So gather round and listen up as I go through the essential ingredients to have the ultimate (and by ultimate, I mean typical) frat party. (Get more Greek life right here!)

1. Jungle juice in bright, possibly neon, colors. Every great party has a Gatorade cooler filled with Everclear,  a package of Kool-Aid,  and some mystery brew. Ladies beware, this concoction will be high in sugar (to mask the alcohol), and high in regret potential. It will also stain the sh*t out of your favorite dress and turn even the quietest of girls into life (or mess) of the party. Get a few recipes right here.

2. Frat stars in polos/jerseys with pit stains a mile long. Basement parties get really super sweaty from the body heat of 100 people jammed into one room, grinding one another into the wall. So guys in hats and polos dripping in sweat is a frat party necessity. By the end of the night, it might even be sexy.

3. Pledges at the door. They’re checking names and chain smoking and trying so hard to look cool. Throw them a bone and act like you actually care if you’re on their little list.

4. Beer pong. No matter how soon you arrive, there’s a list a mile long to get on the table. And by the time your name is finally called, you’re already upstairs making out with the cute guy from your stats class. Or you’re home, changing out of your jungle-juice-stained dress.

5. The best playlist ever. If there’s something we can give frat boys credit for, it’s music. Someone will have the best mash-up mix that you’ve never heard before (“OH MY GOD, I LOVE THIS SONG!!”)…and sometimes, if you’re lucky, even a live DJ. And a smoke machine.

6. Black lights. Don’t wear a white bra, okay?

7. A homemade bar stocked with the finest of bottom shelf liquor. Don’t scrounge around for a clean Solo cup, because they’re aren’t any. And the Mohawk Vodka doesn’t deserve a clean cup, anyway. Just rip that shot straight from the bottle and chase it with a swig of Natty Light, frat boys’ beer of choice.

8. Drunk Freshmen. The frat boy’s biggest fear is a sausage fest, which is why any good bro will text everyone in his contact list, including the random girls who get sloppy after one drink. Maneuvering through these herds can be tricky…so watch your shoes and don’t be scared to walk with your elbows out.

9. A bathroom with no toilet paper and lots of people waiting. Jungle juice (see above) seems to break the seal like no other. Enter the drunk girl bathroom move: expect to share a stall with 3 other girls you’ve never met. You have approximately 5 minutes to bond over each others’ cute shirts and crushes at the party before someone comes knocking on the door to kick you out.

Mix it all together, add a little drunk texting and the occasional drunken sob fest on the lawn and you have yourself a college frat party. Now wipe the sweat out of your cleavage and get in there and dance!

We might be too old to go door-to-door and ask strangers for candy… but we’re not too old to dress up as slutty versions of our favorite childhood fairy tales characters, animals, or public service workers, are we? Besides, if we’re struggling to pay $49.99 for a “Sexy Bull Fighter” costume, dammit, we want to get the most bang for our buck!

Here are a few games and party options that you can host throughout Halloween week, just to get into the spirit of things!

Liquor Treat
This game can be the most fun, but is also the most difficult to pull off, especially if you live in a dorm with a strict RA or a No-Alcohol Policy. Similar to an “Around-the-World” party, you have to rally everyone on your floor/in your apartment building to participate. The members of each room or apartment choose a theme…and a type of liquor. When guests arrive, they go door to door and can stay to mingle in any room they like. When they ring the doorbell, they are also rewarded with a shot– hence, this is the grown-up’s version of Trick or Treat.

Scary Movie Drinking Games
Take advantage of the fact that F/X, Sci-Fi, and all of the basic cable channels will be playing Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street and Halloween over and over for the whole month of October. If you are familiar with the movie, you can make up your own rules – e.g. take a shot every time the theme song plays in Halloween, or chug a beer every time you hear the “whispers” in Friday the 13th, or you can find several ready-made drinking games online to play. The good news? You’ll be so buzzed by the end that you won’t be too scared to sleep with the lights off!

Monster Mash
(Courtesy of Celebrations.com)
This is one of those counting drinking games that is so difficult to get the hang of, and so easy to get absolutely smashed by playing.

Sitting in a circle, you and your friends go around the room and count off–no small feat for college students! On numbers divisible by “3,” the player says the word “monster” instead of the number, and on numbers divisible by “5,” they say “mash” instead of the number. Whoever screws up, drinks. Once you get going, then, the game should sound something like, “1..2…monster…4….mash…monster….7…8….monster….mash.”

