Heck,  no one played the bench harder that I did during my required high school sports ventures. Everyone knows it takes a truly talented (in this context, talented means uncoordinated) person to trip over her own cleats when walking to refill her water bottle. And you can’t even imagine the effort it takes not to run home and update your Myspace mood to “clinically depressed” when your coach makes a player finish the game with a broken ankle rather than letting you play (true story).

So needless to say I grew to hate and despise sports. And yes, that obviously includes every single ESPN channel (SIDENOTE: When is TBS going to get a TBS2, I need more repeat viewings of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days ASAP).

Therefore I shocked and awed myself as well as everyone I’ve ever met in my life (Direct quote from my Rabbi “Ehh, you probably shouldn’t do that. Hamantashen”) when I signed up for a coed kickball league this spring. Everyone my age runs around the city raving about how many friends you make playing in these happy-hours-disguised-as-sports-leagues. They’re all like, “you play kickball, have a few drinks, and fall madly in love with your team’s pitcher.” And I was all into that idea because it’s cheaper than E-Harmony and more reliable than the missed connections on Craigslist.

But then yesterday was my first game and I realized that I would actually have to play kickball. And sure it’s right behind walking on the easiest sports to play list, but that still doesn’t mean I can do it. All my excitement evaporated when I was informed I would actually have to play before I could get drunk and meet the love of my life. And to add insult to injury, everyone (including the referee) was insisting on watching my every move. Like, for god’s sake, after seeing me trip over the ball 9 times, it’s only polite to turn away and pretend like something fascinating is going on in the sky.

Luckily for me, I was placed on a team of misfits, losers, weirdos, cripples, and Little Giants wannabes. So against all odds, I was not the worst player on the team. I mean the way people cheered for me when I finally managed to get to first base, you would have thought I was Shaq (he’s still a cool, hip, reference-able athlete, right?). On one hand, I finally found a team that fits me perfectly. On the other hand we lost 1000 to  negative 4. Maybe I’ve watched Mighty Ducks too many times, but I kinda thought that the hodgepodge team of social outcasts wins at the last second.

Then again, I also thought it was good game strategy to kick the ball up in the air and gently into the pitcher’s arms. Hm. Maybe I don’t know everything (although if I don’t, my nickname wikipediagurl no longer fits me as well).  All I really know that I’m going to end this kickball season with a killer shorts tan and a plethora of sports movie references.

Even if we’ve blocked out selective memories of our childhood (the dentist…I shudder at the thought), we all remember elementary school recess. Now that I’m through with my public school education, I’ve been taking the time to reminisce about my favorite memories from those days. Man, did I love that half hour of pegging younger kids in the head with kickballs (which they totally deserved, by the way, just for being there).

At the risk of sounding like a creeper with a window-less van parked 100 yards from a playground, here are some of my favorite games from recess that I wish were appropriate for eighteen year-olds to play. Note: I like the games…not the kids.

Name of the Game: Indian Pin (a slight variation on dodgeball)
Why it Rocked: Since regular dodgeball was banned in my school, we had to be a bit more creative with our recess games. Indian Pin was a favorite variation on dodgeball that we adapted from our gym class. The official object of the game was to knock down the opposing team’s pin, but since we had a bunch of kickballs and an unlimited capacity for evil, we would forget about the pins and just give the other team hell. Back in my tomboy days, I would pick off the other team’s members one by one. I guess I had more balls than many of the boys in my class.

Name of the Game: Four Square
Why it Rocked: Being king in a game of four square made you an automatic recess rock star. The ball was literally in your court. As there are an infinite number of possible rules for the game, from the fair and just to the downright cruel (two words: cherry bombs), the power of the king is extremely enticing. I was always partial to the “old school” set of rules – volleys, single-taps, and double-taps – since they allowed games to go on for a long time. Benevolent despotism was my style, but other rulers were not as kind. The Lemon Drop Massacre of ’01 is proof of that. And I still have nightmares.

Name of the Game: Pick-up Soccer
Why it Rocked: Although soccer isn’t known as a recess sport, it was one of the ultimate competitive games that we played in elementary school. We played in tournament style, with multiple teams all pitted against one another. The last team standing won a great deal of glory, but at a high cost: since we didn’t have referees, we could play as dirty as we wanted to with no penalty at all. The “supervising” teachers were totally clueless as to why several kids returned to class with huge grass stains on their butts and hideous scrapes on their knees. But those cuts and bruises were like badges of honor to all the soccer kids, even if we cried a little when we got them.

Name of the Game: Wall Ball
Why it Rocked: One of the privileges that came with being the top dogs of the school (i.e. fifth graders) was access to the coveted wall ball court. Dozens of kids played at a time, taking the simple tennis ball game to the extreme. Wall ball was the pinnacle of elementary school recess for us. It was the most fast-paced, most competitive, and sweatiest of all the recess games. You had to constantly be on your toes, or else you wouldn’t catch the ball making a bee-line for your head at light speed. Or at least that’s what the injured kids would cry when the ball knocked the wind out of them. A merciless game, that wall ball. To think a little tennis ball could cause so much hurt!

What were some of the games that rocked your school playground?

With the sun shining and the weather heating up, it’s hard to motivate yourself to spend an hour inside a dark and smelly gym. At the same time, if you’re not into running, getting a good workout outdoors isn’t always easy. Or fun. So what can you do to take in the beautiful summer weather and burn some serious calories?

Join a summer sports league.

It doesn’t matter if you are living in a big city, or crashing with the parentals in suburban America – you can find a summer sports league near you. They range from softball to dodgeball (and everything in between) and are a great way to meet people, get a little workout, and have a really good time doing it.

I spent last summer playing kickball twice a week. Sure, kickball requires a lot of standing around (especially when your team is full of boys who can’t stand losing and thus do most of the work for you), but we’d do some warm up runs (serious calorie burning), I’d run at least one base every time I kicked (serious calorie burning), and there were many times that bright red ball flew right over my head and I’d have to run after it (serious calorie burning).

Next week I’m starting a summer volleyball league, which can burn between 450 and 700 calories in an hour! All that while hanging out with some cute boys (that’s how I chose my team…) and keeping my toes in the sand. That definitely beats 45 minutes on the Stairmaster.

Summer leagues are easy to find and easy to join. You don’t even have to know other people doing it – there are plenty of teams that need extra players and you can hop right in. And don’t worry; if you’re not good, that’s OK, too! Most of these leagues are just about the fun, so it’s OK if you aren’t the star softball pitcher for your university.

My summer leagues really get me excited about working out and there is nothing better than that. I highly recommend everyone try one out – it’ll be the easiest 400-ish calories you ever burned.

To find a summer league near you, Google the sport you want to play and your city (Softball league, Boulder CO). If kickball is your thang, check the WAKA (World Adult Kickball Assocation…for real) website to find a league near you.