It might go against Scientology to record my thoughts but my thetan level is low enough that it might not matter until later, when I may become a master of the universe. I have to guess what the levels are called since Tom says that I’m not high enough in the order yet to know – much of anything.

While he is spending his time channeling L. Ron, I have tried to find the meaning of life in the temple of Barney’s. Did I say that? Because I didn’t mean it, in case you’re reading this my Scientology handlers. I meant that I just enjoy shopping. Because my life is so empty. By empty I mean FULL, though, it’s full of – shopping bags and hair cuts and love for L. Ron.

As first lady of Scientology, I must hold it together at all times  and no one knows the pressure that I’m under. Not only am I a fashion icon, I am an important actress and a vessel for scientology’s future. Even if I don’t have sex with Tom.

I must stop writing now. Tom is calling me and it’s time for my auditing, to free myself from the traumatic incidents of my life. Like my marriage. He worries when I start thinking or having friends, even ones as vapid as Posh.

Vapid. I love that word. I used words like that when I was living in Capeside. Oh, how I miss Dawson. He always knew me better than anyone else. I don’t wanna wait for my life to be over, I want to know right now what will it be… Dawson, I’ll leave my window open for you – please come.

Oh, no, Tom’s here. American Express, take me away…

Katie Holmes seems to spend her life in a constant state of grim understanding: she’s married to Tom Cruise whether she likes it or not, Tom Cruise is weird and removed from reality, Tom Cruise does not want her to be more famous than him so he uses his Scientology mind powers to render everything she touches unsuccessful, Tom Cruise’s first batch of kids look to her for help because their adoptive dad has completely forgotten about them, and the Paparazzi will never let her go because they’re just waiting for the day when she falls to the ground, pounds the pavement with her fists, and tells the world she just can”t take it anymore.

You know how I know Katie Holmes lives with these thoughts everday? Because of her face. The girl don’t.ever.smile anymore. Let’s go on a photo journey to exemplify this:

Is she smiling? No. Read More »

“Xenu, according to Scientology founder (and speculative fiction writer) L. Ron Hubbard, was the dictator of the “Galactic Confederacy” who, 75 million years ago, brought billions of his people to Earth in DC-8-like spacecraft, stacked them around volcanoes and killed them using hydrogen bombs. Scientology holds that their essences remained, and that they form around people in modern times, causing them spiritual harm.” -Wikipedia

It sounds like a bad episode of the Twilight Zone, but it’s unnervingly something that a hell of a lot of people believe in. With an estimate lingering uncertainly between 50,000 and several million, Scientology is a popular rising “religion”, getting more followers by the day.

Like Will Smith and wifey Jada Pinkett Smith.

I heard this in passing a couple months ago, but it was right after the release of I Am Legend and I just dismissed it as a bad rumor. But PerezHilton seems to have picked up on it, too, and I can’t say that it doesn’t unnerve me.

For those of you know don’t know, Scientology has been around since the early 1950’s. It was founded by a sci-fi author named L. Ron Hubbard, who stated that the aims of Scientology were, “A civilization without insanity, without criminals and without war, where the able can prosper and honest beings can have rights, and where man is free to rise to greater heights.” Read More »

In Hollywood, Scientology is the new black. From Tom Cruise to Kirstie Alley, Hollywood’s elite have embraced Dianetics with open arms and vulnerable bank accounts. Sweeping the nation faster than the Kabbalah, this celebrity endorsed “religion” comes complete with it’s own Celebrity Centre and a vague mythology that thinly veils it’s widely debated absurdity. The green neon lights shine brightly on Hollywood Blvd. seemingly in competition with the trendy bars, night clubs, and lounges that inhabit the historic block.

The rumors of brainwashing and cult status have hardly effected The Celebrity Centre’s “seekers of truth” as they pile in daily to find a path to spiritual enlightenment. Their beliefs seem to fall somewhere between basic human ethics and a science fiction novel, stirring up a wide spread controversy about the agenda of founder L. Ron Hubbard and the financially lucrative empire Scientology has become.

In anticipation of this article I decided to go straight to the sources before embarking on my research. But the more Scientologists I speak to the less I seem to learn about the religion itself. When interviewing a friend of a friend whose parents are active in the Centre and the Congregation, his answers hardly made any sense at all. Read More »

To me, there’s nothing scarier than a scientologist. To live in relative peace, I make it my business to steer clear of the obvious fools like Tom Cruise and John Travolta. Luckily, they’re easy to spot and avoid with their big mouths and bigger bellies. However, the other day I was doing some research on the psycho pseudo – religion and came across a comprehensive list of celebrity scientologists that went way beyond Tom and John.

I was shocked by some of the followers: Beck, Giovanni Ribisi, Jason Lee, Danny Masterson… even Jenna Elfman! I’m going to have to burn my box set of Dharma and Greg. I just don’t get it. These people seem so level – headed… so cool… what gives? Beck? Seriously? Totally lame.

So why do these stars succumb to Scientology? Scientology-Kills.org quotes Giovanni Ribisi as saying: “Without Scientology, I would be in an alley somewhere, looking for dope.” Dude, I think you’d be better off with the dope.

What do you think about Scientology?