PARTY FOUL!

Don’t act like you haven’t heard it before.  According to Urban Dictionary, it’s “something socially unacceptable done in a social gathering.” For those of us who have been in the presence of a party foul or may have accidentally committed one ourselves, we know that they’re much more than that.

Thanks to digital cameras, your unfortunate lack of judgment will probably be plastered all over the Internet before you even have the chance to pull your head out of the toilet the next morning.  But no matter how bad things get for you, just thank your lucky stars that you’ve never committed any of these…

You haven’t, right?

Tossing Your Cookies. This is quite possibly the most commonly seen party foul. If you really have to throw up, try making it to the bathroom.  When your pre-drinking meal ends up on a fellow partier or in a potted plant— major party foul.

Bed Hog. “Getting jiggy with it” is not a party foul itself, but when you’re doing whatever you do in someone else’s bed— not so cool. Especially if you don’t know whose bed it is. Extra bonus points if you wake up next to the biggest creep at the party. He may have looked like Rupert Grint last night, but this morning your Harry Potter hottie looks a lot like a steroid-induced Carrot Top. Yummy.

Dancing Queen. The next time you get the urge to clear the dance floor and whip your hair back and forth, don’t.  Only one person on the planet can actually look cute flinging their head around like a crazy person and that’s Miss Willow Smith herself. Anyone else who feels like attempting this dance move should resort to doing so in the privacy of their own home…doors locked, curtains closed.

The Hot Mess. You might have your way with the fellas sober, but if you’ve been pounding down the spiked punch all night you may want to back off a little. When you start hitting on every guy at the party with fake eyelashes dangling off your face and your breath reeking of the soggy chips you just found on the floor, it’s time to call it quits for the night.

American Idol. So, you think your voice is God’s gift to the world? Well once your favorite song comes on and you start belting out the lyrics to “The Climb” at top of your lungs, you’ll have people running for the door. Stay off the furniture, it’s not a stage. And when your audience is throwing beer cans at you, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Somebody’s Trippin’. Blame it on the a-a-alcohol all you want, but no one is going to care why you just belly-flopped into the middle of the floor. Whatever the reason, it was hilarious and certainly party foul-worthy. And possibly a candidate for America’s Funniest Home Videos.

Duel it Out. There’s nothing like watching fights get broken out over the most ridiculous things. Girls pull each other’s hair, guys punch walls— it’s lots of fun. Usually the fights conclude with the girls “hugging it out” and apologizing for hitting on each other’s boyfriends and the guys making up for lost drinking time by doing multiple keg stands.

In the end, a party isn’t a party without a few drunken messes stumbling around, breaking things and wondering why they’re never invited back again.  No one wants to be “that girl,” but for the sake of everyone’s entertainment, we might as well get those referee’s whistles blowin’.

What’s the worst party foul you’ve ever been called out on or witnessed? Tell us in the comments or, better yet, give us the deets in an anonymous morning after story.

"ROMEO TAKE ME SOMEWHERE WE CAN BE ALONE!"

This weekend Moscow will play host to the 2010 Karaoke World Championships.  Yes, you read correctly. There really is a system in place to rank tone-deaf, pitchy, socially awkward “singers.” (Editor’s Note: Finally! Something I can win!) And here you thought Tuesday night karaoke was just for fun.

Please.

That’s merely a jumping off point for many a young star.  While you slur your way through Nothing Compares 2 U, some scrawny middle aged dude is laying down the law with Eye of the Tiger.  Because you know what? For him and all the other karaoke champs, it really is all about the thrill of the fight.  To prove it, we’ve got the five most intense, and dare I say, awe-inspiring performances of all time.

Drum roll, please.

:22 for the true genius in this lineup.

The fact that he doesn’t even need to look at the words just proves how seriously he takes his craft.

Did she really just out-Jersey Shore Jersey Shore?  Hair, check.  Copious amount of sparkle, check.  Accent, check.

The dance moves at 1:16 are what brought him home the gold at last year’s competition.

Because, after all, this is a “world” championship.  Big girls (who hock loogies mid-song) need love, too.

Let it all out, older Asian man. Let it alllll out.

[Everyone’s got a vice, a bad habit, something they know they need to change. Unfortunately, everyone also has a million excuses why they just can’t do it. Not anymore. Every month

When I was 14 I wanted to be a pop star.

