What is wrong with this girl?

In light of the recent engagement of mesh-shirt-wearing, Twitter-obsessed Michael Lohan and former Jon Gosselin flame Kate Majors (the chick who quit her job at Star Magazine because she had fallen in love with the deadbeat dad), we are forced to wonder: could Kate Major be in the Guinness Book for World Records for having the worst taste in men on this planet?

We thought so, but then we started thinking and, while sad and seemingly impossible, there are a few women out there who might be digging even deeper in the dung pit of horrible men. And here they are: the only 5 women on earth who have worst taste than Ms. Major.

Britney Spears:
How could we even start a list like this without this woman?  With the exception of Justin Timberlake (and hey, we don’t even know if he’s that awesome as a bf) her dating list has been a train wreck.  I mean, we owe the celebrity of KFed to her alone. And who can forget that time she invited paparazzi Adnan Ghalib to get a first-hand look at her life? Ugh, don’t even get me started on that facial hair. Brava, Britney, brava.

Jessica Simpson:
When she first came on the scene, we loved her as the newlywed to boybander Nick Lachey.  Precious.  But following the end of that marriage, it was stinker after stinker.  John Mayer?  Scum.  Tony Romo?  Engaged less than a year after their two-year relationship ends.  Billy Corgan?  …Weird.

Ashlee Simpson:
I guess when your dad is Joe Simpson you’re pretty much guaranteed to fall for dbags. When we first heard of Jessica’s punky younger sister she was dating Ryan Cabrera.  At the time, this wasn’t so bad, but seriously?  That guy?  We get it, your dad was managing him too, but his hair actually makes me angry.  Now, she’s happily wedded to…Pete Wentz.  Yes, that Pete Wentz, who wears more eyeliner than me, got a tattoo of his friend’s face on himself and has been known to walk around with a paper plate mask on to “fool” the paparazzi.  Good one, dude.  Wah wah.

Sandra Bullock:
Sorry, but home girl has to be on here. Sure, she’s had some pretty great guys in her past (Tate Donovan and Ryan Gosling, just to name some hotness), but her recent dud cancels all that out. From the facial hair to the tats to the whole “I’m secretly a neo-Nazi who likes to bang other women on my office couch,” Jesse James is pretty scumtastic. You know the guy is bad when I’d rather spend a night with Jon Gosselin than spend a minute breathing the same air as this guy.

Anyone Who’s Ever Been on Rock/Flavor of Love: Ok so for at least three seasons, women were falling all over themselves to get with either Bret Michaels or Flava Flav.  Yes, Flava Flav.  An aging rock star with extensions and tattooed eyeliner is pretty bad, but it has to be said, at least at one point Bret Michaels was hot.  Flava Flav looks like a tiny raisin wearing a clock around his neck.  That is like cartoon character status, but for some insane reason, skanks the world over want to be this guy’s lady.  That is the ultimate in bad taste.  Sorry hos, your time is up.

Like Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Recently, she has taken the dive into dating advice-hood and wrote a book full of her own dating tips. Yes, Jennifer Love-Hewitt, a perpetually single Hollywood “star” with a string of bad relationships is offering up advice on how to succeed in the dating world. Ironic? Yes. Disturbing? Just wait.

One piece of J-Love’s sage wisdom? To “vagazzle your vajayjay.” Yes, that’s exactly what you think it is. Ms. Hewitt wants you to bedazzle your goodies. Because nothing says love like a vagina with sequins glued on.

It’s obvious that Jennifer Love Hewitt is not someone any of us should be turning to for dating or love advice. In fact, there are quite a few ladies who probably shouldn’t be starting any Dear Abby columns any time soon. Here are five we should definitely avoid.

Jessica Simpson: There are three things you should keep out of a relationship: bowel dysfunctions, a crazy and clingy father (who makes comments about your boobs), and John Mayer.  This seems to be Jessica Simpson’s ideal love triangle.  This and the fact that she is weary about the diverse qualities of chicken and tuna leaves no reason for her to sprinkle her dating advice around the world.

Heidi Montag: Unless you’re life’s dream is to marry the biggest ass-hat known to man, I wouldn’t really turn to Ms. Montag-Pratt for advice. And if marrying Spencer Pratt isn’t bad enough, girlfriend recently attempted to trick her bearded lover into having children after “forgetting” to take her birth control.  Nothing say’s “healthy relationship” like this one, folks.

Angelina Jolie: Somehow, I am discovering “stealing someone else’s man and following up with a giant litter of children” isn’t valuable dating advice.  Or kissing your own brother.  Or tattooing your boyfriend’s name on your arm. Or wearing a vile of your boyfriend’s blood on your neck. I don’t know – something about that last one just seems really effing creepy a little clingy for my taste.

Britney Spears: Two words: Adnan Ghalib. One hyphenated “word”: K-Fed. Sure, there was a little Justin Timberlake in there at one point, but I’d say taking dating advice from Britney is like taking career advice from Lindsay Lohan. Or birth control advice from Octomom.

Kate Hudson: She has landed herself quite a few hotties (Owen Wilson, Dax Sherpard, Owen Wilson, Lance Armstrong, Owen Wilson, A-Rod, Owen Wilson again!?), but I don’t think any of us are looking for advice on how to break men’s fragile little hearts then go back again and again and again and break them into smaller and smaller bits.

