I learned more my first week at college than I did in my entire life. And I don’t mean academically. I mean socially, financially, emotionally and drunk-ly. Some things took longer to figure out than others (that I should visit the ATM before I get to the bar, to avoid extra fees and my tendency to tipsily make it rain) and other things took mere minutes (don’t eat dining hall hot dogs).

But there are 5 things that every freshman should figure out their very first week on campus. Consider this College Life 101: Intro To The Best 4 Years of Your Life.

The go-to hangover breakfast spot: For those mornings when a Gatorade and toast just won’t do the trick, you need to find the most happening breakfast place near campus. This is not only important for the mornings when you need to take things to-go (back to your bed where you can lie in the dark while watching Daisy of Love marathons), but also for the social aspect of morning-after breakfast. Because everyone knows, after the party it’s the after party…and after that and the hotel lobby… it’s IHOP.

So, on those mornings when your inner monologue sounds like “Hahalalala definitely still drunk and my hair and makeup still look great!” you’ll know where you and your girls can go to re-cap last night’s madness while chowing on carby goodness and watching people walk in wearing their clothes from the night before.

Where you can and can’t use your fake i.d. : I remember when I got my first fake i.d. (the same one I still have, actually, even though it expired in 2007 and I’ll be retiring it in a month). I was so excited to use it anywhere and everywhere (even when I wasn’t drinking). But that kind of enthusiasm definitely could have gotten me in big trouble if I hadn’t discovered very quickly where I could and couldn’t use it.

Ask any older friends or siblings you know who went to your school, hell ask friendly strangers! Just ask someone where your fake i.d. will get you in and where that puppy will taken.  The easiest way to figure out where to use your fake is to go out as much as possible, to as many bars as possible (which you’ll be doing anyways) and make a bartender/bouncer/shotgirl friend who can give you a heads up if the boss plans on, you know, enforcing the legal drinking age.

Your new address, where the post office is,  and protocol for paper mail and packages. Grandma needs somewhere to send those care packages! And you sure as hell can’t tell her where to send delicious cookies or money “for an ice cream sundae” if you don’t have your new dorm address memorized. Or written down. Anywhere. Also, figure out if packages should be sent to your campus p.o. box or the front desk of your dorm. Unfortunately the Fed-Ex guy won’t deliver that hot new mini dress straight to your dorm room.

The best campus hangouts: For those rare occasions you want to enjoy the company of your new friends sans Johnny, Jack and Jose…or even, you know, study, you need a place to go other than your oh-so-spacious dorm room. Read your campus newspaper, look at fliers around your dining hall or just listen to word-of-mouth. Your campus might have a famous burger joint where everyone chills, a live music hookah bar, a local coffee shop. Even if the campus hot spot is a library, it’ll be nice to hang out somewhere where you’re bound to know someone even if Starbucks starts charging for Wi-Fi (personal true story) and it gets too cold to lounge on the quad.

Fashion protocol: Even now that you’ve finally arrived on campus, it’s time to start dressing like you belong there (which, of course, you already do if admissions had anything to say about it). Take a look around to gather the general fashion climate of your school. Do you see a lot of girls wear their gym clothes to class or do they usually get more dressed up? Are PJ’s a do or don’t in the dining hall? If you needed to wear heels for an interview or event before/after class, should you bring a change of shoes?

I’m not saying you should get decked out to go to class or that you should go out and buy an entirely new wardrobe (although if you can swing it, by all means get your shop on), but you don’t want to stick out like a weird freshman sore thumb. The best way to figure out a way to college-ify your look is to check out older girls whose fashion sense you admire, or whose is similar to yours, and put your own spin on it. Then you’ll be “that girl who always dresses so cute” and not “that freshman who wears Crocs.”

What do you guys think is the most crucial stuff to learn your first week (besides all the important/boring stuff they go over at orientation)? What do you wish you’d learned right off the bat?

Dear Boyfriend,

While you were at your frat’s campfire Friday night—I know, triple kegger! How could you not check it out? Life’s too short, bro!—I stayed in and watched “Camp Rock,” Disney Channel’s newest original movie starring The Jonas Brothers.

Let me tell you something; these “bros” are like three Prince Charmings, and you’re still just a frog—a frog with crappy hair gel and a dorm room that constantly smells like Jose Cuervo and dirty underwear.

After the movie, I got to thinking: the JoBros would collectively make a much better boyfriend than you. So without further adieu…

Here are the top 20 reasons why I’d rather date the Jonas Brothers:

1. Fame

2. Money

3. Won’t consider the “Pimp My Ride” marathon and frozen White Castle burgers a romantic night in on our one-year anniversary

4. Great hair

5. Hey, uh, that middle one…Joe Jonas…he’s over 18, right?

6. Record-breaking tours

7. Won’t abandon me in Cabo over Spring Break—even if they ran into Matt Pinfield from MTV and “had to buy the dude a round.”

8. …that Joe’s got a killer smile…

9. Adorable YouTube videos

10. …and a girl could really get lost in those eyes…

11. At least one other brother is always nearby

12. Have you seen how his ass looks in those white leather pants?

13. Scripted Disney show in the works

14. …And the way he sings that ballad in “Camp Rock” is SO hot…

15. Two words: family values

16. Wow, I mean, just thinking about Joe…

17. They’ve met the friggin’ Queen!

18. …I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way before.

19. I mean, I think you think you’ve made me feel this way, but trust me, I was faking it.

20. I, uh, I need a minute. BRB.

…Wow, back! Much better. Anyway, there you have it. Even if I never meet them because I’m not a Disney tween star, the thought alone of dating a JoBro is ten times better than actually dating you.

Love,

Jessica

P.S. Can you please drop my Miley Cyrus sleeping bag at my apartment when you get a chance? Thanks.

[Photo courtesy of clubjonas.com]

Billionaire Margarita             Bloody Maria             Jalisco Express             Caipri-Julio

       DJ’s Delight         La Paloma Suprema       Top Shelf Long Island         Morning Breeze

We’ve all been there… sworn off drinking tequila ever again after a hard night out and a few too many peer-pressure-induced shots of Cuervo Gold. But the truth is, it’s not tequila’s fault. It’s Jose’s.

For years Cuervo has been literally shoving Gold Mixto down our throats and calling it tequila. A true tequila is made from 100% agave and often aged. A gold mixto tequila is usually made with less than 50% agave, blended with sugar water, non-aged and colored with caramel. It is the mixto that will make your throat squelch and mouth water with only a wiff.

Today there are a more than a handful of 100% agave tequilas on the market that aim to remove the stigma that has followed tequila around like an annoying little step-brother. Brands like Patron, Casa Noble and Don Julio (yes, Cuervo does too) offer incredibly smooth and flavorful Blanco, Anejo and Reposado- 100% agave tequilas.

Whether you sip it, shoot it, or mix it… it’s time to give tequila another chance. Here are 8 cool ways you have most certainly never had tequila before. (Click on a drink above to see how it’s made)