I reasoned that if Britney could do it in all her lip syncing glory, surely I could have some big time pop producer synthesize and auto-tune my voice to make me sound semi-decent, dance around on stage and become a billionaire (who would one day walk barefoot into gas station bathrooms and shave my head).

The key being someone else making me sound semi-decent. Because when push comes to shove, my singing voice really shouldn’t be shared with anyone except my pals, Kerastase and Patene Pro-V and whatever brand makes my hair brush.

I can dance in front of crowds – I grew up competitive dancing – and I can talk in front of crowds – I don’t get intimidated – but ask me to sing karaoke and it seems RIDICULOUS that I ever thought pop-stardom was in my future. I get shy, sweaty, uncomfortable and watch with envy as all the people (both bad and good) get up there and have a great time.

Until now.

Well, pop-stardom is still very much NOT in my future, but this week I tackled my fear of singing karaoke.
I threw back a drink (OK, a few drinks) and watched a few other terrible performers take the mic before signing up for my own song. I needed a little time to get the shakes out and seeing other people up there gave me the confidence that I could get up there, totally tank and it wouldn’t matter. The more people went, the more I realized that there was absolutely nothing to be afraid of (except someone stealing my song!); the drunk crowd wouldn’t care if I bombed and, really, if I chose a crowd pleaser, they’d probably love it.

So I went. And bomb I did.

I belted (screeched is more like it) the words of the mega ’90s Ace of Base hit, I Saw The Sign. And let me tell you, folks, I saw a sign of my very own. A sign that said “Karaoke is FUN. You have been missing out. You have the microphone and these people have no choice but to listen to Y-O-U.” I felt invigorated (and transported back to 6th grade when Ace of Base – the very first CD I owned – was the soundtrack to my LIFE).

The crowd cheered, they sang (I mean really how can you NOT sing along to “I Saw the Sign”? Simon Cowell really has something with his whole, “it’s all about song choice” bit) and I had a blast! No one booed – they sang along. Some even danced. I swear I even saw a lighter somewhere in the back. And no one told me I sucked because I owned the fact that I was so god awful it just made me that much more awesome.

And the best part? When I got off the “stage,” someone bought me a drink. Remind me again why I was afraid to do this?

While I won’t be auditioning for American Idol anytime soon (lest I become the female, non-Asian, better dressed version of William Hung) I can honestly say I’m sad I’ve missed out on all these years of karaoke awful/awesomeness. And I’m ecstatic that I finally forced myself to get over my lame-ass fear and get up there. I never thought I’d say this but facing fears is fun!

Maybe I’ll go skydiving this week.
OK, maybe not.

And that’s totally normal.

But believe it or not, there is a line on that sticky, beer soaked carpet underneath all of the red cups and vomit that can indeed be crossed. Don’t be one of the troublesome party patrons who takes it from acceptable (in the college world, of course) to completely wrong and gross and totally unacceptable party behaivor.

Acceptable: Making out in a corner
We all know one of the main reasons anyone even goes to parties is to hook up. It’s expected that at any given point throughout the night there will be someone in some corner getting busy. Lucky them.
Unacceptable: Getting dry-humped against a wall
There is a point where you should excuse yourself and stumble on back to your own twin sized bed. No one wants to dodge hip thrusts to get to the punch bowl garbage can.

Acceptable: Getting a little sloppy and groping things
We all have the pictures on our hard drives from the nights when a little too much vodka turned a completely average room into a wondrous photo op. The lamp, the couch, the coasters, you name it, we are going to pose with it. Tomorrow your profile picture will be you licking a potted plant, no biggie.
Unacceptable: Getting a lot sloppy and breaking things.
Yes, when someone makes the decision to host a party, some cleanup is expected. They know the next morning their floor will be littered with red cups and possibly a couple stains. But what isn’t expected is that you have one too many shooters and decide to play frisbee with all the dishes in the cupboard.

Acceptable: Bringing a few girls into the bathroom with you
Unacceptable: Bringing a few guys into the bathroom with you
What you do behind closed doors is your business, but not when a house full of party guests (with full bladders!) watches you enter with three guys… and leave without a bra.

