But then one day my beloved Aaron decided to take to drugs, and my delusions of perfection were busted. He divorced his parents, got engaged to a Playboy model for all of two seconds and generally sucked all around. I let my love for AC fall by the wayside.

Now Aaron is back in the spotlight and I’m torn. The last I saw him, Aaron had left me broken-hearted and disappointed. Can he dance his way back into my heart?

Love it

Aaron and his partner, Karina Smirnoff, kicked off the season premiere of “Dancing with the Stars,” and boy was he looking good. His Cha-Cha number was absolutely stunning.  I would go as far as to say, Aaron may be the new Lord of the Dance.

All the bad press surrounding Aaron and the Carter family seems to be forgotten, and apparently, he doesn’t drink anymore! That’s good. Keep yourself out of trouble, Aaron. We know you’ve had problems with gateway drugs in the past. In fact, we saw it live (well, pre-recorded) on E!

I still know all the words to “That’s How I Beat Shaq” and would give anything for Aaron to do a remake of that classic hit. He was a budding pop-star with a bright future. Since his downfall he has cleaned up his act, and I think he deserves another chance.

And between you and me, I secretly hope Aaron Googles his own name, sees this post and contacts me in hopes of regaining a neglected fan. Fingers crossed!

Loathe it

So much of what I loved about him back in his “Oh Aaron” days was his little boy preciousness. But it seems that he hasn’t quite outgrown that phase yet. My guess is he is weighing in at around 101 lbs, two of which can be attributed to the amount of hair gel used to get his blonde locks to swoop in an ocean-like wave. And there is no doubt in my mind that he will never be able to grow a full beard.

Also, and I hate to say it, but I’m questioning Aaron’s sexuality. There was a slight blip on my gay-dar as I watched him shake his hips on “Dancing with the Stars.” I have no evidence to back this up, but I’m definitely going to keep a close eye on his personal life.

And his most grave offense to date happened in a recent interview on Chelsea Lately. No, I’m not talking about that graphic tee he was wearing; Aaron admitted, with a seemingly proud smile on his face, to cheating on Hillary Duff…. with her best friend!  That’s a no-no, little Aaron. What a pig.

So what’s the word, is Aaron’s party back on? Or am I living in the past?

Dress 10 pounds thinner.

If Reefs will make our ass look like that, we’ll take 10 pairs.

Yes, you can save money on beauty products.

Ryan Seacrest has a new girlfriend.

Hot celebs gone very, very wrong.

Do magic tricks turn you on?

More awesomely bad reality TV is coming our way tonight.

Israel refuses to stop their attacks on Gaza.

Ugh, you stepped in gum; now what?

Men are to blame for the current economic crisis.

What’s more, the show has proven that working out can be fun, and that dancing is an excellent way to shed some unwanted pounds, build muscle, and start living an overall healthier lifestyle. I know I signed up for Zumba and impulsively bought the DWTS Cardio Dance workout DVD without batting an eye.

As DWTS has increased our awareness of fun ways to stay fit, it’s also a great vehicle to demonstrate that fitness comes in all shapes and sizes. In the past, we’ve seen DWTS combat some of the Hollywood stereotypes that distort women’s body images across the country. Remember when all 167 pounds of Laila Ali made it to the top three? How about when Sabrina Bryan, who is “chunky” by Hollywood standards, was sent home simply because everyone thought she was too talented to need their votes?

Most importantly, consider the fact that normally the beauty queens and supermodels are the first to get the boot: Paulina Porizkova, Shandi Finnessey, and Shoana Moakler are among the competitors who never saw round three, and thus, they all blend together into one generic DWTS loser, while fan favorites like Marisa Jaret Winokur show you that being skinny doesn’t mean you can move.

That being said, the enormously talented professionals with DWTS also have very different looks, which is great, because it shows that they are all very individual, not just some manufactured dancing Barbie doll. However, this season I’ve been disappointed to see the media scrutiny that Cheryl Burke has had to deal with. Just because Cheryl doesn’t have the rail-thin body of Edyta, it doesn’t mean she’s gotten “fat,” and either way, DWTS shouldn’t be the show to decide who’s fat or thin, because for several years, it’s been more about techniques and talents than the number of ribs that protrude when someone arabesques.

If I had Cheryl Burke’s body, I’d be thrilled. Not only would I look amazing, but I’d know I was in great physical condition. So why is it that two-time champ Cheryl is suddenly under scrutiny? Girlfriend can move– and isn’t this a dance competition? Karina Smirnoff and Edyta Sliwinska’s outfits are getting smaller and smaller, and our former champ, Cheryl, is being put under a microscope.

I’m not saying Edyta is at fault for being so skinny with such a huge rack, or that Karina’s to blame for making me second-guess the cheeseburger I had at lunch. I just thought that the lesson we learned from the first six seasons of DWTS was that “fit” comes in all shapes and sizes. Edyta, Karina, Cheryl, Julianne, Kym, and, this season, Lacey all put in grueling hours as they patiently teach their partners to dance like pros. Just because they have different body types doesn’t mean that one is “fat” or another is “better.”

So please, DWTS fans, media, paparazzi, and whomever else is trying to turn my favorite dance competition into an anorexia playground, just back off. I would love to have one of those girls’ bodies… but I would much rather have their talent.

Just weeks after splitting up with gf Karina Smirnoff and already casting his net via tabloids, the once and future A.C. Slater tried to make it seem like he wanted the type of girl every guy wants. Good thing I speak Douchebag and can translate the actual meaning of his words.

What He Told People Mag:

“I’m a pretty low-maintenance kind of guy,”

What He Meant:

“Commitment is high maintenance. I’m the opposite of that.”

What He Told People Mag:

“I’d like to be with someone who is secure with themselves. She has to understand that I have a lot going on and I’m busy.”

What He Meant:

“I’d like to be with someone who is so self-centered she doesn’t realize when I’m not at home and that I might be cheating on her while I do all my ‘stuff’. I have to host America’s Best Dance Crew and dance around outrageously on the Broadway stage, okay? I’m busy.”

What He Told People Mag:

“I’d like someone who has their own thing going on – their own ‘passion,’ whatever it is.”

What He Meant:

“She can’t want to steal my passion. Stealing other people’s passion and making it your own is totally not cool.”

What He Told People Mag:

“I like a girl that’s funny.”

What He Meant:

“I like a girl who thinks I’m funny. Maybe we can watch old episodes of Saved By the Bell together and laugh at how hilarious I am. But she can’t be funny looking. That’s not cool.”

What He Told People Mag:

“If she’s a big chain smoker, I’m not really a fan of that. Or a cusser – someone who isn’t nice to people. Someone who doesn’t like family and doesn’t like dogs.”

What He Meant:

“I’m the only one who’s allowed to be not nice and cheat during a pre-wedding party. If she doesn’t understand that my dogs are totally my family and come before her, then screw that, we won’t date”