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Jude may be a douche, but he’s still adorable

We all agree that Lindsay Lohan is a train wreck. But can we really blame her for being so messed-up when she’s had to deal with parents like Michael and Dina Lohan?

Michael has been acting especially awful lately—he keeps leaking recordings of phone calls with Lindsay and her mom to the media, supposedly because he’s worried about her. Right, because the best way to help your strung-out daughter is by releasing calls that you recorded without her knowledge to the national press, who have always been nothing but kind to her.

What a douche.

Thinking about Michael Lohan reminds us of other Hollywood dads who are certified d-bags. Jon Gosselin, Alec Baldwin, the Hoff… all of them are rich, famous, and majorly jerky. But which one of them deserves to be named the Douchiest Hollywood Dad of all? Tell us what you think in the poll below.

Jon Gosselin: Do we even need to list the reasons why this father of eight deserves to be named Douchemaster of the Century? His crimes against humanity are only made worse by the fact that he and M.Loh are apparently BFF. Shudder.

David Hasselhoff: Remember the video from 2007 of The Hoff wasted out of his mind, eating a hamburger on the floor as his daughter begs him not to drink anymore? We do. Douchetastic.

Alec Baldwin: We love Alec on 30 Rock, but that doesn’t change his awful parenting—he screamed at his daughter on her voicemail, saying that he didn’t care if she was “twelve years old, or eleven years old,” because she’s a “rude, thoughtless little pig.” Classy!

Jude Law: Don’t you just love how the British tabloids once called the Oscar-nominated actor “Rude Law”? Having an affair with your children’s nanny while dating the smoking hot Sienna Miller is definitely not polite behavior; we’d expect more from a Brit. Plus, rumor has it this dad hasn’t even met his newest love-child. Good work, champ. Even Lil Wayne is less of a dead-beat than you.

Billy Ray Cyrus: Oh, Billy. First you pose creepily with Miley in Vanity Fair, and then you let little Noah Cyrus leave the house looking like a common prostitute. We don’t care how achey and breaky your heart is—that’s just wrong.

So which dad is the douchiest? You decide:

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I find Jude Law to be mind-numbingly attractive. There is no doubt in my mind that if I were ever to happen across him, I would be reduced to simple sentences and one-syllable words.  But according to a new study, it’s Jude who has to worry about the mind-numbing affect when interacting with members of the opposite sex. Namely, me.

Psychologists in the Netherlands carried out a study that found that after only a few minutes of chatting with an attractive woman, a man’s brain function is significantly decreased. Women, however, maintained their calm, cool and intellectually superior attitude when talking with handsome men. Once again, it has been proven that women are smarter than men. Or at least that we can handle ourselves in public.

Not the boys, though; put Heidi Klum in a room with the smartest man alive and he will be reduced to a bumbling idiot within minutes.

So the next time you’re talking to a hottie, pull confidence from the fact that he is probably straining to remember his middle name while you bat your eyelashes.  Or if you’re feeling particularly vindictive against an ex, wear a short skirt to class on exam day and give him a wink. Chances are high his mind will blank out on the very first question.

Just another weapon in the female gender’s arsenal, right alongside withholding sex and tampon-talk.

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Happy (almost) Father’s Day! We know you guys aren’t dads (and if there are any dads reading this, well, that’s just sorta icky), but you are most likely celebrating one. Just because you’re showering your dad with gifts of bacon and neckties, it doesn’t mean you can’t have a little somethin’ somethin’ for yourself.

So we’re bringing you the hottest celebrity dads around. Because while it may be gross to think of your dad as a hottie (OMG…can’t….get…that…image….out…of….my….head….), it’s totally fine to celebrate the hotness that is the Celebrity DILF.

What we wouldn’t give to have these guys bounce us on their knee for a few. Come to mama!
[Click images to see them in all their daddy glory!]

When guys tell me that they think Natalie Portman is the hottest girl alive, I secretly jump for joy. I’ve been crushing hard on Natalie Portman for.e.ver, because on top of being a great actress, she also seems like a real person — the type of girl you’d want to be best friends with.

For starters she’s beautiful and brainy. I mean the girl is a Harvard grad! And brainiacs (OK, nerds) around the globe fell head over heels for her for her role as Padme Amidala in the Star Wars prequels. She continued to be loved by guys everywhere for her role in V for Vendetta. And I’m sure many guys fled to the theatres to see her naked in Hotel Chevalier.

But she isn’t just for the boys. She’s appeared in chick flicks such as Where the Heart Is, Anywhere But Here, The Other Boleyn Girl and Closer. Not to mention everyone’s favorite indie flicks, Garden State and My Blueberry Nights. Her roles have greatly varied, showing that she’s a versatile actress.

And, come on, Natalie Portman is absolutely gorgeous as well. She’s the muse of Zac Posen; guest-judged on Project Runway; posed as Audrey Hepburn on the cover of Harper’s Bazaar; and very few ladies can pull off a shaved head, but Natalie rocked it, along with some super cute boyish hairstyles while her hair grew back.

Unlike some other Hollywood starlets, though, my BFF Natalie doesn’t spend her days eating fro-yo and buying expensive handbags. This girl’s a do-gooder.  She was named the first Ambassador of Hope for FINCA International. I mean, she visits sick children in the hospital multiple times a week and even designs vegan shoes!

Her taste in men is at times questionable to the outside viewer, but that makes me crush harder. The fact she doesn’t have an apparent “type” is something a lot of us girls can relate to. She’s been linked to Jude Law, Ryan Gosling, Jake Gyllenhaal and even Robert Pattinson. So, pretty much a truckload of hot men.

She’s the girl that is so amazing that you almost hate her. And while I’m jealous of how awesome she is (and funny – have you heard the Natalie’s Rap?), I’d rather declare my girl crush than try to shove her in a locker.

Oh, and Natalie? If you’re still considering a relationship with another chick, give me a call. I’d totally switch teams for you.

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The women’s responses were varied: some said they are more romantic, better looking, the obligatory “hot” accent and a few other examples. It got me thinking though; how different can they really be? I personally have never dated someone from a different country, being born and raised in the Tri-State area myself, but listening to these women go on and on about men they dated, fell in love with, married…made me wonder if there really was a substantial difference.

Most females in any country would agree that David Beckham – shirt or no shirt (preferably no shirt, am I right?) – has a sort of lust that seems to pour out of him with every move, breath or goal he kicks. I’ve also read countless interviews with Vicky Beckham stating her man – due to his British heritage – is well equipped in that area. Are British men known to be packin’ more than our American men?

Personally, Jude Law has always been a favorite of mine, but I never thought of how a non-celebrity Brit would be as a partner. Would they really be more romantic? Or are females just so tired of American men letting them down, they expect the Brit boys to be different? I’d never thought I’d say this, but Elvis Duran and the Z-morning show got my brain cranking way before it should’ve been this morning.

I’ve visited the streets that would be crowded with these so called “better catches”. Like SJP always said about squirrels in Sex and the City: “they’re just rats with a better outfit,” I think a Brit is just an American man with a better accent. I may be biased, but I’d take my American boyfriend, sexy and wonderful, sans that accent any day.

Do we romanticize them because we’ve never had them or because they truly are a better breed?

[Photo of Mr Hottie from www.david-beckham.ws]