So the time had come again at Syracuse for Alcohol Awareness Week. Basically this is a week where students, okay mainly Greeks, are supposed to be more “aware” of alcohol. This “awareness” is culminated in an event called “mocktails” on Friday night. Each sorority is paired up with a frat and then they have a sober party. Not like “let’s just take a little shot beforehand” kind of sober, not “just one joint” kind of sober, not “a bottle of wine with dinner” kind of sober, but actually sober (yeah, the frats were confused about it too and asked if the mocktail money could possibly go towards the purchase of a keg).

While I’m usually the first to hop on (and steer!) the Friday night drinking train, I coudn’t help but be a wee bit reluctant to get my ticket for the Friday night sober train. I mean, really, what could that possibly be like? Unfortunately (or fortunately if you like to look at your mocktail glass as being half full) the thing about the Friday night sober train was that it was mandatory and my ticket had been purchased for me.

So, you ask, what goes on at a completely sober party? And how do people party withut the aid of mind numbing alcohol? Below is a pro/con list of my sober Friday night experience. And let me tell you; getting ready for the party without playing 3 games of Kings was a very strange feeling…

Con: (Yes, I’m starting with a con, cause that’s how the night started.) Upon arrival, things look like a middle school dance: boys on one side, girls on the other. Socialization seems to be severely impaired by this new idea of sobriety.

Pro: The thing about drinking a mocktail is that they don’t make you want to vomit! Yay! Pro!

Con: Unfortunately, other thing about mocktails is that they turned out to be a pitcher of Kool-Aid…

Pro: As the night went on, my make-up stayed in place, my hair stayed where I put it, and I ended the night without looking like a clown!

Con: It turns out people are generally confused about what to do without alcohol. Without some sort of set activity or drinking game, people seem to not really know what to do with themselves, leading to much couch sitting.

Pro: Not spending money on alcohol led to some pretty sweet decorations: aka streamers

Con: Soberly, dancing consisted only of girls; I guess guys are not as interested in dancing if they don’t have alcohol to lend confidence to their moves

Pro: Alcohol-free parties apparently include snacks! Delicious snacks! Gotta replace those alcohol calories some way…

Con: Time seems to drag on when you were sober. You know how when you are drunk suddenly you look up and its 5 AM? That doesn’t happen when you are sober…It’s 9:15 and then what seems like an hour later…it is 9:18…

Pro: Okay I’m out of pros.

Call me an alcoholic if you will, but after a week of stressful classes I want a cocktail, not a mocktail. Sure, having to do this once didn’t ruin my life, but this Friday I’m gonna have to drink a few extra shots of Svedka to make up for it…

Pamela Anderson is glamorous enough for Vivienne Westwood? WHAT?

Please, don’t drink the Kool-Aid.

Saturday Night Live will have some new additions.

Katy Perry pulled a “Janet Jackson.”

Does Bergdorf‘s discriminate against the slightly chubby?

All the great musicians are dying. Maybe it’s the drugs.

The “pregnant man” is at it again and Barbara Walters is all over it.

The Olsen twins have fashion? I had no idea.

Here’s another reason to leave your house on Black Friday.

The Sex and the City copycat is gone! Yes!

“Is that your phone?”

“Yeah.”

“You have a pink phone?”

“Mmhm.”

“Is it, like, your girlfriend’s phone?”"

“Nope.”

“Seriously?”

“Yup.”

Found in a dining hall, on a piece of paper shoved into a napkin dispenser:

“Students! Rise up! Class riot today, 3:00 in the courtyard. Refreshments will be served.”

Two in the morning – a pair of legs is poking out of a broken window. Two guys in striped hipster hoodies are standing nearby, craning their necks to look in.

“No, no,” say the legs. “This isn’t going to work. I’ll still be locked out, I’ll just be locked out inside.”

Ten or so sweaty people in t-shirts and tank tops are clustered around a cooler. One guy lifts the top off the cooler and dumps some colored powder in.

“What was that?” asks one, confused.

“Nothing,” says the dumper. “Just drink the Kool-aid.”

There’s a commotion outside, in the hallway. I poke my head out. A man is sprinting down the hallway with his sweater unzipped, a rhinestone necklace bouncing on his exposed chest hair, and his mouth wrapped tightly around a beer bottle.

Men sit around a crowded table, eating lunch. One of them reaches for a newspaper.

“Dude,” asks the guy next to him. “Why you frontin’ like you can read?”

Nobody laughs.

On my way to work, feeling dejected. I am stopped by a man.

“Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?”

“Uh, um,” I stutter, looking for my cell phone.

“You see,” he says, smiling conspiratorily, “My watch stopped.”

He rolls up his sleeve, and there’s a watch tattooed on his wrist. I grin.

“Thanks for the smile,” he says, and leaves.

Two polo-shirted bros are eating together.

“Wait, dude, hold up. You got an eyelash.”

He leans forward and plucks something from the other’s face. He holds it up.

“Hey,” he says. “Make a wish.”

[photo from www.roadfood.com]

“It’s full of sugar!” She’d say as she pushed the grocery cart down the aisle, my little 6-year-old body stuck helplessly in the seat. “It’ll rot your teeth,” she’d say, pulling up to the flavored water aisle. “Now, you can have any of one these you want!”

Well, mom, times have changed. These days, I can drink all the Kool Aid I want.

And I can even put alcohol in that Kool Aid! I’m an independent woman!

(…but if you still want to buy my groceries, I won’t complain…)

Kool Aid Shot

• 1/3 Vodka

• 1/3 Melon Liqueur

• 1/3 cranberry juice

This shot can be taken all in one gulp or sipped slowly in a small glass with ice. Pour the vodka and melon liqueur in first, then top it off with a splash of cranberry juice. The best part about this Kool Aid is that there’s no stirring required (and it’s not being hawked by a crazy talking pitcher with a child molester voice)!

And remember, always drink responsibly. Those family reunion pictures don’t lie.