Boo! Zoo
Too smart to waste your night on a mere counting game? Throw in some crazy hand gestures! This is the Halloweenified version of the game “Zoo,” which you may or may not have heard of, but that needs to get into your Drinking Game vocabulary.

To play Zoo, everyone sits in a circle, again, and before you begin, go around the room and have everyone think of a word and a quick hand gesture to go along with it. For Halloween, then, a player might be “Ghost” and have a ghostlike motion, while another player is “Stab” and makes the universal signal for stabbing someone.

To begin the game, everyone must clap in a “We Will Rock You” rhythm. The starting player is predetermined, and the opening chant is as follows: “What are we playing?” “Boo Zoo!” “Why are we playing?” “Get f**ked up!”

The starting player continues the clapping, but inserts her word and gesture into it, and then inserts another players’ word and signal. Example: clap-clap-Ghost, clap-clap-Stab. Stab must be alert, and continue the clapping rhythm, following suit by shouting another players’ signal and performing their movement. The best part of this game is that whenever someone messes up, all players must partake in a group social! This one gets extremely tricky in large groups, which means more drinking for all involved!

Bobbing for Booze
I’m not going to lie, bobbing for apples was NOT my favorite fall game growing up; then again, who really wants to stick their face in some tepid water that the other kids have probably snotted and drooled in, only to come out with a freaking apple? For college purposes, why not mix things up a bit? Buy a bunch of nips from the liquor store (or have everyone bring a couple to throw into the pot), and toss them in a bin or vat of some sort that’s filled with water. Give everyone a turn to bob for nips, and then let everyone shoot their prizes! If you want to be bad, buy some nips of the nastiest liquor you can find, because you won’t be able to see what you’re bobbing for while you play.

And if you are really up for a challenge, toss the nips in a vat of jungle juice instead of water, and see where the night takes you from there!

[Get your Halloween on here.]

"I miss Welcome Week." Sigh.

Lately it seems like Facebook is on a mission (aided by the company that sells prozac) to make me feel suicidal every time I sign on. For weeks all the status updates and albums were “lovin’ summer” and “will it ever stop raining this summer?” I could easily relate to those as I was also experiencing summer and the torrential rain showers of ’09.

However, now I sign on and I have to see this:

Jessie can’t wait for classes to start up!
Shar regrets that first night back jungle juice!
Alissa accidentally packed her keys into the trunk but it won’t stop her from getting to school!

And all these statues and declarations of school spirit are forcing me to realize that I’m officially not going back to school…although my diploma has yet to come, so that’s actually still questionable. For the first time in my entire life (I started school mere months after birth) I’m not buying fresh new school supplies and I’m not sitting in classes trying to read the professor’s mind and decide if she is really going to give pop reading quizzes. I don’t even know what to do with my hands if they’re not flipping through syllabi.

Call me self-centered but it’s hard to imagine that school continues on without me. I find it preposterous to believe that people will take the same classes I did, live in my same apartment, and even go out to the same bars. Will any of my professors miss me (unlikely)? Will the bouncer I always begged for lowered cover notice my absence (doubtful)? Will the boys who moved into my apartment this year notice that we left broken appliances in their closets (I hope so!)?

And now that school’s staring, time is really ticking for me to come up with a creative lie about a job I don’t have. There’s no way I’m showing my face at homecoming to all those students and explaining the effect the recession has had on my life (although my parents LOVE those phone lectures from me). If I can’t still be in college (once again, diploma pending) then I’m going to come back as the most successful person from the class of 2009.

But so far I don’t even have to lie. I was walking home today and saw Aunt Becky (sans Nicky and Alex) on my block! I can’t name one other person, in school or graduated, that can tell a better success story.

- Nothing starts the school year off with a bang like Welcome Week. Take full advantage of this holiday because life doesn’t get much better.

- You won’t wanna be walkin around campus without at least one of these freakin’ cool gadgets

- Yes, you’re going to be so excited to see everyone again, but the repetitive reunions will get old after about 5 minutes into the first frat party.  Spare the “Ohmygods” and “Lets get lunch!”  because lets face it, you probably either don’t even want to…or you won’t remember the next day after 10 cups of jungle juice.

- Wanna get that cute guy to notice you in English class? Do some cheap back-to-school shopping here, but that doesn’t mean to load up on these. Funky is cool, but looking like someone poured ink all over you is not. And whatever you do, keep these to yourself!

- It’s a new year, so that means a new dorm, maybe new roommates and new hall-mates. But you’ll still manage to find your favorite dorm BFFsno matter where you are living.

