You’ve finally moved out of the dorms, and it just so happens that your new diggs are the perfect place to throw a party. No RA’s, no quiet hours, no cramming 50 people into your tiny dorm and trying to have a dance party. Sweet!

Throwing a party might seem like a no-brainer. Still, you have make sure all of your bases are covered, or you’ll find people trickling out before midnight, hoping to catch another bigger, better party before the sun comes up and the night is a complete bust.

If you want to throw the party of the year–the one people are still talking about at graduation, the one people are still talking about at the reunion–just take heed of these simple cardinal rules.

1. Spread the Word Like Wildfire.

Don’t just mention it to your lab partner. Don’t put up an away message saying “Party tonight! Come on over!” There’s plenty of parties to choose from on campus, so you want yours to be the one everyone’s talking about.

Create a Facebook event. Make fliers and wallpaper your apartment complex. Interrupt your Criminology lecture by screaming, “Let’s F–KING RAGE!” Okay, that one might be going to far, but figure out what methods of advertising will work best for you, and do ‘em twice.

2. Find a Gimmick.

Like I said, there’s probably a lot of options on campus on a Saturday night, whether it’s another party or a great bar special. A gimmick will not only attract partygoers, but it will help them remember your party. The “gimmick” can be anything from a crazy theme party to a simple keg party (seriously, throw the word “keg” in there, and people will flock, arms outstretched and tongues hanging out, like a scene from Night of the Living Dead). Toga parties, Pimps and Hoes parties, and Graffiti parties all sound more interesting than “Party in 5C – BYOB.” Am I right?

You can also think of random things to celebrate to get people talking. It’s also a good way to guilt trip guests into “stopping by,” at which point, they will see how much fun your party is and immediately blow off whatever party they were en route to in the first place. Twenty-first birthdays are a classic example. Everyone has to stop by to wish you well. My twenty-first was so successful that I’ve had one every year since, and the “2nd Annual 21st Birthday Bash” and “3rd Annual 21st Birthday Bash” were also smashing.

3. “Entertainment” Does Not Mean Your IPod on a Speaker.

Music is essential, but there’s more to a party than your Flo Rida megamix blaring for six hours straight. Setting up different “activities” will keep people interested, and make more people float through the party, and mingle, and… oh yeah, drink more. Set up beer pong in the backyard and flip cup in your kitchen. Spring for an ice luge so your guests don’t get bored waiting for their turn at beer pong. Announce a shotgun contest, a kegstand contest, or some other ridiculous competition just after you’ve hit full capacity and the buzz starts to creep in.

It’s also a good idea to have a low-key game going on when the party starts to alleviate any awkward “I’m-the-first-person-here-and-this-isn’t-really-a-party” vibes when the very first partiers trickle in to an empty house. I suggest a card game like Kings. Everyone can play, everyone drinks a lot, and by the time you’ve all done your second or third waterfall, you’ll slam your cups on the table and look up to see that somehow a few dozen bodies have appeared in your living room, and the party is officially ON.

4. Don’t Spend All of Your Efforts on Booze.

Yes, people will be coming to your party to drink. But just because you’ve stocked your liquor cabinet doesn’t mean your work is done. When people drink, they get hungry. So plan on supplying some food. If it’s an all-day party, have a barbecue or order some sandwich platters. If it’s a typical Saturday Night banger, stock up on carbs and starches in the form of potato chips, tortilla chips, and pretzels. Ordering a couple of sheet pizzas or a few dozen wings will never be unappreciated. If you are providing liquor, grab some mixers. Even if you aren’t providing liquor, it’s nice to have juice or soda on hand for your guests.

While you’re stocking up on munchies, run through the paper goods aisle of the grocery store, and buy a surplus of solo cups, paper towels, garbage bags, and toilet paper. Who knows how many people will run through your bathroom throughout the course of the evening, and you definitely don’t want drunk people using your bath towels when they can’t find toilet paper. Likewise, you want paper towels on hand for spilled beer, whether you soak it up during the party or the next morning.

If you are particularly meticulous, you might make sure that your medicine cabinet is stocked with bandages, in case of drunken injuries, or even rubber gloves, in case of vomit.

