, “Gah! What is that? Pause while I WebMD this sitch” every time she came across an uncut dude. What would you do if your ultimate celeb crush came along, totally DTF, and he was sporting more than you bargained for? Would you tell him to move along? Or would you gamely explore foreign territory?

While we can’t coach you through the make-it or break-it moment, we can give you the dirt on who has an elephant trunk in their pants…and who doesn’t. Before we reveal the answers, though, see if you can guess what each of these men are working with…

Will Smith

Ryan Gosling

James Franco

John Mayer

Jon Hamm

Mark-Paul Gosselaar

Macauley Culkin

Keanu Reeves

Anthony Weiner

Rob Lowe

Jonah Hill

Paul Walker

Zac Efron

Mario Lopez

Heath Ledger

Will Arnet

Ewan McGregor

Leonardo DiCaprio

Colin Farrell

Jason Segal

Charlie Sheen

When did Natalie Portman get so weird?

7 tips on finding a good guy

Just laugh it up

Elmo def beats Jonah Hill in the maturity contest

Totally not surprised

Officially time to cancel American Idol

Ready to see this guy's hockey stick?

Are you getting pumped about Levi Johnston’s upcoming full-frontal spread in Playgirl?

Wait, what’s that? You just threw up in your mouth a little?

Levi might be conventionally attractive, but his status as Bristol Palin’s baby-daddy, Jon Gosselin’s new buddy – Michael Lohan must be green with envy – and an all-around jerk (in response to New York Magazine asking him how he was adjusting to life in the Big Apple, Levi said, “I run this city. It ain’t no thang.” UGH) means that we’re less than excited about the idea of having naked pictures of this asshat plastered all over the internet next week.

After giving the matter some thought, we realized that there are actually only five guys that we’d be even more opposed to seeing in their birthday suits. Read the list if you dare—the thought of these dudes naked might just make you shudder.

We're fine not knowing if his shag carpet matches that dust ruffle on his chin.

Jonah Hill
Don’t get us wrong: Jonah Hill is totally hilarious, whether he’s riffing with his buddies from the Judd Apatow School of Awesome or slumming it in “Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian.” That said, we do not want to see his wang. Ever.

It just feels so wrong..

A Jonas Brother

Seeing any of these three without a regulation skinny tie and a nonthreatening-yet-slightly-edgy pair of pants would just weird us out, no matter how convincingly they croon about wanting to hold a girl’s hand or whatever. It would be like seeing a creepy version of Mickey Mouse wandering through a post-apocalyptic Disney Land.

Thanks to his meggings, we already know what this guy is packing.

Russell Brand

The nasty, matted, greasy hair. The unsettlingly skinny body. The meggings. Russell is a dead ringer for Jack Skellington, and that is so not attractive. Have fun, Katy Perry—then again, maybe you two deserve each other.

Barf. Here comes my $5 footlong...

Perez

No. No. NO.

Does that look like the face of someone with a bangin' bod?

Hugh Hefner

It’s kind of ironic that the guy who started the Playboy empire is the last dude that we’d ever, ever want to see in the buff. The soft-core entrepreneur is 83 years old, which makes him 63 years older than his current “girlfriends,” identical twins Kristina and Karissa Shannon. They might not mind running their hands over his loose wrinkles, but we do. Ew. There aren’t even words to describe how wrong that is.

Made it to the end of this psychologically scarring list? Congratulations—you deserve a prize. Here’s a picture of James Franco looking adorable. You’re welcome.

“Can I share with you my worldview? All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich.” –  Liz Lemon, 30 Rock

And that is exactly what I plan to do on this day, National Sandwich Day. Sit in peace and eat my go-to sandwich: the T.B.M sandwich from Cosi. With only a mere three ingredients, this sandwich somehow speaks to my soul and brightens even the darkest of days (no thanks to you, Daylight Savings Time.) If this sandwich was a man, I’d be rolling around in bed with it right now. Hell, maybe I’ll do it anyway.