- Enjoy the drunken late-night pizzas, and the countless warm beers, but be careful because you don’t wanna end up on MTV because of it.

- Be careful when rushing into relationships so quickly. But if you do get a first semester boyfriend, make sure to get some of these to keep him hangin’ around.

- However you decide to live your college life, you better make it one fun-filled exciting time, because it truly is the best four years of your life. And after that, its all downhilll from there. Well, hopefully not, but seriously who wants to be a boring grown up?

You’ve finally moved out of the dorms, and it just so happens that your new diggs are the perfect place to throw a party. No RA’s, no quiet hours, no cramming 50 people into your tiny dorm and trying to have a dance party. Sweet!

Throwing a party might seem like a no-brainer. Still, you have make sure all of your bases are covered, or you’ll find people trickling out before midnight, hoping to catch another bigger, better party before the sun comes up and the night is a complete bust.

If you want to throw the party of the year–the one people are still talking about at graduation, the one people are still talking about at the reunion–just take heed of these simple cardinal rules.

1. Spread the Word Like Wildfire.

Don’t just mention it to your lab partner. Don’t put up an away message saying “Party tonight! Come on over!” There’s plenty of parties to choose from on campus, so you want yours to be the one everyone’s talking about.

Create a Facebook event. Make fliers and wallpaper your apartment complex. Interrupt your Criminology lecture by screaming, “Let’s F–KING RAGE!” Okay, that one might be going to far, but figure out what methods of advertising will work best for you, and do ‘em twice.

2. Find a Gimmick.

Like I said, there’s probably a lot of options on campus on a Saturday night, whether it’s another party or a great bar special. A gimmick will not only attract partygoers, but it will help them remember your party. The “gimmick” can be anything from a crazy theme party to a simple keg party (seriously, throw the word “keg” in there, and people will flock, arms outstretched and tongues hanging out, like a scene from Night of the Living Dead). Toga parties, Pimps and Hoes parties, and Graffiti parties all sound more interesting than “Party in 5C – BYOB.” Am I right?

You can also think of random things to celebrate to get people talking. It’s also a good way to guilt trip guests into “stopping by,” at which point, they will see how much fun your party is and immediately blow off whatever party they were en route to in the first place. Twenty-first birthdays are a classic example. Everyone has to stop by to wish you well. My twenty-first was so successful that I’ve had one every year since, and the “2nd Annual 21st Birthday Bash” and “3rd Annual 21st Birthday Bash” were also smashing.

3. “Entertainment” Does Not Mean Your IPod on a Speaker.

Music is essential, but there’s more to a party than your Flo Rida megamix blaring for six hours straight. Setting up different “activities” will keep people interested, and make more people float through the party, and mingle, and… oh yeah, drink more. Set up beer pong in the backyard and flip cup in your kitchen. Spring for an ice luge so your guests don’t get bored waiting for their turn at beer pong. Announce a shotgun contest, a kegstand contest, or some other ridiculous competition just after you’ve hit full capacity and the buzz starts to creep in.

It’s also a good idea to have a low-key game going on when the party starts to alleviate any awkward “I’m-the-first-person-here-and-this-isn’t-really-a-party” vibes when the very first partiers trickle in to an empty house. I suggest a card game like Kings. Everyone can play, everyone drinks a lot, and by the time you’ve all done your second or third waterfall, you’ll slam your cups on the table and look up to see that somehow a few dozen bodies have appeared in your living room, and the party is officially ON.

4. Don’t Spend All of Your Efforts on Booze.

Yes, people will be coming to your party to drink. But just because you’ve stocked your liquor cabinet doesn’t mean your work is done. When people drink, they get hungry. So plan on supplying some food. If it’s an all-day party, have a barbecue or order some sandwich platters. If it’s a typical Saturday Night banger, stock up on carbs and starches in the form of potato chips, tortilla chips, and pretzels. Ordering a couple of sheet pizzas or a few dozen wings will never be unappreciated. If you are providing liquor, grab some mixers. Even if you aren’t providing liquor, it’s nice to have juice or soda on hand for your guests.

While you’re stocking up on munchies, run through the paper goods aisle of the grocery store, and buy a surplus of solo cups, paper towels, garbage bags, and toilet paper. Who knows how many people will run through your bathroom throughout the course of the evening, and you definitely don’t want drunk people using your bath towels when they can’t find toilet paper. Likewise, you want paper towels on hand for spilled beer, whether you soak it up during the party or the next morning.

