College Candy » K Fed

As a woman, I know we have a tendency to be rather catty at times. I’m not sure if it is nature or nurture, but it is there and sometimes it can get the best of us. Who is better to teach women the art of cattiness, than the women of Hollywood? We are constantly exposed to bickering women not only on TV and in the movies, but also in the celebreality of their day-to-day lives. The cattiness factor comes more often than not when a man is involved and the love triangle becomes a tug-of-war. (Please keep in mind, in most of these upcoming catty situations the guy is hardly worth it…except for maybe Brad.)

In December’s issue of Vogue, hitting stands next week, Jennifer Aniston discusses her feelings about Angelina Jolie providing a time-line for when she and Brad Pitt began having their affair (yes, while Jen and Brad were still married.) Jen said it was really “uncool” and “inappropriate” of Ang to discuss their affair, especially admitting the fact that she couldn’t wait to come to work during the filming of Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Poor Jen. She’s better off without him! Though he is mighty fine to look at…

Breaking up is hard to do, especially when ex-husband starts bangin’ your best friend. As was the case in with Heather Locklear, Richie Sambora, and Denise Richards. Locklear reportedly went crazy when she found out Richards was boning her ex-husband, Sambora. In the end, Richie lost both of the hot women in his life, Heather may have turned into a drunk and Denise has revitalized her career as a hollywood homewrecker. Bummer.

Lindsay Lohan. Enough said, right? She has been in the news for everything from drug abuse to turning gay, but there was a time when she was an innocent teenager whose boyfriend cheated on her. Lindsay and Hilary Duff were at each other’s throats calling each other immature and childish over a little spat over…get this: Aaron Carter! (teeheehee…come on girls, seriously?) Hilary went as far to say that she hated Lindsay. May not sound like much, but at Disney that is like a racial slur. Ouch!

Why anyone would ever date or even look at K-Fed, I’m not exactly sure. But, two women did and they even fought over the loser, which is even more difficult to imagine. Not only did Shar Jackson and Britney cat fight over K-Fed, they even had his gross babies (ok, ok they aren’t gross. They’re actually pretty cute). Britney stole Shar’s man…. and then she went crazy insane. Coincidence? I think not. K-Fed is the human version of ebola.

Where there is smoke, there always seems to be a blond hotel heiress. Paris Hilton once dated Rick Solomon and then Rick married Shannen Doherty. I guess Shannen didn’t want to make “movies” with Rick, so he started boinking Paris, again. Unfortunately, it was while he was still married to Shannen. Paris allegedly sent psycho messages to Shannen telling her to leave Rick alone. It appears that money doesn’t always bring happiness or sanity, but it will attract a greasy wanna-be amateur porn-king. I am glad I am poor.

Candy Dish: Mommy, There’s a Winehouse Under My Bed

Jess - NYU — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 17:10:32 +0000

Amy Winehouse continues to scare the piss out of us

McCain gets his ass to the Mississippi debates

How to not get arrested: Be Shia LaBeouf

A shopping high without spending the cash?

Natalie Portman dumps Jesus

We don’t need no gym!

The first woman to pay for space travel

Brit, he ain’t worth it!

So…scared…can’t…type

Why don’t they just open up a zoo? A child zoo.

Oh snap! The Hef is bankrupt?!

Must Buy: adorable little wristlets

We LOVE you, Sacha Baron Cohen!

Happy Lumberjack Day!!

Sigh…Ed McMahon sells his soul

Man, the Internet is just full of scary sh*t today

Crazy Advisory System: Britney is a Code Red!

CC Staff — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 14:30:41 +0000

At first, I loved her. She was a slave for me, even though I was toxic…she told me so!Then Brit was so sad that I felt bad for her. Next time she was in the news, I felt bad for her kids. At NO TIME, did I ever feel bad for K-Fed (You are a douche dude! Go finish highschool! Zac Efron is cooler than you.)

With the latest videos, stories and photos of Britney having sex in a boutique (Betsey Johnson) and cursing out small store managers – she is a little too Bobby&Whitney on crack for me. The days of her carrying Preston around while a wife-beater without a bra and driving around with Paris refusing to wear underwear, seem so long ago. Those times of normal white-trashdom have careened into the psycho-hose-beast we see before us today. I can’t help but think:

How many years are those kids going to supported by our tax dollars?