Indonesia rocked by an earthquake. No tsunami threat anymore.

What are the worst chick flicks ever?

Salma Hayek breastfed a hungry child; so what? Ok…maybe it’s a little weird.

MAC premiers their Hello Kitty collection.

Is that Dakota Fanning!?

Attention: YouTube is not a real source for paper writing.

Is K-Fed charging Britney to hang with the kids?

This koala makes our hearts melt!

At home cardio moves. No gym necessary.

• Roddick fans are none to happy about Andy’s new gal pal.

• Dane Cook was NOT funny for 7 hours straight.

• Shoulder pads are back with a vengeance. Say it ain’t so.

• Liposuction is no longer dumb.

• Britney Spears is a good mother.

• 2 Girls 1 Cup, 1 Wikipedia Entry.

What a glorious day it is!

Child abuse ain’t no laughing matter, but some anonymous person called up child services and filed a complaint, which is what prompted the whole debacle to start back in July.

Oooooh, this is so mysterious. Who was this unnamed caller? Who would ever dare to think this woman could be a dysfunctional, crazy parent?

Could it have been K-Fed? Nah, too obvious and besides, he stands to get a hefty settlement out of the girl and kinda likes to party himself…

What about her nanny, who claims Britney wanted to bleach her baby’s teeth. WTF?

How about her mom who is in the midst of a very public and very sad (they were BFF) feud with the singer? What about her former assistant Shannon Funk who, a party girl herself, would probably love a few bribery bucks courtesy of Ms. Spears?

So many players, it’s hard to decide. Whatever the case, I’m sure Britney is celebrating her victory with lots of hard liquor and crazy sex.

You deserve it, girl!

[album=15]

Blender has dug deep (as there are waaay too many to list) to establish the Top 20 Most Embarrassing Pop Star Video Moments. Some moments are recent and some are from pop’s forgotten past. Some moments are mild and some are mean. Some moments are self-induced by drugs, and some are just self-induced by plain stupidity. Whatever the case, from Nirvana to Paris, they are all golden moments, and touchstones in the culture that is pop.

Revel in K-Fed’s face as he is dumped by Britney via text. Snicker as Lindsay is publicly referred to as a “firecrotch” with giant labia. Ouch. Cringe as R. Kelly, and YES, that is indeed R. Kelly, as he checks to see that the shot of him peeing on his much younger, female counterpart, will be caught at just the right angle. GROSS.

And of all the pop star video mishaps, which reigns supreme? Here’s a hint: it involves a recently made-over celebrity sibling with no real vocal talent, but who is actually starting to look better than the sibling, (who was always known as “the hot one” before said makeover) caught in the very live act of the same thing Milli Vanilli was accused of years ago, who, in fact, also made the list. If you can’t figure this out, then you deserve a place on this countdown, too.

Click here to see the videos.

But no really, all kidding aside, this is why I switched- every time you enter a search on Mr. Spear’s engine, you might just win a prize, like an invitation to K-Fed’s B-day party, or better still, an autographed 8 x 10. It is so much fun I just can’t help myself.

As an entertainer / spokesperson, where do you go from here? K-Fed the Queen-Sized Maxi Pad?

Imagine a day without a bumbling Britney headline. Sounds like a bit of heaven, amiright? Well today is not that day I am sad to say. As I was scanning the web this morning for a juicy little nugget -0-info, I came across a pretty good argument on bumpshack.com that the recent rebellious rehab-er’s plunge from grace all began with a little kiss. Have a looksee.

1. Quickie Las Vegas marriage to Jason Alexander (January 3, 2004)
2. Injured her knee during the filming of her music video Outrageous (June 2004)
3. Begins dating Kevin Federline (June 2004)
4. Marries white trash prince Kevin Federline (October 6, 2004)
5. UPN reality TV show Britney & Kevin Chaotic (Spring 2005)
6. Releases her (sure sign a career is over) Greatest Hits Album (2004)
7. Photographed driving with Sean Preston in her lap (February 2006)
8. Madonna ends friendship with Brit due to her leaving Kabbalah (June 2006)
9. Home video posted with stoned rambling Britney (August 2006)
10. Poses nude while very visibly pregnant (August 2006)
11. Files for divorce from K-Fed (November 2006)
12. Sex tape blackmail from K-Fed (November 11, 2006)
13. Begins relationship and heavy partying with Paris Hilton (Nov-Dec 2006)
14. Exposes her bald vagina to cameras multiple times (Nov-Dec 2006)
15. Voted ‘Worst Celebrity Dog Owner‘ (December 2006)
16. Collapses at New Years Eve party in Vegas (January 1, 2007)
17. Voted Mr. Blackwells’ Worst Dressed Celeb (January 10, 2007)
18. Enters rehab in Antigua for a day (February 16, 2007)
19. Shaves her head bald and gets two new tattoos (February 17, 2007)
20. Enters rehab for the second time in less than a week, for a day (February 20, 2007)
21. Attacks paparazzi with umbrella outside K-Fed’s (February 21, 2007)
22. Enters rehab for the third time for drug and alcohol addictions (February 22, 2007)
23. Britney claims to be the anti-Christ while in rehab- (March 4, 2007)