If you are particularly meticulous, you might make sure that your medicine cabinet is stocked with bandages, in case of drunken injuries, or even rubber gloves, in case of vomit.

5. When You Think You Have Enough Booze, Buy More.

The cardinal rule of throwing a party is always overestimate when it comes to alcohol. When the well runs dry, the party’s over. If you are throwing a keg party, consider the beer measurements:

A “keg” is actually a half-barrel, and holds 15.5 gallons of beer. A quarter-barrel (usually referred to as a half-keg) is less than three 30-racks of beer. So, if you have one half-barrel at your party, you’ll get about 124 US pints, or 16 oz. beers, out of it. That will feed about 20 people 6 beers each.

While it’s not necessarily your responsibility to provide all of the alcohol for all of your guests, you may also want to consider picking up some liquor for the non-beer drinkers, or just to shake things up a bit once the party starts raging. Pizza is a win-win in the food category, and jungle juice will never do you wrong when it comes to stocking up on liquor.

Depending on how much alcohol you want to provide personally, you can always charge for cups, or ask for donations to help fund the shindig. But, even if you’re weary about splurging on a few kegs, or making your own mini-bar, just remember: if anything’s leftover, you can always drink it later.

Now what? NOW WHAT?

Now it’s time for the best 7ish days of your life: Welcome Week! For the only time in your college career (besides senior year, maybe), you have no class, no reading and nothing but time to get to know your lovely new home.

It is time to meet people, take part in all those fun campus-sponsored activities, and get the lowdown on which party stores sell to the under 21 crowd. Oh, and buy books…but we recommend waiting until the last day to do that.

Welcome Week is a totally new experience to you, Ms. Incoming Freshman, so we decided to give you a few hints for survival. No, you don’t need a tent, helmut and 30 bottles of water, but you do need an open mind, a little bravado and a whole lot of Advil.

Our writers looked back into their hazy Welcome Week memories and gave us this advice:

Julia – UC Berkley: Don’t get too rowdy with the boys. My friend went a little, er, wild during welcome week and ended up missing all of her first fall semester due to an unfortunate case of mono.

Kelly UMass: Stay away from the Jungle Juice (or anything in a tub/large cauldron) and watch the roads. My first night out in college I saw some drunk dude get hit by a car. No lie.

K – NYU: Never hook up with the guy who asks, “Do you want liquor?”

Jo – University of Miami: Go to as many “welcome” events as you are able to, no matter how random or lame they sound. Everyone is in the willing mentality to make new friends, and it is a great chance to, even if you get to make fun of the silliness of the experience.

Lauren – University of Michigan: Don’t go to parties alone, don’t leave parties alone and don’t sexile your roommate just yet. She has no friends to crash with just yet…and she will remember it. Forever.

Jill – University of Wisconsin: Wear clothes when you are stuck hugging the toilet bowl in the morning during welcome week, because it’s just a tad bit awkward when your roommates parents are trying to move in her matching shower curtain and toothpaste holder and you are in your hanky-panky’s on the bathroom floor. Love-ly.

Amber – Old Dominion: Obey the “two week rule” and don’t hook up with anyone within the first 2 weeks of college. That guy you were really into at orientation will be a douche bag by the next week.

Victoria Witchey: Don’t be one of those kids with a cell phone connected to their ear ‘checking’ on what’s going on back in your hometown. Meet, interact, party. Take advantage of your first week. Also, put something memorable on your dorm door- its way easier to remember, “It’s the one with the pink rubber chicken on it” than a random group of numbers.

Carly – Grinnell: Even if you feel exhausted or awful, try to be friendly and keep up your energy during all the social events. The people you meet there will likely be your friends for the whole year and longer!

John – UConn: – Don’t be afraid of bothering people you’ve just met. Sit with them at lunch, even if you’ve only seen them around the dorm once or twice, even if you’re normally shy, even if they seem a bit annoying – chances are they’re worried about talking to you, too.

Kari – Florida State: Don’t ride the mechanical bull if you are prone to bruising…your inner thighs won’t be the same for weeks.

Elizabeth – Baruch College: 1. Talk to strangers. Take their candy. Make friends. 2. Smile and be happy. There’s nothing to stress about, believe it or not.

Noa – CU Boulder: Give everyone a chance. Yes, I agree that the dude in the tight pink shirt probably sucks, but you never know who his friends are.

A.G.D – Emerson College: Be careful if you’re on the bottom bunk. In certain (ahem) positions your hair will get caught.