Is forcing Hollywood to file for permits before they procreate enough to solve the problem?

Does K-Fed even have a job?

Right now, she is looking for attention. I know we all said that before, but we couldn’t help but watch anyway…I know I couldn’t. I have had it now. I’m out. When my little sister used to act stupid to get everyone’s attention, my mom would tell us just to ignore her and she will go away.

Go away Britney, just go away.

Spearsgate – Marriage or Jail?

CC Staff — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 19:13:42 +0000

As if the media hasn’t spent enough time ravaging the metaphorical colon of people across the internet and TV, we arrive at the next stage in celebrity gossip evolution (or Creative Design if you are from Kansas)…the legal battle.

So here it is: Casey Aldridge, a.k.a. Little Spears’ Babby-daddy, is either 17, 18 or 19. Unfortunately, white trash don’t keep good records and for some reason there is a some discussion as to how old he is. People are looking at his MySpace page, which has him at 17, and also his old school records that have him at 19. However, the latter records come from his Principal who is trying to hold the school yearbooks to make extra money, so it is about as trustworthy as the Mitchell Report.

My roommate is pre-law, so here is the $.50 tour:

- if he is 17, he is just another genius who knocked up a Spears girl and won the “K-Fed Lottery”

- if he is 18, there are some state statutes that would allow for a 2 year differentiation between consent and statutory rape

- if he is 19, he is f**ked

In most cases, it is up the parents to determine whether or not to press charges. In THIS case however, since the victim is preggers the District Attorney can deem that the “attack” has endangered the victim. So essentially, it doesn’t matter how much the model parenting figures, the Spears adults, protest – Casey could be going away for a while if history repeats itself.

I, for one, am eager to see how this goes because I remember a young man named Genarlow Wilson. His case was a little different because it was a consensual oral sex, which in white trash terms mean that no one got pregnant…ohhhhh yeah…I forgot! Genarlow was black and didn’t hook up with a celebrity. Don’t get me wrong, neither one should spend a minute in jail – but you have to be fair about your treatment.

All this talk aside, the new twist is that they just announced that Casey and Jamie Lynn are getting married. Can’t sue your husband for statutory rape! Ohhhhhhhhh…the American Legal System!

Celeb Rap Superstar: Super Awesome

CC Staff — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 21:50:13 +0000

Thank the Lord for “Celebrity Rap Superstar.”

My first viewing was last week; I had seen the commercials and made a solemn oath to avoid this one at all costs. But like Whitney to crack, there I was in front of my television, enjoying the rush of shame and delight that came from my first few moments of CRS.

None of the contestants on the show are legitimately famous. Reality television has produced a mass of “celebrities” that are longing to extend their already used 15 minutes of fame.

There is Jason Wahler of The Hills, who forgot every single lyric during is first performance, making Ashlee Simpson look legitimate. You will laugh, and cringe, and perhaps shed a tear for poor Jason, who takes himself WAY too seriously.

Then of course, there’s the Queen of All Media, Ms. Perez Hilton himself. The nice thing about Perez is that he is actually in on the joke, and makes fun of himself the whole time. He knows he’s a blogger who got lucky, and proceeds to laugh his way to the bank. Perez already has street cred, he doesn’t need to earn it.

Kendra Wilkinson shakes her ass a whole lot with out really knowing what she’s doing. When she messes up, she goes into a robotic default stripper mode and this tends to win her points with the audience and judges. Her sugar daddy Hugh Hefner sat proudly in the audience as she pooped out De La Sol.

Who is Countess Vaughn? Can someone please tell me? Because she’s on this show too.

It took me a minute, but Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite is on the show too. I think he has a real name, but until they said, “Pedro,” I had no clue who he was. He is completely adorable though, and looks very stoned all the time.

The judges and “rap mentors” are surprisingly all legitimate, well known rappers. DMC is a judge, Warren G, and Redman show up. They take the show seriously as well, but also seem to get off on watching other people rap very poorly.

The show is American Idol style, where the television audience can call in votes, and the “celeb” with the least amount of votes has to leave the show.

I’m not quite sure what the prize is, but I hope it’s worth the humiliation for everyone involved. And someone needs to tell Shar Jackson, she’s not cute and just because she had a kid with K-Fed it doesn’t mean she’s famous.