5. When You Think You Have Enough Booze, Buy More.

The cardinal rule of throwing a party is always overestimate when it comes to alcohol. When the well runs dry, the party’s over. If you are throwing a keg party, consider the beer measurements:

A “keg” is actually a half-barrel, and holds 15.5 gallons of beer. A quarter-barrel (usually referred to as a half-keg) is less than three 30-racks of beer. So, if you have one half-barrel at your party, you’ll get about 124 US pints, or 16 oz. beers, out of it. That will feed about 20 people 6 beers each.

While it’s not necessarily your responsibility to provide all of the alcohol for all of your guests, you may also want to consider picking up some liquor for the non-beer drinkers, or just to shake things up a bit once the party starts raging. Pizza is a win-win in the food category, and jungle juice will never do you wrong when it comes to stocking up on liquor.

Depending on how much alcohol you want to provide personally, you can always charge for cups, or ask for donations to help fund the shindig. But, even if you’re weary about splurging on a few kegs, or making your own mini-bar, just remember: if anything’s leftover, you can always drink it later.

You check your phone, and see that you dialed your ex at 1:34, your best friend at 1:52 (which is weird, because you went to the bar together), an unknown number at 2:04, and someone called “Tattoo Joe,” a name that wasn’t in your directory yesterday afternoon, at 4:23. You immediately call your BFF, and ask the question aloud: “What happened last night?”

Blacking out probably dates back to the birth of alcohol, but it has long baffled doctors, psychologists, and college students. Why does that one last drink put you over the edge, and erase hours worth of memories? Why is it pretty much impossible to tell when you’re having a conversation with someone who is currently experiencing a blackout? Britain’s Telegraph recently reported that the reason why people forget the embarrassing things they do when they are drunk has been discovered.

The article’s opening statement reads, “Research at the University of Sussex has found that alcohol influences the brain’s ability to form memories, making memories before a drink stronger and memories of things that happen while under the influence weaker.” Um… it took them until 2008 to figure this out?

While I found that statement quite obvious, I kept reading, hoping that they might have also discovered a cure for blacking out. Besides sobriety, that is. Apparently, these Sussex researchers hypothesize that “while a drinker may remember the happy events such as socialising with friends at the start of a drinking session, they are less able to recall the negative effects that happen later in the night.”

I have several problems with the above statement. First of all, if memories before a drink are stronger anyway, it seems that it’s a given that the start of the boozefest, happy or not, will be more memorable than the end, happy or not. Second of all, there are plenty of happy things that personally I don’t remember, and tons of negative memories that I wish I could suppress.

Case in point: I cannot, for the life of me, remember a serious conversation I had with this guy two weeks ago. All I know is that I must have said the right things, because I spent the night. On the other hand, I most certainly remember trying to hit on him again last weekend, and being completely rejected.

Case in point number 2: Everyone insists I had a great time at my end-of-the-summer keg party. Apparently I was laughing, dancing, and being a fairly-well-behaved social butterfly. Instead of my brain holding onto these happy memories, I only remember the part of the night where I was dry-heaving behind my house after a 20-second kegstand.

I think this study is full of holes. The researchers also claim that “people are more likely to drink heavily the next time they go out because they only remember the good memories about the last time.” I beg to differ. I hate not remembering. Even if I had a great time early in the night, not remembering how the night ended usually makes me simmer down for a little while (sometimes a very little while, but hey, I’m trying).

After a night of heavy drinking, even the memories before the sh*tshow can feel skewed and foggy. Did we have that conversation before or after the shots of Cabo Wabo? Wasn’t I a dancing machine even before I played my first game of beer pong? Even after a night of “light” drinking, certain details can easily slip one’s mind.

While I certainly agree that alcohol impairs the brain, and thus the brain’s ability to form new memories, I don’t think there are underlying psychological reasons (embarrassment, heartache, anger) that add to the likelihood of experiencing a blackout.

Of course, I’m no scientist. But I could be a guinea pig.

Saturday night: You’re at a frat party. You just won three consecutive games of beer pong. You don’t think twice about drinking your cups, despite the fact that you’ve seen the ball land in other peoples’ used cups, roll along the basement floor, and watched the ball pass between thirty-something unwashed hands.

What gives?!?

Obviously, beer pong isn’t the most sanitary party game out there. But you have the “water cup,” right? That cup of tepid, dirty water is totes gonna disinfect that old, recycled ping pong ball (that was most likely found under someone’s bed 10 minutes before party time). Or not.