Olua: Don’t overdo the welcome back parties so hard that you miss a ton of your classes your first week back. You’re going to need those absences like fish need water later in the semester.

Sara – NYU: Get lots of numbers, but don’t sleep with anyone yet. Wait till at least week 3. Trust me.

Sady – The New School: There is a crucial difference between “That dude who wants to make out with you, the freshman” and “That dude who only makes out with freshmen.” Learn it well! Here are some things to look out for: offers to “show you around campus,” buying you drinks (many, MANY drinks), open sores on his face, the fact that he’s thirty-five.

Three nights ago, as I’m spooning in bed with my ex-boyfriend/current fling (the lines are a little blurred), he, out of the blue, drops a line that no ex-girlfriend ever wants to hear spoken about herself: he called me crazy.

I was speechless. Everything had being going rather well all night: I looked super-hot, we were flirting like mad and we had just engaged in a no-fuss, delicious two-hour romp on his blow-up mattress, resulting in the big “O” for both parties.

And then he had to go and ruin our post-coital snuggle session with the dreaded “C” word.

Now, let me set the record straight. This is definitely not the first time a male in my life has called me crazy. Everyone from my dad and brother to my high school gym teacher has felt the need to express their opinion about my level of sanity.

I can’t deny that maybe, they were right to drop the C-bomb. Let’s just say that high school was rough for me. I was involved in a serious relationship, which led me to act like a serious fool. I yelled really loud, pushed really hard and generally caused extreme amounts of unnecessary stress for everyone involved in my life. But hey, I was sixteen, riding high off the fumes of sweet adolescent hormones, and I didn’t think – I just DID.

Of course, douchebag ex-boyfriend heard all the juicy details of my teenage drama during our first year of dating. I mean, if I had to endure all the pain and horror – it was only fair that I pass it onto him, right? (Note: I realize now this was a huge mistake and that some skeletons really are better kept in the closet – forever.) So, after I got upset about a girl attempting to kiss him in front of me after a little too much jungle juice, he decided it was time to break out the one insult he knew would cut straight to the heart.

Okay, back up and let’s examine this. I don’t have a Psych minor for nothing.

Recently, a fellow CC blogger discussed the legit-ness of the idea that “once a cheater, always a cheater”. I’m here to tell you that cheating is not the only habit that can be broken, so is psychotic-obsessive-crazy girlfriend syndrome.

I was psycho/obsessive/crazy because I was one thing and one thing only (and it wasn’t crazy). It was insecure. I was blatantly, unabashedly wearing my insecurity on my sleeve, much like Brit or LiLo. I didn’t really know or understand that I was insecure, but all of my behavior stemmed from the little insecurity seed that had at some point sprouted in my impressionable brain.

So, many years (and cocktails, therapy sessions, The Secret-esque books,, and Positivity Blog entries) later, I find that a lot of my craziness has kind of…vanished. Poof. No more obsessively calling my boyfriend twenty times when he doesn’t answer. No more late-night drive by’s of his apartment to see if there is a girly-looking car in the driveway. No more incessant complaining and/or crying when a boy doesn’t respond to my every beck and call.

Nope. I, my friends, am cured. I am secure. I am confident. I am happy. I am whole. And most importantly, I am NOT f-ing crazy!

Some people (namely, the douchebag ex) will argue that craziness is something that doesn’t completely go away. And maybe, to an extent, this is true. I think we all have a certain amount of craziness in us. But, thankfully, L-O-V-E is probably the only thing that brings it out in most of us – and only if we let it.

But, for the most part, I don’t see myself engaging in crazy behaviors – at least to the level I did before – ever again. I have realized that if a stupid boy makes me feel crazy, or makes me feel that I need to act crazy, he is just not worth it. My sanity is much more important than some relationship that is (obviously) not even worth fighting for.

I encourage all of you to let go of all the ‘labels’, all the names you might have been called over the years – whether that be crazy, slutty, weird, prude, whatever – because in the end, we can all change. As humans, our personalities and our behaviors are not set in stone. Yes, it can be hard to change. But if you want something – you can have it. And remember, the labels other people give us mean absolutely nothing if we know in our hearts what we really are.

So, I let the douchebag ex call me crazy. I bit my tongue and pulled the covers slightly tighter around my body, letting him know that whatever other activities he had planned were officially cancelled…and let him whine and moan and complain. And, frankly, act a little crazy himself.

Funny how the tables can turn.

[photo from the talent pool company]