Dear Tuffy Luv,
I moved for my senior year of high school and at the beginning had a little trouble making friends because it’s a small town, everyone knows everyone, etc. Finally, I did start making some, and one of the first ones was this girl, Peggy. Peggy is one of those people who is overly nice to everyone, so it really wasn’t surprising she was one of the first people to approach me.

So now it’s halfway through the year and I’m still friends with Peggy, except I’ve realized I don’t like her. At all. I found out the reason she’s so nice to everyone is because it’s one of her “Christian Values,” along with being extremely judgmental. She thinks she is a step above everyone else, and it is really getting to me. And now prom is coming up and she’s laid out this whole plan expecting me and whoever I go with to go along with it, and I don’t want to. But at the same time, I don’t want to be completely rude to one of the first friends I had. She isn’t the kind of person I really want in my life, but I put in a lot of time in the friendship earlier on because as a new senior I really wasn’t in a position to turn down friends and she seemed perfectly nice at the time!

So Tuffy, what should I do? Should I confront her or stick it out for the school year? We’re going to different colleges so there wouldn’t be any need to see her again. But if I do stick it out for the year I probably won’t be able to help sending her bad vibes so she might think I’m a jerk either way.

HELP!
Sincerely,
Friends?

Dear Friends?,
Judgmental people are poop, and poop is not to be stepped on.

Look, you’re right. If you don’t do what she wants, she’s gonna think badly of you no matter what. But I like your attitude, girl. You seem like a nice person who wants to clear the toxicity out of her life without hurting anyone’s feelings, and I appreciate that. So let’s get down to the advice.

I wanna say, kiddos, normally we do not run questions about high school. But this is a major problem for us all, yes? Frenemies, after all, has become a really standard part of the popular lexicon. And that’s sad, kiddos. Because we should really only be friends with people we LIKE. At any age, Tuffettes, we must be courteous to others, but REAL and TRUE to ourselves, yes?! STOP BEING FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE YOU DON’T LIKE!! But, if you find yourself in this situation, regardless of your age, here is Tuff’s advice:

First of all, Friends?, you absolutely should NOT do her prom plans. (The rest of you: don’t do her plans, period.) It will totally ruin your time, guaranteed, because you’ll be annoyed at her and resentful that you’re doing things her way and not yours.

Likewise, stop giving her the power to tell you what to do in your everyday life. Next time she tells you what to do (or, as you imply, guilts you into it), explain to her that you totally value your friendship but sometimes you have to do what feels right to you.

If she gives you any of this holier-than-thou shoop, you just tell her you’re sorry but that’s how you feel and she can take it or leave it.

A girl’s gotta have her friends, right? We need someone there to cheer us up when yet another guy has stomped on our heart, when we need someone’s honest opinion on how our ass looks in those jeans, and when our hair is too short for a ponytail and someone needs to keep it out of our face when we’re puking.

We love our BFFers, but what is it about them that makes them so perfect? And how often do we really tell them?

Having graduated from college, my best friends are spread out across the country. Maybe it’s my PMS (I cried at the More To Love finale), or maybe it’s the fact that I missed my BFF’s birthday party in D.C. last weekend, but I’ve been feeling a lot of love for my friends lately. I think we all need to stop and appreciate what we’ve got sometimes (especially after knowing what we don’t want), so I asked the CollegeCandy writers to share what they love most about their BFFs.

What does your BFF got that sets her apart?

Nina – Michigan State University: Two words: Dance parties!

Kim – Stanford: The best thing about my friends is how phenomenally supportive and encouraging they are of everything I do, from academics to my unsustainable drinking habits.

Elizabeth- University of Missouri: I love that we can be at opposite ends of a lecture hall yet we both crack up at the same crazy thing our professor says. Oh, and the fact that we all wear the same size is nice, too.

K-GW: My best friend and I have the same views on hardcore grubfests; nothing like peanut butter out of the jar, a gallon of ice cream and warm brownies when drunk!

Brithny – Duke: I love how we get dressed up together and super excited to go out to the parties we won’t remember and the nights we’ll never forget.

Cristina- Michigan State:  I love my grrrrlfriends because if I said “Totes McGotes” to anyone else they probably would laugh AT me and not WITH me….Love you, bitchez.