Some microbiology students at George Washington University decided to test exactly how detrimental to your health beer pong can be. If you like beer pong, you may want to skip this article.

After a somewhat mild night of beer pong, consisting of eight students and thirty beers, the budding scientists collected samples from each of the beer pong cups and the water cup. What’d they find? A haven for germs. Bacteria from the E. Coli, salmonella, and pneumonia families were present in every single test tube containing samples from the game. Oh, and that water cup that everyone used to clean the balls? That was the most infected, and housed the most bacteria growth over night.

This study centered on beer pong only, but what about other potentially sickening games? When’s the last time you did a kegstand, putting your mouth on the tap that’s been who-knows-where after a dozen other people slurped down a few seconds worth of brew? How about the time you stood in for flip cup, and rotated through other peoples’ cups round after round?

We put our mouths everywhere when there’s cheap beer involved (and some of us really put our mouths everywhere), but we’re super cautious about where we place our ASS when we’re in a public place? Just some food for thought.

Not that you have to quit beer pong — hell, no! To be just a tad cleaner, change out the water cups and beer pong balls throughout the night, and keep your own beer cup to drink out of after the ball hits (just dump the shot’s worth of beer into your own cup).

Alcohol is bad enough for your immune system; don’t give germs a better opportunity to take up residence in your body.

I remember having a drunken bonding moment with a really cool guy in college a few years ago, and he asked for my number. I asked for his screen name instead. I mean, IM-ing someone is so much more casual, and so much less stressful. You don’t have to feel your heart thumping through your chest as the phone rings. Is he going to answer? Is it going to go to voicemail? Is he blocking me? What do I say if he picks up?

With IM, you can see if he’s away or idle, and choose your own adventure from there. You can leave a casual “Just wanted to say I had a great time last night” IM, rather than starting a phone call with the same line and then struggling to make small talk. Likewise, you can make small talk behind the shield of the IM window, where he can’t hear your voice crack, and where you can copy and paste the whole convo to all of your girlfriends and get advice while you try to weed out his intentions.

And then came Facebook. The social network has made quite the mark on the dating scene. There’s the poke, which can be viewed as casual, flirty, or creepy. There’s the “it’s complicated” label for the relationship you’re in (finally- you can be open about having a f*ck buddy without warding off the rest of the male population!); and of course, there’s the wall post, which makes the casual IM seem like the awkward phone call of yesteryear.

I mean, the Facebook Comment is meant to be a quick exchange, with no pressure to make conversation. When you make a phone call, you have to come up with a discussion and keep the ball rolling. When you IM, there’s still the slight chance that he comes un-idle and writes back. With the F/B comment, it’s open and shut. Even if he writes back immediately, you can pretend you didn’t read it, and wait until the drunken-hookup hormones die down before you decide whether you want to pursue a fling or keep it casual.

Even better, the post-date phone call screams “interested.” So there’s not really a way to let someone down gently. You meet, you have a date, you feel a connection. Then you wait three days. If he calls, he wants you; if he doesn’t, you’re done. But Facebook gives people a chance to be “friends” first (and I use the term loosely, since Facebook friends and true camaraderie are entirely different entities). But the “friending” option is beneficial in two crucial ways. One, you don’t owe a Facebook friend anything. You don’t owe him a date, just like he doesn’t owe you an explanation if his last fifteen comments are from blonde supermodels in training. Two, since you don’t owe him a date, you can safely flirt through F/B until you know it’s time to make a move.

Say you meet someone at a party, and your buzz makes you believe you could be compatible. He calls, and you’re pressured to make some sort of plans. Then you have to fake food poisoning and skip out on the check because the beer goggles have flown off with the force of a Kansas tornado. However, if you have access to his Facebook, you can check out his interests, his friends, and, most importantly, his photos. You can also poke and message for an undetermined amount of time, and bide your time until you’re ready to meet up again.

Yeah, Facebook and Myspace have their flaws, which you’ll discover when you’re denied a job because a recruiter saw your kegstand photos during a background check. But they’ve changed the face of relationships. And personally, I think the dating scene has gotten easier. Nobody ever got an STD from a cyber-poke.

[photo from jupiterimages]