Acceptable: Being the life of the party
Every party needs some leaders. Who’s going to get the pong tournament going, turn on the karaoke, and get out the ice luge? It’s totally cool to be the first girl to get up into that keg stand.
Unacceptable: Being the whore of the party
Getting the attention by groping your way down the male guest list is another story. You don’t have to gain popularity and a re-invite by hooking up with every guy you can corner by the chips and dip. This is only going to earn you a nasty label and a reputation for stealing all the male prospects.

Acceptable: Drunk texting your ex-boyfriend
Who hasn’t done it? Had one too many, somehow found “A-HOLE” in your address book, and found a reply message the next morning asking, “WTF? Were you serious last night?”
Unacceptable: Drunk dialing your mom
Your ex will forget about it, your friends will ignore it, but your parents will have you begging for forgiveness for the next three months. They will not find it funny that you are at a raging party at 4 am on a Wednesday morning (“Don’t you have class in three hours?!?”), and you’ll be spending the next holiday break convincing them you’re not a totally irresponsible slacker.

What other party behavior do you guys find totally unacceptable?

And then I realized: here was a girl that has zero (zilch, nada, NOTHING) talent getting the opportunity of a lifetime while there are so many real singers out there that the world is truly missing out on.

Singers like Jesse Palter, one of the best new artists I’ve heard in a long-ass time. Jesse, who is well known and celebrated for her abilities as a Jazz singer, has a rare voice and a distinct sound that you can’t help but fall in love with. Her latest music (which I just downloaded from iTunes and is already on my most played list….) makes you feel good. Feel happy. Feel like dancing around in your undies (even with the drapes open!). And on top of all that, this girl is a major sweetheart. I’m not sure what I love more – the girl or the music – but either way you should get to know Ms. Jesse Palter:

The 5 Questions We Ask Everyone:

1. What is the most trouble you’ve ever gotten into?
Trouble? Who, me? I’ve never gotten into any trouble! Except for the time I dyed my hair blonde and left my eyebrows dark brown… Does that count? That was TROUBLING!

2. What are the five things you can’t live without?
1. My ipod/record player!
2. The internet – Hello. My name is Jesse and I’m an addict.
3. My Crackberry…errrr, Blackberry
4. Piano. I’d go crazy if I had all these compositional ideas in my head and no tool to help get them out.
5. Chocolate. I’ve tried. And failed. Miserably.

3. What’s your motto or the advice you live by?
Every day is a new canvas on which to paint. Also, a setback is nothing but a setup for a comeback!

4. What is you favorite song to belt out at the bar/in the car/for karaoke?
I don’t have one particular favorite but I’ll name a few (or we’ll be here all day):
In the bar: “Man In The Mirror” or “Living On A Prayer” – Afterall, I am a child of the 80s
In the car: “You’re So Vain” (Carly Simon), “Different Drum” (Linda Ronstadt), “Come Together” The Beatles, “You Oughta Know” (Alanis Morissette)…and a lot of Motown.
Karaoke: **gasp** Uhhhh…I hate singing karaoke. I feel more comfortable performing in front of large crowds with a live band than singing karaoke. True story! I get sweaty palms and clamped hands and everything! But, I do get a kick out of watching other people sing Bohemian Rhapsody karaoke style.

5. Ten years from now you will be….
Doing exactly what I’m doing now, only BIGGER! I see myself traveling the world and spreading a positive message with my music. I see myself having collaborated with other artists that I admire and am inspired by. I see myself writing for/producing/mentoring up-and-coming talent. I see myself having opportunities to be philanthropic as a result of my hard work. And…I see myself ten years older.

5 Questions just for Jesse:

1. For our readers who have never heard your music, explain your sound in 5 words:
Shake yo’ booty jazzy pop!

2. If I was to turn on your ipod right now, what five artists/songs would I see on your recently played list?
1. Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings
2. Clare & The Reasons (Brooklyn based Indie band)
3. Michael Jackson
4. Count Basie – Breakfast Dance and Barbeque
5. The Beatles – The White Album (but I’m always replaying Abbey Road and Revolver)

3. If you could go open up for any artist on tour right now who would it be?
Well, the Jonas brothers called me and said, “Yoooo Jesse P! Can you come on the road with us? This tour is Burnin’ Up!!!” And although the proposal was quite intriguing, I ultimately said, “Sorry Jo Bro’s! I’m waiting for Elton John & Billy Joel’s call”… or Coldplay. They’re incredible musicians and great songwriters. Really, though, we would bring the heat to any opening slot! We’re saddled up and ready to rock.