Kathryn – University of Wisconsin-Madison: In college, one of my besties and I would stay up until 5:00am watching Law & Order: SVU and ridiculously cheesy Lifetime movies. Once the sun started to rise, we knew it was time to lay off the TV for awhile.

Lauren – University of Michigan: They are some of the funniest people I’ve ever met. Which makes sense; I can’t handle un-funny people. Oh, and they never judge me for my obsession with The Hills and Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood.

Thu – USC: Life sucks sometimes, but they remind me that small things can make ourselves and others feel better.

Donnette – Manhattanville College: Love my girls because everything I say stays in the non-judgment zone and when I’m having a bad day, somehow they just know and cheer me up by doing the simplest things.

Marisa – Wesleyan University: I love that I can be totally wacky and geeky and weird and my friends won’t think twice about it. In fact, they usually join me in acting completely bizarre!

Zahra – Northwestern University: I love that my friends can make ANY situation fun. Some of my most hilarious memories happened at a Wendy’s drive-thru. Seriously.

Brianna-Fordham University: I love that she’s just as cheap as I am. We raid Starbucks and delis on a weekly basis to get essentials for our apartment (ketchup, sugar, matches, you get the point). I also love all my close girlfriends for the fact that they will drop anything at anytime to meet up for a mojito.

Samantha – UC Santa Barbara: I love that we can see each other at our absolute worst, and still love each other just as much. I love that I never have to apologize to them for crying hysterically over boys, housemates, or jeans that just got a little too tight. I love that our friendship is easy. And I love that they think that the cookies baked and eaten on a yoga pant dress-code Saturday night in are a completely worthy substitute for the calories drunk on a night out and pain incurred from mini dresses and heels.

Sarabeth-University of Texas: I love my bestie because she’s always laughing!

Lexi C – Brown: My favorite thing about my (two) best friends is their unwavering support. They are ALWAYS on my side. And this isn’t to say that they never disagree or disapprove of my choices – but when they do, it comes in the form of encouraging, thoughtful, and constructive advice. Perhaps more importantly, we all ruthlessly and recklessly make fun of each other, which make all those life decisions seem as insignificant as they really are. GODDAMMIT I LOVE THEM.

A: Well, honestly, I do think you’re overreacting–but it comes down to personal preference and opinion, so if his sexuality is something you can’t deal with, then you’re not right for each other.

Before you start drafting your “it’s not you, it’s me” speech, hear me out. Let’s say he’s 100% straight as an arrow–you do realize that he would notice other women besides you, right? And as much as you may hate it, he would probably form some opinion on how hot your friends are, too (though if he knows what’s good for him, he’ll keep it to himself). So what’s the difference between him noticing other women or other men? He’s still choosing to be with you.

Is it possible that you’re a little worried about friends’ reactions? Since you’ve been with him for a couple of months I’m assuming it wasn’t a dealbreaker–you did continue to date him after all. I actually dated a bisexual guy a few years ago, and the experience was not much different than dating a straight guy–for me, hearing that he was bi was like hearing that he loves dogs or hates seafood. Some of my friends were a little bit shocked when they found out, so his sexuality was only an issue when I started feeling defensive about it.

Another possibility is that you might just be a jealous person. Have you had the same fears about your straight boyfriend checking out your friends or other women? Are you worried about your current boyfriend checking out women and your female friends, or only the guys? If this is a recurring theme in your relationships, it’s not something that will go away unless you confront it, regardless of the sexual preferences of your future partners.

Of course, you might be just genuinely icked out about it–but that’s something you have to figure out for yourself. Would I dump a guy over his sexual preferences? No–but you have the right to feel however you feel about it. Likewise, he has the right to be with a partner who accepts this part of him, and if that’s not you, then it’s only right to cut him loose. I may not agree with you, and I may feel like you’re overreacting, but that’s based on my opinion and my experiences. I wouldn’t sleep with a Republican, and I’m sure there are plenty of people that would tell me that I’m overreacting and being judgmental, but I have the right to feel that way.

Would I be disappointed if a guy broke up with me over my sexual past? Sure–until I realized that if he’s grossed out or bothered by my feelings and experiences with sex, then he’s probably not at all right for me. Figure out how you feel about it and then act accordingly, but do it soon; don’t drag the relationship out and lead him on if your gut is telling you to leave. You both deserve better than that.

Got a question for Pillow Talk? Email pillow.talk.cc@gmail.com and we’ll tackle it next time!

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