Dear Senior,

Right about now you are probably rolling a keg back to your house and getting ready to celebrate your last last final. How exciting! Drink up, friend. Drink until the sun (or your lunch) comes up. Take shots, do keg stands, play a long and telling game of Never Have I Ever. Enjoy it.

You are going to need it. Once finals are over and you have tossed that over-priced cap into the air, the real work begins. Unless you, like everyone else, decide to take that 6 week trip to Europe, in which case the real work doesn’t begin until you’ve smuggled your Absinthe back into the country and unpack that over-sized backpack.

This work I speak of is not the job you will be getting post graduation; it is the apartment. The New York Times recently ran a story talking all about the infamous apartment hunt. The article is long and sort of eh, so I will recap it for you here:Finding an apartment in a big city is really f*cking hard. Read More »

Don’t you just L-O-V-E the Super Bowl? It’s that time of the year when all of the dudes in our lives melt themselves down into screaming little boys.

They stuff their faces with whatever you put in front of them, drink their manjuice from a keg, and lose their temper at the television set.

As grotesque as this may sound to some of you, I actually enjoy this night. Then again, I’ve always been pretty good at kicking it with the guys.

There is a certain art to hanging with the guys, specially on Super Bowl Sunday, without being THAT chick. You know…THAT chick:

1. Who’s there solely to baby sit her boyfriend.

2. Who’s there solely because she has no life outside of her boyfriend.

3. Who’s there to invite all of the girls so that they could all have “Girl Time” while the boys have “Boy Time”.

4. Who admits she’s only there for the food and beer.

5. Who doesn’t know which teams are playing.

You don’t wanna be any of those girls. Instead, use this event as a chance to prove your ability to truly hang. The cool points you’ll score might just last you all year.

So how do you do it? Read More »

Frat parties: after eight months of their splendor we swear them off for eternity. As soon as freshman year ends and we move out of the dorms we promise never to return to their sweaty sleazy goodness.

Who wants to wait in those long lines freezing to death in a mini skirt and tube top in the middle of winter? Who wants to be packed into a small room with sweaty men groping your ass at every turn?

Who wants to listen to that awful rap music boasting illegitimate children and millions of dollars worth of bling blaring from oversized speakers?

Not me…or so I thought.

Look at me now: freezing to death in a pair of jeans and a button down, waiting in line to get into a crowded room where older and sleazier men are trying to pinch my butt while grinding to awful rap music blaring from oversized speakers.

What’s the difference?

I am now paying for all of these lovely amenities.

Why is it ok to take part in these activities at a bar and not at a frat party? What is the difference, really? And, think about it, which one really is better? Let the battle begin:

Frat

No Toilet Paper- some women have been forced to drip dry or–gasp!–use items such as leaves and notebook paper while taking care of business.

Bar

Usually have toilet paper, but not always a working toilet. Some squatters have even been known to brush up against pre-used TP piled high in clogged bowls. Read More »

After-hook-up relations are not always easy.

Seeing someone you made out or slept with a few days after the fact can be weird, uncomfortable, and even painful. It can also be awkward with a capital A.

If the experience was extremely unmemorable (or horrible…because that sometimes usually happens), we may even resort to running and hiding behind trees whenever we spy a recent bedfellow (not that I ever did that. I preferred to hide behind bushes. More coverage.).

On small college campuses, avoiding people can become difficult, and many of us probably wish at the very least that we could relate to our hook-ups the way we did before everything went down.

Well, we can!

A few years ago, after hooking-up with and subsequently getting seriously pissed off at a guy when I realized he had a girlfriend, I thought our friendship was over. But I still had to see him every day. So what was I going to do? Read More »

If I was still in college right now, I’d be peeing my pants with excitement over this awesome new development in alcoholism.

The Portopong!

Yes, yes, the summer is almost over (10 days and counting) but if you have access to a pool and a group of fun-loving friends, the Portopong is where it’s at. What college student doesn’t love a good game of pong? And in a pool no less? Yea, how about no less than amazing.

Just to make sure, we’re talking about this kind of pong, not this kind.

The Portopong is inflatable, which means you can squish it in your backpack and head over to the pool party after class. It comes with pool strings, patches for leaks and, if you buy one by tomorrow, it’s 40 bucks – 10 bucks off the normal price.

The only negative thing I can say about the Portopong is, if you’re gonna market to college students, find attractive people to sell your product. I think I see some man boobs. Read More »

With the return of classes comes the return of dorm hookups, frat parties, beer pong competitions, and keg stands. It’s all fun and games, until someone loses an eye!I don’t mean to get all Mom on you, but all of us have had at least one partying experience that ends in waking up with a hangover, vowing, “I’m never drinking again. No, seriously. Never again.”

Usually, this vow holds up until the next happy hour…

And now that shcool has started up for most of us and we are finally getting into our college routine, here comes National Campus Safety Awareness Month!

Unfortunately, when it comes to words of warning, cliché advice like “watch how much you drink” and “don’t go home with strangers” often goes in one ear and out the other, until you find yourself still tipsy, doing the walk of shame back to your dorm, heels in hand.

So, keeping in mind that you won’t be abstaining from alcohol or random hookups all together in the name of campus safety, here are my tips for keeping yourself safe: Read More »

Last summer, I found myself packing up my life (have you ever noticed that your life seems extremely pathetic when you get around to actually packing it up in luggage?) and heading off, seven hours away, to a world of cheap beer, dirty laundry, and glorious, glorious freedom. It was my freshman year of college.Sure, I had older friends, and they were all dying to give me advice.

Don’t procrastinate, never forget your shower shoes, beware the freshman fifteen, look to your right- look to your left- both those guys probably have chlamydia. You know, stuff like that.

Anyway… it’s about time to pack up life (beware moldy sandwiches) and head back to school, but for you young readers this is a big deal, and there’s no doubt you’ve got questions. So, I’m hooking you up with some vital answers. Read More »