4. So, what’s your favorite thing to do when you aren’t writing/producing/playing etc? Do you like Jenga? I loooove Jenga.
Anything active or outdoorsy! Running, hiking, biking, yoga-ing, dancing – summers in Chicago are great because the weather is often conducive for walking. I like to go to new parts of the city that I’ve never been and discover new restaurants, shops and people watch! If I can actively explore, I’m there!

5. You write all of your own music; where do you draw inspiration from when you write songs and what’s your favorite part about the proccess?
Anything and everything. My life. My friends’ lives. The person I overhear at a coffee shop’s life. Pop culture. Historic culture. Evolution. Colors. Love. Hate. Insecurities. Opportunities. The unknown. Nature. When I’m processing my emotions I ask myself “what melody would this be?” and I’ll try and put my feelings to song. Sometimes a catchphrase pops out and then I’ll marinate on that and write a melody and harmony to it. Sometimes a series of chord changes play over in my head and won’t quit until I write it. Sometimes I wake up or am woken up humming a melody. It’s really an organic process. The idea manifests randomly and spontaneously and I know that I have to go with it or I’ll lose it.

5a) Do you ever get nervous?
YES! Karaoke, remember?

Check Out Jesse Palter’s music at www.palterego.com or myspace.com/jessepalterthealterego, or follow her on Twitter.

When I think back to my high school days, two things come to mind: the prison that was life before getting my license, and the freedom that came with driving out of my garage by myself that very first time.

Listening to Sugar Ray.
With the windows down.
And flipping my parents the bird.

It’s been quite awhile since the boys of Sugar Ray have been on my radar, but much like the Backstreet Boys, that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate some of their tune-age now and then (read: always). And now I don’t have to play “Fly” over and over again to get my fix. The guys have reconnected and returned to the studio for their new album, “Music for Cougars.“

I’m no cougar (yet), but I love us some Sugar Ray in the summertime and I’m super pumped to hear what they’ve been working on. I had the chance to chat (and LOL) with some of the boys of the band, so check out what they’ve been up to since the days of “When It’s Over,” because, clearly, it’s not over yet.

5 Questions We Ask Everyone:

1. What is your most hysterical/ridiculous college memory or the most trouble you’ve ever gotten into?

Mark: When I saw Public Enemy in 1988 and Professor Griff called me and my girlfriend out for being White Devils! And, we don’t get in trouble, everrrr, wink wink.
Rodney: Never been in trouble (like, law trouble) and never been to college.

2. Name five things you can’t live without.

Mark: Ruby, Chopper, Lola (my dogs), coca cola and Howard Stern.
Rodney: IPOD/IPHONE, Howard Stern, wife & kids, grass, pets.

3. What’s your motto/advice you live by?

Mark: Life is a highway, I’m gonna ride it all night long!
Rodney: Believe in yourself.

4. What is your favorite song to belt out at the bar/in the car/for karaoke?

Mark: For karaoke: “Bust A Move” by Young MC. For the car: “Easy” by the Commodores. For a bar: “Into the Fire” by Dokken
Rodney: For the car/bar: “Spread your Wings” by Queen. I have never done karaoke!

5. Ten years from now you will be….

Mark: Playing a county fair in Kennewick, WA
Rodney: 52 years old

5 Questions Just for Sugar Ray:

1. What do you miss most about life in college?

Mark: The discovery. Everything was new, you were independent for the first time. etc.

2. What’s with the new album name, Music for Cougars? Can college girls listen to it, too, or should we just be gifting it to our moms?

The title is advising everyone to take a swim in “Lake You.” Everyone can listen to it! And by the way, what’s your mom’s number?

3. Who do you think is the hottest cougar out there?

Mark: Halle Berry
Rodney: Bo Derek

4. Why did you guys decide to return to the studio after all this time?

We organically had an offer from a buddy of ours who got a label deal. It was still all 5 of us after 21 years so we figured, why not be creative again!

5. What can we expect from this new album?

The essence of Sugar Ray… back to traditional summery Sugar Ray.

Mmm. Smell like a brand new book.

Low alcohol wine. Good or bad idea?

Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo are dunzo.

I’d rather die than move…

The most obnoxious karaoke songs of all time.