My love of sandwiches and my love of men run almost parallel to each other on the mathematical graph of my life, intersecting only at the moment someone lets me eat a sandwich and have sex at the same time. That’s the stuff dreams are made of. And until that time comes, I’ve thought up a few sandwich ideas that bring my two weaknesses together.

The “I Love You, Sandwich” Sandwich: A piece of Paul Rudd in between two slices of Jason Segel with a side of honey mustard. Paul is the tried-and-true turkey to Jason’s hesitant-at-first-but-turns-out-to-be-a-party-in-my-mouth avocado. Unstoppable.

Ocean’s 11-Grain Sandwich: George Clooney and Brad Pitt lying neatly between two pieces of multi-grain bread. Let’s face it. George is getting old, bound to be a little gritty. But Brad balances out the sandwich with his smooth and creamy loins texture. Add a little Matt Damon on top for a little extra pop of flavor.

The Knocked-Up Fat Cat: A large submarine sandwich filled with ingredients such as, but not limited to: French fries, mozzarella sticks, chicken fingers, jalapeño poppers, pizza bites, Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill. Because who doesn’t get the munchies from time to time? Maybe you can cut it with the Samurai sword you keep in your room.

The Guilty Pleasure Open-Face Melt: Because there’s nothing I like more than Chace Crawford, Ed Westwick and whole wheel of cheese.  As much as you would like to just say no in the face of temptation, I’d like to see anyone deny these Gossip Girl stars…. especially if they’re covered in gooey, melted, cheesy goodness.

The Sloppy Jack: Grade-A man meat Jack Black is a hot mess. But we love him anyway. It’s obviously going to splatter all over the crotch of your pants, but no one ever cries over spilt Jack Black. I want my Manwich, please!

There are no words for Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey’s couple costume…

Au natural must-haves…

David Caruso is the celebrity douchbag o’ the week!

Someone was attacked by a liger…seriously they exist.

Seth Rogan wants to do porn with Jonah Hill…

Grossest Halloween candy ever!!

Mineral Makeup: Too legit to quit, or too good to be true?

Elections are right around the corner..what we really need a chick in office

When is the right time to show your BF your…crazy side?

Creepy cocktails for Halloween! Yum!!!

Well, several weeks ago, I “slapped God in the face.”

Sure, the road to recovery is a bumpy one: Pain like you wouldn’t believe, that can’t even be fixed by prescriptions. The healing of scars. Ruining every bra with ointments to help me get better…

But all the negatives aside, here are my favorite things about my breast reduction thus far.

Hi, my face is up here: You can’t believe how refreshing it is to have guys look at my face instead of just my chest. I used to have full-on conversations with people and their eyes somehow stayed fixated on my chest the entire time. Classy, right? It’s nice to be reminded that some people in this world do make eye contact.

Cutest bras EVER: Why didn’t Victoria’s Secret ever make fun bras in my old size?

Whoa, my clothes fit: I like that now I can “fill out” my tops in lieu of “spill out” of my tops. Now I don’t look like my boobs are overflowing all of my dresses.

I CAN DO THAT?: I can now comfortably touch my toes, run without my back or neck spazzing out every five seconds, wear one bra to the gym instead of two and borrow shirts from people without being scared that I’d stretch them in the wrong places.

The positives outweigh the negatives for sure, and the only thing I can say is: sh*t, I wish I did this sooner.

Soda flavored what now?

Pete Wentz feebly attempts to be badass

Who says bye-bye to the Hef?!

Perez gets even less likable

Oh snap!  Miley outsells Madonna

Frankly, I find this hard to believe…

No more Slut Machine?

Dakota Fanning: a breath of fresh (and normal) air

What a fantastic, eco-friendly hobby!

Disturbia, indeed

Walk Hard is upcoming Judd Apatow comedy film expected to be released in December of 2007. The movie will star John C. Reilly as famous musician Dewey Cox and Jenna Fischer as his wife Darlene. The movie will be a parody of musician biopics like Ray and Walk the Line.